Splintered Memory (9 page)

Nurse Willis, on a request from Harry and from Matt’s parents, walked into Charlie’s room to speak to Matt about going home for a while. He was sat in the chair by Charlie’s bed, just as he had been for the past six days, and he was holding her hand and listening to his iPod. His legs were stretched out in front of him, with one ankle crossed over the other, and he was resting his feet on the frame of her bed.

When
Matt noticed that Nurse Willis had come into the room, he pulled the earphones of his iPod out of his ears and looked at her expectantly. He had gotten used to people coming in and out of the room to ask him if he wanted food or coffee, or to see if he’d considered going home. Although he did wonder why they still bothered asking the later, he thought he’d made it clear by now that he’d go home when Charlie went home.

“You need to go home Matthew. This is no good for you,
” she said; “and we both know that Charlie would be furious at you for behaving this way.”

Matt didn’t respond.

“You’ve been here for six days straight,” Nurse Willis continued. “I think you’ve proven now how much you love her, but this vigil isn't helping. Or is it? Take a look. I mean it Matthew, look at her. Look at Charlie, or look at her chart. Is she getting any better? You’re the doctor not me.”

“What do you want me to do Anne? Give up on her
?” Matt asked, knowing that he’d just used Nurse Willis’ forename for the first time since he’d met her.

He sat up and pulled his feet down from off Charlie’s bed
. He knew that he needed to prepare himself for yet another argument, but he also noticed that if Nurse Willis had minded that he’d used her first name then she wasn’t letting it distract her from her task. He saw that she was looking at him with concern, and like she was about to continue to berate him.

“No
, not give up,” she said; “just take a bit of time for yourself.”

“If I go home, will everyone give me a break? If I go home and rest for an hour, will everyone stop pestering me to leave this room
?” Matt asked.

Nurse Willis looked at him sympathetically, and Harry came into the room and said; “if you go home, I’ll not move from her side until you get back.”

“I’ll stay too,” Nurse Willis added.

Matt nodded
. An hour he thought, he could do an hour. Not that it looked like he had much choice. After six days of arguing he was too tired to fight both Harry and Nurse Willis.

He
got up and kissed Charlie lightly on the forehead, and then he put his earphones back in before walking out of the room. Once outside though he stood still. He felt lost, and he knew that he had nowhere to go. He couldn’t go home. He couldn’t face being anywhere near their home right now, not without Charlie.

H
e squinted into the sunlight and decided to go for a walk, but as the cold wind whipped at his face he felt the familiar sting of tears in his eyes. Six days ago he’d been about to be made the happiest man alive. He had a wife that he adored, and she’d been about to tell him that he was going to become a father for the first time. Now there was no baby, and his wife might never again regain consciousness.

Matt knew the medicine behind Charlie’s condition. She hadn’t regained consciousness since the accident, and she’d remained completely reliant on a ventilator to breathe. Medically speaking, he knew that for every hour that she remained in this condition her odds deteriorated. For every hour that
she remained in this condition, she was slipping away and he was losing her.

***

Stood next to Rich Matt’s palms felt sweaty. Charlie was going to be walking into the church and down the aisle in front of him at any minute. Yet whilst he knew that this was everything that he’d wanted since he was a child, for some reason with the moment finally upon him he was overcome with nerves that had his stomach in knots.

“Want to make a dash for it
?” Rich asked him sensing his nerves and smiling.

“No. Why would you say that
?” Matt asked tersely.

Rich rolled his eyes
and Matt felt guilty. He knew he was being hard work today, but he could do without stupid comments like that. As he was about to apologising to Rich though, he saw the doors open at the back of the church and he saw Charlie arm in arm with Harry.

Charlie looked
more beautiful than Matt had ever seen her look before, and she seemed to be radiating happiness. He heard Rich let out a low wolf whistle, and in that instant Matt’s nerves dissipated. He smiled at Charlie and met her eyes head on as she walked towards him.

Her
dress, which he hadn’t been able to hear any of the details of in the lead up to today, was stunning. It wasn’t big and fluffy, but it was instead sexy and sleek and suited Charlie perfectly. As she got closer to him, he noticed how the shape of the dress accentuated her slim figure. How the shade of white contrasted starkly with her brown eyes and dark hair, which was in loose ringlets round her shoulders. She looked dazzling, and for the entire service all he could think about was ripping the dress off her.

He knew that there must
either have been a glint in his eyes, or Charlie just knew him too well and had deliberately chosen a dress that would have this kind of effect on him. He thought this as when the vicar announced that he could kiss the bride, Charlie whispered in his ear; “you can tear my dress any which way you like later.” He smiled as she winked, and then like always smiled her seductively sweet smile at him that he’d been bowled over by years before.

Their wedding night
was spectacular, which in truth he’d neither expected nor anticipated. He knew every part of Charlie’s body. He knew where to touch her. He knew which sounds meant what, and he knew how and when to drive her crazy. She in turn knew him just as well, if not better. Yet whether it was the wedding dress, the wedding, or just the fact that she was now legally his, he was reckless that night and abandoned all previous caution that he’d had with her.

Charlie
seemed to immediately recognise his lowered inhibitions, and she was hungry to discover his wilder side. Their sex was rough, desperate, and as though it was the last time that they would ever have to be with one another. Charlie cried out louder and more frequently than ever before, and he too experienced new highs of sexual pleasure.

When they were both spent they dozed in each other’s arms, but afterwards – and for the remainder of the night, they chatted as only two best friends who knew everything about the other could. As dawn crept up on them though, Charlie became hungry for him again and he wasn’t difficult to entice.

When they returned from their honeymoon, Charlie told him that she wanted them to move out of their grotty little flat that they’d rented since her second year at university. She was eager to find them a perfect marital home, and even though she knew that they only had a very small budget it wasn’t able to dampen her excitement.

Matt felt guilty that he didn’t have much money to put towards a deposit, but Charlie didn’t care. Harry had already agreed to pay whatever deposit they needed.

He hated the thought of having to take Harry’s money, but he knew that there was no point in being proud
about it. Charlie was Harry’s only child, and she was also his pride and joy. He’d known that Harry wouldn’t have taken kindly to him refusing his help, or in him keeping his daughter in a horrible student flat until he’d earned enough money to be able to buy them somewhere that she deserved.

Charlie
went to see lots of flats and houses, but she couldn’t find anywhere that she thought was right for them. Matt smiled at her refusal to be downcast about this, and he told her that they’d find somewhere eventually. She laughed in response to this, and when he looked at her she said; “we’ll find somewhere?” He smiled back at her guiltily, knowing that he hadn’t been helping.

Matt
was happy where they were if he was honest, and their flat was conveniently close to the hospital which suited him. He was also worried that for Charlie to find somewhere within their budget they’d have to move further away from the hospital. Yet she surprised him a couple of weeks later. He was just leaving the hospital as the sun was rising, and he saw Charlie walking towards him.

“Bad night
,” she said seeing his expression.

He nodded
, and smiled at the fact that she’d been able to tell this from his face alone. She kissed him and drew him into a hug, and he couldn’t help smiling again at the fact that just her being near him was making him feel better about what had been a truly awful night. He’d lost two patients, and he was feeling despondent and exhausted.

“I have something to show you
,” she said.

Matt normally loved
her surprises, but he was incredibly tired and he wanted to go home to bed. As he began to say this to her though, she flashed her big brown eyes at him and he smiled. She smiled in return knowing that she’d won, and she took his hand in hers and led him away from the hospital. After a short walk, in which he stifled yawn after yawn, she stopped them both in front of a small house and looked at him expectantly.

“What
?” He asked a little grumpily, at a loss to fathom out why they were stood where they were when he’d much rather be in bed asleep.

“Welcome home
,” she said as a smile formed across her beautiful face.

Matt
didn’t say anything, and he instead just stood there staring at her.

“Well
?” She finally asked after a couple of minutes of silence.

“It’s so close to the hospital
,” he said to her.

“
I hadn’t noticed. Oh but that’s handy isn’t it,” Charlie said before laughing lightly.

Matt laughed
too, and then he kissed her.

Charlie pulled back from h
is kiss though and said; “plus everyone will be able to remember our new address really easily.”

“Why
?” Matt asked looking at Charlie curiously as a smile was once again spreading across her beautiful face.

***

“She’s fighting intubation,” Emily told Matt as he hurtled full pelt towards Charlie’s room.

Matt had just been about to return to the hospital when Emily had called his mobile. She
’d called him from one of the hospital phones though, and recognising the number he had initially been too afraid to answer the call.

What if it was bad news
he’d thought? What if they’d been ringing to tell him that her condition had deteriorated, or worse that she’d succumbed to her injuries? This is what he’d known that they’d say, just as he had said to other people’s families and friends in the past when he’d been the one delivering bad news.

“With no change in her vitals b
efore it happened?” He demanded as they raced along the corridor.

“We don’t know
,” Emily said.

“Why don’t
we
know?” He demanded again.

“The only person in the room w
ith her when it happened was Harry,” Emily answered; “and he wouldn’t have known what to look out for.”

Matt
felt his temper rising. He knew that he shouldn’t have left the hospital, and he thought that Nurse Willis better not be around for her sake. She’d said that she’d stay with Harry and Charlie, and clearly she hadn’t.

“She’s breathing on her own
?” He asked Oak.

“Yes
,” Oak replied; “all of her vitals are stabilising.”

He stepped past Oak
and moved toward the bed. He saw that the ventilator had gone, and that Charlie was breathing on her own again. He reached for her chart, and Emily handed it to him.

“There’s
no reason why she shouldn’t regain consciousness,” he said to Oak turning to face him.

“Matt. As in all these situations as you well know, all we know is what we know right now. Her brain went without oxygen for some time. We shouldn’t get our hopes up and assume a full recovery
,” Oak said rationally.

Matt nodded
, but whilst he knew that what Oak had just said to him was right. Charlie was breathing without a ventilator, and that was huge! Her vitals were stable and everything looked good, and that was huge! She was going to be okay, he just knew it. She had to be okay.

He
sat down next to Charlie on the bed and stroked her face. He kissed her lightly on the lips, and then he gently lifted up her hand and placed it in his own. He closed his eyes, and willed her to wake up and come back to him.

“Your breathing
,” he told her silently; “but now you have to wake up. I
need
you to wake up.”

She’d
found the past week immensely difficult. She’d grown used to seeing Matt and Charlie together, and the jealously that she’d felt initially had decreased as she’d hoped that it would. Yet in the past week seeing Matt’s devotion to Charlie had re-awoken her desire for him.

Emily
was now more jealous of Charlie than she had ever been before, and whilst she obviously didn’t want to trade places with her. She desperately wanted there to be a man in her life that was as devoted to her as Matt was to Charlie, and she knew that she wanted Matt to be that man in her life. She wanted him to love her the way that he so obviously loved Charlie, and she wanted him to stroke her face and hold her hand while she slept.