Soul Love (7 page)

‘Quite the sassy lady, aren’t you?’ he said and our eyes locked.

A horn sounded outside. Kai went to the window and waved. I could just make out the hunched figure of a young girl at the steering wheel, looking worried.

‘I’d love to stay and get to know you better, but I’m in a bit of a hurry.’ He left the room.

The upstairs floorboards creaked as he walked around opening and closing drawers and cupboards. I met him at the front door.

‘Any message for Sarah?’ I asked as he was on his way out.

‘Sarah and I don’t need formal conventions to communicate, but tell her I’ll be back for the Netherby Festival.’ As he was leaving, he leaned forward to kiss me on the
cheek.

I left Ava to her photos and went out into the garden for some gulps of fresh air. It was a warm, light evening. I’d been away from home for nearly three weeks. I stretched out my arms and
spun round in a great big circle. The air was hot and filled with tight gangs of insects. I felt a little crazed, affected by the mixture of emotions that swirled around inside me.

There was something about Kai that made my flesh creep. And there was something about Gabriel that made me feel awkward and unsure of myself.

What was it about Gabriel? He wasn’t the best-looking lad I’d ever seen. Jackson was more handsome than he was. Whenever I met Gabriel it was like an allergic reaction. I was itchy
and uncomfortable in my body. Feeling like this was way too much to handle on top of waiting for Mia to speak out.

As it was only half past eight and I couldn’t face an evening in the house with just Ava and the effect of Kai’s visit eating away at me, I decided to go and check out the youth
club.

‘Take the box of pom-poms, will you?’ Ava pushed the box at me. ‘Now, I’ll just see if Charlie or Freddie is around. He can escort you there.’ She marched out into
the back garden and yelled ‘Yoohoo!’ over the fence.

So, not only did I have to walk into a roomful of strangers carrying a box of pom-poms but I had to have an escort. Lucky for me Freddie was out, so it was Charlie who came to the door.

‘See that you bring Jenna home at a reasonable time,’ Ava called out as we set off down the lane. Charlie grinned.

‘I don’t know who she thinks she is ordering people around like that. Pay no attention to her,’ I said, bristling.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. ‘Ava’s all right. Just don’t let her anywhere near your hair. Everyone who goes in that shop comes out with the same bouffant hairdo.’

I laughed. ‘I know – I’ve seen Muriel and Gina.’

‘You were lucky to catch me. I should’ve left twenty minutes ago. Our band is playing at the youth club tonight.’

‘Anti-folk music, right?’ I said, trying to sound smarter than I felt.

‘What kind of music do you like, Jenna?’ Charlie asked.

It was one of those trick questions that boys are always asking. Fortunately I had an answer ready.

‘I have an eclectic taste in music,’ I said.

Charlie wasn’t for giving up. ‘OK, name the last CD that you bought.’

‘Howling Wolf,’ I replied. I’d bought it for my grandad’s birthday.

Charlie stopped dead in his tracks and nodded. ‘That’s cool,’ he said.

We’d just reached the front of the village hall. It was a redbrick building with mock Tudor black-and-white-painted beams on the front. The date 1902 was carved above the doorway and a
group of kids were hanging around by the entrance.

‘What’s your band called?’ I asked as a battered white van pulled up beside us.

‘Goats in a Spin,’ Charlie replied as the back door of the van opened and my Number-One Fan, Cleo, jumped out and scowled at me. The door to the driver’s seat opened, coming
between me and Cleo, and a pair of faded jeans and battered trainers came out. They were Gabriel’s.

‘Hi, Gabe,’ Charlie said. ‘You know Jenna.’

He looked at me and smiled for a split second, then his expression changed and he said, ‘Come on, Charlie, we’ve got fifteen minutes to set up.’ It was like he couldn’t
be bothered wasting his time talking to me.

So his friends called him Gabe. Gabriel probably sounded too . . . angelic.

‘Gabe plays the drums and Cleo sings a few songs from time to time,’ Charlie explained. I put on my most bored expression.

Cleo came over and said, ‘Still working in the bookshop for Soppy Sarah?’

‘Sarah is my aunt,’ I said, hoping that would embarrass her.

‘Worse luck,’ she replied. ‘Relatives always pay you peanuts.’

Gabe (as I now thought of him) deliberately bumped into her with the amp he was carrying. ‘Shut up, Cleo.’ He didn’t look at me.

She laughed like he’d said something incredibly amusing and flicked a speck of dust from his hair in the way that you can only do when you’re really close to someone.

I shook the pom-pom box and said, ‘I’d better go and deliver these.’

‘I’ll give you a hand.’ Charlie made a move for the box.

I pulled the other way. ‘I can manage, Charlie.’

He went on ahead regardless and made a big fuss of opening the doors for me.

‘Cleo is famous for her sharp tongue,’ he told me. ‘You get used to it after a while.’

I didn’t bother to reply. Mia would’ve dealt with Cleo with a put-down or a look. My tactic was not to be impressed by any of them. Apart from Charlie, they didn’t show any
interest in me so why should I care about them and their poxy band? It wasn’t as if they were friends of mine. And boys were off my radar at the moment.

I bought myself a packet of slightly out-of-date crisps from the vicar and sat down at the back of the hall as far away from where the band was setting up as I could get.

After a lot of faffing around with cables and endless sound checks they began to play. Charlie was the lead singer. Charlie and Freddie both played guitars whilst Gabe played drums. Cleo joined
in with the others with the singing.

A gaggle of kids formed round the front. I stayed obstinately at the back and listened. Freddie had problems keeping time, but there was something edgy about them. The lyrics weren’t bad
either. They all took turns singing. Charlie had a soft, soulful singing voice.

I tried not to look at Gabe too much, but when I did he was playing with a frantic nervous energy. His chest tightened as he punched the beat with strained arms that seemed to move randomly.
Sweat made his hair curl round his neck. His eyes were closed and he was totally absorbed in making music.

It took a couple of songs for my ears to adjust to their sound, but my body moved to the rhythm and my heart responded to the lyrics. Goats in a Spin were good. Part of me wanted to rush over
and cheer, but another part felt awkward and shy and held me back.

At the end, Charlie came over and handed me a plastic cup of orange squash. I hate orange squash, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I took a sip and tried not to screw my face
up.

‘You don’t like it? Shall I get you a can of Coke?’ Charlie said, looking a little hurt by my reaction.

I took a deep breath and was about to say ‘You were good’ when Freddie came over.

‘No, I bet the lady prefers Cristal.’

‘And what is Cristal?’ I asked him. My voice sounded harsher than I’d meant it to.

‘Er . . . er, a very expensive drink,’ Freddie floundered.

I floundered too as I started to say ‘You were good’ again, but before I could get the words out, another voice cut in.

‘It’s champagne,’ Gabe explained. They probably drink it every day at his house!

Charlie turned to me and said, ‘If you wait till we’ve packed up we can give you a lift home. We’re getting some chips on the way back too.’ I nodded gratefully at
Charlie.

‘We could pick up some doughnuts for you,’ Gabe said and everybody laughed.

Cleo imitated Aurora’s plummy voice, ‘Go Jenna, go Jenna!’

Everybody laughed. My face felt scorched with embarrassment.

‘No thanks. I’ve got to go home and do something . . . I’ve got to change the cat litter tray.’

I marched straight out of the door. I wasn’t going to be laughed at for a moment longer.

Chapter Twelve

I
t was like that old horror story about a man with two personalities,
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
. One of them is
nice and the other is a murderous monster. That how I felt at that moment. Only I didn’t need to swallow any potion to change. All it took for my personality to wobble was to see Gabe.

What I really wanted now was a good chat with Mum. We used to talk for hours on end about anything and everything. I imagined her and Marcus screaming with joy on a roller-coaster. All Mum and I
seemed to do now was have rows or not speak to each other at all. I was getting really good at that; keeping my feelings all bottled up until they exploded into tears.

I went straight upstairs, hurled myself on my pillow and sobbed my heart out. If you asked me to explain why, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. It had something to do with my feelings
getting too big for my body again and a lot to do with being made to feel a fool in front of people.

What was it about me, anyway? I just didn’t seem to be able to fit in anywhere. I was hopeless at school and Mia’s friendship always made me feel inadequate like I was never quite
good enough. I wanted to be able to stand up for myself but I didn’t know what I wanted to make a stand about!

A light tapping noise at the window startled me. As I pulled back the curtain and squinted out of the window I had to duck the next stone that was flying towards the window.

A voice whispered, ‘Have you finished changing the cat litter tray yet?’

‘Yes,’ I hissed back and as I leaned out of the window I smiled at my answer to Gabe’s question, feeling like an absurd Juliet.

‘Come for a walk with me. It’s a beautiful evening. I’ll wait for you at the front.’ He leaped back over the wooden fence.

My first instinct had been not to go, but since when had my first instincts got me anywhere? So I splashed my face with cold water, pulled on my clothes, took a deep breath and went outside.

Gabe was sitting on an old stone wall opposite the house. There was a faint thud of music coming from Charlie’s place. Gabe’s legs twitched in time to the music.

We headed off down the lane in silence for a bit, then Gabe said, ‘Sorry for the cheap doughnut jokes. I will never mention the “d” word again. Though, I have to say that I am
truly impressed by your ability in that department.’

I noticed how soft and warm the tone of his voice was despite the well-rounded vowels.

‘Sorry for my “changing the cat litter tray” put-down,’ I replied.

Gabe laughed. ‘That was funny – and so quick. I usually only think of things like that to say afterwards.’

‘Me too, usually.’

It was a beautiful warm evening with a half-moon in the sky.

‘Where I live it’s never dark or quiet,’ I said.

‘I go to college there. Do you miss London?’ Gabe asked as he sat down under a tree. I stayed standing, but leaned against the trunk.

‘I’m not sure if I miss it exactly. It’s just the people there. They seem more real when you’ve left them behind. Or maybe it’s just that you can understand your
own feelings about them better from a distance.’

Gabe leaned back on the other side of the tree trunk.

‘And what are your feelings about the people you’ve left behind?’

‘Mixed. Sometimes I miss them but mostly I feel relieved to be away from them for a while. It gives me some space to think,’ I said as I became aware of the tip of Gabe’s elbow
touching mine.

I moved my arm away slowly and stroked the bark.

‘What is anti-folk music? I am sick of pretending that I have any idea what it is,’ I said, laughing.

Gabe grinned. ‘It’s easier to tell you what it isn’t. It’s a reaction to manufactured pop music.’

I nodded. ‘All those boy and girl bands and reality contest stuff. It is getting pretty boring.’

‘That stuff is so phoney. They’re told what to wear, how to sing in a certain way, what to say in interviews. Like they haven’t got any opinions of their own. No one sings
about anything that really matters.’ He looked down at his watch and grabbed my arm. ‘Come on, run! We can just make it.’

‘No way am I . . .’ I started to say before I was pulled along.

We raced down a hill, across a field and down through a graveyard. We stopped next to the churchyard. My lungs were bursting and my heart was banging on my chest to be let out.

Gabe put his arm around me as the bells from the church tower began to ring out. We counted twelve muffled rings.

‘Is there somebody in there?’ I asked, still catching my breath.

‘The vicar has to sit there all through the night and ring the bell.’

‘You are kidding me!’ I said. Then I looked at the expression on Gabe’s face.

He laughed. ‘Urban urchin.’

‘Country bumpkin.’

‘Mall rat.’

‘Tree hugger.’

‘Jenna hugger.’ Gabe drew closer and hugged me tight. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. We didn’t speak or move for a long time.

‘Jenna.’ His voice sounded serious.

‘Gabe.’ I echoed his tone.

He laughed. ‘Let’s do this again tomorrow night. But let’s not tell anyone. It’ll be like our time together. When the others are around, things get complicated.
I’ll meet you by the wall at nine.’

‘I’ll see if I can make it,’ I said casually, knowing that whatever happened I would be there tomorrow night.

Gabe took hold of my hand and we walked back to Sarah’s in silence.

‘See you tomorrow,’ he said when we got to the door.

Sarah came back early the next morning. After she had made a huge fuss of Tallulah, she turned to me. ‘Sorry to leave you. I just needed to get away.’

‘I thought you were buying some books.’

Sarah looked a bit sheepish. ‘Oh yes, I did manage to pick up some. Were you all right?’

‘Ava cooked me some great food. I went to the youth club and Aurora invited me for tea today . . . and Kai came back.’

Sarah’s face flickered with hope, so I added quickly, ‘To collect some of his stuff.’

‘Did he leave a message?’ Sarah said weakly.