Sparrow (17 page)

“I
thought you only drank liquor,” I say.

“You’ve
seen me drink one time,” she responds.  “Get me a Redd’s Apple Ale, if they
have it.”

They
do.

When
the food is gone, Kevin and Ashley are the first to bowl.  They give each other
a kiss over the ball return before they throw, and, no lie, they both get
strikes.  It’s annoying.

Addison
and I are up next.  She selects a ball from the return, which I notice happens
to be six pounds and fluorescent pink.

“You
need a heavier ball,” I say.

“No. 
I can’t throw anything heavier.”

“You
won’t be able to control that thing.  It’ll be all over the place.”

“Kyle. 
I told you I suck.  If I can’t control this ball, I won’t be able to control
any ball.”

She
scrunches her face in frustration to prove her point, and all it does it make
me want to kiss her.  I take a step back.  “You go first.  Let me see what I
working with here.”

She
sighs and walks to her lane.  She takes a step, swings her arm back, and tosses
the ball.  It bounces loudly, twice, and proceeds to roll straight into the
gutter.

She
throws her hands up and turns around.  “See!”

“You
weren’t kidding.”

She
walks back toward me.  “No shit.”

I
smile.  “One sec.”

I
leave her side to take my turn.  I line up my shot, release the ball with a
little curve, and bingo.  Ten pins fall.

“Show
off.”  Addison pouts as I walk back toward her.

“C’mon.” 
I grab a heavier ball and hand it to her.  “Let’s see what we can do about this.”

I
follow her over to her lane while Austin takes his turn behind me.  “See the
dots on the floor?”  I point.  “You’re going to line up your shot with the
middle one.”

She
nods.  She adjusts her stance like she’s getting ready to throw, and I stop
her.  “Wait.”  I step behind her and grab her hips.  “You’re too far to the
left.  Move over.”

I
shift her to where I want her to stand, and it takes me a minute to realize
where my hands are.  I didn’t give a second thought to touching her.  We’re
standing barely an inch apart, her back to my chest, and I don’t want to let
her go.  The electricity I felt while watching the fireworks returns, and I let
my hands rest against her for a few extra seconds.  Leaning over her shoulder I
say, “Okay.  Now try.”

 Addison
inhales and exhales before she steps out of my grasp.  She throws the ball. 
This time, it makes it halfway down the lane before hitting the gutter.

“Better,”
I concede.  “Although, the point of the game is to hit the pins.”

She
sticks her tongue out at me.  “Don’t be a jerk.”

Great. 
Now I’m thinking about kissing her again.

We
rotate through our turns, and everyone appears to be an okay bowler.  The next
time Addison is up, I don’t think twice about standing behind her and placing
her body where I want it.  The anticipation between us is back, and it’s quickly
becoming my favorite feeling.  Before she throws, I reach around her and circle
her wrist, holding it tight.

“Keep
this straight,” I say.  “Don’t let it bend.  Pretend you’re wearing a brace or
my hand is supporting you.”

Her
skin feels soft beneath my fingers.  We’re standing so close that when she nods
in understanding, her hair grazes the side of my chin.  Gently, I squeeze her
wrist and release it.  As I move to the side, her eyes catch mine.  She redirects
her attention, then throws the ball.  It reaches the end of the lane, tapping a
pin before rolling away.  She looks at me, surprised.

“We’re
getting there,” I encourage her.  “Let’s try again.”

When
her ball returns, she positions herself correctly this time.  I don’t have an
excuse to move her around; however, before she throws, I remind her of her
wrist and tell her to keep her elbow locked, as well.  Running two fingers from
her hand to her shoulder, I explain how she should try to swing her arm like a
pendulum.  It takes her a few moments before she bowls, but when she does, a
pin goes down.

“Yes!”
she exclaims and high-fives me.

We
are so going to lose this game.

And
I couldn’t care less.

Addison’s
bowling improves the longer she plays.  Her aim is better and she’s able to
knock down several pins each time she throws.  Despite this, we’re no
competition for Kevin and Ashley; they’re blowing the rest of us out of the
water.  Two beers and seven frames later, I try to stay seated and just watch
Addison play.

“What
are you doing?” she asks when it’s her turn and I don’t move.

“Nothing.”

“Well,
come on.”  She gestures toward the lane.

“You’re
doing great.  You don’t need me anymore.”

“Um,
yes, I do.”  She reaches for my hand and tries to pull me to stand.  “I bowl
better when you’re with me.”

“How
do you know?” I tease as she continues to yank my arm.  “You haven’t tried
without me since I taught you a few tricks.”

“Fine.” 
She drops my hand.  “I’ll prove it.”

She
stalks away, and my brother takes a seat next to me.  “You two couldn’t be more
obvious if you tried,” he says, his voice low.  “Did you forget our talk from
the other day?”

I
frown.  “What talk?”

“The
one where you said you would say no.”

I
scowl.  “All I’m doing is helping a friend with her game.”

My
brother tips his bottle back and swallows.  “No.  You’re staring at her ass and
touching her every chance you get.”

Well,
yeah.  That too.

“I’m
not saying I blame you.”  Kevin looks at the drink in his hands.  “But, just so
you know, I don’t think I’m the only one who’s noticed.”

My
eyes dart to Ashley.  She appears to be involved in an animated conversation
with Nikki and Noah.  If she’s been watching us, I can’t tell.

In
my periphery, I catch Addison line up her shot.  I turn my head to watch as she
puts the ball directly into the gutter.

“She
did that on purpose,” I say to my brother while trying not to grin.  I thrust
my beer into his hand as I stand to join her.

“What
was that?” I jokingly chastise her.  “Have I taught you nothing?”

She
turns around to look at me, uncertain.

“What’s
wrong?  I was just teasing you.”

“It’s
not that.”  She shakes her head.  “I don’t feel very good.”

“Too
much to drink?” I ask.

“I
don’t know.  Maybe the shrimp was bad.”

I
feel fine, but then again, I didn’t eat the seafood.

Addison
retrieves her ball for her second shot when suddenly she appears pale.  “Can
you help me to the restroom?” she asks.

Concerned,
I wrap my arm around her and she leans into my side.  I walk with her toward
the bathrooms.  When we’re steps away, she says, “We need to move faster,” and
leaves my side to rush into the ladies room.

As
I wait outside the door, Ashley and Tara find me.  “What’s going on?” Ashley
asks.

“Addison
doesn’t feel well.  She thinks it might have been the shrimp.”

“Oh
no!” she moans.  “I ate a ton of that stuff!”

The
girls look at each other and then disappear behind the bathroom door.  There’s
no point in my waiting around with her friends here, so I head back to our
lanes.

“What’s
up?” Kevin asks as I sit down.

“Addison’s
sick.”

“Ugh.”

“Yeah. 
She didn’t look well.  She felt warm, too.”

Kev
raises an eyebrow.  “You would know.”

I
choose not to respond.

After
what seems like forever, the girls return.  Addison walks up to me and I stand. 
“You okay?” I ask.

She
gives me a weak smile.  “I puked.”

“Do
you feel better?”

“A
little.  I’m going to call it a night and go home.”

“Are
you sure you can drive?”

“Yes. 
Tara’s going to leave, too and follow me.”  She makes her way toward the lounge
where we left our coats and shoes.  “Would you walk me to my car?” she asks.

Hell
yes.  I’d carry her if that’s what she needed.

Tara
and Addison say good night to the group, and then we head to change our shoes. 
The girls gather their purses and coats, and I hold the door for them as they
walk out into the frigid night air.

“I’m
over here.”  Tara points to the left.  “The blue Santa Fe.”

Addison
nods.  “I’ll swing around on the way out.”

Tara
smiles and walks away.  “Have a nice night, Kyle.”

“You,
too.”

Addison
leads the way to her car, and I walk slowly by her side.  “Do you think you
have the flu?” I ask.

“I
better not.”  She frowns.  “I got the shot.”

We
walk a few more steps in silence until she looks at me.  “Thanks for tonight. 
I’m sorry we got stuck as partners.”

“I’m
not.”

She
gives me a shy smile.  “I could kinda tell.”

Shit. 
“I’m sorry.”

“No,
you’re not,” she laughs.

She’s
right, and I grin.  “That’s not why you threw up is it?”

She
laughs again.  “No, Kyle.  I’m not repulsed by your touch.”

I
let out an exaggerated sigh.  “Thank God.”

We
make it to her Hummer, and she unlocks the door.  She crawls inside and I stand
there, with one hand holding the door open and the other braced against the
frame.  “Text me when you get home,” I say.

“Will
do.  Then I’m going to bed.”

Addison
starts the car, and I back away.  I move to shut her door when she stops me. 
“Hey.”  She sets her palm against the handle.  “Drive safe.”

“I
will,” I promise.

She
smiles and pulls the door closed.  I give her a small wave and turn to head
back inside.  I look over my shoulder once, to make sure Tara is following her,
and they leave the parking lot together.

~~~~

The
following evening, I send Addison a message to make sure she’s feeling better. 
I’ve been thinking about her all day.  The way she looked, the way her
complexion paled, I’ve never seen anything like it before.  Honestly, it kind
of freaked me out.

Just
checking in.  How are you?
I send.

Minutes
later, my phone buzzes. 
I’m good.

So,
I won’t be getting the flu?

No. 
Not unless you have a uterus ;)

Um,
what? 
That’s a relief.  Last I checked I didn’t have one of those.

Funny.

Seconds
pass, and I wonder what she meant.  Did she get sick because she was having
woman issues?  My phone vibrates again as Addison sends:
Aren’t you going
to say congratulations?

I
frown. 
For getting your period??
  I can’t believe I just typed
that. 

Ha! 
No.

My
phone goes silent for a moment, and an uneasy feeling starts to settle in my
stomach.  Then, two words appear that practically gut me.

I’m
pregnant.

It
hurts.

It
shouldn’t, but it does.

Addison’s
words were like the final blow in a boxing match; the one that crowns the
victor.  Derek has won, and we weren’t even fighting.

Wait. 
I take that back.

Apparently,
I was.  If I wasn’t, this wouldn’t piss me off so much.

It’s
been three weeks since Addison told me the news.  I haven’t seen her, and I
don’t text her anymore.  She sends me messages every now and again, asking me
about my day or what I’ve been doing.  Don’t get me wrong: I still respond,
just not immediately and with one or two word answers.  Yes, I know I’m being a
selfish baby.

There’s
that word.  Baby.

The
more I think about it, the more I realize I can’t be angry with her for getting
pregnant.  Logic says if the woman is married, she’s sleeping with her
husband.  I’m more upset with the way she handled things.  This was huge,
unexpected news.  Our friendship should have warranted at least a phone call.  And,
forgive me, but with all the mutual flirting going on, I have to admit I
started to think that maybe she felt something more for me, too.  I felt close
to her.

I
still feel close to her.

The
truth is, we were dancing around forbidden lines.  I hate to admit I loved the
feeling.  It’s the only type of relationship with Addison I’ve ever known.  When
we first met, we were instantly connected and intimate.  When we found each
other again, we were still connected and toying with intimacy.  Now, an innocent
life is involved.  I need to find a way to have a normal relationship with
Addison if I’m going to know her at all.  My stubborn self doesn’t want that,
and I need to man up and figure out how I’m going to pull it off.  So far, the
only thing I’ve managed to do is barely communicate with her.  I think about
what I’ve lost constantly.

Like
I said, it hurts.

~~~~

“Just
get your ass over here.”

“I
said no.”

Kevin
and I are arguing about the Super Bowl.  He’s having people over to his place
for the game, and I don’t feel like socializing.

“Don’t
make me go Dr. Phil on you again,” my brother says.  “It’s just football. 
Besides, Ashley says Addison and Derek aren’t coming.”

This
is news.  Last I heard, the whole gang was headed to their apartment.  “Are you
sure?”

“That’s
what Ash said, something about Addison being really tired.”

I’m
quiet as I contemplate driving over there.  Kevin doesn’t live far from me. 
Plus, if I go, he’ll get off my case.  I’m tired of his attempts to lecture me
about my mood.  Working with him doesn’t allow me a ton of privacy, and I’m not
good at pretending things are peachy.

“I’ll
take your silence as a yes,” he says.  “Bring your own beer.”

He
hangs up, and I stare at the phone in my hand.  If I don’t show up, I know he’ll
keep calling me.  Suddenly, I feel like Cameron from
Ferris Bueller’s Day
Off
, debating on caving in to his best friend’s whims, despite his own better
judgment.

When
I arrive at Kevin’s place, Noah, Eli, and Austin are already there.  I also
recognize John, Tara’s boyfriend from the bar, seated on one end of the love seat.

“Where
are the girls?” I ask Kevin as he follows me into the kitchen.

“Tara
and Ash went to pick up the subs,” he says.  “Is that all the beer you
brought?”

As
I open his refrigerator door, I glance at my fingers wound around three bottle
necks and shrug.  “It’s all I had.”  I place two bottles in the fridge door and
keep one.  Turning around, my eyes catch a tray of vegetables, a bowl of fruit,
and an assortment of chips, pretzels, and dips laid out on the breakfast bar.  “Nice
buffet.”

“My
girl thinks of everything.”  Kevin grins.

We
make our way back to the living room and the front door opens.  Tara and Ashley
stumble inside laughing hysterically as they try to maneuver a six-foot sub
covered in plastic wrap through the door.  My brother and I move to help.  I
grab one end of the sandwich just behind Ashley as Kevin reaches out and holds
up the middle.

“What
in the world?” Kevin asks.

“The
deli didn’t cut it,” Tara laughs.  “We almost lost this thing three times!”

“It
tried to roll off the cart twice in the grocery store and once in the parking
lot,” Ashley explains.  She looks over her shoulder to see who is behind her and
realizes it’s me.  “What are you doing here?”

“Good
to see you, too.”  I smirk.

“Kevin
said you weren’t coming.”

“I
changed my mind.”

“Well,”
she eyes the sub, “I hope you’re hungry.”

By
halftime I’ve settled comfortably into the corner of the couch with a full
stomach.  The game is turning out to be mostly one-sided and not that exciting
to watch.  No one is the room is a die-hard fan of either of the teams playing,
although Austin and Eli are getting worked up over their football squares.

“I
know what this game needs,” John says.  All eyes turn to him as he announces,
“Shots.”

“What
do you propose?” Kevin asks.

“We
do a shot every time Seattle scores.”

“John!”
Tara glares at him.  “They’ve been scoring on almost every possession!”

He
wiggles his eyebrows at his girlfriend.  “I know.”

“If
you pass out your butt will spend the night here,” she threatens.

John
shrugs.

“I’m
game,” Eli says.  Noah and Austin nod in agreement, and Kevin leaves the room
in search of booze.

“I
think we should make this a little more challenging,” Noah suggests and the
guys get to planning.  One shot for a touchdown, two for a two-point
conversion, one for a field goal, and another two if there is a turnover.

Kevin
returns with a bottle of Jack and a handful of shot glasses.  As we set things
up on the coffee table for the second half, there’s a knock on the door. 
Ashley stands to answer it and when she does, I don’t have to turn around to
know who it is.

I
can feel Addison’s presence without looking at her.

“Hey,
guys.”  Ashley sounds uncertain.  “I thought you decided to stay home.”

“Addison
was feeling up to it, so here we are,” I hear Derek respond.  “Better late than
never.”

My
jaw tenses and my teeth grind together.

“Great!”
Ashley’s enthusiasm sounds forced.  “Let me take your coats and put them in the
bedroom.”

I
hear the shuffling of material and Addison say, “Thanks.”

“There’s
plenty of food in the kitchen,” Ashley says.  “Help yourself.”

I’ve
yet to turn my head.  Despite this, I swear I can feel eyes burning a hole into
me.  Whether they are Derek’s or Addison’s, I’m not sure.

“Are
you hungry babe?” I hear Derek ask.

“Um,
maybe,” Addison answers and I can sense them move out of the room.

I
allow my eyes to meet Kevin’s and he mouths, “Sorry.”

The
back of my neck feels hot.  I don’t know what to do.  I really,
really
don’t want to sit in the same room with Derek and pretend everything is okay.

“Excuse
me?” I hear Derek from the kitchen.  “Whose beer is this?”

Most
heads turn to look, as it’s possible to see through the living room into the
kitchen over the breakfast bar.  “That’s Kyle’s,” Kevin answers.

“Can
I have one?”

He
can’t be serious.

Kevin’s
eyes land on me with raised brows.  “Can he?” he asks.

Hell
no!
I
think. 
I only brought three. 
All eyes are on me, however, and I don’t
want to come across as a complete dickhead.  Not everyone in this room is aware
of my situation, so I nod yes.

“Thanks,
man,” I hear Derek from behind me.

I
don’t acknowledge him.

The
second half of the game gets under way, and I pray Seattle will do something
that earns us a shot – and soon.  Ashley returns to the room, and I feel our
two new guests join her to stand somewhere behind the couch.  I stare at the
television.

No. 
I stare through the television.  The only thing I’m truly aware of is Addison’s
proximity to me.

Apparently
God is listening, or maybe it’s Gram, because Seattle returns the opening
kickoff for an 87-yard touchdown.  Our group cheers, not because of Percy Harvin’s
run, but because our game of shots has officially begun.  Hands descend on the
coffee table, and I scoop up the glass closest to me.  I knock back the liquor
without hesitation, and it burns its way down my throat.  Setting the glass down,
I push it away from me with two fingers, toward Kevin, who is gathering them
all to refill.

Out
of the corner of my eye, I notice a pair of legs round the couch.  I’m forced
to look up when Derek asks, “Hey.  Do you mind moving?”

My
face contorts.  “What?”

“Do
you mind moving?  Addison needs a place to sit.”

“Don’t
get up, Kyle,” Addison says stepping around Derek.  “I’m fine.”

“No,
you’re not,” Derek says.  “You’ve been nothing but exhausted and you need to
sit down.”

I
glance around the room.  Unless Addison wants to sit on the floor, the only
empty seat is on the couch between me and Kevin.  “I’ll move over,” I say and
start to get up.

“Then
where will I sit?” Derek asks.

My
eyes narrow as I stand to my full height.  His smug face is about a foot from
mine.  He already has my girl, my beer, and now he wants my seat too?

Unbelievable.

“Derek,”
Addison says in a warning tone.  “I’ll sit on the floor.”

“You
won’t,” he responds while staring at me.

“I’ll
move,” Kevin volunteers, sensing the tension.  He stands beside me and crosses
his arms.  “If I had known seating would be an issue, I would’ve rented
chairs.”  He’s irritated and I can tell.  He’ll have my back in a second if I
need him.

“Thanks.” 
Derek looks past me and at my brother.  “I appreciate it.”

Kevin
moves out of the way, and I back up to where he was sitting.  Now, it’s me,
Addison, and Derek sharing the couch.

Fuck
my life.

Addison
sits between Derek and me, causing the tense muscles in my shoulders to flex.  Feeling
comfortable in this situation is an impossibility.  I lean away from her and
set my elbow on the armrest, so as to appear casual.  My body shifts, and my
knee bumps against hers.  Reflexively, I jerk it away. 

Addison’s
eyes meet mine and they cloud over with hurt.  My heart jumps into my throat. 
She thinks I don’t want to touch her when the exact opposite is true.  It’s
then I decide to set her straight.  Holding her gaze, I deliberately let my
knee fall to the side and rest against hers.  Her eyes widen, and I turn my
attention back to the game.

Throughout
the third quarter, I try to concentrate on anything that doesn’t involve
Addison.  I completely fail.  Even when Seattle scores again and I take a
second shot, I can still feel the warmth of her knee through the fabric of my
jeans.  Derek isn’t helping, either.  Every time he touches her, I feel like
I’m going to lose it.  First, he draped his arm over her shoulders.  Then, he
began to run his fingers over her arm and trace the top of her shoulder.  The
movement was all I could see out of the corner of my eye, and the thought of
grabbing his fingers and breaking them brought a momentary smile to my face. 
After that, he pulled her close and kissed her temple.  All I could do was
stare straight ahead and pretend it wasn’t happening.

Now,
Seattle has scored in the fourth.  As I reach for my shot, the feeling of
Addison’s knee disappears from mine.  My head snaps to the right in time to
catch Derek place a protective palm low on Addison’s belly.  He moves in close,
says something into her ear, and then kisses the corner of her mouth.  She
gives him a tiny smile and leans back, her knee touching mine again.

It’s
then that I realize that’s all I’ll ever have with her.  Small touches.  It might
happen once, twice, three times, possibly a million, but that’s all I will ever
get.  I blink as the proof is laid bare before me; as it is thrown in my face. 
I have no idea what she is thinking, but I know what I am.

I
can’t do this anymore.

Throwing
the shot down my throat, I slam the glass on the table.  Startled, Addison
looks at me with questioning eyes.  Without a word, I stand and head toward the
door.

“Kyle. 
Where are you going?” I hear Kevin ask behind me.

I
don’t bother to answer.  I simply open the door and walk out.

~~~~

About
a mile from my house, the back pocket of my jeans starts to vibrate.  I’m so
concentrated on pushing Addison out of my mind that I didn’t even realize I was
sitting on my phone.