Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1) (15 page)

“So,” she gave a small smile, which didn’t reach her watery eyes, “now you know why I’m so fucked up.”

I hated that she thought that about herself. Hated that she thought that I thought that about her.

“You’re not fucked up, pretty girl. You just need to learn to trust and understand that not everyone is like your dad.”

“I’m more worried about being like my mum,” she said quietly.

“You’re not like your mum, you’re stronger.”

“I don’t think I am.”

“Would you spend the next few years waiting for me to divorce Olivia? Would you have me back if I went back to her?”

“No.” There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in that single word.

“Exactly. That’s because you’re stronger than your mother was. You’re not like her, bub. You’ll never be like her. You’ll never
have
to be like her, because I would
never
do that to you.”

“Promise?”

“Sarah . . .” I said her name on an exhale. “I’ve known Olivia since she was born. I’ve known you for a month. Just four weeks and I’m falling fast, you’ve gotta know this.”

She shrugged her shoulders as her cheeks turned pink.

“This move wasn’t supposed to be permanent.” Her brows drew down into a frown and her mouth dropped open, but I don’t give her chance to speak.

“But you’ve changed that for me. In an instant, you changed all of that. Right now, I’m exactly where I wanna be, wherever you are, is where I wanna be, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.” I drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner that I wasn’t divorced yet, I really am, but now you know, and I just wanna move forward. We need to come clean to your brother and go public. I want the world to know that we’re together, Sarah. We might have to put up with a bit of shit from Luke at first, I get that. You’re his little sister, there’s an eight-year age difference between us, and he knows that I’ve not divorced Olivia yet, so yeah, he’s not gonna be too pleased with me, but so what?” My eyes searched her face as I tried to convey the honesty in my words.

“I’ll cop it on the chin because I think we’re worth it. What we’ve got is worth dealing with a pissed off Luke for.”

She smiled, and I finally got to see her dimple.

“Please don’t let me down, Liam.”

Jesus, her request felt like my chest had been cracked wide open and layers flayed from my heart.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her as tightly to me as I could. No space between us.

“I’d never do that, pretty girl.”

“You won’t leave me and go back to her?”

“Never.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Sarah.”

I kissed her neck and her jaw. Then I found her lips, and I kissed them too. I pulled my T-shirt off over her head and moved us so that she was underneath me and naked.

“I want you again, but I don’t wanna make you sore.”

“I’m good,” she replied.

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“I think I need to investigate.”

“I do too.”

I kissed my way down her beautiful little body.

“Oh. I. Liam?” I looked up from between her legs and met her gaze.

“You doing okay, bub?

“I’ve never . . .” She pushed herself up on her elbows and looked down her body at me. “No one’s ever done that to me . . .
for
me, before.”

Her cheeks, neck, and chest were pink, I gently bit down on the inside of her thigh, before swiping my tongue over her clit. She groaned and I swear I felt the vibration travel through the bed and straight to my balls.

“Done what, this?”

I swiped my tongue from her clit to her arse and back again.

“Oh. No, yes, yes. That. That right there. Yes.”

Her fingernails dug into my scalp, her heels into my shoulders. I had one hand splayed on her belly to hold her still and the other was slid under her arse cheek, slightly lifting her at an angle.

“You seemed to like it in the shower when I had a little taste. You still like it now?”

I repeated the swipe of my tongue, only this time I flicked it over her clit a few times. She nearly left the bed and hit the ceiling. I struggled to keep the smile from my face, and in the end just went with it. I had my face buried between Sarah Carters legs, my tongue was licking her pussy, my lips were on her clit, why the fuck wouldn’t I smile?

“Yes. Yes. Oh my G yes. I still definitely, ah, like it now.”

I looked up the bed to where she now lay flat on her back, one arm bent and covering her face.

“Good. I’m glad you like it. Hold tight, baby, I’m about to blow your mind.”

I slid my hand out from under her arse cheek and pushed three fingers inside her. I alternated the pressure on her clit from my thumb with licks, sucks, and bites from my mouth. She was wet, so fucking wet that when I slid my little finger into her arse, I knew that all she would feel would be absolute pleasure.

Her muscles contracted around my fingers in the most delicious way. Her whole body trembled and twitched. I fucking loved the way she orgasmed. It was a total body experience, every part of her responded to what I was doing to her, and it turned me on to the point of madness.

I crawled up her body and sunk inside her. She was wet, so fucking wet that I couldn’t hold back. I lifted her legs to my shoulders, rose to my knees, and buried my dick deep. It wasn’t enough. I wanted all of me to fill all of her. Her thoughts, her breaths. Each and every beat of her heart I wanted to be consumed by me. I felt angry, elated, sad, euphoric, and totally overwhelmed.

She moved her legs down from my shoulders, wrapped them around my waist, and dug her fingernails into my arse cheeks, trying to push me deeper inside her. When she rocked her hips against mine and started to chant my name the way she did, I was done. I held on until I felt the very first clench of her muscles around my cock, and then I couldn’t hold back any more. I came so hard black dots danced in front of my eyes. I struggled to calm my erratic breaths, and when our eyes met, she reached around my neck and pulled my mouth to hers. I died in that moment and went soaring to my very own private heaven.

It was still
dark when I woke up. I was on my front, sort of in the recovery position. Liam was behind me, one arm bent under my head, the other slung across my hip. One of his legs was between both of mine, and I could feel his dick pressed against my arse. I was too hot but too happy and content to do anything about it.

Everything inside me clenched when I thought about the things he’d done to me last night. After blowing my mind in the shower, he’d then proceeded to do the same thing on the bed. Twice. Once with his tongue and fingers, which he stuck in places I didn’t want to even contemplate, and then again with his dick. We’d wrapped ourselves around one another, chilled, satiated, and blissed to the max and promptly fell asleep.

I had no idea how long ago that was. The darkness outside lending no clue.

I needed to use the bathroom badly but still didn’t want to move. The weight of his body pressed against mine felt delicious. I was surrounded by the scent of him, of me, of us and sex. It was in the air, on our skin, and all over the sheets. Us. Me and him. Liam Delaney and Sarah Carter, we were now a couple, and later today, the whole world would know about it.

For so many years I’d avoided sex and relationships. Past disappointments and paranoia affecting my choices, but even with how good Liam had made me feel last night and the possibility that I could’ve been experiencing sensations like that for the last four years, I was still glad that I’d waited. It wasn’t just about the sex for me, it was the depth of feeling I had for Liam that had made the whole thing so amazing. Amazing. That sounded like such a load of bollocks even to
me
, Ms ‘Still Hopelessly Waiting For The Right Man’, but that was the only word I could come up with. Liam Delaney was fucking amazing
and
an amazing fuck,
but
if I’d been fucked like that by some random one-night stand, I knew that I wouldn’t have enjoyed it even half as much.

I understood right then that I wasn’t the type of person that could have sex with someone I didn’t have a connection with. I just wasn’t wired that way. I’d thought for years that my mum was some kind of whore for sleeping with a man that was married to someone else. I think that my mum just loved my dad so much that he was it for her. She knew that there would never be anyone else, so she took him any way that she could get him. When he vanished, when she couldn’t have him anymore, she sought comfort from whatever man she randomly brought back to our house. When she realised that wasn’t working for her, she simply gave up.

Tears filled my eyes as I thought about my mum and the years I’d spent hating her and how weak she was. It wasn’t just about the men she’d continuously brought home, the danger she’d put us in, or the way she’d neglected me in the few short years she was around. I’d despised her because she’d been “the other woman”. She knew he was married, and yet she kept letting him back into her bed. I always thought she’d tempted him, but what if he just couldn’t stay away and she just couldn’t say no? Now that I was feeling what I was for Liam, I sort of understood her and how she found herself in that situation. We’d spent just one night together, and I already knew that I didn’t want to stop doing the things that we’d done. In fact, I couldn’t wait to do them again, to do more, even though I knew he was married. I knew that his circumstances were different, but what if they weren’t? Would I? Could I have allowed myself to be talked into having an affair with him? Legally and morally, wasn’t that what I was doing anyway?

Liam being married didn’t change my feelings towards him. No, it was more the way I felt about myself that didn’t sit right with me. The sooner his divorce was settled, the happier I’d be with our situation and myself.

I slid out from under the heat of his body and stood on shaky legs. The moment I was upright, the evidence of last night’s passion started to run down my leg.

“Oh shit.” I covered my mouth with my hand, but it was too late, I’d said the words aloud. Liam stirred and opened one eye. He reached out and slid his arm around my hip and pulled me back towards him and the bed. I knelt in front of him. He opened both eyes and that was when he must’ve seen the panic in mine.

“Sarah?”

“We didn’t use a condom,” I whispered very quietly, as if by saying it that way, it would be less true.

I watched his eyes widen as realisation hit him. His mouth opened a few times before he actually spoke.

“You’re on the pill, right?”

“Barely.”

“Barely?” He sat up and pulled me across his lap. “What the fuck does that mean, barely?”

“I just started it. Just, I’ve never had any need to be on the pill, but when we started seeing each other, I thought it best to change that.”

“So how long are we talking? Are you covered? Don’t you have to be on it a month or something before it works?”

His hand went behind his neck, a muscle ticked in his jaw.

“The doctor said I should be safe after two weeks but to wait until after I have my first period before going without any other protection.”

From my position in his lap, we were eye to eye. I felt wet and sticky between my legs and wanted to move off him. Then, I had to stop myself from laughing. Of all the things I should’ve been worried about, my leaking what he’d left inside me over his lap was my biggest one?

He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Sarah. I didn’t even think. I got—” He shook his head. “I don’t fucking think straight around you.”

“It wasn’t just you, I didn’t even consider it either. There’s no, I mean, there’s nothing else I need to worry about is there? I mean I’ve never done it without a condom. The two times I have done it. In the past I mean.”

“No. Oh fuck, shit no. I’m good. You’ve got no worries there. I’m clean. I swear. I’ve not even had sex in . . .” He trailed off, not finishing what he was about to say. He stared at me intently for a few seconds before leaning in and kissing my temple. I could feel his heart thumping in his chest as I rested my open palm on it. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he said again.

I was totally oblivious right then as to what it was he was actually saying sorry for.

***

Sunday started as one of the happiest days of my life.

We ran across the road to my house, barely dressed. While I showered and washed my hair properly, Liam made scrambled eggs for our breakfast, he then watched with disgust as we drank tea and I dunked a Hob Nob into mine.

When I started to clear away the mess, Liam once again slid his arms around me from behind as I stood at the sink. He kissed my neck and made me feel like all the idealistic dreams I’d had as a stupid, immature pre-teen about romance may actually be possible, even for me.

Liam ended up lifting me onto the kitchen worktop and sliding inside me. My legs wrapped tightly around his hips, my heels digging into his arse cheeks while he gripped at my hair, making my head tilt back as he kissed, sucked, and licked at my nipples. I came twice around his cock and then a third time around his fingers and tongue once he’d dragged me back to shower with him. The breakfast dishes were abandoned, left sitting in the sink.

***

Sated and dressed, we climbed into his car and drove out to the retail park on the edge of town and shopped for furniture. Although we were choosing items for Liam’s flat, we picked things that would also work in the house that he’d put an offer on, and he insisted I be involved in all of the decision making.

It all felt so natural. It was real. We were a couple. He held my hand as we walked from store to store, he kissed and touched me often. I’d never felt so alive, my skin, my entire body in fact, hummed with happiness.

We purchased a sofa and of course far too many throw cushions to dress it up with. A coffee table and matching television unit, as well as side tables, lamps, a rug, a dinner service, cutlery, and utensils for the kitchen. Finally, we headed off to the supermarket and bought the basics to start off his pantry: teabags, salt, pepper, and various tinned goods.

Most people would probably find this boring and mundane, but the day went by rapidly as I rode the wave of excitement bubbling and churning inside me. So many times during the day I’d caught him looking at me, causing bats to flap in my belly and my heart to ping pong around inside my chest, especially when his eyes crinkled at the corners as he gave me a smile. I knew I was falling fast, had fallen in fact. I just needed a little more time to accept that fact and let it sink in. Once I had done that, I’d allow myself to stop worrying that it wasn’t real, that it wouldn’t last, and that he wouldn’t leave me.

It was after seven by the time we’d unpacked everything and put it all away at Liam’s flat. The sofa and the rest of the furniture wasn’t going to be delivered until the following day, but we’d brought the electronics, and he had put them where he wanted them.

We’d talked as we unpacked and decided that as soon as we were done, we’d head over to my brother’s and confess to what was going on between us. I hated the idea of Luke being pissed off with me, but I hated the idea of him blaming it all on Liam more.

He’d wanted to speak to him on his own, but I’d refused and insisted that we should do it together, and I was determined to get it over and done with.

We pulled up outside Luke’s house, Snow Patrols “Chasing Cars” was playing, and we sat in silence until the song ended and Liam turned off the engine. That song seemed to be on every time we got in the car together, and it was quickly becoming our song.

“You sure you wanna come in with me, bub? I could call you later and tell you how things went, that’s if he hasn’t fed me my own dick and I can manage to talk around it.”

I got out of the car without answering and started heading up the drive to the front door. I was done procrastinating over this. We were together, and whether anyone else liked it or not, that was the way it was going to stay.

When Liam caught me up, I said, “If he touches your dick, I’ll chop off his hands. That’s mine now, I’ve grown attached to it.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him.

“You’ve grown attached to my dick?” he asked, blue eyes sparkling in the street light and a smile on his face.

“I have.”

“That’s good to know, because my dick has become very attached to you too. In fact, my dick is hoping to become attached to you permanently and maybe all the rest of me, too.”

We were silent for a long moment. We stood on the front doorstep, his arms around my hips and his hands on my arse as he ground his semi hard-on against me. I rested my hands flat against his chest, feeling the strong and steady beat of his heart.

“I think your brother’s gonna be okay with this, Sares. Once he gets over the shock, I think he’ll be fine, but if he’s not, I just want you to know, it won’t change anything. My dick and the rest of me wants you, and we’ll fight to keep you.”

I nodded my head, trying to think of a reply while the words “attached to you permanently” churned around my already overactive brain.

“He’s gonna be fine. He’ll be pissed off at first, but he loves me and all he’s ever wanted is for me to be happy. Yeah, he’s a little over protective, but he’ll get over it. If he doesn’t . . .”

“If he doesn’t? What? What then?”

“Then we’ll work something out. I’m not losing you, Liam, not over this. I love my brother, but I . . .”

It was too soon to confess how I felt, so I just stopped talking while Liam kept on staring at me. It was almost as if he were willing me to go on, willing me to say the words first.

“I know it’s too soon to put it out there, but I think we both know where this is going. Let’s deal with your brother first, and then we can get on with enjoying us.”

He kissed me. Long, deep, and slow. One hand held on to the side of my face, the other splayed across my arse cheeks, pulling my hips against his. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and let him fuck me against the front door, desperately needing a release for the tension. I made a little sound in the back of my throat and shuddered at the prospect, or did I shiver at the cold night air? Either way, he broke our kiss.

“If you keep grinding against me and making noises like that, then I will either have to fuck you out here or walk in there and confess all to your brother whilst sporting a raging hard-on, and I definitely do not want my own dick stuffed down my throat while it’s stiff.”