Something to Believe In (The Renegade Saints Book 4) (2 page)

“I
can’t believe you’re really going,” my sister sniffled, the emotions practically pouring off of her.

She’d said this from her position at my side while I zipped up my last piece of bright purple luggage. I was proud of her for having held back her tears for as long as she had. Her lower lip had been quivering on and off for nearly half an hour, and the hem of her white blouse had been twisted and pulled so much it was never going to lay the way it should. I chuckled inwardly, thinking about how similar her twisting movement was to something our mom used to do. Normally I’d have pointed this out in a teasing way, but I didn’t want to spike Vi’s anxiety any more than it already was. We both loved our mom, but it was a strained relationship with a lot of eggshell walking happening on our side. It certainly wasn’t what either of us would have chosen.

Turning to my sister, I pulled her into a hug, squeezing her affectionately. “Vi,” I teased, “you’ve simply
got
to learn to be more emotional. I can never tell how you’re feeling about anything.”

“Oh hush,” she sniffled against my shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for you, and I’m proud as all get out. I’m just really going to miss you. The kids are going to be driving me crazy to Skype with you. They need their Aunt Daisy time.”

“And I need them time, too,” I assured her as I hugged her to me tighter. “I’ll be so in touch; you won’t even get to miss me.”

Violet and her husband Ryder had made me an aunt three times over, and I adored their little munchkins. There was no way I’d last even three days without seeing those sweet little faces. Whether I lived in LA, on their ranch, or in Timbuktu, I would always be connected to my sister, my brother-in-law and their children. Skype meant we were always able to see and speak to each other, and it was worth its weight in gold.

Pulling back from our embrace, Violet wiped at her eyes.

“I’ll miss you like crazy no matter how in touch you are,” she said as she ran a hand over my packed bags.

“I’ll miss you too. I hate making you sad—I wish you understood why I’m making this choice.”

She sighed heavily before giving me a small smile. “I get why you’re going. I’m just being an idiot because I’m going to miss you so much. There’s no way you could possibly pass this up—it’s too great of an opportunity.”

It was. Since around the age of ten, I’d known I wanted to work in the music business. I lived and breathed music—the lyrics, the sound, the feeling I got when a particular song instantly transported me to a different time. To me, music was magic. I couldn’t play an instrument, unless you counted air-guitar, or carry a tune, but it didn’t matter. I’d always wanted to work behind the scenes. Thanks to several years spent doing grunt work, it was finally happening. I was somewhat of a gypsy, a born traveler. I’d lived down south, New York City, Texas and Los Angeles.

While in LA I’d connected with a really great guy named Ben Roth. Ben was a friend and former co-worker, one I’d worked with side-by-side at an Indie rock label in LA for eighteen months. Our company wound up being bought out by a bigger label, and he and I had been among the five dozen or so to be jobless. Ben moved on to another job within two months. I, on the other hand, did not. With so many people out of work and interviewing for the same jobs, my assistant credentials weren’t getting me anywhere.

No one who isn’t flush with savings can afford to live in LA without a job for long, and my savings had been completely depleted the year before. After three months of lots of interviews but no job offers, I’d gone home to stay with my sister and her family to recalibrate. I feared leaving LA meant I’d never be able to get back.

Life works in mysterious ways. Three weeks after I arrived on the farm, Ben called and told me his girlfriend Lacey needed an assistant. Lacey is in charge of all of the day-to-day operations for the Renegade Saints. We clicked immediately, and she offered the job the following day. Now she’d be training me to take on a lot of her job duties. The best part was that my job was starting while they were on their world tour. I was giddy with excitement. I was going to see more of the world, and I couldn’t wait to start.

“I’m going to miss you, too,” I assured her. “We’ll still talk every day, I promise.”

She hugged me again tightly before kissing me on the cheek.

“That’s a promise I’ll hold you to.”

It felt like the absolute most perfect job ever, like it had been tailor-made specifically for me. After having spent several hours with Lacey at the hotel in her traveling office we arrived at the concert arena. Finally, it was time for me to meet the band. I was, naturally, ridiculously excited. Although I was a country music girl to my bones, there were a few rock groups I liked almost as much as I loved country music. The Renegade Saints were in the top five of the rock ‘n’ roll list.

Ben told me before I even interviewed for the job that Lacey adored the band and said they were incredible to work for. Once I started talking directly to her, she reiterated his statement many, many times.

“You’re going to love them,” she assured me happily. “Nicest bunch of guys ever. So down to earth. Flynn is an absolute doll, Cole is always there if you need a hand, Gavin is the smartest guy in almost any room, and Tyson will have you laughing for days. They’re everything you’d ever want them to be and more.”

I couldn’t have been more thrilled to hear it. It sounded like I was going to love my job and the people I was working with and for. Lacey was so definitive about it, I didn’t even question it. The band members were going to be great, end of story. When we got into the backstage common area where the entire band had assembled, I was excited. I met Flynn, Gavin, and Cole first and they couldn’t have been nicer.

When it came time to meet Tyson, everything changed for me on a dime.

Before him, I didn’t believe in being thunderstruck by anything or anyone at first sight, which meant my response to him was an anomaly. I wasn’t prone to flights of fancy, but when I saw him, everything changed. I wanted to spend an infinite amount of time with him starting immediately. I had to force myself not to fidget when he got up out of his seat and made his way over to me, his eyes locked onto mine like I was the only person in the room. I’d known he was handsome—anyone with eyes knew—but I didn’t know he was breathtaking. My hands twitched at my sides, anxious to touch his face. I wanted to feel his five o’clock shadow beneath my palms and run my fingers through the dark hair hanging near his eyes. When he reached me and took my hand in his, the warmth of his hand felt like coming home.

The way he looked at me made me breathless as my skin prickled with awareness. His eyes were striking, a hazel color that had a yellowish accent. They reminded me a bit of wolf eyes, beautiful, penetrating and utterly enthralling. I felt as though I could’ve stared into them for hours and never gotten bored. The way he was looking at me indicated he was feeling the connection too.

Life was really looking up.

“Y
ou hiding from me, motherfucker?”

I looked up from the well-worn copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets I was reading and watched as Gavin came into the backstage dressing room area and dropped down on the soft gray couch next to me.

“Did you want me to join you in your room?” I asked dryly. “’Cause odds are you and Leah were busy.”

When I said busy, I meant sexually busy.

Gavin threw back his head and laughed. “You know we always make time for you.”

“You know, I
can
be alone,” I reminded him.

“I know you can,” he assured me. “I guess I’m just… checking in. This is the final tour and there’s bound to be some anxiety attached to it at some point.”

I inclined my head in acknowledgement. “There’s some,” I admitted.

The choice to retire had been unanimous. But there was a difference between a concept and the reality. In a matter of months, a major portion of my life would be coming to an end. After the tour was over, for the first time in a decade, I’d be stationary. I hadn’t fully realized what it meant until the guys started getting into relationships. Watching them pair off and seeing them happy was a mixed bag. As happy as I was for them, I was also a little apprehensive about what it would be like going forward. Once we got back to LA and were in our home bases, I imagined I’d be alone more than I ever had been. The idea bothered me more than it should have.

“You know we’re always here for you,” he said firmly. “There’s nothing to be anxious about. You have a support system—always.”

Before the overdose, even with the band at my side, I’d felt alone and isolated. One of the biggest takeaways from dying was finally being able to accept other people caring about me.

“I appreciate it more than you know,” I told him.

Leaning back into the couch, I stretched my legs. “Gotta say, if for no other reason than sleeping on my own fuckin’ mattress, I’m looking forward to being in my house full time. Also pretty excited about reading by my pool.”

Gav rolled his eyes as he gestured down to the book in my lap. “You mean reading your one approved series. Dude, what’s this? The fifth time you’ve read it?”

“More like the tenth, and don’t make fun of my Potter books, assface. I read other stuff, too. At least
I
read something besides Penthouse Forum.”

Gavin threw his head back and laughed out loud. “Shut up, dick. I read regular shit and you know it. I doubt Penthouse even has a forum anymore,” he said smugly. “You just dated yourself.”

“That’s me,” I answered dryly. “Just another old bastard.”

He rolled his eyes at me as he kicked his feet up onto the table. “Wanna play some Call of Duty?”

Setting Potter aside, I cracked my knuckles dramatically. “I’m always down to kick your ass.”

We got about twenty minutes of gameplay in before everyone else started trickling into the room, which was par for the course. We’d more or less developed a pre-gig ritual so we’d known going in roughly how long we’d have to play in silence. Gavin had always been one to arrive to sound check early, whereas I’d taken to doing it after I got sober. It started out as a way of making penance for being so fucked up for the previous tours, but it quickly became an ingrained habit when I discovered I enjoyed the quiet before the chaos. As soon as Cole and Devon walked into the room, she made a beeline for the sofa Gavin and I were sitting on.