Songbird (13 page)

Forest didn’t move until I had grown still and stopped moaning. He slid up against me to look me in the eye. “You are so beautiful right now.”

“Compliments will get you everywhere, Mr. Knight.” I laughed back. I was hoping to sound seductive but I think it came out more school girl. I don’t think he noticed.

“Good, because I was going to go everywhere,” he whispered, that gorgeous cheeky glint to his eyes. He returned to kissing my neck as he slid inside. Every movement he made was amplified by my sensitive heat. I clenched, trying to keep from going over the edge again until he was ready.

The movements came quicker, Forest sped up with anticipation. He filled me so completely, both body and soul. If we could have stayed in that bed forever, I would have been happy. I didn’t need anything else except Forest, not one thing.

We tumbled over the edge together, flying high through the ecstasy. My body twitched with the effort, the energy expelled. We were one person, fitting together like a perfect jigsaw puzzle.

When Forest slid out and wrapped me in his arms, it was complete bliss. I closed my eyes and settled into him, finding a new favorite place to be in the world.

It could have been the euphoria of my accomplishment from the stadium concert, it could have been the hormones and endorphins coursing through my body, but whatever it was I was extraordinarily happy. If Forest was the reason for that, then I never wanted him to leave.

In that moment, I knew I had completely fallen for him. Despite how careful I had been, I had handed over my heart on a silver platter. It no longer belonged to me, but to the owner of the arms holding me so tight against his naked body.

I loved Forest. There was no way I could deny it from myself any longer. Just because I told myself I shouldn’t be thinking about it, it didn’t mean it didn’t exist. And I got the feeling that no matter how much I resisted, my love was only going to get stronger.

C
hapter Fourteen

S
omeone was knocking. I didn’t care where. Was it on the walls? The door? The roof? I didn’t want to open my eyes and find out. If I pretended I was still asleep, then I could pretend they weren’t there.

I had everyone I needed right next to me in the bed. I opened one eye, making sure he was still there even though I could hear his gentle breathing.

Forest looked so peaceful asleep. Nothing moved, not even a twitch or eyelid flutter. He was completely dead to the world. If the sheet wasn’t moving up and down with his breathing, I would have checked for a pulse.

The knocking continued, I
realized it was on the door. My alarm hadn’t gone off yet, I still had a good half hour before I had to get up. Nobody had the right to take that away from me, I planned on spending every single one of those minutes in bed with the guy I loved.

The decision was taken away from me when Demi burst through the door. I reflexively pulled the
sheets up to my neck, even though I was already covered. “What are you doing in here?” I asked. There was a boundary there somewhere that she had crossed, I was sure of it.

“You didn’t answer the door, I thought you’d been murdered or something,” Demi replied, the concern still evident on her face. She dismissed the concierge who had helped her break in. Apparently they were more scared of her than of me.

“Well, I’m clearly alive.”

Her eyes flicked to Forest, only now noticing him in the bed. He was stirring awake from the noise, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

“What’s he doing here?” She asked, nodding his way.

“What do you think he’s doing here?”

Forest sat up, stretching and seeing Demi. “Oh.”

“Oh’s right, buddy. Get out,” Demi said, not mincing words or worrying about manners. It had been a long time since I saw her so assertive.

“He doesn’t have to get out,” I protested, placing a hand to stop Forest’s forward movement. “What’s wrong with you this morning? Did something happen?”

She held up the morning newspaper, that was never a good sign. Demi needed to learn to sleep in so horrible things waited until breakfast. Whatever was in the paper could wait, it would still be there in an hour’s time.

“What’s in there?” I reluctantly asked. Forest was fully awake now, sitting next to me like a beautiful statue.

Demi let the newspaper fall open, revealing the two
-page photo array. The headline of the day was ‘
Pop star relapses’
. The photos accompanying the dubious article showed me at the bar last night, drinking and dancing. Except you couldn’t tell the drink was soda and the guy I hung off was my boyfriend.

I was torn between anger and disappointment. Mainly I just hated the reporters and photographers for making stuff up when they didn’t have any facts or truth
s. They never seemed to even care about finding out what was really going on.

“Anything you want to confess?” Demi
demanded. Even though I knew she had to ask, I still resented the question. I thought Demi knew me better by now. Surely my recent good behavior should have counted for something.

“I was drinking soda all night. Forest will back me up on that.” I looked at Forest, begging him to say something. Demi had her eyes focused on me, pretending he wasn’t even there.

“She was drinking straight soda,” Forest finally said. “There wasn’t a drop of alcohol in any of it.”

“So what happened at the bar then?” Demi asked, her voice still holding its hard edge. “Why does it look like you’re drunk in these photographs?”

I’d had enough of the accusations. It was way too early to be dealing with it. “Demi, how can you even ask these questions? You know I didn’t relapse, you know I’m taking care of myself now. Don’t pretend like I’m the enemy here. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“These pictures tell me another story.”

“Since when do you side with tabloids over me? I pay you to be on my side.”

“You pay me to keep you out of trouble, which means you aren’t supposed to lie to me.”

“Perhaps I should go,” Forest said, sliding out of the bed. “You clearly have stuff to talk about. I’ll see you on the bus, Brierly. Demi.”

I kept staring at Demi as Forest picked up his clothes and left. Neither of us spoke until the door thudded closed. I climbed out of the bed, sliding on some clothes of my own.

“I wasn’t lying to you, Demi,” I said through gritted teeth. “I was drinking soda and all I’m guilty of is dancing with my boyfriend at the bar. Nothing else happened. I was happy about the concert going so well and wanted to celebrate with my crew. That’s it, end of story. If you’d bothered to come along, you would have seen it with your own eyes.”

“I’m not the enemy here, Brierly. I’m trying to help you.”

“I didn’t relapse. I ate dinner – a good, healthy dinner – and went out. I’m taking care of myself.”

“And Forest,
how is he helping?” Her hands moved to rest on her hips. She looked so much like my mother that it would have been laughable if we weren’t fighting.

“Forest is different.”

“You have another eleven months of touring, what happens when you break up?”

I was suddenly tired of the conversation. The last thing I wanted to do was to get into an argument over Forest. He wasn’t up for
negotiations. “We’ve already had this discussion and it’s my business, not yours. I’m not going to talk about him. Now, are we going to write a statement about those photos or what?”

Demi took a few deep breaths, smoke practically coming from her nose like a dragon. Nobody could be as full on as her at six o’clock in the morning.

She finally relented. “Fine. And how do you propose we explain them?”

“I was celebrating, surely I’m allowed to have a good time now and then. I work like a packhorse every single day of my life.”

“Nobody is denying that.”

“Then I think we should remind them. We can also put something in there about my new charity. If they want something to talk about, then they should at least spread the word of something good.”

We spent the next hour putting together a statement for the press. We completely denied any relapse they thought I was having. One night of dancing did not constitute a downward spiral into drugs and drinking. Hopefully all my fans would agree, they were the ones I wanted to convince, not the papers. I didn’t care what the journalists thought, they wouldn’t believe me whatever I said.

It was wearing trying to explain myself to people that didn’t even know me. It felt like every time I did something, I had to think about how it would look to someone else. My life was definitely not my own, it hadn’t been since the day I entered
Singing Idol
. If I hadn’t won, I might have been able to slip back into oblivion.

I don’t think Demi completely believed me but she did put together the press release without any further
arguments. If I couldn’t convince her, I didn’t like my chances with the general public. She should have been the first one to trust what I said. Something was going on with her, I just had no clue about what it could be.

I showered and dressed while she sent the press release to the outlets. We packed up and left, joining the others on the bus as scheduled.

The next month passed by without incident. My ‘relapse’ went around the world but it quickly died down when they couldn’t find any more evidence of my downward spiral. Demi made sure of that, keeping a tight leash around my neck.

The shows were going as planned with nothing too horrible going wrong. Sound problems still seemed to plague us, but the techs were working on making sure they were
minimized. The crowds never noticed and that was the main thing.

Forest was my constant companion. We spent nearly every night together, much to Demi’s dismay. We hung out on the bus, chatted with the others, explored the venues together, we were inseparable. It was also now common knowledge through the crew that we were together, we didn’t try to hide it. There was no point, they would have put two and two together themselves at some point.

By the time the tour arrived in Miami, I was ready for something out of the routine. Touring was fun, but it also got monotonous after a while. Thankfully, my reprieve was in the form of Mikayla. My good friend was staying in Miami for a few weeks and I was determined to catch up with her.

I was playing the American Airlines Arena for three nights straight so Demi
organized a full morning off for me. I had no obligations, no interviews, no press, the entire morning was free to spend with Mikayla.

We met in Café Neptune, choosing a seat in the back so we wouldn’t be stared at or photographed. It felt so good to see her after so long.

“I’ve been hearing great things about your shows,” Mikayla started. “Congrats.”

“Thanks, it’s been fun. We had a few hiccups but they are getting less. Another few months and we might have it right,” I grinned.

“There’s nothing like the critics to lift your game.”

“Exactly.”

We sipped our coffees in silence for a while. Even though I hadn’t seen Mikayla for ages, I didn’t have a great deal to say to her. We were both too engrossed in our work to actually have lives outside of the usual hurry and wait.

“So tell me about this guy you’ve been papped with,” Mikayla broke the silence. I didn’t know how much to tell her about Forest, she would probably not approve of me sleeping with someone who was just like Braydon. I knew they were different, or at least I’d convinced myself they were different, but to the outside observer it would be Braydon 2.0.

“He’s just a guy, no big deal.”

She gave me a look of disbelief. “Brierly, you don’t sleep around, even though I have been trying to convince you that it’s a great experience. When
you
take a guy to bed, it is a big deal.”

So I didn’t sleep with every guy who tried to get into my pants, that didn’t mean I had to give my heart and soul to every man who got lucky. Maybe I was capable of having a meaningless relationship.

Except that wasn’t what I had with Forest. The way my heartbeat sped up when he was around, the way I could totally give him free reign in the bedroom, the way he made me feel beautiful, the way he was always on my mind even when I wished he wasn’t. Forest was a big deal. But for some reason I didn’t want to admit that. It would only make it even worse in the eventual break up.

“I’ve changed my ways,” I started, lying through my teeth. “Forest is just a bit of fun to make all the waiting on the tour go faster.”

She eyed me suspiciously, her lie detector probably buzzing in her head. She finally shrugged, giving up. “Well, he’s cute. Gorgeous, even. I told you I’d do him.”

“Good to know he has your approval,” I laughed. Mental note, make sure to keep Forest away from Mikayla. I didn’t need the competition.

“Do you want some cake? I think I need cake.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Sure?” She waited for long enough to see my head nod before teetering off to the counter for something sweet.

I sat awkwardly alone, feeling the stares of everyone else there on me. When I was alone, that’s when the photograph and autograph hunters would normally start circlin
g. I stared intently at my coffee, hoping they would get the hint to stay away. Today was my day off, I needed to be normal for just one day.

Mikayla returned with a huge slice of lemon meringue pie and placed it in the
center of the table. She rested two small forks on the side. “I thought it might look too good to resist,” she offered.

I picked up a fork, more out of politeness than actually wanting to eat. My first instinct was still to refuse food, even after all this time. I wondered if that would ever fade? The doctors warned me I would be a recovering anorexic for t
he rest of my life.

“So I’ve been offered another perfume deal,” Mikayla started. I settled in for the discussion, trying to remind myself to be happy for her. She wasn’t bragging, she was
updating
me, there was a big difference.

I picked at the pie, making sure to match the number of times she took a forkful. I was sure Mikayla wouldn’t notice anyway, but there was always the paranoia there.

When we were almost finished, we were suddenly surrounded by dozens of paparazzi. I thought we’d done a better job of hiding. Their flashes went off, sending out illuminations every few seconds, blinding us both.

I had to use my arm to shield my eyes, standing to get away from them. Mikayla gripped my arm and started dragging me away. The photographers were right on our heels, barely a second behind us.

We strutted along the road, trying to walk quickly without falling over. Sometimes to get a better shot, some of the more unscrupulous paps would try to trip us over. I was wearing a skirt, there was no way I could let that happen today.