Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (20 page)

Then more hands were on him, pulling him back. Firemen rushed forward, one carrying a heavy tool. The jaws of life? William resisted whoever was pulling him away, wanting to be of use. A police officer blocked his view.

“He’s alive!” William shouted, straining to see past him. “You have to save him! Please!”

Then his stomach turned and his legs gave way again. He fell to his knees and retched, crimson drops joining the splash of bile that hit the street, both soon diluted by the rain. He tried pushing himself to his feet. One of his eyes was refusing to open now, the other nearly useless, but he had to see what was happening. He had to make sure Kelly was okay. His body convulsed again, dry heaves this time. He was aware of someone standing over him and holding an umbrella. Then a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders, as if it could prevent him from going into shock or provide any comfort. Hands helped him up and guided him toward the back of an ambulance. Once inside, a paramedic started asking him questions, touching his head with a gloved hand, shining a light in his eyes. William tried to ignore this, his attention focused on the wreck outside where a number of forms gathered around Kelly’s side of the car. Then the ambulance doors closed, and panic hit William so hard he could barely breathe. He lurched for the rear of the vehicle, not wanting to leave without Kelly, but it was too late. They were taking William away from where he needed to be.

Chapter Nine

Pain and guilt. William couldn’t decide which was worse, just that he deserved more of both. He had two stitches in his head, wore nothing but a hospital robe, and was propped up in bed. He ignored the television that the old man in the next bed over was watching, choosing instead to stare at the door, hoping for anyone in authority to appear. The nurse was avoiding him. At first she had been patient enough to find out for him that Kelly had reached the hospital too and was in critical care. Since then he had begged for an update every time she entered the room. Now he didn’t see her at all. The doctor, during his brief visit, had only insisted Kelly was receiving the best possible care and refused to say more.

The hours ticked by. William grew increasingly agitated. The urge to do something—anything—was overwhelming. Turn back time, heal Kelly with a wish, start the day over and not make any of the same mistakes. But of course none of that was possible. He had ruined everything. Kelly was hurt, possibly fighting for his life, all because of him.

Then his mother showed up. She fussed over him, but he ignored her affection, launching into a description of what had happened. The old man turned off the television to listen, but William didn’t care. He found himself describing the accident in morbid detail, obsessing over images that refused to be exorcised from his mind. Kelly half-conscious and bleeding to death. The gunpowder smell of air bags, one of them stained red. A scream like a wounded animal.

“Honey!” his mother said. “That’s enough!” She placed a hand over his forehead, avoiding his stitches. “You feel hot. I’ll talk to the nurse about giving you something. Maybe a sedative too.”

“The doctor doesn’t want to give me anything in case I have a concussion.”

His mother looked even more concerned. “Are you in pain?”

“Yes,” he said. His head still throbbed, but even if offered a painkiller, he would turn it down. He deserved this suffering, especially since it had to be a fraction of what Kelly was going through. “I need you to find out how he’s doing. Last I heard he was in the ICU.”

“I’m sure the doctor will tell us next time he—”

“Please.”

His mother took in his pleading expression, then nodded and left the room. The old man turned the TV back on, having decided the live performance was over. After what felt like an eternity, Kate finally returned.

“I spoke to Kelly’s parents,” she said.

William sat up. “And?”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. You’re both young. You’ll heal quickly.”

“But he’s stable?”

Kate nodded, still looking pale.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

His mother placed a hand over his, but he pulled it away, not wanting to be comforted. “The doctors have a tough decision to make,” she said.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t get it.”

“They’re not sure they can save one of his legs.”

William stared at her. Then he almost threw up again, because it was impossible to imagine Kelly no longer speeding around the high school track, his expression cool and confident. He really was the fastest guy in school. William had no doubt those legs would have carried him all the way to the Olympics.

Not now. William had damaged him beyond repair and stolen away his dreams. His own too, because when the Coast Guard found out about this, there was no way in hell they would accept him. One turn of the wheel had ruined two lives. In truth, he only cared about one of them. The offer still stood, if God or whoever was willing. Let Kelly pull through this and let him remain whole. William would gladly give his own leg, his own life, to spare him.

“Willy!”

His mother’s voice sounded distant. He didn’t remember curling into a ball or covering his head with a pillow. The moan escaping from his lips sounded about right though, because it echoed the pain inside of him. When the doctor entered the room, nurse in tow and syringe in one hand, William fought them because he didn’t want anything that would make him feel better. He was stronger than them both. Only his mother shouting his name made him relent. The needle slid into his skin, medicine rushing through his veins, numbing his heart, silencing his mind, and allowing him to escape the nightmare he had created by slipping into cold darkness.

* * * * *

William woke up slowly. The pillow beneath his cheek felt different than what he normally slept on. Thinner, the case scratchier. His body was stiff and his head was groggy. Both tensed at the sequence of images that came. Memories, or just a nightmare? He opened his eyes slowly, hoping none of it had been real, and nearly closed them again when he saw his surroundings. A hospital room. Only his concern for Kelly made him roll over and sit up.

Errol was seated not far away, tongue sticking out one corner of his mouth as he played his Nintendo DS. When he noticed that William had stirred, he looked up. “You’re not going to make a run for it, are you?”

“What?” William replied, mouth dry.

“Mom thinks you’ve gone mental. She said I’m supposed to guard you, which is stupid, because you’re twice my size. Hey, if you
are
going to break out of here, there’s no need to punch me. I can pretend to be unconscious.” Errol tried a smile.

William didn’t return the gesture. “How’s Kelly?”

“Don’t freak out, promise?”

William nodded.

“He’s doing better, but he lost the leg.”

William swallowed and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. He was tempted to lash out so they would sedate him again, but he knew he needed to face this. Maybe he could find some sort of solution. Obviously Kelly’s leg was beyond salvation, but maybe William could help rehabilitate him, encourage him to get one of those running blades and keep pursuing his dreams. Or maybe William could hang himself at the nearest opportunity, because that’s what he deserved.

He covered his face with his hands, fighting against tears. How could he live with himself? This wasn’t murder or rape, but it was just as despicable. He had ruined a life. His mind worked overtime to find a solution, only to come up empty. Nearly. He could apologize. It wouldn’t really help, but it was better than nothing. He moved his hands away when he heard someone enter the room. His mother. “I want to see him.”

“You’re awake!” she said, hurrying to his side. “How are you?”

“I want to see Kelly,” he repeated.

“I don’t think that’s possible right now. How’s your head? I’ll call the doctor.”

“No. I’m fine”

She didn’t listen. The nurse came first, a different one than before. Then the doctor showed up and looked him over. William remained on his best behavior, not wanting to be sedated again. He needed to stay awake. For Kelly. This didn’t mean he ate his food when it was brought, or that he allowed himself to enjoy his brother’s jokes, or even share in his roommate’s television habits. He deprived himself of any pleasure. His mind raced to find a solution, his body wanting to rise and seek out Kelly, but he wasn’t allowed to leave the room. He was trapped in his bed and useless. Maybe that was a fitting punishment.

“The police were here this morning,” his mother said after his lunch had been cleared away. Errol had scarfed down most of it before leaving for his part-time job. “You’ll need to talk to them soon so they can finish their report.”

“Good,” William said. “Maybe they’ll throw me in jail.”

“Stop it!” Kate looked at him incredulously. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Because it’s what I deserve.”

“It’s not! Honey, it was an accident. Terrible as they may be, these things happen!”

“It wasn’t an accident,” William said. “I did it on purpose.”

His mother’s mouth opened. Then she looked over at the other patient, who was watching Wheel of Fortune, and lowered her voice. “What do you mean?”

“We were arguing and I wanted to scare him so—”

“Did you want to get into an accident?”

“No, but I—”

“Then you didn’t do it on purpose. You understand me?” His mother glanced around the room again, her voice firm when she continued. “When you talk to the police, I don’t want you spouting any of this nonsense. You were arguing and you tried to pull over. That’s what you told me.” She raised a hand to stop him from interjecting. “You were careless. That’s all they need to know.”

William sat upright, his jaw clenching. “I’m not scared to face my punishment. I don’t care if I go to jail.”

“That’s fine,” his mother said, mouth tight, “but I need you with me. Understand? You might not care what happens to you, but I do, and I can’t handle my son going to jail on top of—” She shook her head. “Everything else.”

The divorce. If William went away, she would be alone. No more mediator to act on her behalf. Just a broken marriage, an empty house, and a son behind bars.

“Your father was here this morning,” she said, still searching his eyes. “He says he’ll be back after work.”

“Okay.” William saw the strain on her features. “I’m sorry. For all of this.”

Kate nodded. “Just promise me. When you speak to the police, tell them the truth: You pulled over without checking your blind spot. Simple as that. You’re no good to anyone in jail. It won’t make anything better.”

Not for her, and not for Kelly. If there was anything he could do to make up for this, his best chance would be while he was still free. Physically at least. William didn’t need anyone to place him behind bars. The guilt that lined his stomach was just the beginning of his punishment, and he didn’t see it ending anytime soon.

* * * * *

The sky outside the window was dark. Even the activity of the hospital slowed during the late hours. William was finally alone. He had been on his best behavior, eating dinner when it came and not having another meltdown. He had stopped talking about Kelly or asking for updates. Hell, he even managed a pathetic smile for his mother when—on the verge of leaving—she had hesitated.

“It’s going to be okay,” she assured him.

“I know,” he lied. “You’re right.”

The doctor cleared him of concussion. William insisted his head no longer hurt when offered painkillers. In truth a dull throb remained, but he didn’t care. He had wanted his mind sharp for the evening. For now.

He slid out of bed and padded barefoot to the door. He looked back once to see his roommate, head back and mouth wide open as he snoozed, the TV still on. Then he stepped into the hallway. He had seen other patients walking around, so this wasn’t exactly forbidden. He tried to appear casual and not like he was sneaking around, which he definitely was. He avoided the nurses’ station and ducked into a different hall when he heard voices approaching. Once out of his ward, he went to the elevators and studied the floorplan on the wall. He assumed Kelly was still in the Intensive Care Unit, so he navigated his way there.

When William reached the correct door, his stomach sank. He had pictured this part of the hospital as being like his own—hallways and separate rooms, a patient in each. Instead the ICU was one large area and many beds, all within plain sight, separated only by curtained dividers. A monitoring station where two nurses sat was just beyond the door. He could see a third nurse checking on patients. He had made it this far, but he wouldn’t get farther and remain undetected.

That left only one option. He pushed open the door, two sets of eyes on him before it had even closed again. William chose the pair that seemed the most sympathetic, addressing a young woman with long blonde hair.

“I’m here to see Kelly Phillips,” he said.

She looked him over. “And you are…”

“We were in the accident together. I just want to see if he’s okay. I mean, I know he’s not, but—” William’s voice croaked. He didn’t need to pretend to be upset.

“You shouldn’t have left your room,” she replied, but her resolve was wavering. “Where are your slippers?”

“I just want to say goodnight to him. Please.”

The nurse looked to her colleague. The man shrugged apathetically.

“I won’t be long,” William pressed.

That did the trick. She gestured with her arm, showing him where he should go. Then she walked alongside him. That wasn’t ideal. William had imagined being alone with Kelly. He focused his attention on each bed they passed, hoping to see a familiar face. When he did, he almost cried out, because Kelly looked much the same. His face was gaunt and marred by a few small cuts, probably from the shattered window. Other than that, William could easily imagine him waking up and making a barbed comment.

“He’s doing a lot better,” the nurse said. “We’re lucky he made it to the hospital in time. He lost a lot of blood, but he’s okay now. He’ll pull through.”

William eyed the blanket covering his legs. Leg. Part of him was glad the missing limb was covered. The rest wanted to see, to confront what he had done. He felt tears rising again, his head dizzy. He grasped the bed’s metal frame for support. To his surprise, Kelly stirred, eyes opening and struggling to focus. He braced himself for anger, but when Kelly saw him, he smiled.

“Hi, baby,” he said. He lifted his arms, reaching out as if wanting a hug.