Sound of the Tide (22 page)

It wasn’t exactly cheap, but the advantages of immeasurable grief and a deep identity crisis were that you locked yourself up for months without spending a dime. And so I treated myself to the lamp and felt awesome as I schlepped it across the market all the way to the parking lot. Jenna had taken charge of Amber’s stroller, and this time I was really glad to have the Ranger.

The best thing in the world if you ever need to transport something big turned out to be made for carrying my newest acquisition home.

I had just loaded the lamp onto the pickup and put Amber in her car seat when Jenna said good-bye. She had a date with Frank that night and needed the next few hours to get ready and make herself look pretty for him.

“You know, once you’re married he’s going to eventually see you without makeup anyway!” I called after her, but she just tapped her forehead in response.

I followed her with my eyes, grinning, and climbed into the truck. But when I went to start the engine, nothing happened. The truck gave a jolt, but it didn’t start, not even after the fourth attempt.

“Shit!”

Amber had fallen asleep with the new toy tank engine firmly in her tiny mouth and was now blissfully sucking at the bright-red wood. How could she sleep through all my cussing and wishing this rusty heap of junk would go to hell?

“Stupid piece of crap!” I hissed, and got out. I opened the hood, and half a second later wondered why I would even do such a thing—given that I didn’t know the first thing about cars.

With a furrowed brow I stared down at the various hoses, tanks, and wires and was none the wiser.

I looked at my watch. It was too early to ask Marcus to come out and help because the bookstore wouldn’t close for another hour or so, and I didn’t think I could keep Amber holding on for that long. She needed her diaper changed, and she would kick up a fuss when she woke up and demanded her bottle.

“Crap, crap, crappety crap!” I mumbled, and couldn’t help but scream when someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind.

“Hi!”

I spun around and clutched my hands to my heart.

“Jesus Christ, Ewan!” I gasped. “You scared me half to death!”

“Sorry about that, but you look like you could do with some help.”

He leaned over the engine, brushed his hair from his forehead, and smiled at me. I immediately started having a guilty conscience because I hadn’t been in touch since our screwed-up date.

“Oh, that I do!” I admitted, a little shamefaced. “I think I’m going to need help in more ways than one.”

“Well, as you are aware, I’m a doctor. So, you know, you can trust me!”

“And here I was thinking you were rather, hmm, inept when it came to mechanical things,” I said, reminding him what he’d said when he was trying to fire up my fireplace.

There was an amused twinkle in his eye, and it was almost as if our last encounter hadn’t gone horribly wrong.

“I only said you could trust me—not that I’d get your car running again. I’m only bending over the engine—is this even the engine? I wouldn’t know! Because I’m trying to impress you. And because I’m hoping you can find it in your heart to forgive me for catching you off guard if I spill motor oil or whatever this stuff is all over my best shirt—all right, all right, so maybe it’s not my best shirt.”

I laughed out loud and gently touched his arm.

“I forgive you, but only if you can forgive me for ditching you after tha
t . . .
wonderful evening together. It was just that—”

“Don’t worry about it! I didn’t mean to push you.”

“You didn’t.” I looked at him, a little sheepishly. “Should I have called?”

Ewan tilted his head to the side, and his warm, friendly eyes were melting my heart, as always.

“I would have loved for you to call me, but I understand why you didn’t. You should be proud, Piper, that you love beyond death. Not many people are capable of such deep feelings.”

He made it sound like a compliment, but his eyes were full of regret.

“So what do we do now?” I asked, unsure what exactly I meant by that. About
us
—or about our much more immediate trouble with the car?

“Now we are friends and we’ll just take it from there,” he suggested and held up a paper bag I hadn’t noticed until then. “Also, we’ll eat some donuts!”

I nodded solemnly.

“This all sounds wonderful to me! But what about this heap of scrap metal? I urgently need to get home.”

“I can give you a ride if you want to leave the truck here,” he suggested, and motioned down the street, where I saw his silver car parked.

I hesitated.

“That would be great, but I’m worried someone might steal my new lamp.”

Ewan shook his head. “Why do things always have a tendency to get complicated when you are around?”

He closed the hood and walked over to the pickup’s truck bed to fetch the lamp. He threw me the bag of donuts and pointed at Amber sleeping inside.

“Lamp, baby, anything else?”

I grabbed the car seat.

“Yeah, the stroller. Which I absolutely need. And the diaper bag!”

Ewan raised his eyebrows but didn’t seem to mind having his car loaded with all my cargo—on the contrary, he seemed to enjoy it.

I giggled as the two of us made our way down the street, laden like pack mules.

“A smaller lamp wouldn’t have done it?” Ewan asked as he tried—in vain—for the third time to stow my flea market find in his car. Amber was already buckled up, and the odds of fitting the stroller increased significantly when Ewan folded down one of the backseats.

“No, it
had
to be this one! Besides, I completely trust your abilities,” I exclaimed with utter conviction.

When he finally climbed into the driver’s seat, I pushed my sunglasses back down over my eyes and smiled. What modern heroes we were!

The evening created a magically golden twilight mood over Mellos Cove. My house was glowing in the light of the setting sun, and a slight breeze carried the fragrance of the sea up to us as we pulled into my driveway.

“I am so glad you came along. You totally saved me and Amber and my stylish new lamp!”

“Damn right I did! I am exhausted, and I can barely stand up straight! You’re going to have t
o . . .
tuck me in right away!”

He leaned against his car, making himself look slack and worn out, and I laughed.

“Not a chance, but maybe you want to come in for a drink? Before you collapse on me from dehydration? And maybe have a donut to help get back your strength? I could make us a cup of coffee, too,” I suggested and released Amber from her car seat.

Ewan gave me a wide grin.

“I love it when a plan comes together!”

“Listen, if and when I take my car to the auto repair shop, and if it turns out that you secretly messed with the truck just so you could come to my rescue—”

He thrust the bag of donuts into my hands and gave me a wink. “Then it’ll be too late to take this lovely evening away from me. Come on, before the coffee gets cold!”

“I haven’t made the coffee yet!”

Besides, I didn’t think anything
could
get cold with him being near. I, for one, was feeling quite hot.

“Well, hurry up, then!”

He grabbed the diaper bag and the lamp and pulled a face at Amber, causing her to respond with a laugh as bright and clear as a tiny bell.

I unlocked the door, and Ewan pretended to breathe a kiss on my cheek as he pushed past me into the living room. Our bodies touched, and I shook my head. He really was incorrigible. My guess was that he wasn’t one for giving up. Ever.

O
UT OF
S
IGHT,
O
UT OF
M
IND

July

T
wo weeks later, after the auto repair shop made some fruitless attempts at resuscitating the Ranger and then gave up, Marcus arrived with a cute red compact car. I fell in love with it instantly because it suited me so much better than the giant, heavy truck. However, I had to reluctantly admit that the new red car wasn’t the best thing in the world if you ever needed to transport something big. So, one point for Daniel, and in my mind I blew him a kiss.

Marcus insisted that I accept this small, pre-owned car as a gift, and this initially caused some heated debate between us. I didn’t want to accept a gift that size. It didn’t feel right, but Daniel’s parents were determined. They were well aware that I was the beneficiary of their son’s life insurance policy, and that I could have afforded to buy the car myself. But still, they flat-out refused to take any money from me.

And the worst part was that I was already feeling like a bloodsucking parasite because at this point my only source of income was Daniel’s life insurance payout anyway. At first, I really didn’t want to touch that, because it had seemed like blood money to me. As if someone had exchanged Daniel’s life for a fixed amount. This made me feel angry and helpless at the same time, because—no matter how hard it was to admit—I actually needed the money. The mortgage had to be paid and, while Amber was this little, I didn’t want to leave her to work at the hospital again. Fortunately, I didn’t need to worry about all that because, being a firefighter, Daniel had been well insured.

So in the end, I decided to cave in and accept Cat and Marcus’s gift.

They dropped off the car and took Amber with them, so I would have enough time to remove all traces of the previous owner. Wearing a pair of jean shorts and a tank top, I jumped right in and got started washing my new set of wheels, thoroughly vacuuming the interior, and spraying the seats with Wonder Clean Foam Cleaner, which promised to make the fabric look brand-new.

My lungs would probably look brand-new, too, I decided, given how hard I had to cough as I breathed in the fine spray mist.

While I let the wonder foam work its magic, I beat the dirt and dust out of the floor mats and even fixed the exterior with a bit of touch-up paint. It felt good to be doing something. When was the last time I had actually
done
something other than change diapers or load and unload the dishwasher?

Maybe I needed something else to do, besides taking care of Amber. But what?

I was still mulling this over in my head as I sat on the bench in front of my house, cup of coffee in hand, waiting for the car seats to dry.

The plan was to drive into town afterward and check the tire pressure. I wasn’t sure how, but I nevertheless decided to trust my God-given smarts as well as my ability to read the gas station’s operating instructions.

I could have asked Ewan, but he was stuck in the middle of a double shift at the hospital. My bet was that he would need to catch up on sleep after that.

Ever since he had driven me home after the flea market, things had gone back to normal between us. He flirted, I felt flattered and enjoyed his presence, but that was that. The more time I spent with him, the more certain I became of the fact that—while he was undeniably hot—I would never fall in love with him. And since I kept seeing different women come and go at his house, the status quo didn’t seem to trouble him too much either. Which made me feel safe and let me enjoy our time together—our time together as friends.

An hour later the car was in perfect fighting shape. The tire pressure was spot-on and, if a murder had ever been committed on the backseat, I had destroyed all the evidence for good. The car was microscopically clean!

This made me so happy that I opened the newspaper I had brought along and looked at the job listings. Maybe there was a job that I could do while taking care of Amber that would make me feel like I was part of society again.

With the paper under one arm and a cheese baguette in the other hand, I strolled down Main Street, when suddenly the town’s lead fire truck rolled past me. The driver, one of Daniel’s favorite work buddies, waved at me through the open window. Excited, I raised my arm and waved back. Then I recognized his codriver—and my heart stopped.

Kevin!

I looked after the fire truck and was completely confounded. I must be dreaming! Or was it maybe an optical illusion? Wishful thinking, perhaps?

I shook my head and closed my suddenly very dry mouth.

No, I wasn’t dreaming! And it hadn’t been an illusion either!

Feeling so angry and in utter disbelief, I stomped my foot and looked around in all directions. What now?

I ran to my car and wanted nothing more than to follow the damn fire truck, but I was too furious (and maybe too hurt) to think straight. One thing was for sure: it would be a mistake to do anything rash. I would make a lasting fool of myself in front of Daniel’s former colleagues if I made a scene just because Kevin hadn’t called me. And besides, I wasn’t exactly
entitled
to expect him to call me, now, was I? We weren’t even a couple! Jesus, maybe he had brought his movie date bimbo with him!

Was that the reason he was avoiding me? Or was there another reason he was here in Blue Hill without me knowing about it? Maybe he had just arrived? Maybe only this morning?

Exasperated, I slammed my hand down on the steering wheel. I needed exact details, right now, and if anyone could give me the information I wanted, it was Jenna. But Jenna was at work!

I hated to accept it, but I would need to hold off until later on tonight before I could do anything. And so I went to pick up Amber from Daniel’s parents, drove home, and left Jenna something like a thousand voice mails.

The day dragged on and on. Had all the clocks stopped working at the same time? At any rate, it seemed like their hands were suddenly frozen in place. Nervous and restless, I prowled through the house, played with Amber, fed her, and put her to bed, but with everything I did, all I could see was Kevin’s face before me.

My stomach hurt pretty badly from trying to repress my feelings of joy about his return. I was way too angry for happy and positive feelings!

Why hadn’t he waved back? Didn’t he see me? Did he maybe not
want
to see me? Why didn’t he want to see me?

This question and more were rolling around in my head as I showered, kneaded my curls into shape, and got dressed again. When I took a seat out on the back porch with a cold glass of juice in my hand, I still hadn’t found the answer.

Finally, the phone rang, and it was Jenna, who promised to drop by as quickly as she could even though she was supposed to be on a date with Frank.

Relieved, I hung up, but then stood by the window for the next twenty minutes or so, anxiously waiting for her. This was turning into one of the longest days of my life.

When Jenna arrived at long last, I was surprised to see that she had her beloved in tow. Things were getting serious between the two of them by the looks of it.

“Hi, Piper, you don’t mind that I’m bringing Frank along, do you? We have plans for later.”

“Of course not. I’m just glad you came. Hi, Frank!”

“Where’s Amber?” Jenna asked and scanned the room.

“I tucked her in already. Too much fresh air makes her insanely tired, and she was out and about with Daniel’s parents all day today.”

Frank sat down on the sofa, and with a nod Jenna motioned for me to follow her into the kitchen.

“We’ll be right back!” she chirped, and he nodded knowingly. He didn’t seem particularly keen to listen to girly talk.

“So? What’s going on? You blew up my mailbox!”

I waved my hand dismissively and got right down to it. “Kevin’s back!”

“I know. I ran into him at Franky’s. A week ago, I think—or was it the week before?”

“Jenna! You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t know. Maybe because Smokey said he’d stop by and say hi? So he didn’t stop by?”

“No! That’s just it! I saw him out on one of the fire trucks today, but he pretended like he didn’t see me. What gives?”

“Maybe he really didn’t see you,” Jenna suggested, staring at her nails, which looked as if she’d just had a manicure.

“Bullshit! He
had
to have seen me! And even if he didn’t, he could at least have called, or stopped by to say hi, like he told you he would.”

“Why are you so upset about this? Maybe he still will.”

“I’m not upset. I’m furious! That’s not how you treat your friends!”

Jenna gave me a piercing look, and I flinched and backed off.

“Are you really just angry? Seriously? So you are—if I may say so—overreacting ever so slightly, just because a
friend
failed to get in touch with you right away?”

Excuse me? What was she talking about? Since when did Jenna have a pseudo-PhD in pseudopsychology? And why was she trying to analyze me anyway? Wasn’t she the one who had relationship issues because of her issues with relationships?

“I don’t know what you mean! Of course I’m not just angry! I’m hurt, too, and disappointed,” I confessed, at the same time hoping she would stop digging her pointy fingernails into my emotionally overcharged mind.

“Here’s a question for you: How do you feel about Smokey?” she asked suddenly and quite matter-of-factly.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Jeez, Jenna! How would I know? You told me he was in love with me—and yet he left when I needed him most! I’m
disappointed
in him!”

“It may sound hard, Piper, but it was a good thing for both of you that he left. You can’t cling on to something you don’t really believe in. That would be unfair.”

“I can’t stop thinking about him, Jenna, but, I mean, he’s been gone for over six months. Maybe he spent the entire time with his movie date bimbo. Maybe that’s the reason he hasn’t been in touch with me. Are they still together? Do you know?”

Jenna shook her head.

“Movie date bimbo? Sorry, no. He was by himself when I saw him at the café. But that doesn’t really mean anything.”

I pressed my lips together and started pacing up and down the kitchen. I wanted to tear my hair out! Worst of all, I had no idea why I was so upset. I felt so confused that it made me nauseated and my head was spinning. Actually, a small part of me knew exactly why I was feeling like shit, but I chose to ignore it. Things you didn’t allow yourself to think or say out loud weren’t real, right? Right!

“So, what now?” I asked sheepishly, because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, given the state I was in.

“Why don’t you go see him?” Jenna suggested. “Then he can tell you himself. Frank and I can stay here with Amber.”

I nervously tapped my fingers on the kitchen table. Was this a good idea?

“I can’t just stop by for no reason,” I pointed out, vividly remembering the time I had no sane reason whatsoever to call him in the middle of the night. My ego wouldn’t be able to cope with another embarrassing incident like that.

Jenna nodded. “All right, fine, so you need a reason. Any ideas off the top of your head?”

I tried my absolute best to bring order into my jumbled thoughts, which were bouncing all over the place, just so I could find a solution to this problem that suddenly seemed so vitally important. It was like trying to untangle a whole plate of spaghetti!

“Ha!” I exclaimed after a while and jumped up, making my chair topple over in the process. “I got it! This might work!”

I spent at least five minutes staring at Kevin’s front door through the windshield before I took a deep breath and got out of my car.

Why had I come here?
Again and again I asked myself this in my head, while at the same time being afraid of the answer.

The sky was clear and full of stars as I made my way toward his house. His car was parked in the driveway, so he was probably home. Alone, hopefully. Quickly, before the last bit of my courage was gone, I pressed the doorbell and smoothed back my curls.