Song of the Guardians (7 page)

"So you’re remembering me as your protector instead of your—"

"Lover?" Emma grinned. "I don’t think I’d take it that far, but the feeling, the memory of wolf versus man is different. I’m more attracted to the wolf. Whenever I had dreams or thought of you, the wolf was always there."

"Why?" I padded over to her and knelt in front of her chair. "Why are you more attracted to the wolf if you know I’m the same thing?"

"Because, you’re human. I’m human because I have no choice, but you do. If our roles were reversed, I’d spend all of my time as a wolf, instead of one of the creatures who have caused the Earth to get this way in the first place."

"There are things you and I cannot do if I'm a wolf," I said.

Emma smiled at that. "Then you can be my wolf stuck in a human’s body." She leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead. "What was your guardian's name? You don't have to tell me if you don't—"

"Ika," I said before she could finish.

"And your song? Do you remember how long it took to find the words?"

"Before I answer that, how old do you think I am?"

Emma furrowed her brow, then after giving it some thought she said, "Thirty?" When I didn't say anything, she continued. "Forty? You can't be any older than that."

"One hundred and forty-three next month."

Emma's face grew pale. "But...how?"

I never should've said anything.
Too late now.

I took a breath. "We guardians aren’t as young as you might think. It’s going to sound gross, but the last time I felt Ika’s presence was over a century ago. So long as the Earth is in balance, guardians are immortal. Well, most of the time—unless they go looking for their death. So, I might look like a young man, and perhaps I still am, but I’ve seen more of this world than most ever will."

"So, when you came to me, you were—"

"Older than you are now. Please, try not to think of the age gap like that. It isn't the same as a frail human being bound to another." I struggled for the right words. "If I were an elf, would our age difference have the same effect on you?"

"Tucker, you aren't an elf. I'm pretty sure they don't even exist."

"I exist, and I look as young as I was when Ika came to me so long ago."

"And now, because the Earth needs to be balanced again, I'm here," Emma said.

"Yes. Unfortunately, most of the pack waited too long to imprint on a child, and now there are guardians without children to share their bond with. Soon, unless we can find a way to calm the Earth on our own, those guardians will lose their spirits, become feral wolves and pass from the natural order of things."

"But isn’t going feral better than dying?"

"Going feral is only temporary, Emma. Going feral for a guardian would be like losing your memories or the ability to speak. It’s something we all fear, but so long as we serve the Earth and heal her wounds, we remain—or at least some part of us does."

"Do you ever get tired of waiting?"

"Waiting for what?"

"For the end? How can you save the Earth when it’s just going to happen again?"

"We don’t look at it like that. Humans aren’t the only ones facing their end. The Earth only targets humans with its rage because there’s no one else to blame. If the humans were ever to die off, the world would either feed on other species or fall into itself. So you see, even though the humans were the ones who built the machines, they aren’t the only ones in danger of losing themselves because of their greed."

"That’s terrible."

"This is why guardians are so important, and why my bond with you is so special."

"Even if you die because of it?"

My heart suddenly felt heavier than before. "If I could spend an eternity with you, I would, but after being alone for so long, after being without a mate, I guess what you said earlier was true. There will come a time when I am too tired to care about the world."

"And after a century, you’d still give up love to save it?"

I sighed. "I know it sounds twisted, but what about those who haven’t had a chance to feel love? What about those who will never feel love unless we do something to stop this? Doing anything else would be selfish."

"But you’ve already waited so long to find love again," Emma said, her voice hoarse. "It isn’t fair."

"It’s the way things are."

Emma stepped into my arms, placing her ear against my chest. When she spoke again, her voice was lower than before. "What about Zarrius? Did you find him?"

Her words suffocated me, and I struggled to speak. "I-I lost his trail along the western ridge. I’ll look for him tomorrow." Another lie. Unless he came back to the house, I couldn’t risk going after him.

Emma bobbed her head and closed her eyes. "Promise you won’t let him get away."

I swallowed so hard she probably heard it. "It’s not as easy as that, Emma. The pack needs an alpha."

Our eyes met. "Can’t you be the alpha?"

I was shaking my head before she could finish. "They need someone a little more permanent. Besides, my responsibility is with you, not the pack. I can’t afford to take over Zarrius’s rank now, not when I have to watch after you."

"Who says I need protecting?" Emma teased.

I leaned my head against hers. "I’ll look for him tomorrow. I promise."

Emma curled up against me, and I cradled her in my arms. If either of us could’ve been alpha, it would’ve been her. Emma’s voice was always so confident compared to mine, and her eyes, fierce and commanding without her having to say a single word. Still, I knew I had to protect her and promised to go looking for the alpha in the morning.

E
mma

Heavy streams of water beat against my back before pooling around my feet. I waited for Tucker’s words from earlier to dribble down the drain, through the pipes, and under the house until they were gone. The words were still there, playing in the back of my mind.

I pressed my palms against the shower wall and did whatever I could to keep them flat. It didn’t do a damned thing for my foul mood, especially when I knew he was sitting right outside the bathroom door.

It was the first time I wished I was back at the ward, in my cell without the company of others. At least then I could keep my thoughts straight without someone else influencing them. I couldn’t understand why he was so willing to give up on everything, to give up on all of this, just so I could have another chance at love later on.

"I don’t want a second chance," I snarled as tears pricked at the backs of my eyes.

I preferred this life, the life I had, over some other life I’d have as a guardian. And even then, according to Tucker, I’d fall in love, only to have to give up on it yet again. It wasn’t right. People were supposed to fall in love. They were supposed to stay in love and die together.
Still in love.

My heart beat inside my ears. If the hot water didn’t turn my skin red before, it was now. I hated Tucker for imprinting on me, for bringing me to the pack’s house and expecting me to give up on what we had—what we could have if we let the Earth die. I didn’t have to worry about the Earth’s anger. I wasn’t a child anymore. I didn’t plan to have children, and by the time the Earth did decide to die, it’d be generations from now. It wouldn’t affect us at all.

What about the guardians? What about the wolves?
Damn them and their precious laws.
Things were a lot simpler back at the ward. There'd been no pack, no crisis. All I had to do was obsess over a wolf, albeit a talking one, but still just a wolf. One wolf. Ever since I learned about the guardians, things had gotten way too complicated. Even for me.

Condensation streaked down the tiled wall like tears. I held mine back. I knew sitting around and waiting for the world to end wasn’t really an option, not when I had the power to keep it from happening. That was why Tucker was so open to the idea. Calm. He’d seen this happen before. He'd probably had the same thoughts about his guardian when he was still human.
He gave up on love so he could find it again.

This whole thing made my head spin, but somehow I understood why Tucker had said what he did, and in the end, I couldn’t blame him. He didn't have to tell me any of the things he did, but he'd done so anyway. Either out of concern for my well-being or knowing how much his loss pained him, he'd told me. And, at least for now, we could enjoy the time we had together. There would be no surprises. I only hoped when the time came, I’d be ready to let him go, to sing to the Earth and become a guardian.

* * * * *

T
ucker

Emma hadn’t spoken a single word since before she got in the shower, but I could tell what I’d said earlier was still lodged somewhere in her mind. Her body tensed whenever she looked at me, and she went rigid when I tried to tuck her into bed. It wasn’t her fault. I shouldn’t have told her. If I’d kept it to myself, I wouldn’t have had to see her like this, in so much pain.

But that’s not what you’d want.
Given the choice, I would’ve wanted Ika to warn me so we could’ve enjoyed our time together in some other, more meaningful way. I wasn't sure what that would’ve been, but I knew telling Emma now was better than her finding out later on.

After hugging the blankets around her, I changed into my wolf skin and curled up on the foot of the bed. I waited to hear her breathing slow, to hear her fall into dreaming, but she stayed awake.

I crept up to the middle of the bed and nuzzled the back of her neck. When she stirred, I settled down behind her, resting my muzzle against her cheek.

"What keeps you awake?" I asked, grimacing when my tail flopped on the mattress behind me.

Emma placed a hand on my nose, walking her fingers up my muzzle to scratch me behind my ears. "You should stay like this more often."

"What, you like dog breath?" I rumbled.

"I don’t mind it." Emma shrugged and curled her arms to her chest. "It feels right—you being like this."

I relaxed, getting as close to her as I could. "But this is only half of me."

"You said you were a child once. How old were you when you found your guardian?"

"She came to me when I was five. Back then, the Earth faced other dangers, apart from the human race. That’s why Ika came to me. I found her when I was nineteen."

"So, you were human for nineteen years, and you’ve been a wolf for how long?"

My ears flattened against my skull. "One hundred and twenty-four years."

"Then, wouldn’t it be right for me to love the wolf, the older part of you, more than the man you used to be—the one I’ve never met?"

"I guess you’re right. I’d never thought of it like that before. Does this mean you’re in love with me or the idea of me?"

Emma rolled over, lying on her back before resting a hand on my scruff. "I love all of you. I don’t care what you are—your eyes are always the same. You are my wolf, just as much as the man I've slept with. So long as your eyes are the same, that will never change."

"You know, you’re very poetic when you get worked up."

"Blame that on having nothing better to do than read for the last six years."

"You didn’t have a television?" I lowered my muzzle onto her chest, breathing in her shampoo and soft skin.

"We did, but what was the point? They kept the news on all the time. Always the same—always a child missing." She shook her head. "I hate them. I hate being
one of them.
"

I adjusted my weight so I could rest a forepaw on her. Gods, I wanted to shift right then and take her in my arms but keeping to my wolf skin felt better, like it was the right thing to do. It was what she needed—for me to be her wolf by still being a wolf.

"You aren’t one of them, Emma." I sat back on my haunches. "Your heart is anything but human."

Emma’s eyes softened, and she reclined on her pillows. "You make a very good wolf," she mused, brushing a hand through my neck fur.

I licked her on the cheek. "So will you."

Someday.

* * * * *

E
mma

Tonight was the first time Tucker hadn’t aroused me with his closeness. I’d spent years dreaming about the wolf who'd promised to protect me, his memory more than enough to excite me. Only now, with Tucker lying at my side, all I felt was warmth. I could’ve asked him to shift back to his human form, but it wasn’t something my body craved.

The sensation, or lack thereof, allowed me to focus on my thoughts rather than my needs, which was a big step up from when we'd first arrived. I imagined what it’d be like to be a wolf, to run on four feet instead of two. It was the sensation I wanted to feel most. That, and possibly the wind through my fur.

I hadn’t realized I’d spaced out until Tucker licked my chin. "You’re awake, but you stopped petting me. Where have your thoughts taken you?"

I glanced down at him, and he opened his maw in what appeared to be a smile. "You attention whore," I teased, petting the fur along the bottom of his stomach. His head fell back onto the mattress as his tongue lolled out the other side of his muzzle. "Is this all it takes for a poor, frail human to tame a guardian?"

Tucker whimpered and closed his eyes, his tail wagging the slightest bit. "I could fight it."

"No, you couldn’t."

"Could so," Tucker said, opening one eye. "But I don’t want to. Who’s to say it isn’t the other way around—that I haven’t tamed you and made you my petting slave?"

I pushed at him with both hands, rolling him onto his side. "Knock it off!" I laughed at him when he gave me
the look
. It looked even more ridiculous on a wolf. "Nope, not falling for it."

Tucker’s neck fur bristled in a shrug and he rolled onto his stomach to face me. "What were you thinking about?"

I leaned on my arm, brushing my forehead against him. "Oddly enough, how I’m not aroused when you’re like this."

Tucker lowered his ears. "Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"Both?"

Tucker sat up when I did the same, changing forms almost instantly. "Better?"

"That’s not fair." I trembled when he kissed me on the lips.