Sophie's Heart (23 page)

“Downstairs, Mr. Riley?”

“No, this is fine. The kids and I are not going to be around tomorrow, so you’ve no need to come down to work.”

“All right. Would you like I fix food to leave here for you?”

“No, thank you, Sophie. The kids and I will fend for ourselves. We probably won’t be here that much, and if we are, we’ll put something together.”

“Very well, Mr. Riley. I should come down for work the next day?”

“Yes, please, Sophie. And thank you for being so flexible.”

Sophie worked on
flexible
while she finished in the hall and moved into Tory’s room. She was not distracted from that word until she spotted the calendar Tory had put on her small desk. In very small print on the square for October 12, Sophie read,
Mom gone one year
.

Tomorrow was October 12. Suddenly Sophie couldn’t see the dust in the room or the unmade bed. All she could see were three lonely children and a young widower. With her dust rag still in her grasp, she sank onto the edge of the bed and cried as she began to pray.

“I didn’t tell my teacher that I wouldn’t be there today,” Craig admitted over the breakfast table. The four of them had slept in and were now in a restaurant in Madison. It was already halfway between breakfast and lunch, so their meals were varied. Craig had opted for a hamburger while the girls had omelets. Alec, whose stomach was tense, had juice and a muffin.

“You told your teacher, didn’t you, Tory?”

“Yes. She asked me why, but someone interrupted us and I didn’t have to answer.”

“You could have told her if you wanted to,” Alec said gently.

“I didn’t want to,” Tory told him, and Alec knew this was the very reason Craig had kept silent.

“It’ll be fine,” he assured them.

“Where are we going next?” Rita now broached, knowing they were going to be out the entire day.

“To a florist and then to the cemetery.”

The kids had all guessed as much, but were too reticent about asking.

“I take it you’ve been talking to Sophie?” Rita finally commented.

“About?” Alec’s brows had gone in the air.

“About visiting Mom’s grave. She told us about the way she used to do that for her own mother.”

Alec shook his head. “We haven’t discussed it. It was your Uncle David who gave me the idea. He said your Aunt Janet talked about coming up, but the day wasn’t going to work. I got to thinking about it then and decided that’s what we should do. I think it’s good to remember, even if it hurts.”

Alec’s words so echoed Sophie’s that Rita and Tory shared a glance. It was good to be with their father, but suddenly both girls wished that Sophie was along as well. Their meals were delivered a moment later, and all talk stopped for a time.

“Flowers or a plant?” was Alec’s question an hour later. They were in a large florist shop, and Alec noticed immediately that his children looked rather lost. It smelled wonderful inside, but there were so many choices that no one seemed capable of making a decision. Tory fingered the leaf of a large potted plant and said, “Mom wasn’t very good with plants.”

“No,” Craig admitted, too, “but she liked flowers. Let’s go that way.”

It was at that moment that Rita spotted it. Hanging from the ceiling was a large flowering plant in a basket. She stepped forward and touched it. To her surprise it was silk, and she knew it was the perfect choice.

“I can’t stand the thought that a plant or flower would sit on the grave and just die. Let’s take this to Mom and then home with us. We could hang it on that empty hook in the family room. I think it would be a nice reminder.”

All eyes were looking upward. The basket was large and the plant was a lush green with beautiful purple flowers along the stems.

“That’s a great idea, Rita,” her father encouraged and watched as Craig reached to take it down.

He’s getting so tall
was all Alec could think in the moment before he was offered the plant. Alec made a swift decision and did not remove the gift from Craig’s fingers. He reached for and examined the price tag, and then pulled his wallet from his front jean pocket. He passed some bills into Craig’s hand. There was a slight hesitation on the young man’s part, but then Alec stood with the girls while his son handled the transaction.

They were back in the van just minutes later, and the drive to the cemetery was made in silence. The children had not been here since they’d buried their mother, but they were in for a surprise—one that Alec was barely prepared to handle.

“I’ll carry it,” Craig offered as soon as they parked when he saw Rita reaching for the plant. She let him have it, and the two dozen yards they walked to reach the grave were covered in silent strides.

Tears immediately came to Tory’s eyes when she saw her mother’s name. However, Rita could only see the potted plant that sat neglected and dying near the headstone.

“Have you been here before, Dad?”

“Yes, Rita,” he answered quietly, now seeing how it must look. He stared back at his oldest daughter, the hurt on her face almost more than he could bear.

“When?” she whispered.

“The last time was about two months ago,” Alec confessed, before glancing at Craig. He seemed to be in shock as well.

“Why did you never bring us?” Rita demanded.

Alec shrugged helplessly, asking himself that same question. “It was never planned, Rita. I would just suddenly decide to come. You kids were always in school and I—”

“So you never came on a Saturday?” She was really angry now.

“Yes, I did,” Alec had to admit, “but it just never occurred to me.”

He stopped talking when Rita turned away, tears pouring down her face. She was angry with her father, but she was also angry with herself. Why hadn’t it ever occurred to her to come here? She could have asked. She could have driven herself to the cemetery for that matter, but the only place she had ever wanted to be was home. Home was her mother. Home had the feel of Vanessa Riley, and that was what Rita had so desperately needed.

Rita didn’t know how drastically opposite this all was for her father. Home was the last place he wanted to be. This grave, this place,
this
was Vanessa for him. Oh, he knew it wasn’t really her, but this felt closer than anything else he had. Here he could talk with her and feel once again like she wasn’t gone forever.

“Did you need to be alone here, Dad? Is that why?” Craig’s voice came out of the stillness, and Alec looked at him in love for his attempt at understanding.

“Honestly, Craig, I never even thought. I’m sorry. If I’d known you kids wanted to come, or even thought about it, I’d have brought you right away. We can come now,” he offered gently. “Anytime you want.”

On those words Rita turned back to face him. “No,” she said softly, tears clogging her throat. “I don’t like it here.”

“I don’t either,” Tory sobbed, and Alec moved to hold her. In doing this he unknowingly freed his children from the prison of their private grief. By sitting down right in front of the grave and pulling Tory down with him, he redefined the spot as not being sacred ground, but a place they could approach. Craig held his tears until he moved close enough to the marble stone to trace his fingers over the words
Loving Mother
. He came very close then to bury his face in his father’s sleeve, and Rita joined them as well.

They huddled together as though the air was freezing, trying to deal with the fresh pain brought about by seeing this grave again. The cemetery was in a quiet spot, but there were two other families present. The Rileys never noticed them.

“What would you do, Dad, when you came?” Tory wanted to know.

Alec sniffed and used his handkerchief before saying, “I would talk to your mother and usually cry. Sometimes I would grow angry.”

“At Mom?”

“Yes, and at God, too.”

“Why would He take her, Dad?” Craig now asked in a tortured whisper.

“I’ve asked myself that so many times, Craig, and I think the answer is not as negative as I first believed. I think God must have loved your mother so much that He wanted to hold her right now, and not wait until she was 90 years old.”

Everyone’s tears overflowed again, but Alec continued softly.

“And I think He also wanted to show us that we have to be completely dependent on Him. I know I’ve had my eyes on myself for a long time.”

“So you think it was a punishment?” The anger was back in Craig’s voice. His sobs were giving him a headache.

“No, Craig, I don’t. Neither do I believe it was a mistake, which means God wants to teach us something and I, for one, now want to learn.”

It was not a satisfying answer to Craig, but he did not let on. Now was not the time. He wished with all of his heart that someone would be angry with him. He wanted someone to shout the names at God that he would only dare to think. “Liar,”“cheater,”“betrayer,”“fake”— the list was long. Craig knew that only a sovereign practical joker would do what God had done to him.

“I never feel angry, Dad,” Tory now admitted. “But I get so afraid.”

“Of what, honey?”

“Of you dying, too,” she cried. “We won’t have anyone if you die.”

Alec’s arms came around Tory with renewed strength. “It’s all right, Tory. I’ve been afraid that something would happen to you kids, as well, but God’s going to take care of us.”

“I wish you were home more, Dad,” Rita now admitted, her own tears coming under control.

“I will be, Rita,” he promised. “I’m starting a new house next week, but I’m almost done with two others. After that I’m cutting way back.”

Rita nodded, and Alec gave her a hug.

“Run back to the van, would you, Craig? There’s a basket of tools in the back. Bring it here.”

The basket held a weeder, a hand spade, a stiff brush, and some cleaning rags. The four of them went to work on the dusty, somewhat-neglected grave, and a feeling of hope and healing filled them. Nothing magical or supernatural took place, but being able to perform this small act for their mother worked as a powerful cathartic.

An hour later when all were satisfied with the results, they climbed back into the van, the tools and hanging plant in the back once more. Alec surprised his children by heading out of town to the Wisconsin Dells.

The Wisconsin Dells was a definite tourist magnet, but with kids back in school things were very quiet. Many attractions, like the large water parks, were closed for the season, but the restaurants were still open, as were the “ducks.” After taking a vote, it was decided to take a ride on one of the refurbished World War II amphibious trucks now used for tours. The duck took them in and out of the Wisconsin River, as well as through some of the area’s rock formations. They didn’t arrive home until almost 8:00 that night, emotionally and physically spent, but Alec and the girls possessed a new kind of peace that would propel them forward into greater healing and service.

Nineteen

S
ophie saw an immediate change in the Riley children after their outing with their father. Not so much in Craig, but most decidedly in the girls. There was a lightheartedness in Rita that Sophie had never seen before, and Tory was becoming very affectionate. She would hug Sophie on the way out the door for school and again when she returned. Sophie enjoyed this more than she could say, but she couldn’t help but wonder over the change. She thought it might be partly due to the way Mr. Riley seemed to be at home more often.