Song of the Guardians (11 page)

I leaned over to kiss Luna on the muzzle. "Please don’t cower. I do love you, I do. I just wasn’t sure what you meant by it. There are many kinds of love, Luna."

"How do you love me, Emma?"

"With all my heart."

"Like Tucker?"

I nodded. Damn, I was going to get in trouble for this, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but the love I had for Tucker when I was back at the ward was the same way I felt toward Luna. My relationship with them may have been different, but they were almost like two halves of a whole. Tucker touched me in ways no other could, and the knowledge Luna shared covered things Tucker hadn’t learned. Together, Tucker and Luna complemented one another, and up until now, I hadn’t even thought about it.

"Is it possible to have two loves?" I asked, peering into Luna’s calm eyes. "I’d expect to feel torn, but I’m not."

Luna nuzzled up under my chin. "I think it is. A wolf can love her mate, and then have a love equal to that for her pups."

"But you aren’t my pup, Luna. You’re a sister." I shook my head. "No, that isn’t right either."

Luna laughed. "It’s okay, Emma. I knew what you meant; I just wanted to hear it."

She curled around me, and I dug my fingers into her white fur. Love had always been a confusing emotion for me, especially when my parents tossed me to the side. But now? Now I had so many others to love, it was hard for me to feel anything else. Acceptance? That’s what it was. Guilt, as well. Guilt for even thinking about it.

"Emma?" Luna’s voice thrust me from my thoughts. "Can I share something with you?"

"Of course." I touched my forehead to hers. "Not as much as last time, okay?"

Luna rumbled, and we closed our eyes. The process of sharing memories was something I’d become accustomed to, and Luna had a lot to share. The last time I'd linked minds with her, there'd been so much information, I'd had a hard time wading through it. Between the guardians, the songs they sang, Tucker as a boy and seeing Ika through Luna’s eyes, it was no wonder I was a little drunk afterward.

For that reason alone, I was glad we were sitting down, otherwise I would’ve lost my balance. Exhaling, I opened my mind to Luna, focusing on the images as they came into view. She shared a single image. Just one. It wasn’t of Tucker, the pack, guardians or the Earth. It was Luna. I furrowed my brow, but something told me we weren’t done yet.

The she-wolf struggled to express herself through pictures, and I waited patiently as she gathered her thoughts. The image slowly shifted from a wolf to a girl around the same age as me, her sun-bleached hair seeming out of place when compared to the white fur. The image was then joined by another—me, my form as naked as hers.

I had to admit it was something I’d been curious about ever since the pack had moved into the house. And now, to see Luna shared my thoughts, I wondered if I’d accidentally let mine slip into her mind during one of our imprinting sessions. No one had told me how to do it, so maybe it had happened without my knowing. When Luna was sure I’d seen the images, she moved on to smells, her scent. If I could pull away the fur, pine, and mud, the scent Luna had as a wolf would be like this. Almost like honeysuckles. Then warmth, one that was so strong I was sure we’d moved in front of the fire.

I suddenly wanted to touch her, smell her and be with her—to be with that girl, along with Tucker and the rest of the pack. My lips were dry. I swallowed around the emotion, certain it wasn’t what Luna wanted to show me.

"Do you love me?" Luna asked again.

"I—" I choked on the words. "Yes."

"Open your eyes."

I pulled my forehead away from Luna and took a breath, knowing what I’d find even though I hoped I was it wrong. Things were complicated enough without having a second guardian shifting inside the house.
How am I going to explain this to Tucker?
I wouldn’t have to. Even if Luna had shifted, I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone, not as the alpha.

I opened my eyes. There, sitting beside me was Luna, her form terribly naked. Beautiful. My hands shook, hands I wanted to place on her face, her lips, and breasts. She was as thin as a human as she’d been as a wolf, her ribs slightly visible when she sucked in a breath.

Luna met my gaze, her green eyes wide, and for a brief moment, icy panic swept through my veins. Tucker was my mate, my bonded. I’d known this ever since my parents admitted me to the ward, and now, the same emotions I had for him were just as strong for Luna. Too many damned emotions.
It isn’t sexual.
Like hell it wasn’t.

Even though she was very human, I could still sense her ears going back and her tail tucking under her stomach as she cowered. I hugged an arm around the shivering female, leading her over to the fireplace. Luna glided effortlessly across the floor as if she’d been human this entire time. Though not quite as confident as Tucker, she was beautiful all the same.

After sitting her in front of the fire, I placed my hands on either of Luna’s cheeks, brushing her tears away with my fingertips. "Why do you cry?"

"Because I'm happy," Luna replied, leaning into my caress.

My heart felt as if it were about to fall through the floor. The way Luna looked, how happy she was—it almost appeared as though she were in pain. Opening my robe to reveal my own form, I wrapped the fabric around Luna’s back, our breasts touching as I took the she-wolf in my arms. It felt so wrong and so very right at the same time, and as I leaned in to kiss her, our secret world came crashing down around us.

T
ucker

Anger. It was the first thing that came to mind when I opened the front door, nearly falling back into the rest of the pack. Instinct told me to growl and foam at the mouth, but once Luna shifted in front of Emma I thought better of it. Emma lifted her gaze to greet me, her cheeks red. She averted her eyes before I could speak, and when she didn’t move away from the white wolf, I glanced back at the other guardians.

"Stay here."

The other wolves inclined their heads, knowing better than to get involved and probably thankful for the release. I waited for them to disperse amongst the trees before stepping inside the house. They didn’t need to hear what I was about to say. My fur bristled as I loped over to Emma’s side, growling at the she-wolf hidden beneath Emma’s robe.

"What’s the meaning of this?" I glared at her until she looked back at me, her eyes glazed over with something that should’ve only belonged to me. "Don’t tell me you love her." It wasn’t a question.

Emma opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it, pressing her forehead against Luna’s. I snarled and tugged at Emma’s robe, removing the fabric from around both females, leaving their naked forms out in the open.

"She shifted," I barked, snapping at Luna’s legs. The she-wolf jumped back, shifting into her wolf form. "How?"

Emma knelt down in front of Luna, hugging her arms around the she-wolf’s neck before patting her on the haunches. "Go on outside." Her voice was gentle, accepting, which surprised me even more, and as soon as the white wolf was out of sight, her eyes hardened. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I opened my maw to protest, but I was still struggling with the idea of having a second
human
female in the house. "Wrong with me? Emma, did you not just see what happened?"

"Another wolf shifted—so what?"

"Emma, this isn’t supposed to happen. You know that!" I paced the length of the room, my nostrils flaring, filling with the she-wolf’s scent. "A guardian doesn’t shift without a child, and not until they’ve imprinted."

"And what do you think I’ve been doing with the rest of the pack while you moped around the house? They show me things, Tucker. Things you could’ve shown me yourself." Emma strode over to where her robe lay on the ground and picked it up, tying it around her body. "And why can’t a child have two guardians? Why can’t I love you and her the same?"

"Love?" The word came out in a low growl, and I stared into the fire. "Are you listening to yourself?"

"Are you?"

I clenched my jaw and shifted into my human form, hands turning into fists as I stood. "I imprinted on you first," I argued. "I protected you. I brought you home. Gods. You should love me, not her." I gestured at the front door.

"Now who's the child? You really need to learn how to share." Emma’s eyes softened, and once I’d calmed down, she placed her hands on my shoulders. "It isn’t that kind of love."

"But you kissed her."

"So? It was a kiss. That doesn’t mean I’m going to invite her into our bed." Emma bowed her head, and when she looked at me again, I wished she hadn’t. Tears had filled her eyes, and she struggled to speak. "You don’t share your memories with me the way she does."

"Some things aren't worth repeating. Reliving. Would it help if I shared my memories with you now?"

Emma shook her head. "It seems pointless now, doesn’t it? You showed me your last memory with Ika, so why not everything else? What about your family? What about before Ika stole you away from them?"

"Because that’s not what I wanted you to think I did to you. I did everything right. I imprinted when you were young, and when I brought you here, I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I wasn’t going to tell you about Ika at all, but decided that by showing you my pain, I’d save you from it later on. I did everything right, Emma."

Emma clasped her hands around mine, prying at them until my palms were flat. "I know. I know you did. You did everything right, and I still love you, but I also love Luna. It isn’t the same."

Emma guided me over to one of the chairs, the same one she'd had Luna sitting on moments earlier. I flinched, swallowing the growl that threatened to burst through my chest. The process of ignoring the other wolf’s scent and her link to Emma was the worst kind of heartburn—unpleasant, and barely manageable.

"She’s the other half of my song—of our song," Emma said, eying the front door. "And the pack is our choir. We need the entire pack. Ever since you told me what happens after a guardian sings, something’s been missing. Luna is that something."

"How can you be sure? You could lose both of us."

"I know she gains the same risk as you just by loving me and my loving her back, but I can’t help it, and neither can you. She showed me what happened between you when you were a new guardian. Why push her away now?"

There was a time when I would’ve taken my moments with Luna, but not now. Not when I had Emma. The way I felt for the she-wolf had come and gone. Emma was still here.

"You please me in ways no other can, and you should," Emma continued. "But I love Luna on more of a mental level. She's shown me everything. She trusts me completely with her memories. By seeing everything she’s seen and felt, it’s almost as if I’ve been at her side this entire time."

I nodded. "That’s what imprinting does—it fills the gaps of memory so we don’t have to."

Emma frowned. "Then why keep it all to yourself?"

"Because. I wanted you to fall in love with me on your own. I wanted it to be your choice. It’s one thing Zarrius and I could never agree on. Damn it, Emma. If he’d gotten to you, he would’ve imprinted, forcing you to trust him without actually knowing him. In a way, Luna’s done the same thing."

"But she isn’t a threat to us. Just like the pack isn’t a threat. They’re family." She sighed and sat in my lap, curling against my chest. "By keeping me to yourself, you push that family away. If you’re going to leave me, I have every right to know my family before that happens. Not after."

"You’ve put Luna in danger by letting her shift, Emma."

"I couldn’t have stopped her even if I'd wanted to. That’s almost like asking you not to breathe. And I don’t think I’ve endangered either of you at all. Not more than you already were."

"I wish I could share your confidence." I drew in a shaky breath and let it out, resting a hand against the small of her back.

"I’m sorry, I just feel like there’s some other way, and if there was a way to make this, to make us last a little longer, shouldn’t we take it?"

I combed a hand through her hair, and when Luna padded back into the room, I silently coaxed her to my side. Her fur was raised, and I pressed the tips of my fingers between her shoulder blades to release the tension. I might not have been a wolf, but I could sense her attraction to Emma as well as myself.

In the end, it didn’t matter what I wanted. Emma, my mate, was the pack’s alpha, and it was her responsibility to protect us. If that meant she had to love Luna as much as she loved me, I had to obey.

E
mma

Words jumped off the page as I skimmed over what I’d written in my notebooks, going as far back as to when I was first admitted to the ward. Nothing I read gave me any ideas or images that could possibly help with the song Tucker and I would have to sing. He’d brought my books down to the living room so I could read them during the day when the pack was out on a hunt.

Most of the old entries were by a girl infatuated with the idea of being in love with a wolf. Then there were the ones I’d written after reading romance novels, or the ones when I cursed the world for sending me to the ward in the first place. Every book had a different emotion, and none of them fit into how I was now.

The love I thought I'd felt back then wasn’t real. It was exaggerated, based on dreams I’d had or words that had somehow popped into my head. A few of the entries even made me think I’d actually belonged in that place.

"You look exhausted. How long have you been in here?"

I hadn’t even realized Tucker and the others were home until he hugged me. I rubbed at the bridge of my nose, trying to ease the ache behind my eyes.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Dinner should be ready soon," Tucker replied, leaning over to pick some of my notes off the floor. "Did you move out of this chair at all today?"

"I don’t remember."

"You should take the night off. Get some rest." He kissed me on the cheek before closing the book I had in my lap.