Somewhere Only We Know ....... (11 page)

Michael
didn
’
t ask about Keith, I
think he knew I wasn
’
t
happy. When he asked if he could take me out I
didn
’
t hesitate. I enjoyed
Michael
’
s company, he was
young and fit and even when I was in
“
mammy mode
”
there way he looked at me made me
tingle.

Keith came
home that night, I thought I would feel guilty but I
didn
’
t. I think the damage
was done and whatever feelings I had for Keith had well and truly
died.

Trying to
sort a night out with Michael was much harder than I expected. I
sneaked a peek in Keith
’
s
diary and was shocked to realise that for the rest of the month he
had no meetings penciled in. That meant that if he
wasn
’
t going to go away I
was going to have to arrange to be having a night out on my own. My
heart sank.

The answer
came in the shape of Karen. I hadn
’
t seen or heard from her since the Saturday morning I had
gone out with Michael. I was sure she would have been around to my
house the first opportunity she had, but there had been nothing. A
couple of weeks later she called me out of the blue. She had been
away for a couple of weeks holiday, apologising for not letting me
know before she went, she wanted to know if we could have a catch
up.

We arranged
to take all the kids to the local park on the following Sunday
afternoon, and as I agreed I racked my brains to think of a reason
I could give her for being with Michael, cousin? Family friend? I
wouldn
’
t get away with any
of them, we were both local girls and even though we
weren
’
t related we may as
well have been, we both knew each other’s families inside
out.

By the time
Sunday came I was a nervous wreck, I still
couldn
’
t think of a way to
explain Michael away. Before I even met up with her I was
shattered. The kids had both played up all morning, Keith was
grumpy because the kids were, and I had sleep deprivation because
Keith had woke me up and where usually he
didn
’
t take long to get
himself off, he obviously wanted a bit more last night and spent a
long time fiddling with me; he fucked me, then poked me,
then

manoeuvred me so he could get his tongue in
me and so it went on.

I lay in the
dark pretending I was asleep. You would have thought with all the
attention he was paying me I would be turned-on, but it never
happened. The thought that he was doing this to me without my
consent and the fact that he didn
’
t care that I was asleep was enough to keep my pussy dry
and tight. After what seemed like hours he came. It was over for
another night and once I was sure he was asleep I made my way
downstairs, I had had about 2 hours sleep and knew for sure that
that would be it for the night. I took the ironing board out of the
cupboard, switched on the telly and made myself a coffee. I
wasn
’
t shocked that Keith
did this to me anymore, but it still
didn
’
t make me feel any
better about it. It left me feeling dirty and used. It
wasn
’
t lovemaking, it
wasn
’
t sex, it was abuse, my
husband; the father of my children was abusing me. I had to
go.

My mind was
still in turmoil when I caught up with Karen at the park. Charlotte
was playing in the sandpit and as I unfastened Thomas so he could
join her Karen said
“
Caroline, I know Keith is hitting you, talk to
me
”
. Caught off guard, I sat
on the edge of the sandpit and tucked
Bethany
’
s blanket around
her, she was fast asleep. I didn
’
t know what to say.
“
Caroline you need to talk to someone, if you
don
’
t want to talk to me, I
understand, but please talk to
someone
”
. I
unravelled.

For the next
hour it all came out, not the night time stuff or the bedwetting,
but the drinking and how he controlled me. I
didn
’
t cry, it was like I
was talking about someone else, telling their sorry tale. As I
talked we played with the toddlers, gave them orange juice and
biscuits. When they were tired we put them into their buggies and
walked.

Karen
listened, she didn
’
t scream
or shout about how I should leave him or report him to the police.
She let me talk. At the end I told her who Michael was, that he
worked with me and was a total womaniser, how I thought I was a bit
of a challenge for him but so far nothing had happened even though
I was craving some love and affection. At the end I asked Karen how
she knew, I had been so careful never to show my bruising and I had
always thought that my smile hid the pain that my life had become.
She simply said that she recognised the look in my eyes, the way I
held myself and how private I was, she recognised it because it had
happened to her mam for years and years, until her mam had had to
be put on Valium just so she could make it through the days and
nights of abuse. I thought of Karen
’
s mam, she was a lovely lady, a bit flaky but warm and
affectionate, since Karen
’
s
dad had died a few years earlier she had taken to cruising the
world. Would that be how I would end up, sailing around the world
on a ship full of strangers, maybe I would, no one would know that
I was a battered wife. My heart went out to
Karen
’
s mam, she was a soul
sister.

Karen was
talking, but I missed what she said.
“
Sorry
”
, I
stammered
“
I was miles
away
”
. Karen repeated what
she had said.
“
If Keith
won
’
t leave, which I suspect
he won
’
t then you have to
leave with the kids, Caroline. Listen, I
don
’
t know if you are
interested or not, but my Auntie Maude is going into Tree Tops, she
can
’
t look after herself
anymore. It won
’
t be for
another month or so, but if you want
I
’
ll see if my cousin will
rent you her house. I know the family
don
’
t want to sell it,
something to do with my Auntie
Maude
’
s money, so if you
want to I
’
m sure you can go
there. It
’
s dated and a bit
smelly but I
’
m sure you
could spruce it up for you and the
kids
”
.

My heart
raced, I had a getaway plan. Auntie
Maude
’
s house was still in
the village, which would be a blessing and a curse all at the same
time. My friends, family and child-minder were all here, but so
would Keith. At least I wouldn
’
t be in the same house as him. As I pushed the buggy I
started to cry. I don
’
t know
if it was because I could leave now, or I had opened up to Karen or
just that I was tired.

Whatever it
was I was walking around the park with tears dropping off my chin.
Karen smiled at me.
“
It will
work out you know, you just have to be brave.
I
’
ll speak to Graeme and see
what he thinks and I
’
ll let
you know. And don
’
t forget
Caroline, I am here for you, you
don
’
t have to do this on
your own
”
. I managed a weak
smile.
“
Thank you, you have
done so much for me already.
”
She leant over and placed hers over my hand.
“
And the Michael thing, just be
careful
”
. I will I thought,
I will.

As I walked
home my head was full of plans.
“
Don
’
t get carried
away,
”
I said to
myself.
“
You
haven
’
t even got the house
yet, it might not even happen
”
. But I felt better, I felt better because I had talked to
Karen and I felt better knowing I
wasn
’
t the only one, poor
Karen
’
s mam, she had been
married for Karen
’
s dad for
years and years,
“
how did
she tolerate it
”
, I thought
as I let myself in the back door.

Karen rang
me at work on the Wednesday morning.
“
I
’
ve spoken to Graeme, in confidence mind, and if you want
the house it
’
s yours. They
are planning on putting it on the market, but
it
’
s probably going to be at
least a year before that can happen. I know
it
’
s just a short term
arrangement, but at least it can be a stepping stone for you. Do
you want to go and have a look at it? My Auntie Maude is in respite
this week, so if you have a bit of time and you can get away
I
’
ll take you
along
”
.
“
Yes, yes,
yes
”
, I shouted down the
phone.
“
That
’
s brilliant, I
could probably get away Friday night, if that would be
okay?
”
“
I
’
m sure that will
be fine, and Caroline, why don
’
t you take a bit of time out for yourself too after you
have looked at the house
”
. I
heard the smile in her voice.
“
I might just do that! Thank you Karen, you
don
’
t know how much what you
are doing for me means to me
”
.

We arranged
for me to meet Karen at her house on Friday night and for the rest
of the week I lived on my nerves. I mentally packed up my house,
not daring to move anything, but I knew what I could take and what
I had to leave so that Keith could continue to live there without
too much disruption, even when I was leaving him, I was still doing
the mothering thing.

I dropped
the kids off at my mam and dad
’
s for the night on Friday teatime and rushed home to wash
and change. I knew Keith was working late, so after I had got
ready, I rang him at his office and told him Karen had asked me to
go for a drink with her. He seemed to believe me, I giggled to
myself, he was slipping, not only had he forgotten to put the phone
in his car when he left this morning, I had also out foxed him, he
wouldn
’
t have chance to put
his scent on me tonight.

The house
was exactly as Karen had described, it was dated and smelly. But it
was a refuge for me. I could get rid of the smell and the family
said that I could keep as much of the furniture as I needed. Best
of all I didn
’
t have any
deposit to find and my rent wouldn
’
t start until a month after I had moved in. I was so
grateful. Karen said that they now had a date for Auntie Maude to
go into Tree Tops, 3 weeks, I only had another 3 weeks to
go.

We walked
back towards Karen
’
s
house.
“
I meant what I said,
I
’
m here anytime for you,
day or night and if you need a hand with the kids while you get
sorted just say. I
’
ll always
make time
”
. I was so
grateful. Before I got chance to say so she added
“
have you made any plans for the
rest of the night? I hope you are going to make the most of this
bit of freedom!
”
“
I haven
’
t made any
firm arrangements
”
I said
blushing bright red,
“
But I
told Keith I was out having drinks with you so he
won
’
t be expecting me back
for ages yet
”
.
“
Well
I
’
m just in house for the
night, Dave usually cooks on a Friday to give me a break, so there
is little chance of Keith bumping into me. While
you
’
ve got the chance why
don
’
t you go and let your
hair down?
”