Spencer's Face (Buckeye Hawks) (16 page)

“Do you think about them a
lot?” I asked.

“I do. Not all the time, but
probably most of the time.”

“So you’re sad a lot?” I
asked.

“No. I only get sad when I
think about the day they died, or going to their funeral, or when I miss them,
and really wish they were still here. Most of the time, when I think about
them, it’s good memories.”

“Like what?” I asked, digging
further.

“Like our trip to Disneyland,
our trips to the beach, playing basketball, baseball, football, soccer,
Monopoly, playing the guitar with my dad, picking oranges with my mom, building
a birdhouse with my mom, mowing the yard with my dad, silly things, funny
things.”

I could tell he had a way
different childhood than I had. I’d never done any of those things with my
parents. “That’s cool to have so many good memories.”

“Now tell me what’s going on.
And, be honest. Are you about to bolt on me?”

I shook my head. “Of course
not. The last time I was alone with a guy in his house, he was really pushy. I
said no, then he dumped me.” I tried to gloss over the harsh parts.

“Which guy was that?”

“It doesn’t matter. They all
ended kind of like that.”

“Even Zane?” he asked in
disbelief.

“No. But we only dated about
thirty seconds.” I laughed at him.

“I will never push you,
Taylor. And, I won’t dump you because you don’t put out.”

“How did you know I didn’t
put out?”

“Every guy in school knows
you don’t put out.”

I was slightly embarrassed. Even
Zane hadn’t told me that. If they all knew it, then why did they date me for a
month, then ask me to put out? “Can I ask you something personal?”

“Am I a virgin?” he laughed.
“Yes.” He answered his own question. “Big surprise there.”

“You had a girlfriend in
California. I thought that might have evolved into something.”

“I lied about her. You’re the
first girl I’ve ever kissed.” He slid the words out slowly.

It was a slight surprise to
me. I automatically believed him when he said he had a girlfriend. I didn’t
think he had a reason to lie about that. I knew that guys did that sort of
thing to save face though. I nodded my head.

“You knew?” he asked me,
embarrassed.

“No. I didn’t know, but I’m
happy to be your first.”

“You’re the first girl I’ve
wanted to kiss.”

“Now
that
makes me feel
really special.” I said as if I was really impressed.

He looked in my eyes, then
kissed me. A really good long kiss that melted my entire body. “Tell me if I’m
doing it wrong.”

I swallowed hard and caught
my breath. “No.” I finally breathed the single word out. My body was pulsing
all over. I’d never been this excited about a kiss before in my life. And, his
hands were staying on my waist. Usually I had to chase hands all over my body
to stop the guy from going too far. I was glad he was restraining, because I
wasn’t so sure that I would be able to with this guy.

After staying on the couch
for a few minutes, Spencer pulled away. “I’ve been waiting to do that all day.”

I laughed at him. He was
really good at turning my entire world upside down with only a few words. I
turned toward the television set. Man that was a nice television. I had to get
a grip on myself and my body. I looked at him and smiled. “When are you going
to take off the bandage?” I asked him, more to distract myself than a need to
know thing.

“I was thinking tonight. The
doctor said I could tonight.”

“Tonight, while I’m here?” I
asked. “Or should I leave?”

“I’m really nervous. What if
it’s worse than before?”

“It can’t be worse than when
I first saw you after the crash. It looked terrible then.” I told him.

“Do you promise not to run?”
he asked me. He was asking for reassurance.

I knew he needed me to be
strong for him right now. I kissed him on the lips, then the hand. “I promise I
won’t leave.”

He walked to his bedroom
again. I followed him. He faced the mirror and began removing the bandage from
his face. It took several seconds to remove all the tape from his face. He held
the bandage on until all the tape was removed. Then he slowly removed the
bandage so he could see his face underneath it.

“Oh shit!” he yelled out in a
panicked voice, then put the bandage back on. “Get me some tape out of that
bag. I don’t want to see it.”

“You’ve already seen it now.”
I tried to tell him.

He took a deep breath and
removed the bandage from the right side of his face. Oh my god, it looked
terrible. Not quite as bad as right after the wreck, but it looked bad. It was
swollen now and scabbed over, and very bloody looking even though there was no
blood. His beard was growing on just that side. It looked funny because of
that. He stared at the mirror.

“You need to leave.” He told
me firmly. I could tell when a macho guy was about to cry. I’d seen it too many
times after losing football games.

I stood behind him, staring
at his face in the mirror. I maneuvered myself around in front of him, between
him and the mirror. I stood on my tiptoes and I kissed him.

“Cut your losses and run,
Taylor. You can’t possibly want to stay with me now.” he said firmly still.

“I want…” I stopped. I wanted
to throw him down on the bed right now. I don’t know why. Maybe I wanted to
make him feel better. Maybe I was just so ready for sex right now. My body was
turning against me. I had been so strong in the past. I’d had some really good
looking boyfriends that wanted sex with me, but I’d always taken pride in being
able to resist them. “I want to stay. I want to be with you.” I finally said.
That’s all I could say out loud to him.

“I don’t see how.” He
continued to look in the mirror.

Maybe this was a bad idea.
Maybe he should have done this alone with his family here. Maybe they could
have been more supportive. “Honestly. It doesn’t look
good
. But it
doesn’t look too bad. I mean, you were in a really bad accident less than two
weeks ago. You can’t heal that fast. My butt and the back of my legs were worse
than that when I wrecked on my motorcycle.”

“Worse?” he asked me.

“Worse. And, look at it now.”
I said as I lifted my shorts a little in the back to show him my tiny scars
that were apparently never going to fade, even though the doctor promised me
they would.

He took a deep breath and let
it out as he sat on his bed to get a better look at my legs. “That must have
hurt.”

“It did. You remember Dale?
The guy you met at the party?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t ever ride motorcycles
with him. He’s dangerous. He brought us all down.”

“All?”

“Him, me, and Sandy.”

“Was anyone else hurt?” I
asked her.

“Dale was skinned up really
bad for a while. Sandy was skinned up some, but she landed on me mostly. No
broken bones. A few cuts, and a lot of bruises. It’s really embarrassing to go
to the doctor to get gravel picked out of your butt. Sandy and I wear leather pants
now. Everyone thinks it’s because we think we look sexy, but it’s because we
don’t like gravel picked out of our butts.”

He laughed at me.

I sat down on his bed. I
wanted him to sit with me, but he’d returned to the mirror and staring at his
face, still in total shock. I watched as he continued to look at himself. He
turned around toward me. I looked up at him and smiled.

“Do you honestly want to kiss
this?” he asked me as he sat down beside me. “I will totally understand if you
want to bolt on me now.”

The look on his face caused
me to lose all control. I pushed his shoulders backwards until he fell back onto
the bed, then I straddled him, and leaned in to his face. I kissed him with
everything I had buried within me. With everything that had been buried since
the first day I’d seen his nice ass. I had no clue what was coming over me, or within
me. I kept kissing him with a hunger like I’d never felt before in my life.

I lifted my face just a bit, then
said. “Yes.”

He rubbed my thighs up and
down. It was driving me crazy. Something was happening between my legs. I could
feel my heart beating. I could almost hear my heart beating down there. Oh man,
what was I doing? I kissed him again. He pulled my face closer to his and
kissed me even deeper. Oh he was so good at kissing. I could feel my entire
body molding to his.

Then I felt something in his
jeans move. I knew what it was, but it startled me. No, it excited me. I felt
my heart jump. I wanted to pull his jeans off. I wanted to pull my shorts off.
I wanted to put his hands on me. I wanted everything about him, but I had no
clue what I wanted. I wanted it all, but I didn’t know what I wanted. I was
confused, almost to the point of being delirious. I was lightheaded from the
panting and heavy breathing.

“Taylor. We need to stop.” Spencer
said between our kisses.

“No.” I countered.

“Taylor. You’re a virgin.” He
argued with me, but then kissed me again.

“So are you.” I said. What
was his point? I kissed him again.

“You’re not acting like a
virgin right now.”

“I don’t think I want to be a
virgin anymore.” I said slowly, then kissed him again. I felt his jeans expand even
more.

“Are you testing me?” he
asked, pushing me up and away slightly.

I shook my head. “No.”

Spencer put both hands on my
shoulders and pushed me away from him. “We need to talk about this. We can’t
just rush into this. Were you talking about tonight?”

“No. Yes.” I was confused.

“We need to talk first. I
want to. Oh believe me, I want to. But we can’t let you get pregnant.” He said,
as he pushed me to his side, off of him.

I took a deep breath to calm
myself down. Pregnant? Why hadn’t I been thinking about that? I could have
gotten pregnant just now. Oh man that was close. I nodded my head. I was so
glad he had such a good head on his shoulders. I’m so glad that one of us did.
Damn. It was usually me. Now I knew exactly how all of my boyfriends felt when
they were saying yes and I was saying no. It was physically painful to be
turned down. Oh man! Did he just turn me down?

“Are you okay? You look sick
again.” he said. “This is what was wrong with you the other day. Wasn’t it?”

I nodded.

“If you’re serious about
this, we need to plan it. Not just do it. We need birth control. Condoms. And a
place. I don’t think my aunt and uncle would appreciate me having sex in their
house.”

I nodded again.

“Taylor? If you can’t talk
about sex, how are we even going to think about sex?”

“I’m trying not to think
about it right now.” I told him. I kissed him again. That wasn’t helping my
throbbing thighs right now. We were still facing each other. I grabbed his shoulders
and pulled him over on top of me. It felt so good to have him on me.