Soul Love (21 page)

I slammed the door shut on my way out.

Chapter Forty-One

I
stomped blindly out of the caravan. How could Sarah be so stupid as to fall for Kai’s lines? How could she
gloss over the ‘small matter’ of a baby?

I didn’t see Ava until it was too late and I’d bumped into her.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to knock you over.’

She patted her hairdo back into place. ‘That’s all right, dear. I was just taking some lemon drizzle cake to Julius. He forgets to eat, you know.’

Ava gripped my arm and studied me for a moment. ‘But who’s rained on your parade? Had a tiff with lover boy?’ she said and winked.

‘Just bumped into Kai and Sarah, if you must know.’

‘So they have kissed and made up. I love a happy ending. Will you be wanting those records back, then?’ she cooed.

‘I know at least two people who won’t think that this is a happy ending.’

I told her all about Emma and the baby she was expecting. Ava went pale and crumpled a little. She leaned against a tree for support.

I felt terrible. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just feeling so angry. I didn’t think about how you might react.’

Ava smiled. ‘I’m not shocked. It just brought some painful memories flooding back, that’s all.’

She was shaking.

‘I’m sorry, Ava. Can I help?’

‘You’re forty-four years too late to help me out . . . Sixteen years old . . . I can still see myself so clearly. Thought I knew it all. Didn’t know enough to stop myself
getting pregnant, did I? It was a big deal in those days. I’m sure the boy would have stood by me, but he was off to university. Had big dreams to become a writer. I was just a summer fling
to him. My parents could’ve disowned me, but they packed me off to a mother-and-baby hostel, where I got to hold my son for ten minutes before they took him away from me.’ She wiped her
eye. ‘It was for the best. I couldn’t afford to keep him. A family adopted him and I had to carry on with my hairdressing apprenticeship. It wasn’t done to keep in touch in those
days.’

She pulled out a crumpled tissue from the sleeve of her cardigan and blew loudly. I hugged her. She hugged me back.

‘Now, about those records. Didn’t you say they’re worth a lot of money?’

I nodded. ‘Gabe said they were extremely rare.’ I loved just saying his name.

‘I’ll see they get passed on to the right person,’ Ava said.

By the time I got back to the tent, the rehearsal had started. Charlie was busy working himself up into a state of nervous tension. Gabe was trying his best to improvise a set of drums on a
tabletop.

Cleo was huddled in a corner, looking miserable. Freddie had written out a play list that was passed around.

Charlie announced, ‘There’s been another development. We couldn’t find you or Gabe last night to tell you. Lyle Hasslett, the lead singer from the Stale Pumpkins, has decided
to make an appearance at the festival after all, so we have been cut to three songs.’

‘That’s not in the spirit of anti-folk, is it?’ I asked.

‘It’s not his fault. It’s his PR people. They think he can be a crossover act,’ Charlie said quickly.

‘Sounds painful,’ I joked.

Freddie giggled.

Charlie frowned. ‘It means that we’ve had to cut a few songs, including “Because the Night”.’

I felt a huge pang of disappointment. Suddenly I became aware of everybody’s eyes on me waiting for a reaction.

I covered my face. ‘Stop looking at me! I’ll get over it.’

Gabe laughed. ‘Call yourself a diva? You should have thrown a hissy-fit by now.’

I gave an exaggerated shrug. ‘It’s only the Netherby Festival, the largest showcase of alternative music in the country. No
problemo
.’ Then I began to fake a screaming
fit. Even Cleo had to smile. That had to be worth something.

There were a few hours to go before the performance and I badly needed to come into contact with some hot water. I also needed to check up on Mum and Marcus. So I took off back to the
cottage.

It turned out that Marcus really was sick. He was running a temperature, so Mum had decided to phone for a doctor. He was asleep when I got back.

‘Marcus has got chicken pox,’ Mum said. ‘He’ll be sick for a couple of weeks and then he’ll be fine.’

It felt weird being alone with Mum in Sarah’s place. Mum belonged in a tidy clutter-free kitchen with a stocked fridge. It was strange watching her drink tea from a chipped mug that in our
house would have been smashed and used to line plant pots weeks ago.

‘I’ve missed having you around the place,’ Mum said.

‘No one to moan at,’ I said, rolling my eyes.

‘No one to drain my wallet or complain about my cooking.’

‘After staying with Sarah, I’ll never do
that
again. There’s only so many things you can do with a tin of tuna.’

Mum laughed. ‘She always was a terrible cook.’

‘You do know that Kai has come crawling back to her.’

I told her what I had witnessed in the caravan.

‘If it makes Sarah happy, then I’m not going to criticise.’ Mum fixed me with one of her stares. ‘Besides, she’s worked wonders with you.’

‘You mean I’m speaking again.’ I stuck my tongue out.

‘You look different, seem more confident. I can’t explain it. I suppose you’ve grown up a bit.’

I took a deep breath. I was dying to tell her all about my summer and about Gabe. But I knew that it wasn’t the right time.

‘I’d like to make a fresh start here, Mum. There’s a great local school and I will be sixteen in September. I can work in the bookshop or at the café. If Kai won’t
let me stay here, then I’m sure I could find a cheap flat. I’ve got lots of friends around here that will look out for me . . . Please.’

Mum took lots of sips from her tea before she said, ‘Are you sure you won’t get homesick? I had arranged a place for you at another school in London.’

‘Of course I will, but you and Marcus can visit lots and I can come up to London. I know that I can make a go of things here.’

‘I’ll give it some serious thought, but I need you to be honest with me about that credit card business.’

So I was. It seemed so inconsequential to me now. I even told her about Rebecca and the ring and I told her about what Lord Netherby had done.

Mum leaped up from her chair. ‘I’m going to get on that phone and make Mrs Kelly take you back.’

‘Don’t do that, Mum. Like I said, I’m not sure I want to go back there anyway.’

I let Mum seethe for a while and groan on about how bad everyone at the school had made her feel and how sorry they were going to be. She finished off her tea and slammed the mug down on the
table, saying, ‘I always thought that Mia would be at the bottom of it.’

‘So don’t send me to a school that is populated by Mias, then! I don’t want to go back to a place that’s obsessed with exam results and where I have to feel so grateful
for being allowed into in the first place, because I’m not quite rich or clever enough. I want to go to a place that values me and my strengths.’

Mum stared at me for a long time before saying in a soft voice, ‘Wow! You really have grown up.’

‘Don’t be fooled. I’d still kill for chocolate.’ I started to sing our ‘Must Have Chocolate Now’ song.

Mum laughed and took out a large bar from her handbag. We polished it off between us before it was time to start getting ready for the performance.

I soaked in the bath for a long time. I wanted to feel good for tonight.

If only I’d known then how fast things were unravelling as I lay soaking and dreaming.

Chapter Forty-Two

M
y head was buzzing with the excitement and my stomach churned with nerves. The reality of performing at the
festival was starting to bite, even though I was only singing back-up now. I spent ages drying my hair and going over the songs in my head. Mum had washed the Patti Smith T-shirt. I put it on
carefully.

When I came downstairs, Gabe was in the lounge. Tallulah was sitting on his lap. There was something about the expression on his face that bothered me. He was trying too hard to look as if
nothing was the matter.

‘Mum didn’t say that you were here,’ I said, frowning.

‘She’s upstairs with Marcus. I said I’d wait until you were ready. You look great.’

‘Gabe, what is it?’

Tallulah jumped from his lap and hid under the sofa.

Gabe took me in his arms and said, ‘It’s Cleo. She’s really sick. After you left she collapsed. We had to call an ambulance.’

‘What is it?’

‘They’re not sure, but her immune system is shot to pieces. Turns out that she hadn’t been taking her meds on time. She’s got a raging temperature and is really sick.
Later tonight, when she’s stable, they’re probably going to transfer her to a London hospital.’

I remembered about Marcus.

‘Gabe, get out of this house now! Go.’ I pushed him out of the door. We walked across the road to the space by the wall where Gabe always waited for me.

‘It’s Marcus. He’s got chicken pox. Cleo spent a lot of time with him the other day,’ I explained.

Gabe’s eyes narrowed. ‘That can be really nasty. I’m going to go up to London after the gig tonight.’

‘I’ll come with you. It’ll be all right, I’ve had chicken pox.’ I touched his arm.

Gabe pulled away from me. ‘No, Jenna.’

‘I’ll come up tomorrow, then,’ I said. Gabe’s coldness was frightening me.

Gabe said slowly, ‘I want you to stay away.’

‘I won’t get in the way. We can meet up for coffee after you’ve checked up on Cleo.’

‘No way, Jenna. This has got to stop now.’

Then the meaning of his words hit me. ‘So last night was a joke, was it?’ Hot tears filled my eyes.

Gabe said nothing.

‘Speak to me!’ I screeched.

‘I meant everything I said last night . . .’

‘Why do I feel that there is a “but” coming?’

‘Don’t make things any harder than they already are, Jenna.’

‘I’ll make things as hard as I can to make you stay.’

‘You’re sounding like Sarah now. Trying to cling on.’

‘That was below the belt, Gabe,’ I whispered as I leaned against the wall for support. ‘Hit me in my stomach as well as my heart.’

Gabe turned away and began to pace around in small, agitated circles.

‘I’ve never felt this way about a person before, Jenna. You’re special to me. We sort of fit together. That’s how it feels to me.’

‘Gabe, I feel it too.’

‘Cleo needs me more than you do right now.’

‘But we can’t be apart.’

‘Cleo has nobody. Her mum and dad are gone. Everyone else in her family had rejected her apart from one cousin who lets her stay with her out of “duty” and so long as she never
tells anyone about her HIV status. I promised Mum that I’d always look out for Cleo. She has always looked out for me.’

‘What about the group that you go to? Can’t they help her?’

‘It’s a lifeline for both of us. Somewhere we go where we don’t have to check ourselves every five minutes. Where people understand. But it’s not enough.’

‘I understand.’

‘You try, Jenna.’

‘I’m trying now. I really am. I’m not asking you to stop being friends with Cleo.’

‘I need to put Cleo first in my life at the moment. It’s the right thing to do. This isn’t a game. Her health depends on it.’

‘So we have to stop seeing each other? It doesn’t make sense.’

‘We need to be apart. There are things I have to do . . .’

I swallowed. Gabe had to stand by Cleo and keep his promises to his Mum and Cleo’s. Even though he didn’t love Cleo in the same way, he still had to be there for her. She needed him
more. I swallowed again. Deep down I knew that what he was saying was right.

It hurt so much to think about it . . .

My brain whizzed, searching for ways round this.

‘How long? A few days, weeks or what?’

‘We can’t tie ourselves down with false promises.’ Gabe’s voice cracked.

‘Can we stay in touch?’ I felt all fierce inside like a wild animal fighting to the death to save her cub. If only I could write and e-mail Gabe, then I knew that I could win him
over.

‘Cleo has to believe that it is over between us. Otherwise she wouldn’t let me look after her. She needs me.’

‘I
need you too,’ I whimpered.

‘No, you don’t.’ Gabe looked away. ‘You can’t need me. This is too difficult for me to handle. I’ve been selfish, Jenna. You have to make your own way in the
world. Besides, it’s not just about Cleo.’

‘So you’re using her illness as an excuse, then?’ I flared up.

‘No, but Cleo falling sick has made me think again about us. It’s not fair on you, Jenna.’

‘I’m a big girl and I want to be with you. You’ve explained some of the risks and I can learn more as we go along. I love you.’ I grabbed his face with my hand and turned
it towards me.

He looked away. ‘It’s because I love you, Jenna, that I can’t see you for a while. I don’t want you to have to deal with it if I get really sick. You’re too young.
You need some breathing space. I’m not sure if I’m ready to deal with a relationship. The closeness frightens me. The thought of what might happen . . .’

‘So, you’re walking out on me.’

‘I’m going to Italy with Cleo. Dad’s cousin has a villa there and I think the climate will help her. I was thinking about doing this before I met you.’ Gabe’s voice
was cold and firm.

‘I couldn’t bear not to have any contact with you for all that time,’ I said. ‘It hurts even to think about it.’

‘Every year on the Saturday of the August bank holiday at ten p.m., look up at the sky. Cassiopeia should be there in the north. I will do the same.’

The pain of losing Gabe was so unbearable that all I could say was, ‘See you, then,’ and I marched back into the cottage without looking back. There was nothing that I could do or
say that could change the situation.

I spent the next hour in my bedroom crying my eyes out.

Mum left me well alone.

The crying wore me out and numbed the pain for a while. Was this Gabe’s way of dumping me? Telling me that we could have to wait years. He might not be alive in two or three years’
time . . .