Stanton Adore (5 page)

I hope my nipples aren’t on high beam in the house of god, I am achingly aware of his carnal searing gaze fixed upon me. As I read I see through my peripheral vision he looks me up and down three times that I count. He clenches his jaw and moves his head to the left side as if trying to crack his neck whilst not taking his eyes off me, I can’t help but let a small smile slip. I know this move, he’s always done it, and it appears he hasn’t broken the habit, he does this when he is aroused. When we were together he would do this when he saw me naked or in a swimming costume. My insides do a little jump for joy as it becomes clear to me I still do it for him. Thank god, operation slim down has paid off, all those gym visits are having the desired effect. I feel a little of my confidence return. I finish my reading and turn to return to my seat and he holds out his hand to help me down the stairs, he squeezes it again and I feel the heat emanate from his body. I smile at him but he doesn’t smile back. What in the world is going on here?

As I make it back to my seat the bride and groom and party move over to the side to sign the Marriage certificate, Bridget frowns at me.

“What?” I whisper.

She leans in and looks around to make sure no one else is listening. “Why was he looking at you like that?”

“Like what? I whisper.

“Like he was going to bend you over the church pew.” I open my eyes wide at her to signify shut the hell up.

“Well?” she asks again.

“Don’t be stupid,” I snap as I rearrange my dress.

“I mean it,” she says. “And you, you were all flustered.”

“I was nervous, that’s all.”

“Bullshit,” she whispers. “I can smell his pheromones from here.”

I can’t help it, I smile.

“What’s funny” she whispers. For some strange reason I want to laugh, it feels good talking about this to Bridge, even though I have to deny it.

“So how did they smell?” I whisper.

She frowns at me and I raise my eyebrows. “The pheromones how did they smell?”

“Fucking awesome.” We both giggle and then she winks. “Too bad he’s off limits.”

Oh yes, I forgot to mention a small detail, a detail I try and not give too much thought to because it does my head in every time. Joshua and I share more than a history, we share blood. We are first cousins. His father and my mother are brother and sister, so when I tell you I can’t have this man.

I truly mean it.

Chapter 3

The family photos
outside the church are a painful reminder of just how closely Joshua and I are related, his younger brother Cameron comes up behind me and grabs me in an embrace and spins me around.

“Tashsshhh,” he laughs as he pulls me under his arm and kisses my hair. I smile and put my arm around his waist. This is a normal cousin relationship. A distasteful thought flashes through my mind as the word incest rolls my stomach. My God, how can I be so physically attracted to a relative, and I’m not imagining it. It’s over bearing. I have never experienced it before. It’s as if my body has a spiritual connection with his and my mind is being totally left out of the equation, making no sense or reason. I frown as I sum up the events so far, I’m shocked to my core. I knew I found him attractive before. But now, now the attraction is unbearable.

Josh comes over and kisses Bridget. “Didge,” he smiles. This is the pet name the Stanton boys call her.

She grabs him in an embrace. “Josh,” she laughs. “I’ve missed you.”

He smiles, “Of course who wouldn’t,” he winks.

She rolls her eyes. “You still have tickets on yourself.” They both laugh as she slaps him. My mother comes over and grabs him into an embrace, I can’t hear what they are saying but she has her hands on his cheeks as she speaks. My eyes are transfixed as I watch the comfortable interaction, this is the first time as an adult it is actually sinking in
, fuck we are related
. My family love him too. I’m such an idiot. After a minute of speaking to my mum he turns to me he dips his head.

“Natasha,” he smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek, he rests his hands on my waist as he pulls me into him. I lean into him and put my hands around his neck. His lips linger a little too long on my cheek and my heart stops. I close my eyes as I try to control my breathing before I gather my senses and pull away. We have a familiarization with each other that is still present. I know he feels it too, as he rubs his forehead with obvious discomfort. Discomfort at what our body language has just revealed to each other without a word spoken.

Two men are with Joshua, I’ve not met them before. He introduces them to Bridget and my mum and dad and then heads over to me.

“This is Ben and Adrian,” he smiles to me, “they are friends of mine who work with me in America.” I smile and shake their hands. “And this is Natasha,” he smiles. He seems nervous, I see them glance at each other. Adrian comes forward. He’s athletic, tall and blonde, immaculately groomed and dressed.

He holds his hand out. “Hello,” he smiles, I smile as we shake hands. I feel comfortable instantly, he’s got a sort of honest quality about him. He looks at the other guy Ben as if to prompt him to shake my hand, Ben is just staring at me. My eyes flick back to Adrian. Josh has turned around to talk to his brother. Adrian smiles and shakes his head, “He’s not used to seeing such a gorgeous woman.”

Ben snaps out of it, “Oh sorry, I was miles away,” he shakes my hand. “Nice to meet you” he says in a heavy accent.

I raise my eyebrows. “English?” I ask.

“No, South African.”

“Ahh,” I smile. “So you guys work with Josh?” I ask.

“Umm,” Adrian laughs. “Ben is his bodyguard and I am his PA.”

“Ohh,” I smile. Slightly shocked. “Why does Josh need a bodyguard?” I ask.

They shoot each other a look. “Oh you know,” Adrian smiles. “Paparazzi and what not.”

“Ohh,” I answer as I nod feeling stupid.

“So Natasha,” Adrian asks. “What do you do?”

“I’m a Clinical Psychologist.”

They both look at each other again. “Oh god,” Adrian laughs. “Don’t psycho analyse me, you’ll find out I’m crazy.”

I clink my glass to his. “You and me both. Don’t worry, I won’t tell if you don’t.” He giggles and hunches up his shoulders. I do like him. Joshua re-joins us, he has both hands in his suit pants and he still looks nervous. I can’t help it, I’m watching Ben and Adrian who are trying to communicate something to each other without speaking, something about Josh. My eyes turn back to Josh, he’s watching me silently. Adrian smiles again and hunches his shoulders as if he’s excited about something. What’s going on here?

“Can I get you a drink?” Ben asks Josh.

“No thanks, I will wait till after the speeches.

“Yeah right, good idea,” he smiles. Cameron, Josh’s little brother comes over and grabs me from behind and kisses the back of my head, he’s over 6ft so he’s not really so little. He has his hand around my waist as he addresses the boys. I see Josh’s gaze drop to where his hand is on my waist, he raises his eyebrow at Cameron who instantly removes his hand………
what.

“
So you boys have both met our beautiful cousin Natasha?” he smiles at Josh and winks. Josh narrows his eyes at him, huh does he know? Holy crap, what the hell is going on? The look of total shock on Adrian and Bens face is evident. They look at each other and then at Josh who bites his bottom lip and looks at me. Ok now it’s obvious, Ben and Adrian know. Holy shit. What the hell has he said?

Cameron smiles and winks. “Just keeping it real boys,” he walks off. I want the ground to swallow me up, I am a total disaster. Josh has told his friends. I must look like a total slut. Holy fuck.
I need
a drink
. Adrian and Ben stay silent, still wide eyed. I go to walk off.

“Natasha,” Josh goes to grab my arm but Adrian stops him.

“Just leave it,” he whispers.

“Can I talk to you Tash?” Joshua asks me. Embarrassment hits, oh fuck. I scurry to the bar to find a drink. I scull my first glass of champers without even tasting it.

Bridget comes over and does a low whistle. “There is some talent in the house toniiiiight. The Stanton boys do associate with good looking men.”

“Hhmm, do they I haven’t noticed?” This night could be the very death of me.

Dinner is finished and out of the way, a beautiful five course banquet with no expense spared. Fairy lights are strewn all through the ceiling and the trees outside in the garden. Large candelabras with twelve candles adorn every table. The venue looks like a romantic fairy tale. Bridge and I are giggling at each other at the table. The tinkling of a teaspoon on a champagne glass brings the attention of everyone in the room, ahh the speeches. I smile at Bridge and take a sip of my champagne. Joshua is standing next to his brother at the bridal table, champagne glass in hand. Scott is sitting back in his seat smiling, maybe a little unsure of what his brother is going to reveal. He dips his head, as the crowd grows silent. He smiles a breathtaking smile. I’m weak from want of him.

“Hello everyone, on behalf of my family I would like to thank you all for coming to celebrate with us in the marriage of Scott and Alyssa.” He turns and holds his glass up to the two of them. “Firstly I would like to thank Scott for giving me the honour of standing up for him today, it means a lot to me Scott. Know that I love you.” The crowd gushes. Bridget looks at me with puppy dog eyes, I smile as I listen. His voice has changed. He sounds slightly different, he has an American accent. Not strong, but definitely there. My eyes are transfixed by the beautiful man standing up before us all. A man who is as dear to me as breath, a breath I hold as I listen closely. “Alyssa firstly to you. You are an incredible person. One, for putting up with him.” He raises his glass at Scott who shakes his head, the crowd laughs. “When Scott told me he was going to ask you to marry him, I asked the obvious question. Why? What in the hell do you want to do that for?” The crowd laughs again and he raises his eyebrows. “The answer he gave me however silenced me, forever. He told me he had found someone who loved him for no reason, and that gave him a reason to want to love her back.” The crowd gushes again, he smiles as he raises his glass to Alyssa. “So to Alyssa, thank you for loving my brother for no reason.” The crowd giggles. “I only hope that my other brothers find the happiness that you both have found today. I believe in a prophecy I heard a long time ago. Soul Mates don’t finally meet somewhere at a certain place at a certain time, they’re in each other, all along.” I smile a sad smile, I know what he means. “So on that note,” he smiles. “Tonight I would like to make a toast to three people.” everyone giggles. “To Alyssa and Scott.” Everyone repeats. “To Alyssa and Scott.” “And to my soul mate,” he raises his glass, “Who has been with me all along, but is absent from my side.” He raises his glass to the crowd, everyone claps and cheers. I can’t help it, I try I really do. But the hot tears are bursting the dam, I blink repeatedly to try and stop them while looking down at the table. I grab a napkin from the table and wipe my eyes quickly before anyone sees. On raising my head I look straight into the longing stare of Joshua who is now back sitting in his seat. We sit silently staring at each other as the party continues around us, both oblivious to the chatter. I give him a sad smile as I wipe my eyes again. That is exactly how I feel about him, he is my soul mate but he is absent from my side. I know it’s just a coincidence that he put that in his speech, but hearing it come from his lips, has broken the dam. I stand and make my way to the bathroom.

“Are you ok?” I am stopped on the way by Adrian, I smile and nod, unable to speak past the tears in my throat. “I loved that speech too,” he smiles as he rubs my arm. I smile again and continue on my way. Embarrassment heating my cheeks, still unable to articulate anything. Ten minutes later I stare at the reflection looking back at me in the mirror and the memory bank starts to replay, I can literally feel him. Taste him, time has erased nothing. It was as if it happened yesterday.

I love you Natasha. I never thought it was possible to feel like this about anyone. I can’t stand the thought of being on the other side of the world and separated from you. Come with me.

Stop it!

With the formalities over, I am on my seventh champagne and Joshua has started to drink and relax. I wish I could relax, all this alcohol is doing is making me unashamedly checking Josh out. My eyes constantly flick back to him every five minutes and like clockwork every five minutes my eyes lock with his. As he doesn’t even pretend not to look at me. He is drinking his Corona with one hand in his pocket, his eyes not leaving me as he tips his head back. He stands at over 6.4ft tall, totally ripped with muscle. His dark skin and chocolate hair all add to the alluring appeal. And his posture, the way he stands, legs wide. He’s just so………… Alpha Male. So freaking hot. His piercing blue eyes bore into me, even the way he is drinking his beer is seducing me, the way he’s watching me
god
. I’m not the only girl in the place under his hypnosis, every woman here is affected by his physical presence. He stands out. So tall and so athletic, and Bridget is right his pheromones do smell fucking awesome. He can give a great come fuck me look too. Because any moment, I might do just that.

Bridget walks over. “Ok spit it out.”

“What?” I ask.

“What’s with Joshua?”

“What do you mean?” I look anywhere but at her.

“Don’t shit me, the UST between you two is ridiculous, I’ve been watching him.” Shit this can’t be good.

“
And?”
I repeat.

“He’s looking at you like he wants to kill you.”

“Kill me?” I shriek.

“Yes either that or eat you.” I giggle into my champagne glass.

“What’s so funny?” she asks mortified.

I shrug, “I can think of worse ways to go,” She frowns at me. “Death by oral by Joshua Stanton” I shrug again, “Could be fun.” Her mouth drops open.

“I fucking knew it, what’s going on?” Shit this champagne is giving me loose lips, and loose lips sink ships.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, come on let’s dance.”

The dance floor is tucked into the corner of the building, and the lights are dim with the customary disco lights in full swing. A DJ is in the middle of the front centre and a bar that hugs the wall just off the dance floor. Joshua is still staring at me as I grab Bridget’s hand and lead her over to the dance floor.

“I wanted another drink” she scowls. At the back of the dance floor I notice there are mirrors all the way around the walls. It’s sort of off putting watching yourself dance so I put my back to the mirrors and face the bar. To my relief Joshua, Ben and Adrian saunter down to the bar, is he following me? I tally up a small victory and smile to myself, my plan is working. I continue to dance occasionally looking in the mirror to see if he is still there, he’s more than still there, he’s staring at me from behind. I can feel the heat from his penetrating gaze. Even as he drinks his eyes don’t leave me. I feel like the prey being hunted, boy I wish he was hunting me. Not in the plan Natasha, remember just prick teasing. Nothing more. Adrian and Ben are talking to him but he’s not answering, he just keeps staring at me, occasionally nodding. My god, he’s beautiful. He’s undressing me with his eyes, and I love it, I wish it were for real. Ben turns to look at me and says something to Adrian and Adrian turns to look at me too. Shit, they
are
talking about me. Joshua says something and Ben smiles and rubs his arm, huh what did Josh say that would earn him a sympathy rub? Suddenly I’m bumped from behind, I stumble forward into Bridget and grab her arms for support.

“Ooh sorry,” a short bald guy smiles.

“Its ok,” Bridget answers nodding and smiling, he seems harmless enough. For some reason though, he sees that as an open invitation to dance with us. His dancing style is Saturday night fever gone wrong. His arms are flying all over the place and he’s sweating up like a treat. His buttons on his shirt are so stretched they might pop any minute. He’s a close dancer. Oh jeez, I hate those. The song changes to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake and he really turns up the heat, he’s getting closer and closer. I look to Bridge to find the bitch giggling and shaking her head, I pull wide eyes at her and she shakes her head. Oh no, what’s he doing now? Shit. He’s circling me doing Maraca hands, this is beyond the pale. Oh god, he’s standing behind me doing peek aboo over each of my shoulders. Bridget is full laughing now and so am I. This guy is a freak. Some idiot has moved into my mirror image of Mr Stanton, so he is temporarily out of my line of vision. I hope he is not watching this. He dances around to the front of me again and leans in, I instinctively lean back. He stinks of body odour and I pull a disgusted face to Bridget who just keeps giggling with her head down, even she’s embarrassed by this spectacle of a man.