Something Old (38 page)

She shook her head at the turn of her foolish thoughts and noticed her unopened mail. Using her table knife, she sliced through the envelope. Her car’s license needed to be renewed. Great. She flipped through a spring clothing catalog, frowning at the worldly styles and wondering how she’d gotten on that store’s mailing list. She turned it over to see if it had Lil’s name on the address label, and an envelope fell out of its back cover.

She had almost missed it. After setting down her sandwich and wiping mayonnaise from the corner of her mouth with her napkin, she took a closer look. The letter was addressed to her. It was from Florida. She only knew one family from Florida. Sure enough, the return address revealed that the letter was from her old employer, Mrs. Beverly. Her heart sped up with anticipation, wondering if she was returning. Her hands anxious, she opened the envelope and unfolded a rose-patterned stationery that displayed artful, beautiful handwriting:

The first line of the letter filled Katy with warm nostalgia, envisioning the sweet old woman sitting at her white, rolltop desk, her aged hand taking a pen from a rose-patterned cup. It brought a lump to her throat to realize that Mrs. Beverly was still concerned over her welfare. But when she read about the job opportunity, her heart leapt with excitement. Quickly she read on:

Katy hadn’t even known she’d lost a daughter. Poor Mrs. Beverly. She quickly read on:

With shock, Katy received Mrs. Beverly’s testimony into her heart. It rang of truth. As she took it in, she felt a heat in her bosom, like she had the previous Sunday at church. It was a confirmation that her past employer truly knew Jesus. The same Jesus Katy knew, for Mrs. Beverly had the same experience with Him, the reassuring songs that came in a time of despair. Surely, it was God’s way of showing her that Mrs. Beverly was a Christian. She stared at the letter with a new understanding of her past employer.

Springtime? Katy’s jaw gaped. God couldn’t have made His reassurance any plainer had He penned it across the sky. Either God was exhibiting a sense of humor, or else He thought she needed things spelled out in a clear manner. This was her spring. This job was from Him. Another dream job, according to Mrs. Beverly, and working for a godly couple. An even better job, moneywise, than her other jobs. God had heard her prayers. Gripping the letter with both hands, Katy’s vision blurred, and her shoulders shook. She didn’t deserve this. She hadn’t even been trusting God. If anything, she’d been blaming Him. And here was God smiling down on her.

She felt ashamed for all the times she’d cleaned for Mrs. Beverly and felt sorry for her, assuming she wasn’t a Christian just because she was an outsider and did things Katy would never have the conscience to do. She remembered the embarrassing pictures on the paperback novels, and the R-rated movies. The dusty Bible. Perhaps Mrs. Beverly had kept a different Bible in her nightstand drawer? How could she have been so quick to judge? She didn’t understand it all, but she couldn’t doubt Mrs. Beverly’s sincerity. As she looked back, she remembered how the older woman always acted with love and kindness. How could Katy have been so blind?

Bitter remorse sickened her for all the times she’d judged outsiders. How many times had she dismissed people as if they were unredeemable? Suddenly her words came to her, the ones she’d spat out at Jake and their ensuing conversation:
All outsiders are the same.
She remembered his shock.
That’s rather harsh. Isn’t it?
And then she had lashed out at him.
Or are you so close to them that you can’t see the difference?
His description of her was accurate.
Self-righteous…mean-spirited…good on the outside…unforgiving.

Katy brought her fist to her quivering mouth.
Oh God. Forgive me.
She’d been so wrong. So foolish. Crossing her arms on the table, she hid her face in their cradle and sobbed over her sins.

She saw her own ugliness, and as she prayed and asked for forgiveness and renewal, she felt God’s flames of love burning through her, cleansing her. She prayed and pleaded and thanked the One who was in control. She realized that only God deserved to be in control. She’d been wrong to usurp that privilege, trying to move other people like checkers on a game board. Grievous as she felt, when she lifted her head, she felt spring bubbling up inside her.

Never could she have drummed up that much hope for the future on her own. But it now fell over her like a fresh rain. God cared. The Lord was with her. And finally, she wanted to trust Him with her life.

She wasn’t sure how to do that, but God would teach her. Rising from the table with a smile, a song bubbled up inside her. She took a fresh tissue and blotted her eyes, then broke into song, not caring if she was hopelessly off-key.

She remembered how Brother Troyer’s sermon had seared her heart. Then her hand stilled, and she had another epiphany. This was how Jake felt after his falling away. This was what he’d been trying to explain to her all along about the feeling of a new beginning. With that, she also realized that she didn’t hate him any longer. God had removed that burden. It was like she could see him in her mind’s eye like God might see him. With compassion. Not all-knowing, but with a patient love.

As she moved around the room, cleaning the table, she spoke out loud to God as if He was a friend present with her in the room.
I give Jake to You, whatever Your will is for us. I might actually be able to be his friend now. With Your help. And forgive me for my poor attitude toward Erin and even Jessie. I know You love them, too.
Then she paused when she caught movement from her side vision. Outside, David was walking to his car. She saw him glance at the doddy house, and she felt a surge of God’s love toward him and a powerful urge to make things right between them. Quickly dabbing her eyes again, she ran to the door, acting before she lost her courage.

Swinging it open, she called out. “Hey, David.”

He froze. Stared at her.

“Can you come over a minute?”

K
aty waited in the open doorway, her heart racing at her impetuousness yet unable to deny the prompting she had felt in her spirit.

David reached the front stoop and halted.

Katy smiled, her eyes pleading for his forgiveness.

His narrowed. His jaw hardened.

She ran her tongue over her dry lips. “I have chocolate mint ice cream. I thought maybe you’d like some.”

He glanced back at his car, his expression telling her that he remembered their last conversation as clearly as she did. She knew she was opening herself to another curt rebuff.

He rolled back his shoulders. “Not really.”

Lord, help me here.
“Please?”

He shifted his stance. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I miss our friendship.” When he still seemed skittish, she flashed him another tentative smile that came out a bit more tremulous than she’d intended.

“I heard about Lil. I guess you’re real hard up for company.”

“That’s true,” she grinned. “I have some mocha ice cream, too.”

“Oh, in that case.” He strode past her into the doddy house.

Wondering if she should apologize again, she got the ice cream out of the freezer and placed the containers and some bowls on the table. “Here we are.”

In silence, he dipped a scooper into the round container of mocha. His hand paused. “So you miss our friendship. And?”

“Yes.” Their gazes met as she tried to convey that reconciliation—not dating—was her intention.

He handed her the ice-cream scoop. “I heard you broke up with Jake.”

So that was it. He thought she was on the rebound. She felt her face heat as she scooped ice cream into her bowl. “Yes, we did. I couldn’t forgive him…until now…after it was too late.”

“Slow down. You forgave him. After you broke up?”

She took the ice-cream containers back to the freezer and joined him at the table with a sarcastic chuckle. “Right. I need to work on my personal problems. I’m a mess. But with God’s help, I plan to change. Anyway, I hate the way it was left between us. You and me.”

He displayed his dimple. “Such a pretty mess.”

Her face heated again. “So is there any way that you and I could, um”—she took a spoonful of ice cream, feeling self-conscious, and once it had melted in her mouth, she finished—“be friends again?”

He twirled his spoon, making her squirm. “Let me make sure I’m getting this right. You only want to be friends? Or do you want to start up where we left off?”

She couldn’t help but smile at his frankness. “No. I just want to be…buddies. Play games, chat. I want you to flash your dimple at me like you are now, instead of your nasty scowl. I didn’t like that much.”

He shrugged. “I overreacted. It’s no big deal anymore.” Then as if it was settled, he took a spoonful of ice cream.

She settled back, relieved. After a comfortable pause, she asked, “How’s Elizabeth doing?”

“Good. Better than this ice cream. How long’s it been in the freezer anyway?”

She laughed and made a face. “It’s awful, isn’t it?” She pushed her bowl away. “We don’t have to finish it.”

“Too late. I sacrificed myself for friendship.” He leaned back in his chair and studied her intently.

She squirmed. “Do I have chocolate on my chin or what?”

“I don’t get it. You wanted me to forgive
you.
But you can’t forgive Jake.”

“I forgave him after it was too late,” Katy corrected. She didn’t explain that she’d just forgiven him an hour earlier, that she’d just had a renewal experience right before she’d invited him inside. But now that they’d made their peace, she questioned the wisdom of entertaining him inside while she was living alone in the house. She worried her lip. If he lingered, she would call Megan and ask her to join them. They could play Rook.

“So why don’t you tell Jake now? That you forgive him?”

She stared at him, having lost track of their conversation. “What?”

He repeated the question.

She reasoned aloud. “Because he hates me. Anyway, he was with Jessie on Sunday.”

“Who’s that?”

She felt a twinge of pain. “A girl from school. I think they may be getting back together.”

“That girl with Erin? Standing in the foyer?” Katy nodded.

“I didn’t get a good look at her. I was too busy looking at Erin. But Jake would never go back to her.”

Looking at Erin?
She raised an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

“Because he came back to the church, and unless she changes a lot, that’s not going to work out.”

“Maybe he’ll leave again.”

“Not if he’s changed.”

“Maybe she’ll change.”

“I doubt it.”

She wanted to ask him if he thought Jessie was pretty, but he’d claimed he hadn’t looked at her very much. Instead she argued, “But she’s friends with Erin.”

“That is strange.” He wore an unreadable look, one that made her wonder if he had a crush on Erin. Then he shook his head. “Forget about Jessie. You should tell Jake you’re sorry.”

Katy planted her elbow on the table and cradled her head in her hand. “It’s over.”

He shrugged. “Maybe you haven’t really had a change of heart.”

“Don’t say that. I have so.”

“Prove it.”

She narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “Why are you so anxious to see us get back together? You don’t even like him.” She didn’t want to bring up the fistfight.

“I have my reasons.”

She stared at him, saw a vulnerability in his expression. Maybe he didn’t want Katy to be available because he didn’t want to get hurt again. Or maybe David wanted to square things with Jake so he could date Erin. Whatever the reason, he had the right to his opinion. She swallowed.

“Call him,” he urged.

Loud, uplifting refrains filled the cab, and Jake tapped his palms on his steering wheel keeping time to the beat. He willed the inspirational message into his wounded spirit as he mouthed the words. Meanwhile his truck sped across miles, putting distance between him and the object of his heartbreak.