Sparrow (13 page)

I
laugh.  “Sparrow.  If you’re gonna make up stories, you need a better plan.”

She
doesn’t laugh with me.  Instead, I notice her eyes widen as she searches my
face.  My smile fades.  Did I say something wrong?

“You
called me Sparrow again,” she says softly.

Shit. 
I did, and I didn’t even realize it.  “I’m sorry.”

Addison
stands up straight, pushing herself away from the kitchen countertop.  We’re about
a foot apart when she looks up at me.  It reminds me of how perfectly her body
fit against mine; how when I would hold her, she fit against me like a puzzle
piece.

“Don’t
apologize,” she says.  “I’ve missed hearing it.”

I’m
suddenly very aware of my breathing.  Air rushes in and out of my nose.  “Are
you sure?”

She
nods.  “Derek calls me Add.”  She looks down at her ring.  “I have a math
function for a nickname.”  She scowls.  “I hate math.”

Laughter
erupts from deep inside my chest.  I can’t help it.  This whole situation has
me tense and elated at the same time.

Addison
laughs with me, and, after a moment or two, I gesture toward her vest.  “Since
we’re not going anywhere, do you want me to take that?”

She
nods and removes it, and I head over to the closet to hang up our coats.  I’m
kind of relieved we don’t have to make the six hour round trip to the lake and
back.

When
I return to the kitchen, Addison is standing in front of my refrigerator with
her arms crossed.  Her eyes are focused on the few papers stuck there.

“Tell
me about your business,” she says when she realizes I’m in the room.  She
points to one of my several Dayton Landscaping & Design magnets.  “How did
you get started?”

I’m
pleasantly surprised she wants to know.  My other girlfriends didn’t care.  I
don’t blame Courtney; she hated the business.  Probably because I spent 99
percent of my time trying to get DL&D off the ground.  Jen never asked
because she was friends with Kevin before dating me; I’m sure she knew
everything she wanted to know about the company.  As long as there was money in
the bank, Jen was happy.

“Actually,
you’re kind of involved,” I say and move around Addison.  She gives me a
questioning look as I open the fridge door and grab two bottles of water. 
“Want one?”

“Thanks.”

I
hand her a drink and lead us back into the living room.  I take a seat on one
end of the couch and Addison sits down on the other, facing me and crossing her
legs beneath her.  I set my bottle on a coaster as I figure out where to start.

“After
high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.”  I wink at her.  “But you know
that.”

She
nods.  “Did you get that football scholarship?”

I’m
surprised she remembers.  “Ah, no.”  I lean back on the couch.  “After you…”  I
hesitate, looking for the right word.  “After you…left, I had to throw myself
into something.  I chose football.  Except, I became a real asshole.”  I look
at her.  “I was angry.  I picked fights; I took my aggressions out on the other
players.  Let’s just say it didn’t pay off.”

Addison
avoids my eyes and I notice her swallow.  I don’t want to make her
uncomfortable, but her disappearance plays a big part in who I am today.  “Do
you want me to stop?” I ask.

She
shakes her head.  “No.  Just…Kyle…”  Her face falls.  “I’m really sorry.  If I
could go back and change what happened, I would.  I never would have gotten on
that plane.”

I
move over on the couch and reach for her hand.  She places her fingers in mine
and I squeeze them.  “It’s not your fault.”

Her
eyes look glassy.  “I made you an asshole.”

I
smile.  “No, I made me an asshole.  I didn’t know how to deal with your
leaving.  I wasn’t sure if your parents made you go, or if you got sick, or
what happened.  I was out of my mind, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“So,
you got into fights?”

“Usually. 
All it took was someone to say the wrong thing or look at me the wrong way.  Then
Kevin would step in and it was a big mess.”  I shake my head.  “If I wasn’t in
class, I was in the office.  It was a miracle I graduated.”

Addison
frowns.  “Your poor mother.”

“That
woman is a saint.”  I move my hand to lace my fingers through hers.  “She
didn’t know what to do.  If I wasn’t angry, I was depressed.  If I wasn’t
depressed, I was moody.  She tried everything she could think of to fix me,
until the summer after high school.  She was fed up and frustrated.  When I
refused to go back to the lake, she gave me an ultimatum.  Go to college, get a
job, or get out.”

Addison
lets out a small gasp.  “You didn’t go back to the lake?  What about Gram?”

“Kevin
went to help her.  This October, after her death, is the first time I’ve been
to Buhl Lake since…”  Now it’s my turn to swallow.  “Since the summer you
vanished.”

Her
grip around my fingers tightens.

“Anyway,”
I continue, “my mom was going to kick me out.  I knew school wasn’t for me, so
I went job hunting.  I found a help wanted ad for a landscaping company and
your words came back to me.”  I smile.  “You said I had an eye for the
outdoors; that I was meant to be outside.  So, I applied and I got the job.”

Addison’s
eyes finally light up, and she grins.  “I take it you used your experience to
start your own company?”

“Yes
and no.  I got along really well with the owner of the place I was working for
and kept bringing him my ideas.  When I started at Brady Landscape, we only
carried and delivered supplies.  I wanted to design.  The owner was near
retirement, so he didn’t want to take on anything new.   When he finally did
retire, none of his kids wanted the business.  I took it over slowly, with his
blessing, and expanded it to what it is today.”

“That’s
amazing,” Addison says sincerely.

I
move my hand and lightly run my thumb across her knuckles, enjoying the fact that
we’re still touching.  “Well, you had a part in it.  If you hadn’t said those
things to me that summer, I’d probably be working in a gas station somewhere.”

She
laughs.

“So,
what about you?  Any news on your studio?”

She
looks down and shakes her head.  “I won’t budge and neither will Derek.  We’ve
decided to shelve both our dreams for a while.”  She looks back at me.  “No in
vitro and no studio.”

I
want to tell her that’s good; that she shouldn’t have a baby with Derek.  She
should leave him if he doesn’t support her goals.  She should leave him and be
with me.

I’m
a selfish prick.

Instead,
I say, “At least it’s a compromise.”

She
gives me half a smile.

My
phone vibrates in my pocket, and I let go of Addison’s hand to pull it out and
see who it is.  I plan on silencing it until I see the text message from Kevin:

Noah
had to back out.  You’re on for the parade.

I
groan.

“What
is it?” Addison asks.

I
talk as I text my brother back.  “Kevin put our company truck in the annual
Christmas parade.  Noah was supposed to drive and now he can’t.”

“Parade? 
Sounds like fun.”

Sounds
like a nightmare to me.  I finish my message to Kevin. 
No way.  This was
your idea.  You drive.

“How
will you decorate the truck?” Addison asks.

My
face twists.  “We won’t.  We’re just going to wash it and drive it.  The logo
is on the side.”

“That’s
lame,” she chastises me.  “You at least need to put a wreath on the grill or
something.”

I
roll my eyes.  “It’s advertisement.”

“It’s
boring!  People will think you accidentally got caught in the parade.”

She
may be right.

Kevin
responds. 
Can’t.  Ashley’s birthday is that Saturday and we’re skiing up
at Boyne.

 I
take a deep breath.  Most of our crew is laid off during the winter months and
called back depending on the weather.  There are only a handful of guys I trust
to drive the big plow truck.  Who else can I call?

“Let
me help.”  Addison grabs my arm to get my attention.  “It will be fun.  You can
drive and I’ll help you decorate the truck.”

I
want to spend time with her.  So fucking much.  I arch an eyebrow.  “What would
your husband have to say about that?”

 Addison
shoots me an “oh please” look.  “Last time I checked, I’m an adult.  I don’t
have to ask permission to be anyone’s friend.”

“Do
you want to be friends?” I ask.

“Yes. 
Don’t you?”

Of
course I do.  I’d rather be more, but that’s not a possibility.

Since
I don’t immediately answer her question, Addison’s expression turns serious. 
“Kyle.  I lied to you yesterday, but I want you to know I won’t do it again.”

Is
that why she thinks I didn’t respond?  Because I don’t trust her?  “I believe
you.”

“Do
you promise never to lie to me?”

I
can do that.  “Yes.”

Addison
lets out a deep breath.  “Good.  The truth is, since we’ve met up again, my
mind has been a mess.  I’ve kept my memories buried for a long time; I thought
I’d made peace with them and moved on.  But now, they keep coming back.”

I
understand how she feels.

She
shifts forward on the couch and drops her legs to the floor.  “I need to show
you something.”

She
reaches up and gathers her hair in one hand, pulling it over her shoulder.  She
turns slightly to the side and tips her head.  “Do you see it?”

Uh…all
I see is her smooth curve of her neck and know I want my lips there.  I’m going
to have to practice thinking friendly thoughts.

“It’s
behind my ear,” she says.

I
lean forward.  What I see makes my heart skip a beat.

“At
the lake last month you said you never stopped thinking about me.  Well, I
never stopped thinking about you.”  She turns around to see my face.  “I got
the tattoo to carry that summer with me.  I put my memories of you into it.  I
thought if I couldn’t carry them in my heart, I could carry them on my body. 
Outside, so they wouldn’t hurt as much.”

All
I can do is blink at her.  On her skin, etched in black ink, is a tiny sparrow.

“What
does your husband think it means?” I ask.

“I
told him it’s me, before the accident.”

I
feel my face soften as words I shouldn’t say slip from my lips.  “Even after, you’re
still my free bird.”

She
gives me a knowing smile.

“When
did you get it?” I ask.

“About
two years after the crash.  Just before I moved in with Meagan.”

My
face falls.  “I wish you would have called to let me know where you were.  God,
I wish I knew what had happened.  I hate that you felt you had to move on and forget
us.”

She
meets my stare.  “You had moved on.  So I had to, too.”

“What?”

Addison’s
eyes get big and she looks away.  “Never mind.”

“No.” 
I shift my weight.  “What do you mean I moved on?”

She
closes her eyes.  “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“Telling
me what?”

She
sighs.  “I came back.”

There’s
no way in hell I heard her right.  “Excuse me?”

Addison
opens her eyes.  “After I was better, Meagan asked me to move in with her and Derek
wanted a more serious relationship.  I was torn.  I couldn’t shake you, and I
wasn’t sure I wanted to live in the Upper Peninsula.”  She pauses.  “Before I
made any decisions, I drove to your mother’s house.  I felt like I needed to
see you to help me decide.  I had no idea if you would want to talk to me or if
you would even be there, but you were.”

 I
think I’ve stopped breathing.

“I
saw you,” she confesses.  “From my car parked in the street.  You were leaving
the house with a girl; a pretty brunette.  You opened the car door for her. 
You gave her an amazing kiss before she drove away; a kiss that told me I was a
memory.”

This
is not happening.

“I
meant what I said at the cottage.  It had been two years since I saw you; it
made sense for you to move on.”

She
was there and I didn’t see her?  How is that possible?  “Why?  Why didn’t you
get out of the car?”

“It
felt wrong.”  Her eyes search mine.  “You were involved with someone else.”

 My
heart pounds.  We would be together, right now, if she had gotten out of that
car.  I know it.

Instantly,
I move closer to her.  “That girl… Monica...we weren’t serious.” 

Her
face falls.  “It’s okay.”

“It
is not okay!”

She
leans toward me.  “That’s why I’m not letting this get away from us.  Not this
time.”  She meets my eyes.  “First Kevin misses meeting Ashley and then I screw
up because I was hurt.  I think it’s a sign.  No more missed opportunities.”