Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (67 page)

Ben laughed. “Jason, you’re our son now. I’d say a family vacation is long overdue. Wouldn’t you?”

“You’re not sharing a hotel room with us,” Tim said. “We need privacy. Gotta consummate this sucker a bunch or it doesn’t count.”

William was pretty sure his cheeks were glowing red. If he brought the glass close to his face for a drink, the champagne would probably start boiling. “Where are we going?”

“Acapulco,” Tim said, “mostly because Ben giggles every time I say it, or anything else, in Spanish.
No es así, mi mariposa?
”

Ben shrugged, not understanding but giggling shamelessly.

William beamed at them, feeling twice as lucky as he did before. Not only was he going to marry the man of his dreams, but he was getting the coolest possible in-laws as part of the deal!

* * * * *

William awoke in Jason’s arms. They had spent the entire night that way, which was unusual. The only time he remembered that happening was their final night together before he left for the Coast Guard. Except it hadn’t been final. Thank goodness for that. He remained where he was, content to let his eyes wander around the apartment bedroom. When Jason stirred, William sat upright, letting his chest be used as a pillow.

“Ready to get up?” he asked.

“Just a couple more hours,” Jason murmured. “Go back to sleep.”

“I’m too excited,” William said. “I feel like it’s our honeymoon!”

“We don’t leave until tomorrow.”

“I know. But still…” He thought of the previous night, how he and Jason had been the last ones to leave the reception, nearly forgotten as Ben and Tim focused more and more on each other. They were so in love. From the way they acted around each other, anyone would think they had just met. “Do you think they’re still doing it?”

“Huh? Who?”

“Ben and Tim. Do you think they slept at all, or do you think they’ve been going at it all night?”

Jason looked up at him with an incredulous expression. “Those are my parents you’re talking about.”

“Oh! Right. I’ll have to get used to that. I didn’t mean it in a pervy way.”

Jason slid his hand beneath the covers. “You’re rock hard.”

“Okay, so maybe I did mean it that way.”

“Just keep your fantasies to yourself.”

“No promises,” William said, gasping as Jason pumped his hand up and down. Eventually he moved his hand away again.

“You’ll have to finish on your own. I’m too tired.”

“I’ll wait until you’re not,” William said, pulling him closer. He was content to caress his back, thoughts drifting in a more innocent direction. “My mom sent me a text last night.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hm. She wanted to know if I have a fiancé.”

“Do you?”

“I hope so,” William said tentatively. “I’m not totally sure I understood your answer.”

Jason pushed himself upright. “We’re getting married.”

“But you want to wait four years?”

Jason sat up the rest of the way, suddenly much more awake. “I had an idea. When you were asking me for four years… You know how you made it sound like you were leaving again?” He held up his hand to stop any response. “I get it now. Your proposal was romantic, but I asked myself in that moment what I would do. I have everything I ever wanted here, but if you needed to leave, this time I decided I would go with you.”

“Wow. So when you said four years—”

“Hold that thought,” Jason said, scrambling out of bed.

He went to the dresser and opened a drawer. William didn’t pay attention to what he brought back, namely because Jason was nude and he was enjoying the view. It was soon obscured. Jason sat cross-legged in bed, pulling blankets over his lap. He worked on freeing stapled pages from an envelope, then turned them, studying one.

“Is that the letter from Christie?” William asked.

“Yeah!” Jason looked up. “Guess what?”

He turned it so William could see and pointed at one of the lines.

“Astoria?” William said, reading it.

“There’s an opening coming up at the end of summer.” Jason leaned over and grabbed his phone, tongue sticking out one corner of his mouth as he tapped the screen. “I hope I’m right because…”

“It’s not far from Portland,” William said, realizing what he was getting at.

“Two hours,” Jason said “That’s not bad. You’d be close to Daisy, even closer than Houston is to Austin, and you could go back to being a rescue swimmer. It’s just like our original plan!”

William’s elation was short-lived. “It’s not, because in that plan, you were a short drive from Houston. And you would come back here when I’m on duty for days at a time.”

“I still could sometimes,” Jason said, not sounding so certain himself.

“What about your work at the shelter?”

“I’m sure there’s plenty of needy animals for me in Oregon. That’s what I meant with my answer. I’ll give you another four years, except this time, I’d go with you. I do want to move back here eventually, but think of the people you could help.” Jason rose and went for the dresser again, this time grabbing the medal and holding it up. “This is just one life. You’ve saved more than that, right? Think how many more you could save if you had more time. Twice as many? More?”

“I want to,” William said, throat feeling tight. “Believe me, I dream about it all the time. I loved that work, but we’re finally together, and I hate the idea of you being lonely, even for a few days. Or my work getting in the way of our relationship.”

“I’ll keep myself busy, and if I ever start to resent you for being gone so much, I’ll have this to remind me that it’s worth it.” Jason trapped the golden disc with his free hand, squeezing it tight. “I’d want to come home eventually. To my family. But think of it; Four years for you to save lives, and to be there during some of the most important years of your daughter’s childhood.”

“Our daughter,” William said. “If we’re getting married, she’s yours too.”

Jason’s mouth dropped open. “I hadn’t even considered that. I don’t know if I’m ready to be a parent.”

William laughed. “That makes two of us.” He leaned forward. “Give me four more years, and I swear, the rest belongs to you. But if you think you can’t handle it… I know how much you would be giving up. Are you sure?”

Jason grew solemn and thought about it again. In the end he shook his head. “The only thing I’m sure about is wanting to be with you. I don’t think it matters where we are.”

“Okay,” William said, slowly smiling as he considered the implications. “Four years?”

Jason nodded. “Four years.”

* * * * *

The honeymoon was over. But not in a bad way. The trip to Acapulco had been a wonderful adventure and a much-needed vacation, but now they had to go back to work. William helped Lily make the move to Portland. While there, he stopped by the air station in Astoria. He had already put in his request to return to active duty and to be stationed there, but he figured making a personal appearance couldn’t hurt. Just being around the helicopters again and speaking the jargon lifted his spirits. Jason was right. William wasn’t happy being a paramedic. He wanted to use the skills he had trained so hard to acquire while he was still young enough to do so. Astoria itself was a little secluded, and he didn’t find an apartment he was satisfied with, but one of his potential crewmen offered him a couch to sleep on until he figured it all out.

That was the plan. William would go first, get settled, and then send for Jason. The good news came a few weeks later: He was back in the Coast Guard! Soon he’d be diving into freezing cold water and asking himself what the hell he’d been thinking by returning to this life. At least he would have someone waiting at home, willing to warm him up again. Jason cried when they parted. William did not. This separation would be short. A month apart, two at the most, and they would be together again.

That was how it was supposed to be. That was the promise. He hadn’t expected it to be broken.

The letter arrived at the end of William’s first week in Astoria. He didn’t open it right away. He waited until he was off duty, on a day dedicated to apartment-hunting. He began the morning that way, telling each leasing agent that no, he wouldn’t be living on his own. His fiancé would be joining him soon. Only when he went to a diner for lunch did he open the letter, wanting to pretend that Jason was sitting across from him and that the messy handwriting was their shared conversation. The first two words made his stomach sink. The letter didn’t begin with
Dear William
or
Hey Baby
. Instead it said…

I’m sorry.

Please don’t think I lied, or that I wanted to trick you. I thought I could do this. I really did. I know the reason will sound like an excuse. I’m afraid to even tell you. Maybe it would be better to never contact you again, or to come crawling back after enough years have gone by, but I love you, and I know that you love me, so please try to understand. The only home I had ever known was taken from me when I was seven. Even before then, because once my mother invited that abusive man into my life, I no longer felt secure. I no longer had a home. Think for a minute about how much you remember from your early life. I bet kindergarten is a blur. You might have some memories from first grade, but how many? That’s how old I was when Child Protective Services took me away. When I got older, sometimes I looked back on the life I missed and wondered how much of it I had made up. All those memories of feeling loved and safe, maybe they were all a fairy tale. Eventually I decided they must be. I grew up and put away childish things. More than ten years went by, me without parents, unconditional love, or anything like a home. I tried to make my own, but I guess I don’t get how they work, because I failed. I was in trouble, falling flat on my face again. Michelle caught me. She sent me to Austin and the impossible happened. I found my family. Even before Ben and Tim adopted me, I felt safe. They made sure of that. I feel like I belong here.

I can’t walk away from that. Not even for a few years. I can only imagine how stupid that must sound to you, because your family is here too. But they’ve
always
been there for you. Mine hasn’t, and I’m scared that if I’m gone, Ben and Tim won’t love me as much. Or that without a biological bond, the connection will fade and disappear. They’ve told me that will never happen, but it’s hard to undo a lifetime of damage. Like I said, I know it’s not a good enough excuse. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just want you to understand.

Please don’t come back. Don’t turn away from all the people out there who need you. Someone once rescued me and it made all the difference. It made it possible for us to meet. I believe in our love. I don’t know why you’re different, but I don’t think you’ll stop loving me. But I am worried that you’ll no longer like me. If I’m wrong, there’s one promise that I really will keep. Four years. I can give that to you again. I can give you eight or even twelve. If you come back to me wrinkled and gray, I’ll still love you just as much and want to be your husband. For now, I’ll keep your medal close to me at night. I’m going to dream of you, and if you’ll have me, I’ll try to visit. No matter what happens, you’ll be in my heart. I’m proud of you, and I’m sorry you can’t feel the same way about me.

Yours,

Jason

William reread the letter, thinking of countless responses and all the arguments he could make to coax Jason into sticking with their plan. They were meant to be together. Logic had nothing to do with it. After everything they had been through, this was supposed to be their victory—the time when they were finally allowed to explore their potential. He could picture them taking road trips to Portland to discover the city together. They would stand on the beach, holding hands and gazing out across the Pacific Ocean. They would picnic in forests that made St. Edwards Park look like a patch of grass, buy an old house on the edge of town and fix it up, cuddle on the couch and get drunk when winter snowed them in… Their lives were meant to be lived side by side!

The waitress brought him a refill of Coke, taking away a mostly empty plastic glass and replacing it with another filled to the brim. Easy come, easy go. William exhaled. Then he read the letter a third time, trying to understand how Jason felt—what it meant to grow up without a family. He struggled to imagine his own life without the security of home, or the comforting guidance of parents. Jason must have been so relieved to find that again after so many years. Decades. He had still been willing to give it up too, even though he ultimately failed to do so. Maybe it was for the best. William could imagine Jason bravely making his way to Astoria and sitting in a lonely apartment for days at a time, wondering if he would still have a home when they finally returned to Austin and fearing that the love his adopted parents had for him was slowly dying.

Ben and Tim. He could remember once, when visiting their home with Jason, how he had trailed behind. William had watched as Ben ushered Jason into the house, eyes shining with pride. Then Ben had fussed over him, worrying if Jason had eaten enough and was taking care of himself. He also remembered the way Ben’s eyes closed when they hugged goodbye, like he was determined to savor the moment. As for Tim, he always acted like his best friend had shown up, eager to show Jason changes he’d made to the house, or tell him funny stories about gallery patrons. Occasionally he would look at Ben, grinning broadly with an expression that said,
“Isn’t this the best thing in the world? Our son is here! Isn’t it great?”