Someone to Love (4 page)

Chapter Six

Spencer

S
he’s gone
.

I know she is before I ever open my eyes. Right now, I’m not ready to get out of this bed and face that reality. I just want to lie here a little longer and pretend she’s still beside me.

I knew that having sex with Lexi would be different than any other experience that I’d ever had. Once we crossed that line there was no stopping. Last night, my body had screamed in need for hers. Even if I had tried, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to fight it.

My alarm begins to blare beside me, letting me know it’s time to get my ass up and ready for work. Climbing out of bed and heading for the shower, my mind keeps replaying the events of last night. Lexi’s body movements had been in perfect sync with mine, matching me stroke for stroke. Her body felt like it was made just for mine. There is this connection with her unlike anything I’d ever known before. It was a lot like coming home, a safe haven of some sort.

Now she’s gone, without saying a word. I wonder if I said or did something to make her run.

Had I been wrong? Is she not feeling the connection like I am?

I’m not used to having these doubts. This is why, for the past two years, I’ve avoided mixing sex and emotions. Tessa’s treachery saw to that.

One weekend with Lexi has the fortress I’ve built around my heart cracking. Now, after our time together last night, one whole side has collapsed. It’s obvious that Lexi could lay siege to my heart in no time if I let her.

When I’m dressed and ready for work, I walk into my kitchen to grab a drink and see a piece of paper lying on the counter by my keys and cell phone.

Spencer,

I know you’re not ready for more. I couldn’t wake up beside you this morning and see the look of regret on your face. My number is in your phone should you decide to use it.

No regrets,

Lexi

“Damn it!” I yell as I grab her letter and crumble it in my hand. She thinks I regret it. I definitely don’t regret last night with her. However, she’s right about the other. I’m not ready for more. I scroll through my phone to find her number, thinking I should send her a text and let her know how I feel. Instead, like a coward, I slide my phone into my pocket and leave for work. I’ll text her later when I know what to say.

When I get to the shop and see that Tucker isn’t there yet, I’m not really surprised. He does have Brenna at his house after all. I text him to see if he’s coming in so I know where to start today. While I’m unlocking the doors and turning on the lights, my phone begins to vibrate. Looking at the screen, I see it’s Tucker calling.

His excitement is obvious as he tells me why it is he isn’t coming in today; it seems he and Brenna are paying a little visit to the clerk’s office to get their marriage license.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they were married by lunchtime today
.

I tell him I’m good here by myself and not to worry. Before hanging up with Tucker, I hear Brenna in the background asking about Lexi. I don’t know what to tell him, except that she went home sometime this morning. I guess he can tell by my voice that I’m not willing to go into more details. He tells me to call him if I need anything, to which I agree before hanging up.

Lexi stays in my mind, no matter how much I try to stay busy. I want to know if she made it home safely, but I’m not ready to talk to her about last night. I decide to text her anyway, hoping she doesn’t ask too many questions.

Spencer: Did you make it home alright?

I go ahead and begin pulling out the tools that I’ll need to finish up this old Chevy that Tucker and I’ve been restoring. Tucker had already replaced all the belts and wiring under the hood, so now it’s time for me to have a look underneath the bottom of the truck to see if there’s anything needing to be replaced that has been rusted through. I’d just slid under the truck, when my phone vibrates.

Lexi: Yes

That’s it? Just one word? I feel relief and like a dick, all at once. I know I should say something back to her, but what? Unsure of what to say, I decide not to reply back. Putting my phone back into my pocket, I get to work. Every hour that passes by, I think more and more about texting her, but I never do. By the time I leave work, I’m completely exhausted. After swinging through a drive thru for a quick bite to eat, I head home, shower, and fall into bed.

* * *

Lexi

Normally, I’m not an early bird, but this morning, I’m up with the sun. I watched Spencer sleep for a few minutes, before carefully crawling out of his bed. He looks so peaceful in his sleep; like he has no demons. The problem is that I know he does and that’s why I’m leaving right now. I can’t be here when he wakes and take the chance of seeing the look of regret on his face.

While I was getting dressed in his living room, I decided to leave him a note. I don’t want to leave without saying a word. Placing the note where I know he will find it, I slip out his door, closing it softly behind me.

Spencer should know he isn’t the only one that is scared. This is all new territory for me, too. I’ve never had my heart broken, because I’ve never given it to anyone, so I have no clue what he’s going through or has been through. After our time together last night though, I know that I could very well have my heart shattered by Spencer. Everything feels so right with him. The only difference between us is that I’m willing to take that chance on him. I’m just not sure he’s willing to risk his heart on me.

When I get home, I check my phone but there are no messages or missed calls. I hope he texts and tells me that he doesn’t regret last night. I’m not going to hold my breath though. I drop my purse and phone on my bed and then strip out of my clothes, so I can take a shower.

Feeling somewhat clear headed after my shower I dress in some comfy clothes and head for the bed. I’m going to sit down with my sketch pad and begin working on ideas for the art show. I’m not going to sit here and wait for his call. Just as I reach my bed, I notice the light flashing on my phone. Unlocking the screen, I see a text from a number I’ve never seen before. It’s the same prefix as Tucker’s, so I’m pretty sure it’s Spencer. He wanted to know if I made it home ok. I reply simply “yes”. At least he cared enough to ask.
That’s a good sign, right?

* * *

I sketched for hours yesterday only stopping to eat, use the bathroom, and stretch. Not one more word came from Spencer, in all that time. I thought about texting him before I went to bed, but then I totally chickened out. To be honest, I’m not sure I can handle the rejection. Since there’s nothing here to eat, I decided to go out and grab something before I begin yesterday’s routine all over again.

After lunch, I broke down and sent Brenna a text asking her to call me when she got a chance. I know she’s busy unpacking and spending time with Tucker, but I need to talk to someone. It doesn’t take long before my phone is ringing.

“Hey, how’s the unpacking going?” I ask, answering the phone.

“Boring! I will be so damn glad when I’m done. What’s up?”

Where to begin? Brenna is my best friend and I know I can tell her anything, but I don’t want her mad at Spencer or to cause a rift between him and Tucker. So I choose my words with care.

“Brenna, I think I fucked up.”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“I slept with Spencer and left before he woke up yesterday morning. He sent me a text asking if I made it home but hasn’t mentioned anything about last night.”

“Okay, so how exactly did you fuck up? It sounds to me like he’s the one who did.”

I begin telling her what happened, starting from the moment we got to his house, all the way up until we fell asleep. I leave out the juicy details.
Bitch doesn’t share the deets with me, so she doesn’t deserve them from me.

“Brenna, it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I felt this connection to him like he’s the one I’ve been waiting for all along.”

“I know exactly what you mean, Lexi. That’s how I feel about Tucker. I don’t get it though, Spencer seemed to be feeling the same things toward you this weekend. I mean, he was staring at you the whole time.”

“There is something in his past. He hasn’t talked about it. I get the feeling he never has.”

“Hmm… well, I could ask Tucker, see if he knows anything.”

“No, I don’t want to cause problems between Tucker and Spencer. I’m going to give him space and time and maybe he will come around.”

Brenna and I chat a little longer about her plans for her wedding. Before we hang up, we agree to have dinner together after graduation on Saturday. I’m really glad I talked to her. Did she have any awe inspiring comments? No. But at least I feel better for getting it off my chest.

The next few days crawl by. I’ve cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, sketched as much as I could, and walked the campus day after day. I still haven’t heard anything from Spencer. My hope is dwindling by the hour. I know I will, more than likely, see him this Sunday at Tucker and Brenna’s house. That’s better than nothing I guess.

Graduation day is finally here. I wait to take my seat, looking for Brenna. When I see her and the people behind her my heart stops.

Spencer
.

He’s here and walking my way.

Chapter Seven

Spencer

T
he days passed
slowly as I followed the same routine. Work, eat, sleep, and never talking to Lexi. I’ve been pretty quiet, keeping busy, and trying not to think about anything. By Thursday, Tucker was asking me what was up with me. I tried to blow it off as nothing, except being tired, but of course he wasn’t buying it. Finally I cave and tell him as much as I’m willing to share about the weekend, up until I woke up alone Monday morning.

“Do you like her?” he asks me curiously.

“Yeah, maybe a little too much,” I respond while going about cleaning the tools I used today.

“There’s no such thing as too much. Look man, I know there’s something holding you back. You haven’t had any relationships for as long as I’ve known you. Whatever it is, you can trust me. Talk to me if you want. Or if you’d rather, talk to Lexi. Either way you need to talk to someone about what’s really bothering you. Just be honest with her. What do you have to lose?”

That’s easy… my heart. I don’t tell him that though.

“Thanks, Tucker, I’ll keep that in mind.”

What he doesn’t know is, I’m still not ready to talk about what landed me here in this place two years ago. I wish I could erase it from my mind and move on.

“You wanna ride down with us to graduation on Saturday?” Tucker asks.

Do I?
At least I would see Lexi again, and maybe if I’m lucky she will talk to me.
Yes, I think I will go
. It’s time that I man up and face her and hope she doesn’t hate me.

“Yeah man, that sounds good.”

Before I know it, it’s Saturday and I’m standing here with Brenna, Tucker and both their families. I scan the crowd looking for the one person I really want to see. When I spot her, I begin walking straight for her.

She looks beautiful in her cap and gown. I think she would be beautiful in anything. She doesn’t smile at me as I approach, but she doesn’t take her eyes off me either.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out as I step in front of her.

“For what?”

“For not calling you all week. It was a dick move and well… I’m sorry. How ‘bout we start over?”

Lexi looks away and stares off into the distance for a moment before she turns back to me holding out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Alexia Allen, my friends call me Lexi.” She smiles as my hand takes hers.

“Nice to meet you Lexi, I’m Spencer Jacobs. My friends call me Spence.”

Lexi leans around me and grins at whoever is standing behind me. Curious, I turn around and see a man and woman I’ve never seen before, Lexi squeals and throws herself in the man’s arms. When he releases her, she hugs the woman. The man is looking at me curiously, but before I can introduce myself, Lexi speaks.

“Spencer these old people here are my mom and dad, Sam and Alice Allen,” She laughs as her parents both scowl at her.

I extend my hand to shake her dad’s and then her mom’s. That’s the polite thing to do, right? “It’s nice to meet you both.”

Her parents are both looking between Lexi and me, like their trying to figure out if there is more there than just friends. I’m really hoping they didn’t hear our conversation and put it all together. Her dad may be older than me, but he’s a big ole dude. I’m not thinking I can take him if it came down to that.

“Do you go to school here too, Spencer?” Her mom asks.

“No ma’am, I went to community college in Bowling Green.”

“Then how did you two meet?” Her dad asks while raising a brow at Lexi who was about to answer. I haven’t been questioned by a girl’s dad in six years and it’s not any easier now than it was back then.

“We met through Brenna. She’s engaged to my boss and good friend, Tucker Wade.”

“Brenna’s getting married?” Her mom asks Lexi.

“Yes, and to her childhood best friend. They are so sweet together, Mama. Just wait till you see them together,” She answers, pulling out her phone and texting someone.

“He better be good to her. Brenna’s a good girl. I’d hate for someone to hurt one of my girls,” Her dad says while looking right at me. I’m thinking maybe I have ‘I slept with your daughter and didn’t call her for five days’ written across my forehead.

I’m just about to defend my best friend, when he and Brenna walk up. Brenna introduces Tucker and his parents to Lexi and her parents. I feel like I have been issued a stay of execution by the governor when Sam Allen’s focus is directed to Tucker.

When it’s time for graduation to begin, we all take our seats. Hours pass as they hand out diplomas. Who knew college graduation would take so long. My ass is numb and Lexi’s dad keeps looking over at me. He makes me a little nervous for some reason. Needing to get some air and get away, I get up and go in search of a bathroom. When I come out Lexi’s dad is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed waiting for me.

“I guess you are wondering why I keep looking at you and followed you.” He asks me.

“Yes sir, I am a little curious,” I answer him truthfully.

He looks at me a moment longer before he answers, “Lexi is my baby and I saw the way you were looking at each other. Something didn’t make sense to me though. When she introduced you as her “friend” you didn’t correct her.”

“Lexi and I just met last Friday, Sir, she and I are just friends at the moment.” There that wasn’t so bad.

“At the moment, what exactly does that mean?”

“I really like Lexi, but I’m not looking for more than friends at this point. We are getting to know each other, and well, to be honest Sir, maybe one day Lexi and I could have more.”

Mr. Allen looks at me for a moment before nodding, straightening up off the wall and stepping toward me.

“You’re honest, I like that. Be good to my girl, Spencer, that’s all I ask. She’s never shown interest in a boy before now, so don’t break my baby’s heart,” He says as he pats my shoulder and begins to walk away.

I follow behind him and take my seat to watch Lexi graduate. Once it’s over, we all meet up at a restaurant and eat dinner together. It is relaxed and something I could get used to. I may have left my family behind, but I think I have found a new one. One of these days, maybe my family can be here with us like this. Until then, I’m content right where I am.

* * *

Lexi

Today is all about closing one chapter and beginning another. Spencer and I are starting fresh and I graduated from college. Now all of us are sitting around a table having a great time. Tucker’s dad and Brenna’s grandpa are a hoot. You can tell they’ve known each other for a long time. My dad, Tucker, and Spencer are right there with them laughing and telling jokes. Caroline and Anna have been talking quietly with Brenna about the secret wedding I suppose.

My mom is sitting next to me taking it all in, just like me. I could get used to this, maybe one day Spencer’s family will be joining us too. Yeah, I’m thinking ahead and I can’t help it. Even though we are just friends right now, I want more.

“He’s very handsome,” My mom says quietly beside me.

“Who?”

“Well both of them are actually, but I was referring to Spencer.”

I turn in my chair to look at my mom, who is looking at me like she knows exactly what I’m thinking.

How do moms do that
?

“Yes he is,” I reply to her while turning back around to continue watching everyone.

Well, maybe not everyone. I am really only watching one right now. He must feel my eyes on him because he turns to grin at me. It’s obvious he knows I’d been watching him. He winks at me then turns his attention back to the men.

“Interesting,” Mama mutters beside me.

“What’s interesting?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the way you two look at each other, but yet you’re only friends. Or the fact that your cheeks are flushed from just one little smile and wink from him. I’ve never seen you have this reaction before.”

No, she hasn’t, because I’ve never met anyone that affected me the way Spencer does. Mama knows that I am holding out for the right guy. I want what she and dad have and Brenna and Tucker. I don’t want a man to love me for a little while with only half of his heart. I want his whole heart, with no memories of past ghosts haunting him. I will not share him with anyone, past or present. I’m greedy like that.

“If you want him Lexi, then fight for him. Help him heal. Open your heart to him. Show him how it is to really be loved.”

“I don’t even know what happened to him.”

“Well then, Alexia, I suggest you figure it out.” She never uses my real name, unless she means business. “Trust me, it may be a bumpy ride but the end result will make it all worthwhile.”

“Thanks Mama,” I say to the woman who has always had my best interest at heart. She smiles and pats my hand as I lean over and place a kiss on her cheek.

When we’re all leaving the restaurant, I overhear Tucker and Brenna invite my parents to their house tomorrow. I had totally forgotten that my parents were leaving for Florida tomorrow, for the next two weeks. They had asked me to go with them, without my brother, Drew, here though and not able to go with us, I told them no. The two of them need this time to themselves.

Mom and Dad hug and kiss my cheek before they get into their car to head back home. I feel Spencer behind me before he speaks.

“You going to Brenna’s tomorrow?” He asks.

“I was planning on it. You?”

“With free food? Of course I’m going.” He says with a grin.

“Are you riding back with them?”

“Depends.”

“On what?” I ask with a raised brow.

“On whether you’ll let me sleep on your couch tonight.”

I smile and nod at him before he walks over to Brenna’s Xterra, pulling out his bag and talking to Tucker who grins at me. He came prepared, just in case. This makes me smile that much more. Hope blooms in my chest, as I watch him walk back toward me. We say our goodbye’s to everyone before getting in my car and heading toward my apartment. Maybe I can get him to open up a little tonight. I need something to work with.