Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (19 page)

“I don’t,” William retorted, “because you’re right. He could have called your mom, verified that she bought you the alcohol, and that you had permission to drink it. At home. He probably would have taken away the champagne, slapped us on the wrist, and let us get on with our evening. Instead he ended up
handcuffing
you. You get why, right?”

“Gee, I wonder.”

“This isn’t because you’re black!” William shot back, his voice louder than he intended. “It’s because sometimes you let your anger control you. Instead of trying to reason with the other person, or charm your way out of rough situations, you fly off the handle. Of course the police officer handcuffed you! Hell, I felt like doing the same.”

“Because I stood up for myself?” Kelly said. “Jesus Christ, I had no idea you were so subservient. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re desperate to join the Coast Guard where some jarhead will tell you what to do and how to think.”

William gripped the steering wheel tighter and looked over at him. “You just love bringing that up, don’t you? Enlisting means everything to me, and you never pass up a chance to make me feel shitty about it.”

“Maybe you should!” Kelly said. “Especially if the Coast Guard is more important to you than spending the weekend with your boyfriend!”

“So what?” William focused on the road again, turning up the windshield wipers to combat the rain. “You think eating sandwiches together while picking up trash sounds appealing to me? And really, why should I reward you for getting us into this mess?”

“So it’s all my fault?”

“Yes! How can you not see that?”

“Maybe because I’m not interested in placing blame.” Kelly looked out the window, head shaking. “I didn’t make you feel bad for costing me the race.”

William felt a pang of guilt. “The triathlon?”

“Yes, the triathlon. I didn’t give you shit just because you tripped and fell. You’re not perfect either. You never will be, no matter how much you try, so come down off that high horse.”

That hurt. The triathlon had been special to him, the event that had brought them together. Obviously Kelly didn’t feel the same way. William exhaled and attempted to make peace again. “It’s not about either of us making mistakes. It’s about how you react to them. You were cool during the race. Why couldn’t you have been that way with the police officer?”

“With the pig?” Kelly snapped. Peace was obviously the last thing on his mind. “Maybe because I don’t love him!”

“And do you still love me? All we do these days is fight. I think you did love me back then. I believe you. But something has changed because it’s obvious I don’t make you happy anymore.”

“You do,” Kelly said, the anger in his voice turning to hurt. “But not when you put other things before our relationship. Not just other things. Everything! Your mom, the Coast Guard, and the needs of just about anyone who stumbles into your life. You’re always thinking about them and not us. But despite all of that, no matter how much your chivalry makes me want to tear my hair out, you still make me happy.”

William was tired. He wanted to turn the car around and go back to bed. He wanted to pull the blankets over his head and sleep until all of this blew over—the trouble with the police, his parents’ divorce, and especially this relationship. Love is what he desired most, and yet it left him baffled and exhausted. He thought of Kelly’s first relationship with an Italian guy named José and how they had both been in love with the idea of being in love. Now William understood because he was pretty sure he and Kelly didn’t love each other. Lately they didn’t even seem to like each other! All the good William had once seen in him—his single-minded focus, his refusal to compromise or care what others thought of him—now bothered him most. This wasn’t working out.

“The thing is,” William said, tongue feeling thick, “I’m not sure I’m happy anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“I don’t know.” William bit his lip, wanting to stop the words from pouring out, but he knew they were needed. He glanced over at Kelly, who looked as though he had been slapped, but even that wasn’t enough to stop him. “Maybe just a break. We can try being friends again and—”

“Because I messed up?” Kelly yelled. “Because I’m human and actually let myself feel anger? What’s wrong with that? Why do you have to be such a fucking robot?”

“I’m not a robot.” William glared through the windshield, refusing to take the bait.

“Sure you are. Just like your toys. That must be why you admire them so much because you want to be the same way. Plastic and unfeeling.”

“I get angry!” William snapped. Then the dam broke, and he was shouting just as loud as Kelly. “You
know
I do. But I also understand the concept of restraint! You flip out every five seconds like—”

“I do when I’m with you because you always—”

“That’s why we shouldn’t be together! Something’s wrong!”

Kelly seethed. “You will never,
ever
, be in a relationship where you don’t argue. Not that it matters. Where you’re going, you’ll never date again.”

William glared at him, already knowing where this was headed. “And why’s that?”

“You know why.”

“Say it,” William snarled. “Say it one more time. I fucking dare you, because if you do, it’ll be the last time I listen to your crap.”

For a second it looked as though Kelly was going to back down, but then those eyes became slivers, lips downturned in disgust. “Once you’re in the Coast Guard—”

Shut up.
William wanted nothing more than for Kelly to stop talking.

“—it’s back in the closet or your superiors will disown you. You’ll live your pathetic robot life—”

It’s not that they didn’t love each other, or didn’t like each other. They
hated
each other. William had no doubt about it. He wanted to make a fist and swing at that mouth just so he would—

“—sleeping on a cold bunk every night—”

Shut.

“—sneaking off to a cruise park occasionally to suck—”

Up!

William jerked the wheel, cutting across a lane toward the side of the road. He felt a burst of satisfaction when Kelly sucked in air, too shocked to speak, voice faltering. He wanted to see anger? Fine! William would pull over, kick his sorry ass out into the rain, and be done with him forever. No more of his smart mouth and—

The wheels caught on the wet surface of the road, losing traction. The vehicle spun instead of pulling over. William hit the brakes, but that only made it worse. Headlights blinded him briefly as they faced oncoming traffic, so he tried jerking the wheel in the opposite direction. That did the trick! A symphony of screeching tires and honking horns filled the air as the car stopped sideways in the middle of the road, but he didn’t care. He wanted Kelly out of his car and out of his life. He still felt like pummeling him, never wanting to hear that voice again. But he did, and it sounded like a mere squeak.

“William—”

He saw the beast just seconds before it hit them. Half of his attention was still on Kelly’s face, surprised to see shame there, maybe even regret. The rest of him saw huge fat tires, a dirty metal grill, and headlights high and wide. Then came the explosion. They were in motion again, moving down the road even though the car remained sideways. William’s head hit the steering wheel, the airbag exploding a second too late and knocking him back against the seat. The vehicle ground to a halt. William fought against the air bag, desperate to see what was going on around him. Even when cleared of obstacles, his vision remained a blur, heart convulsing so fast he thought it would burst, but at least the accident hadn’t been fatal. For him.

Kelly! William managed to push the airbag to one side. He noticed first how cramped the interior had become, the metal frame now caved in and intruding on their space. Kelly had been pushed inward by the impact, one hip jutting toward him, like he sometimes did when feeling both silly and flirtatious. William swiped at the passenger airbag, trying to get a better look, comforted when he heard groaning because at least it meant Kelly wasn’t… He focused on the task at hand, an idling engine falling silent outside. His progress was halted briefly when he felt warm liquid trickling down his face. William wiped at it, sparing only a glance to confirm the blood on his hand as he tried instead to fix blurry vision on his passenger. View unobscured now, he saw Kelly with his head hanging out the shattered window, like a dog wanting to revel in the breeze. He wasn’t moving. “Are you okay?”

Kelly groaned in response and shifted, head raising to face the truck outside his window. William heard a door slam, feet hopping to the pavement. Then he looked down and saw red seeping into the material of the rapidly deflating airbag.

“Kelly!”

He pulled at the white fabric. The bag shifted enough that he saw metal and sinew, skin and fabric, all mashed together like a wretched stew. Panic blinded him briefly, his head throbbing, but he forced himself to focus, to face the ugly mess. Blood had pooled on the seat, trickled onto the floorboard, and he was pretty sure he saw the white of bone glistening within the same liquid.

“Stay still, stay still!” he said, fighting against the urge to scream. “Oh fuck! Where’s my phone?”

Kelly grunted and shoved himself upright, looking at William with a quizzical expression, as if seeking an explanation. Didn’t he feel the pain? Wasn’t he aware of just how damaged his body was? William’s gaze flicked downward, hoping he’d been mistaken, that it hadn’t been so bad, but one glance confirmed that the nightmare persisted. This drew Kelly’s attention downward. William wanted to stop him, knowing that his brain would finally register the pain when he saw the truth.

“Are you all right? What the hell were you thinking?”

William turned to his window and saw an older man who was unscathed but white as a sheet. He opened his mouth to say more but was cut off by a scream. It didn’t sound human.

“Ambulance,” William managed to grunt, but he didn’t need to. The man outside his window was already backing away while pulling out his phone.

William turned his attention to Kelly, grabbing the hand that was clawing at the airbag to move it away. Kelly didn’t need to see more. Neither of them did. Everything from his waist down was soaked in blood. It was a miracle that Kelly was alive at all!

“Stay with me,” William said, clenching his hand tight. “Stay with me! Help is on the way. Stay with me.”

Kelly’s shrill screams stopped only when he sucked in air. Then he would resume. William ached in sympathy, blinking against his stinging eyes as blood fogged his vision and mixed with his tears. Kelly’s screams ceased as suddenly as they began, his head lolling before his entire body went still. William released his hand to struggle with his seatbelt, wanting to move closer to Kelly so he could… what? Administer CPR? What little training William had came from summers spent as a lifeguard, or learning about rescue swimmers. Dragging someone out of the water, preventing hypothermia, forcing the water from their lungs—all of that was useless now.

Kelly was dead. William was pretty sure of that because he wasn’t moving anymore, and the human body only contained so much blood. The cruelest part was how the absent affection finally awoke inside of William. He loved Kelly. Of course he did! Why else would they get so angry if they didn’t have feelings for each other? And now he had ruined it all, had extinguished the life of the person he adored. “Take me, instead,” William said, voice shuddering. He wasn’t even sure who he was addressing. God? The Devil? Anyone with the power to undo this atrocity. He finally managed to get his seatbelt off, twisting in his seat, grasping Kelly’s arm and not understanding what to do. “Please! I’m so sorry. Take me instead. I beg you. Please! Please…”

He touched Kelly’s face and tried to make himself be silent so he could listen for another breath but was deafened by his own heartbeat thudding in his ears. William was trembling, his breath ragged, head aching and dizzy. Then he noticed that the distant sound of sirens had grown louder.

“They’re almost here,” William said. “Stay with me, Kelly. I love you, okay? I’m sorry about what I said. I love you.”

He decided to get out of the car, to wave down the ambulances or maybe go around to the passenger side. CPR was better than nothing. At least Kelly would be breathing. Was he breathing now? Was he really dead? William found himself already outside the vehicle, his legs shaking until they buckled and he fell to his knees. He felt someone lifting him up. William shoved the man aside with barely a glance before he scrambled around the front of the car. The windshield on Kelly’s side was opaque with cracks but still held together. Other cars had pulled over. He saw someone rushing forward with an umbrella, but none of them mattered. Only Kelly. He wanted to open the door, but the handle was lost somewhere in the folds of crumpled metal. From this angle Kelly appeared fine, his face serene. William reached for him through the remains of the window, but someone pulled him back.

“Son, I don’t think you’re supposed to move him!”

William glanced over at the man he had seen before, beard white and skin leathery. “Help me! We have to get him out of there. I can give him CPR.”

The man released him, but only stood and stared as William yanked at the frame of the car door. His hand slid off wet metal so he grabbed the frame tighter and jerked. The door didn’t open, but it shifted. Kelly’s face knotted up in response. Then he moaned, eyes clenched shut. He was alive! Hope exploded in William’s heart. He pulled twice as hard, the man behind him shouting. The sirens were so loud now he couldn’t hear the words, but they didn’t matter, because Kelly was alive! William would rip the car to pieces if need be.