Somewhere Between Water and Sky (Shattered Things #2) (4 page)

Satisfied, and leaving the journal behind me, I swipe my card over the door handle and walk into my room, kicking off my shoes and rolling my head to stretch my neck. I curl my lip at the thermostat, noticing that room service adjusted the temperature again.

Benefits of living in a hotel: you don
’
t have to pay for electricity or cable.

Bumping it down to a comfortable setting, I shuffle to the bathroom, turning the faucet to run the water for a long soak in the tub.

I walk back toward the bed and turn on the TV. Flipping through the channels, I grimace.

Gameshow. Gameshow. Crime show. Dumb sitcom. Infomercial.

I settle for a show about Amish teenagers losing their minds in New York City and turn back toward the bathroom, goosebumps lining my skin as the air kicks on above and around me. I sink deep into the scalding water, rolling forward to light the candles I hide in a drawer while I
’
m gone. The candles were one of my first purchases when I realized I had a tub. I remembered Emma talking about her nights with a bottle of wine and candle-lit bubble baths and decided to splurge. Once the flames are dancing on the tile, I lean back and let the water hold me.

Finally I can breathe.

Water has always been healing to me. When I was little, mom would tell me stories about how when I would get in a rage and start crying, all they would need to do is run the water for a bath and I
’
d begin to breathe again
—
it
’
s always been my reset button. I lift my left leg and watch the steam swirl off my skin and frown at the scars left behind from the last night in the shed. They aren
’
t as red as they used to be, but they
’
re still obvious. Long streaks snake across my shins from where I was tied. I close my eyes and put my leg back underneath the water.

Now
’
s not the time to be thinking about the past.

Work tonight was weird. As promised, we were slammed with business from the concert down the street. I took the orders and Jessa made the drinks. My feet still throb from standing for so long. But it wasn
’
t the business that took me by surprise
—
that just made the shift go by faster. It was the conversations. I stretch my neck, rolling it around by shifting my shoulders and feeling the tension of the day fall away.

Relationships are such a fickle thing.

Ren, despite his incessant questions, doesn
’
t set off my douche-o-meter. And Jessa is way too intuitive for her own good. I both crave and fear their ability to waver my defenses and I don
’
t know what to do with that
—
how to be strong Stephanie starting over when wounded Stephanie cowers from touch.

I think I want to be friends with them, but what does that even mean? I
’
m not sure I know. Jessa invited me to the party tonight, and I don
’
t think I
’
m quite at the spot of tailgating at some stranger
’
s house. She
’
d looked at me and smiled, twirling her rainbow hair, and bounced her eyebrows up and down.

“
Come on, Steph. I just met you and I can tell you need some adventure. Just come see? There may be someone there worth your while.
”

I had snorted
—
I
’
m nothing if not graceful in those moments of assumption
—
and stood my ground.

“
Yeah that
’
s just not my scene. And I
’
ve had plenty of adventure to last me a lifetime, thanks.
”

Her turn to snort.

“
Suit yourself. But how will you know if it
’
s your scene if you don
’
t show? And don
’
t think I
’
m letting you off on not spilling the secrets behind those adventures. Your day of story-telling reckoning will come, my dear.
”

I focus on the noise coming from the television set and close my eyes. Slowly, I lower myself until I
’
m completely submerged, the echoes of the world outside coming through as a garbled mess. Opening my eyes, I see the separation of here and there
—
it looks like a sheet of glass and ripples with the laughter of kids running down the hallway. I lift my head just enough to breathe in and then lower myself again, letting the heat and water wrap around my body like a womb. I stay here until there
’
s no more oxygen, and lift myself slowly until I
’
m resting against the towels behind me.

This is when the fire of silence beckons. When the flames stay far enough away to hypnotize me by their beauty but won
’
t overwhelm me with the heat. I let my limbs float freely and imagine myself held.

I startle awake by the sound of knocking. The water sloshes up and out of the tub with my movement and I squirm for one of the towels, just in case.

I roll myself up and out of the liquid cocoon so I can hear better, not allowing myself the time to think about how my heart rate has increased with the possibility of it being
my
door. I hear the banging again and the yelling from the couple across the hall from me and I relax, the adrenaline dying in my throat. I bend at the waist to dry my legs and notice that I
’
m shaking.

No one
’
s found me yet. It
’
s okay. I
’
m okay. No one
’
s here.

I swap one cocoon for another, throwing on some clothes and gathering the comforter around me on the bed. My heart is still racing despite the deep breaths I
’
m working through my lungs. This is when I
’
d reach for my journal, letting the poison out in between the lined pages. I haven
’
t purchased a new one yet, and the last one was burned, the ashes let loose over the Pacific.

What do you do when your coping mechanisms aren
’
t letting you cope anymore?

I let my body sink into the mattress and go through my mental checklist.

Dad
’
s in jail.

No one knows my local number.

I deactivated Facebook.

I am alone.

I fall asleep before I
’
m able to think about just how much I miss the feeling of arms around me.

.::.

Jessa calls me in the morning.

My phone, hidden underneath my hip, buzzes me awake.

“…
hello?
”
I scratch out a greeting, confused and squinting against the sun peeking through the hotel blinds.

Note to self: shut the curtains tonight before going to bed.

“
Stephanie. Don
’
t freak out, but Ren and I are down in the lobby. We
’
re taking a day trip to San Diego. Come with us to Sunset Cliffs?
”

My heart slams in my chest. I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen and see
The Best Friend You Never Knew You Had
as the contact name.

“
What in the actual fuck?
”

“…
she
’
s freaking out.
”
Jessa whispers away from the receiver.

“
I can still hear you. How
’
d you get my number?
”

“
Listen. We
’
re not crazy, just curious, and I may have followed you home last night after work. Oh and um
…
never leave your phone unattended at work. Just trust me. I saved you from many a picture last night. You
’
re welcome.
”

I wrinkle my nose.

“
I
’
m so confused right now.
”

“
Understandable. But you should also be excited. Two strange people are waiting for you in the lobby to take you on a road trip! It
’
s like Ren
’
s dream movie role.
”

I hear him snort in the background.

“
Seriously?
”

Ren
’
s voice cuts through the line, low and rumbly.

“
What will it be, Stephanie? The red pill? Or the blue pill?
”

I hear shuffling and Jessa pushing him away.

“
Don
’
t. Be. Weird, Ren. I told you. Harness the Nerd.
”

He just laughs and mentions something about grabbing a muffin from the continental breakfast area.

What the hell?

“
Jessa
…
I don
’
t know you.
”

“
Fact.
”

“
You could kill me.
”

“
Not possible. But I can see how that scenario would play through your mind right now.
”

“
Do you normally try and kidnap strays who live in hotel rooms?
”

“
This isn
’
t kidnapping, sweetheart. And you
’
re not a stray. This is a rescue mission. You need fun! You mope and grow all self-reflective at the coffee shop. It
’
s starting to freak customers out.
”

“
Wait. Really?
”

She laughs.
“
No. But. You do dart around like you
’
re ready to run at a moment
’
s notice. And, chalk it up to my dad being a professional counselor, but I can spot the ones who need some extra attention.
”

“
You
’
re calling me broken.
”

“
I
’
m calling you needing a friend.
”

“
I can
’
t believe I
’
m actually considering this.
”

“
I
’
m very convincing
butplusalsotoo
I think you just really want to get out of that stuffy hotel room. Come onnnnnn. It
’
ll be fun. See you when you get down here.
”

She doesn
’
t even let me respond. She hangs up and I sit there, staring at the ceiling, the phone still stuck to my ear. I didn
’
t even talk to her for five minutes and I
’
m already exhausted. What would a whole day be like? I smile and jump out of bed, grabbing the nearest and cleanest clothing I can find. Throwing my hair into a pony tail, I brush my teeth, slide on some lip gloss and walk out the door. It
’
s only after I get to the elevator that I realize exactly what I
’
m doing and I laugh under my breath.

Yep. Certifiable.

But for once in a very long time, the silence of the morning brings nothing of distant flames and memories. I lean my head against the wall and feel the equilibrium balance itself internally as I shoot down the floors. When I reach the lobby and the doors slide open, I hesitate for just a moment before I hear a squeal and feel fleshy arms wrap around me. The slight smell of jasmine and a rumble of male laughter to my right clue me in that the arms belong to Jessa. She pushes away and holds my upper arms in her hands.

“
Oh that
’
s right. I forgot. Ren told me you don
’
t like people in your personal space.
”

She winks and lets go of me before I can even respond. I look at Ren.

“
How does she have this much energy? And where can I get her supply?
”