South Row (9 page)

I watch in horror as the commotion ensues before me. I had risen to receive a fatherly hug from Liam and almost fainted when I saw South looking straight at me. I needed the ground to swallow me up.

South is standing there, just staring at me, all life extracted from her face. Her friends are shouting around her, trying to get her a
ttention, but it seems like she’s checked out.

“
Lynnie, come on! Snap out of it!” Lydia shouts at her. Nothing.

“Don’
t let him do this to you! He’s not worth it!”

“
What’s wrong? South? Snap out of it, honey. South!” Scott appears, shaking her. “She’s in shock. South!”

Scott looks behind him and our eyes meet. All the blood drains from my fa
ce. I want to look away but can’t. He turns back to his friend and continues to try to get her out of her trance-like state.

South is frozen in place, tears streaming down her face and no amount of nudging is making her budge. I know something is wrong. And when I see her sway, I spring into action.

Dodging Liam and leaping over the sofas in the restaurant, I am lucky to catch South before she falls. We both crumple to the floor. When I look down at the girl in my arms, she doesn't look like the vivacious girl I once knew. She looks pale, her face sad, like she has been crying for days. I did this to her.

“
Get the fuck away from her, you asshole!” Lydia yells, trying to pry South away from me.

“
Stop!” I growl at her.

I stare down at South and brush my fingers over her cheek, wiping away the tears that are there. Her eyes are closed, and if not for the little beat of her heart, it would be as if she were dead.

“I’m so sorry, South. Please, wake up,” I plead softly. “Please, get up, baby.”

Her eyes stir beneath her lids and they slowly crack open. She inhales on a hard breath and the color reappears in her cheeks. When she focuses on me, her face breaks out into a soft smile, then oh so quickly, morp
hs into a murderous scowl. What’s the popular saying –
If looks could kill
? Yeah, if looks could kill, I’d be on fire right now.

Lightning fast, South slaps me hard across the face and scrambles away from me. Well, yeah, I think I deserv
ed that. But some warning would’ve been nice.

“You don’t get to touch me,” she hisses. “Ever.”

I want to bring up the fact that I’ve touched her in more intimate ways, but I don’t think this is the time. According to Connor and personal experience, she’s got a mean fist and I wouldn’t want Red to break out the fists of fury again. I’ll pass.

She stalks off with her friends, but Scott looks back at me and gives me an apologetic shrug, though I see the tension in his face. I guess
I’ve lost my one ally.

“
What happened?” Kaylee drops to her knees next to me.
Now there’s a visual.

“
Is everything alright?” Liam asks when he nears us. I guess none of them heard what was said.
Thank God.

“
I just-I saw her about to faint and I just–”

“
You saved her and she slapped you in the face,” Liam surmises, looking at the reddening of my cheek. “You can’t win with people nowadays, they’re so ungrateful.”

I have the urge to throttle him. South
is anything but ungrateful. She’s the sweetest, most honest, caring person I have ever met. She slapped me because I wasn’t all those things to her a mere few hours earlier. I’m an idiot.

“
What did I tell you guys, huh? He’s a saint. Well on his way to becoming partner. Come on, son.” He helps me up and embraces me, pounding me on the back.

Kaylee
pulls me to her and whispers, “You are so getting laid tonight.”

A tingle runs through my balls, but fails to get my
dick up. I should be excited. I’m a hero and I’m going to get my just reward. But all I feel is immense guilt.

I can’t even accept Liam’
s praises. I feel like shit. The look on South’s face when she saw me was one of pure contempt. I would give anything to have her see me like she used to; like I’m the only person in the room. How could I have ruined things so much? Am I still upset about her leaving me all those years ago? Or is it that I still feel guilty about taking her virginity when she was just a kid.

A kid. She’
s just a kid.
No, idiot. She’s a woman
, that niggling voice prompts.
Look at her again. She’s beautiful and all woman.
Is that what she wanted me to see? I think back to the person I saw dancing on the stage. I never saw a child up there. I think back to South at Johann’s club and the men there weren’t thinking that she was just a child. No, they were staring at her the way a man does a woman. And today when she bared her breasts to me, they weren’t the breasts of a child – she made that very clear. No, they weren’t kid boobs, but the supple, ample breasts of a beautiful grown woman.

Oh, I’
m an idiot
, I groan inwardly as Liam regales me with compliments.
Yeah. Yeah, you are.
Shut up, stupid inner voice.

**********

I am doing some research for my next case, but truth be told, I can hardly focus. Kaylee had kept her promise last night. I’m ashamed to say that the only way I got it up was when I started to think about South sliding down a pole. Then I fucked her with hard, demanding strokes at the images of South’s luscious body in that white dress, and came the hardest I’d ever came after picturing her shattering into a million pieces on my knee at Johann’s club.

Guilt robbed me of sleep for majority of the night and I only fell asleep after going into the bathroom and jacking off to thoughts of South. I woke this morning groggy and miserable due to my lack of sleep and immense guilt. I had truly fucked up with Southerlynn and I didn’t know how I was going to fix it.

I got to work and dodged everyone, even Luke. He still didn’t know what I had done, but I knew it was a matter of time before he would be pounding on my door. Connor had been sending me threatening text messages since last night, proof positive that South had told him what went down. Soon, our inner circle would know and would be berating my idiocy. We hide nothing from each other, no matter how embarrassing, how asinine, or how trivial.

Like clockwork, Connor bursts into my office, his anger palpable. But it is the look in his eyes that guts me. He’s disappointed. I hate disappointing my little brother, it feels like I’ve failed him and that’s something you never want to be in the sight of your little brother. As he moves across the room to me, his muscles are corded tight with restrained fury. Anger I can deal with.

I stand to assert my big brother dominance, but am shoved into the wall, my swivel chair knocked over. I guess I underestimated how angry he’d be.

“I can’
t believe you!” Connor roars, spittle catching my face. “I told you! I fucking
told
you not to hurt her! And what do you do? You fucking hurt her!” Connor pushes away from me, running a hand through his hair.

“
I swear to God, if you make her run away again…” he stops himself. Shit, I never thought of that.

“Do you really think she’
d…?” Horror is evident in my voice. I can’t even finish the sentence.

He doesn’
t answer me, just sits in the chair directly opposite my desk, crossing his ankle over his knee with his elbow resting on the arm of the chair and his thumb under his chin, index finger on his cheek, his middle finger under his bottom lip. The universal Danes sign for
“you talk, I’ll listen”
. Our father used to use this same tactic on us when we were boys, especially when we'd done something wrong.

I gather myself, fixing the tie Connor pulled out of place. Pulling my chair upright, I plop myself d
own in it. I don’t even want to look at Connor right now so I place my head in my hands and take a deep breath.

“I was stupid.”

“Understatement of the year,” Connor mumbles. “But, go on.”

Raising my head from my hands I scowl at him; always wanting to rub salt in wounds.

I go on to reveal to him that I have been hung up on South for years, ten to be exact. That when he saw me going through redheads like they were going out of style, I was only trying to fill the void her absence created. I don’t tell him that South seduced me. I don’t want his perception of her to change and I don’t want it to seem like I am laying blame at her feet. I take responsibility for everything that happened between me and South that night.

“I think I made a mistake,” I tell him, referring to not seeing South as the woman she was and hurting her in the process.

“Deciding to marry Kaylee?” he probes.

Shit, I never even thought of that, and now that he’s brought it up…have I?
Yes, you have,
that annoying voice pipes up. I sigh. Nothing like getting the truth out in the open.

“I didn’t mean to buy that ring,” I admit, Connor’s brows shooting up his face in surprise. “I was only looking, questioning whether this was what I wanted and then I started thinking of South; wondering had she not left if we would have gotten to that point. I bought the stupid thing on impulse, because I wanted to forget about South. I proposed to her on impulse too. I was so pissed off that even after all these years South still had the power to make me lose my shit, that I just jumped and proposed to Kaylee without really thinking it through.”

“Fuck,” Connor breathes, grimacing and rubbing his forehead. “What are you gonna do, Collin?”

“I don’t know just yet,” I tell him. “But my main concern right now is South. I have to make things right with her.” I point a pleading stare at my brother, putting in the wide, sad eyes and jutting out my lip in a small pout. I have to pull out all the stops right here, right now. I need his help.

“Dude, overkill. The quivering lip? You brought out the big guns?” Connor laughs. “Just ask for my help and stop being a little girl,” Connor jokes.

“Are you going to help me or not?”

“I’ll help you,
Colline
.” He stands and so do I. “If only to keep that pathetic look off your face and keep you from growing ovaries,” he settles.

“Yeah, whatever, fucker,” I mumble. “Thanks, bro.”

“Just work on not hurting her again, will ya? Next time I don’t think I’ll be so restrained,” he advises. “And…don’t string Kaylee along. You have a decision to make.”

Don’t I fucking know it? Question is: how am I going to do it without backlash fro
m Liam?

How do people focus when they’
ve had their hearts ripped out from their chests? I haven’t had the experience of heartbreak to know the answer to that. Sure, I’d kissed a few frogs who tried to take things further than second base. But this pond had been closed off, because her depths belonged to only one amphibian. Her frog Prince. Who turned out to be. Just. Another. Motherfucking frog!

So, I’
ll ask my question again. Maybe word it a little differently. How do people handle a broken heart?

Today is not a good day. At all. Heck, the past two days have not been good days at all. Being rejec
ted and finding out the guy you’re in love with is engaged is enough to send anyone jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. I won’t lie, I contemplated it, but remembered I hate heights.

I was devastated. So devastated that I fainted. When I came to and found myself in
his
arms, I almost smiled. But then all the pain and humiliation came flooding back and I lashed out at his handsome face. He was shocked. Hurt, maybe. But I didn’t care. Couldn’t care. Being in his arms was just too much and I had to create distance. Despite the hurt and anger, having him touch me still sent jolts of desire through my body.

My body was a traitor. And as punishment, when memories of Collin and what he did to my body surfaced and settled heat in the pit of my stomach, I withheld giving my body pleasure, refusing to use my vibrator all night. Muhahahaha!

But that quickly backfired when I woke up this morning crabby, exhausted and wound tight. So I’ve been slamming all the doors in my tiny apartment, throwing dishes and breaking them, snapping at people, including innocent children.

One kid came up to me and asked me to buy Girl Scout cookies. I grabbed the cookie from the poor girl, shoved a dollar in her little palm and told her that if she tries to spread her little
happiness around here again, I’d ruin her little cookie peddling business. Needless to say, the little bitch kicked me in the shin and ran away. I like her.

My day didn’
t improve once I got to school either. As fate would have it, this was a practical day in French cuisine. My oven mitts caught fire. I spilled sugar on the floor. I almost sliced my thumb off, only managing to nick the tip – talk about luck. If not for my friend, Jude, looking out for me, my mille-feuille would've been ruined.

Chef
Barón, upon seeing my lack of focus, told me to take the day off after he sampled my pastry. He gave me good marks, but they weren’t as good as I’d normally get. I stripped the apron over my head, tugged the neckerchief loose, packed up my left-over Napoleon – because Scott and Lydia would kill me if I didn’t bring them each healthy slices of the sweet treat – grabbed my messenger bag and headed home.

So here I am on a cable car, seriously distracted and – great, fucking perfect – missing my stop. Pulling the cord to signal a stop, I amble off the car and decide that it is better I walk off my distractedness. I want to get
Collin off my mind. I have to; plus, I need to be ready for that private party Trace is keeping for that guy tonight. I have already got my routine down, so I’m not nervous in the least bit to dance for a high roller. In fact, just thinking about all I’ll have to do tonight, performing will be a welcome distraction from all things Collin Danes.

Passing by a costume lingerie store, I spot the most sinful-looking green loin cloth number with green leather vines for straps. Now, I had my outfit picked out from before – a tiny khaki skirt, khaki bra with fur and corded up Grecian heels. I would have paired the ensemble with a jeweled head band with my red hair in a big braid swept over my breast. But seeing this outfit, I just have to buy it.

As I hurry to make my way into the store, I bump into someone, almost crushing the box with the pastry in it.

“I’m so sorry,”
the man apologizes, reaching for my hand to keep me upright.

“
You’re damn right, you oughta be sor–” The sassy remark dies on my tongue as I look up into the smooth face and grey eyes of Collin’s friend, Luke. I really had no intentions of ever seeing his friends again, much as I liked them.

“Hey, Weekend,”
he says, smiling wide.

“Weekend?”

“You know,” he pauses then launches into a horrendous version of the song I had danced to when I reunited with Collin.

“
Ohhh,” it dawns on me. “
Weeknd
!”

I start la
ughing and he joins in. I haven’t laughed since…Saturday maybe? And it feels so good to do it.

“
Where are you scurrying off to, little squirrel?” he asks.

“You have all the nicknames, don’t you?”
I deadpan.

“I use nicknames so I don’
t have to actually remember names,” he confesses and I laugh again, unattractive snorts doubling me over.

“
You really are a man-whore aren’t you?” I ask when I’ve pulled myself together, but really, it is a fact.

“
You wound me,” he mocks hurt feelings, putting his hand over his heart. “I just enjoy the female population. Everyone needs love too, right?”

At his mention of love, my face falls. Yes, eve
ryone deserves love. So why can’t I get the love of the person I so desperately love? Do I not deserve it? Maybe it isn’t meant to be with Collin. As I think about it, my heart shatters. I’ve never thought to be with anyone else but him. If we hadn’t reunited last Friday, I know without the shadow of a doubt that I would have tried to find him. Would he have been interested? Would he have been married? Would he have had children? The pain is just too much to think about.

Engaged.

I sink my fingers into Luke’s forearm as I try to steady myself from having another fainting episode.

“Whoa, easy there, tiger.”
He places his hands on my waist and I fall into his chest and start crying all over again. He lets me cry, rubbing gentle circles on my back.

“
Nothing to see here, people. Move along,” I hear Luke instruct. I bet people are just staring at the spectacle: an emotional wreck of a woman, crying into a man’s arms on a public sidewalk. Pathetic.

I quickly pu
ll myself together then blurt, “I’m buying that outfit.” Yes, shopping can solve the world’s problems. No? Well, it certainly does mine; that and food.

Dragging Luke with me into the store, I find the loin cloth outfit and pay for it, but I guess Luke isn
’t finished.

“
Hey,” he calls from one of the racks. “Try this.”

Luke is holding up a black leather panty set with a black garter that has a leather whip attached to it. The outfit also com
es with a pair of sky high fuck-me thigh boots and a spiky leather choker.

“You must be out of your mind!”
I, all but, scream.

The cashier looks at me then at Luke, where she gives him a wide flirtatious smile. He winks at the petite brunette and she melts as her face heats. Rolling my eyes, I stroll over to him.

“Come on, Tiger, for me? It’s a fantasy of mine to come to a store like this, have a woman try on some sexy clothes for my entertainment then fuck her senseless,” he begs.

“What the fuck?”
I gape at him then shake my head, smiling. “You are a sick, sick man, Luke.”

“
Come on,” he cajoles. “From what I saw earlier…”
Don’t say it.
“You need a bit of unwinding, a bit of happy.”
He said it.

“
Laying the guilt trip on a little thick, aren’t we?” I huff.

“Is it working?”
His eyes brighten with hope.

“
Gimme the damn dominatrix outfit,” I demand, grabbing the suit from him and heading for the dressing room.
This could be a good outfit for when I’m doing those “specially requested” private dances
, I muse to myself. “And you can forget about the banging me senseless portion of your fantasy.”

After a few minutes of squeezing myself into this skimpy suit and boots, I emerge from the dressing room with the leather whip corded around my wrist. Luke is lounging on one of the leather waiting benches to the side of the full length mirrors and, when he sees me, straightens up. His mouth falls open and I see lust flash in his eyes. My stomach dips at his lustful gaze and I strut forward. When he rises from the bench, I flash the whip in his direction.

“Uh, uh, uh,” I sing-song. “Stay right there, horny boy.” Luke gulps and nods dumbly as he settles back onto the bench.

I make a show of twirling on the death-trap heels; running the leather whip over my body; shaking my breasts as I bend forward and slap my ass; bending over in front of him, giving him a perfect view of my ass and my crevices; and biting the
butt of the whip and sucking on it.

“You’
re evil,” Luke chokes out, the bulge in his pants evidence of his…entertainment.

“I know,”
I reply with a wink as I turn on my heel to head back to the dressing room.

But, of course, there had to be something in my way. I trip over a loose hanger and fall to my knees.
Stupid death-trap heels.

“
Not sexy, at all,” Luke mumbles between fits of laughter.

“
Yeah, well, this is the only time you’ll ever see me on my hands and knees,” I fire back at him as I crawl toward the doors.

“
Cold, baby, cold. But that suit is on me!” he calls out.

It takes me a little longer to undress and
dress. As I emerge from the changing room, I see no sign of Luke. Where did he disappear to?

Walking over to the cashier’
s stand, I notice that it is empty as well and that there is a
Be Right Back!
sign hanging from the door. Shaking my head, I realize what has happened. Noises from behind a door startle me, but confirm my thoughts, and I inch toward the sounds. As I venture further into the store, I can hear grunts and squeals and muffled screams behind the door marked
Staff Only.

“Luke?”
I call.

Skin slapping against skin echoes louder and the grunts and groans increase.

“Luke,” I repeat, this time louder, masking a smile.

“
I’m…(grunt)…fulfilling…(squeal)…the fucking someone senseless…Fuck, this is good...portion of my fantasy,” Luke barely gets out.

My cheeks flush and I stifle my laughter. He really is a man
-whore.

“Well, wrap it up!”
I demand, giggling now.

“
God, shut up bitch and let the man fuck me!” the cashier shouts between moans.

If I didn’
t find this whole thing funny, I would beat her ass.

**********

“So…” Luke speaks, turning down the lyrical stylings of Hugo saying he’s got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. I have to say, I was afraid that he’d butcher this Jay-Z classic, but the man does his own unique thing here and I love it.

““So”
…what?” I ask, eyeing him.

Luke not only took it up on himself to pay for the dominatrix outfit – that I may never wear – but he bought me lunch. I gave him a slice of my mille-
feuille that he swore made him feel like coming, and now he is taking me home.

“So...that little breakdown earlier,” he mentions guardedly.

I groan, slamming my head back on the headrest. “Can we just forget about that little episode?”

“No. No we can’t,” he insists. “What happened?”

Sighing, I relent, knowing resistance is futile. “It was about Collin.”

“What about Collin?”

I turn to him in confusion. Didn’t the whole inner circle know by now? Strange.

“You tellin’ me that you don’t know what happened yesterday?”

“If I did, I don’t think I’d be asking questions.”

He does have a point. So I give him the short version. “Collin rejected me on Sunday morning, then, in the afternoon, I found out that he’s engaged.”

Luke winces and refuses to look at me.

“You knew about the engagement, didn’t you? Lemme guess, he’s been engaged all along,” I deduce.

He nods solemnly and I close my eyes, feeling the tears threaten. Stupid.

“You’re not stupid, South,” he admonishes. I gu
ess I said that out loud. And…

“That’s the first time you’ve used my name,” I state, my voice cracking a bit.

“Yeah, well, I think the moment calls for it, don’t you think?” He turns his mega-watt smile to me before turning back to the road, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

The silence hangs awkwardly between us, so I continue, to fill the silence.

“I’m in love with him.”

“I can tell,” he whispers.

“But he doesn’t love me back,” I groan.