Soul and Shadow (20 page)

"
I thought he was the one who poisoned me,
"
I said.
"
I didn
'
t know—
"

Kent slipped an arm around me, and our heads rested together.
"
Our mothers surprised us both,
"
he said with typical British understatement.

"
What did Ursula say?
"
I questioned him.
"
It must have been a terrible blow to her.
"

"
Do you know, I don
'
t believe she was really surprised.
"
Kent
'
s voice took on a reflective tone.
"
I tried to go about it delicately, asking if she
'
d noticed things missing from the tomb.
'
Something was always missing,
'
she said.
'
In those days, it was often the officials who took items, so what could one say? They belonged to Egypt, after all.
'
So I pressed further to see if she could name any in particular.
"

He paused, gathering his thoughts.
"
She told me of an ivory scarab with an inscription on it. When she saw the look on my face, she demanded to know why I was asking.
'
Lily has seen that in Peter Briggs
'
office,
'
I told her. She was quiet for a while. Then she started talking about Mum.
"

"
What did she say?
"

"
She never said a bad word about Mum while I was growing up. She let me keep the fantasy of glamorous parents who were so important that the world needed them. The truth was that both were shallow people who needed excitement to feel alive. Regular jobs, a permanent home, raising children, those things weren
'
t exciting.
"

"
I can
'
t imagine,
"
I said.

"
They were always chasing the bright lights. Gram quite calmly stated that Mum must have stolen the figures and given them to Peter Briggs because she was jealous that the excavation took so much of Gram
'
s time and attention.
'
I did try to be a good mother,
'
she told me,
'
but somehow I failed. I got a second chance with you boys. Now you
'
re grown up, and all I have to be preoccupied with is the ghost of an ancient Egyptian girl.
'"

"
Poor Ursula.
"

"
It was gutting to see her look so sad. Of course, I told her that she hadn
'
t failed, that Mum was responsible for her own choices. And I believe that. Remember, Lily? Guilt is the cruelest emotion. And the most self-indulgent.
"

I knew he was pointing this out to me too.
"
So Ursula and Philip agreed that you should confront Briggs?
"

"
All of us want to be free from the past,
"
Kent replied.
"
And he couldn
'
t be allowed to get away with treating you as he did. No blackmail. Of course, it
'
s going to have to be proved that he possesses stolen antiquities. He
'
s hidden them somewhere and he won
'
t admit it. There
'
s an unholy mess ahead. But I know we did the right thing. As long as you
'
re well, everything else will sort itself out.
"

An unholy mess. Yes, that was an apt description.
Would it ever be sorted out?
I wondered wearily. Tears began leaking from my eyes.
"
Oh, Kent,
"
I moaned,
"
what am I going to do about my mother?
"

He held me as best he could in the awkward hospital bed.
"
You
'
re going to realize that she is a sick woman, help her get treatment, and keep on loving her even through your anger, I expect,
"
he said.

Somehow, he made it possible to mourn without feeling crushed by the emotion. I knew he was mourning too, and our grief flowed together. A nurse came in, looked, and had the decency to go away. All the time, the noise of the cartoons droned on incongruously in the background.

Chapter Twenty-Three

That evening, I received a call from Dame Ursula. I thanked her for the huge bouquet of gorgeous flowers she had sent and answered her solicitous questions concerning my health. I was wondering uneasily whether I should mention Peter Briggs when Ursula, in her usual forthright manner, solved the dilemma for me.

"
I don
'
t want you to berate yourself in any way, Lily,
"
she said.
"
You were an innocent party in an old, sad drama.
"

"
But,
"
I protested,
"
if it wasn
'
t for me, none of this would be happening.
"

"
And you think that would be a good thing?
"
Ursula asked gently.
"
My dear, I have always been aware of my daughter
'
s faults. Understand, she was not a bad person. She just lived in the moment and never really considered the consequences.
"

"
Some people never do,
"
I said, thinking of my mother.

"
My daughter was very young and head over heels in love with Peter Briggs. I think it was a desire to impress him that triggered her actions as much as a rebellion against me. I believe the theft was her only true crime. For the rest, being an absentee mother was the worst of it. It saddens me to think what joy she missed, not spending more time with Philip and Kent. But nothing can touch her now. And it
'
s right that Peter should be taken to account for his actions.
"

"
Yes, he should,
"
I said.
"
Who knows what else he has withheld from the world?
"

"
Hoarding knowledge for personal gain is a very great sin in archaeology. Clearly, he has no scruples. Even if he cannot be convicted of theft, it should be known that he has done this. He has no right to be teaching others when he is such a bad example.
"

Her words made sense, but I still wasn
'
t satisfied.
"
I hate it that your family will have to deal with the fall-out, though. It
'
s bad enough that Philip
'
s wife is causing trouble, without the scandal of the tomb being raked up.
"

"
Do you know, Lily, it
'
s actually a relief to me that Philip is facing down that dreadful woman at last. No matter what ridiculous stories she tells the press or what kinds of scenes she makes, he won
'
t be beholden to her any longer. I won
'
t pretend I
'
ll welcome the publicity, but I
'
m tougher than those sweet boys give me credit for.
"

I smiled.
"
You sure are.
"

"
My career has been long and fulfilling and no one can take that away from me. I believe my work speaks for itself. I hope no one will hold their mother
'
s mistakes against Kent or Philip. But I know that they feel this has to be faced. Then they will be free to move on. We all have to do what we feel is right, dear. If we do that, and care for each other, I think at the end of the day we may not judge ourselves too harshly.
"

I thought of these words later as I lay watching the city lights outside my window. I had been able to eat some dinner and drink enough that the IV was gone from my arm. Although I was exhausted, my mind seemed to be working with unusual clarity. To do what was right and not merely what made us happy was the ultimate test of character.

I reflected on Ursula, Kent and Stephen. I considered my mother, even though the pain was still so raw that I had to force my mind not to shy away. I would be well soon and it would be up to me to take care of her. Forgiveness might be a long way off, but she needed me.

Kent was right. I would love my mother through my anger. And I had to consider what kind of affect Kent
'
s presence in my life would have on her recovery. Also, if it was fair to have Stephen so involved with that recovery.

I would have to make important decisions soon, especially regarding my work. How would my position change now? All I knew was that things would be very different.

Would I be finishing my degree on schedule or concentrating more on my art? Whatever happened, my story was just beginning.

But there was someone else whose story had nearly ended. I closed my eyes and thought of Amisihathor. Her voice had become so familiar in my head I believed that I could conjure it up. I summoned the peace I had felt in my last dreams, the beauty and warmth of my father
'
s presence, and the blue flower I had so longed to touch. I felt my consciousness altering. My body grew light and then I was standing once again before the green pool in the beautiful garden.
"
Amisihathor,
"
I called.
"
Are you there? Can you hear me?
"

A breeze blew past my face. I heard a footfall and turned around. A young woman in a blue cotton gown and golden sandals was coming towards me. She was wearing the lotus necklace and had a cylinder clutched in her hand, its leather cord twisted in her fingers. Her expressive face was so lovely and sad that it wounded me. I hugged her tightly.
"
Do not grieve, sister,
"
I said.
"
You were always true to your heart. You loved deeply and never willingly hurt anyone. Why should you not be forgiven?
"

Her body quivered.
"
I have not found peace. I cannot come before Osiris. I cannot find the way.
"

I stroked her silky hair.
"
That is because you have not let go. There was so much pain, I know. It was hard for you. I understand. But it is time now to let go of the pain. It is not your fault that Kamenwati made the wrong choices. The evil in his heart was not yours. You shared only love with him and that was a beautiful thing. But it is a gift he is no longer worthy to receive.
"

She sighed and I released her, saying,
"
You performed maat by warning Kahotep. That man is worthy and he loves you as you deserve to be loved. He is waiting to take you to the Field of Reeds. Raise your head, look, and you will see him.
"

She glanced up with nervous hope. We saw him at the same time, and I heard her gasp of joy. I smiled as the priest approached.
"
Go,
"
I said.
"
You will pass safely through the Underworld and into the Beautiful West. Live in peace for eternity.
"

She went to Kahotep, who embraced her.
"
Amisi,
"
he said, caressing her face.
"
Do not spend eternity suffering for the mistakes of your husband. He fled with his life. Where he wanders now, I do not know. But for you, I prepared a place with all honors. Everything was done to see you safely on your way. I called you wife in name, for so you are in my heart. Will you walk beside me? Will you come with me now?
"

"
I will.
"
Her voice was quiet and calm.
"
I am ready, my love. For the storm is over, is it not?
"

He rested his forehead against hers.
"
Yes, Amisi. The storm is over.
"

Hand in hand, they began to walk away, but not before they looked back at me. The radiant happiness on their faces brought tears to my eyes. Kahotep made a sign of blessing and Amisihathor smiled. Then they were beyond my vision, and the whole scene faded away.

I took a deep breath, becoming aware of the room again, and felt the dampness on my cheeks. I had a deep sense of peace. Amisihathor was safe at last. I lay letting the calm wash over me and realized that my most important decisions had been made. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was half-past three. Eight-thirty a.m. in England and Ursula was an early riser. I placed the call that would complete the chain of events that she had started.

"
Ursula,
"
I said when she answered.
"
It
'
s Lily. Are you busy? Good. Then sit down, and I
'
ll tell you a story.
"