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Chapter Thirteen

Adam spent the next two days in agony, refusing to eat, refusing to move more than necessary. It all hurt too much. Everything hurt.

Matt fretted and cared and held him. At one point, Doc Manning came in, gave him an injection of something, and he floated away, muscles relaxing.

It was the smell of something cooking that had woken him up this morning. His stomach growled and he ignored it. He wasn’t hungry.

He couldn’t ignore his Master, though, when Matt came in a few minutes later with a tray. “Morning, lovely. How are you feeling?”

“I’m sore. Better though.”

“You look less strained.” Matt put the tray on the bed, sat next to him.

“Thank you. The shot helped.”

“Good.” Matt’s palm cupped his cheek. “Food will make you feel even better.”

He pressed into the touch. “Maybe a bite or two.” He didn’t want anything.

“I made you pancakes.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to.” There was something comforting about it, though. Like it was
theirs
.

“I wanted to. Real maple syrup, too.”

He smiled, touched. “Thank you.” One bite wouldn’t hurt.

Matt cut the pancake up and poured on the syrup before grabbing a fork and offering him a bite.

His lips parted and the maple hit his tongue. The first thought in his mind was, “You haven’t worked out. You can’t eat. You’ve been in bed for days. Days.” He almost spat the bite out.

Matt was smiling at him, though, looking at him like he was the center of the universe.

“How does it look? My back?”

“It looks bad.” Matt fed him a second bite. “It’ll be awhile before you can work again.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what to say to that, really.

“I’ve called your appointments, made sure everyone knows you won’t be keeping them.”

“I’m sorry.”

Matt’s head tilted. “For what?”

He chuckled, the sound shaky. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, lovely.” Matt stroked his cheek, and offered him another bite. “This wasn’t your fault. The man was a good client, you had no reason to believe he’d become unhinged.”

“I just...” He shook his head at the bite. “I think I’m full.”

“Lovely, two bites isn’t enough. You haven’t eaten in days.”

He looked at Matt. “I haven’t worked out.” He’d get fat. Swollen. Gross.

Matt stared at him for a long moment, and then took a breath. “You need calories just to stay at your current weight. Like probably a couple thousand. Just to maintain status quo. And you’re healing right now. That takes extra energy, too. You need to eat, lovely. If you want, we could ask Manning to come back, he could let you know what your calorie intake should be. We can hire a nutritionist to help...”

“I can’t. I can’t cope with this. I can’t...”

“You don’t have to.” Matt cupped his cheeks, made him look into his master’s eyes. “Trust me with this, Adam. Trust me to feed you correctly. Trust me not to let you get fat or flabby. Trust me to take care of you.”

“Master.” He shook, this request huge. The biggest one anyone had ever asked of him.

“You know I love you, Adam. You know I want what’s best for you. Please. I need you to trust me with your body, your heart, and your soul.”

He did all he could do -- and it took every ounce of will he had. He opened his lips for a bite.

***

Every time Adam woke up, Matt made sure he was there with some treat or another for his lovely to eat. He knew it was a huge thing, that Adam was letting Matt feed him; he also knew it was necessary. Not eating at all because he wasn’t working out was going to kill Adam if it went on for too long. Adam still wasn’t getting anywhere near what he should have been, but Matt had managed to make most of the food count -- even the custard was loaded with protein.

Now he was putting together a banana split to share with Adam -- made with frozen yogurt instead of ice cream.

Manning had been back in twice, both times for shots of muscle relaxants, and Adam was moving around more, sitting up. Matt’d recognized Adam’s movements as he began to wake up and that’s when he’d slipped out to get the banana split ready. Grabbing a spoon, he headed back to the bedroom.

Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed, breathing slowly.

“Hey, lovely. You’re doing well.” That Adam had moved that much without prodding was awesome.

“I think I want a shower.”

“I have a frozen yogurt banana split. Wanna share that first?”

Adam met his eyes, the worry, the stress right there. “Are there strawberries?”

“There are. Bananas, strawberries, fresh cherries, raspberries and blueberries.” He picked up one of the strawberries and offered it.

“That smells amazing.” Adam ate it.

“It is amazing. I might have eaten a few while making it.” Oliver had sent a huge fruit basket from the club. Huge. He picked up a raspberry, the fruit staining his fingers as he pressed it against Adam’s lips.

Adam opened for him, tongue lapping at the juices. He slid his fingers against Adam’s tongue, loving the soft touches.

“You should have some.”

“I ate a lot while I was preparing it.” He took a strawberry, though, eating it for himself as he handed over a cherry.

“I don’t blame you. I love fruit.”

“It’s okay, there’s still a ton left. Oliver sent the most amazing basket.” He grabbed the spoon and offered some of the frozen yogurt.

Adam opened up, ate the bite slowly. Soon, the protests would start. He was going to get as much food into Adam as he could before that began, though.

One more strawberry and Adam sighed. “I should get cleaned up.”

“You should let me feed you properly.”

“Properly?”

“More than a bite or two.”

He dipped the next strawberry in the frozen yogurt and held it up for Adam to eat. Adam opened for the bite, took it.

“That’s good, lovely. Have some with the raspberries this time.” He held the spoon up.

“It’s a lot...” Adam’s lips opened.

“It’s barely enough to feed a bird, lovely.”

“I’m so tired, Master.”

“I know. Your body is working hard to heal. Eating will help, Adam. You said you’d let me worry about that, that you wouldn’t balk at the food.”

“I did.” Adam opened for another bite.

He fed Adam another couple spoonfuls of the frozen yogurt, and then two more strawberries. “Good. Give yourself time, lovely.”

“I’ll be okay. I will.”

“I know.” Matt pressed soft kisses on Adam’s face.

Adam leaned against him a little longer, then sighed, eyelids going heavy.

“We should walk around the house, lovely.”

“Hmm?”

“To keep you from getting too stiff.”

“Oh.” Adam nodded, stood in a forced move.

He took his lovely’s hands, helping. “Okay, that’s it, good.”

He’d called Dan, told the man that Adam would be missing yoga. Dan had wanted to come, had called daily to check on Adam. He’d given Matt some advice on how to keep Adam from stiffening up from all the sleeping.

Matt held onto Adam’s arm and slowly led him along the hall. Adam was shaky, weak, and still stoned, but moving better. He brought the man into the living room, over to the large, soft couch with its pillows. Adam looked at it, shivered, then steeled himself to sit.

“No, you can lie on your stomach.” He grabbed one of the smaller cushions and put it down.

“Oh, thank God.”

“You have to say something, lovely, when you have needs.” He wanted to think of everything for Adam, but there would be times when he didn’t; he wasn’t perfect, and much as he’d like to be able to, he couldn’t read Adam’s mind.

Adam eased himself down. The bruises were vicious, still, but starting to heal in places.

He sat on the floor next to Adam’s head, and leaned them together. “I love you.”

“I’m so sorry about this. So sorry.”

“Shh. This wasn’t your fault, lovely. Stop apologizing for it.”

“It was. I should have...” Adam sighed, closed his eyes.

“You should have what? Read his mind? Cloned yourself?” He shook his head. “Not. Your. Fault.”

“What am I going to do?”

“We’ll think of something, lovely. For now, all you need to do is heal.”

Adam nodded, took a shaky breath. “Has he called me? Is he looking for me?”

“No. Marcus assured me the Hammer would take care of him.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t exactly know, lovely, but I trust Marcus.”

Adam actually smiled. “I do, too. Implicitly.”

“Then we won’t worry about it right now.”

“Okay.” Such a good man.

“We could watch a movie.” He didn’t actually expect Adam would stay awake all that long, but he wanted to get his lovely moving in the right direction -- back to the land of the living, so to speak.

“If you want to, that would be fine.”

“How about
Strictly Ballroom
? It’s one of my favorites.” And one he thought Adam would enjoy very much.

Adam nodded. “I’ve never seen it.”

“Cool. It’s a lot of fun.” He kissed Adam’s nose and went over to find the movie on the shelf.

When he turned back around, Adam was looking out the window, a lost, desperate look on his face.

He shook his head. “Lovely. Look at me.” He took Adam’s face in his hands and looked deep into his lover’s eyes.

The tears came, then, hard and harsh, Adam trusting him with it, with the loss of control. He pressed their foreheads together and stroked Adam’s hair, his arms, anywhere he could reach that wouldn’t hurt. When the storm was over, he stayed close, proud of his lovely one for letting him in.

He kissed away the tears, licking the salt from Adam’s face. “Love you,” he whispered. “Love you so.”

“Love. I’m so tired.” Adam blinked for him, panted.

“You can sleep. It’s okay. We’ll watch the movie again later.”

“Stay.” Adam’s eyes closed.

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed the side of Adam’s face. There was something broken in his lovely one. Some trust, some joy that was simply gone. He would have to figure something out, because he was never letting this happen again. Ever.

“I’m sorry, Master. I tried to make things work.”

“Shh. Shh. We’ll figure out how to make it work together, lovely.” Who’d have thought it would be a client’s jealousy that got in the way and not his own?

Adam lifted up. “Can I rest my head on your lap?”

“Oh, yes.” He sat carefully and helped Adam settle. Adam’s cheek eased onto his thigh, his lovely man right there. He stroked his fingers through Adam’s hair, humming softly along to the music over the opening credits.

Soon his lovely one relaxed, slept.

Matt wished he could relax. He wished that he could stop being angry at Adam’s client for being a possessive, stalker asshole. He wished he could come up with a response to the knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to let Adam go back.

Until he did, he’d just concentrate on loving his man.

Chapter Fourteen

Adam woke up before dawn, slipped from the bed, and put on his yoga pants. He could do this. He could. He stared at his t-shirt for a long minute. He could do this.

“Lovely?”

“Uh-huh?”
Go back to sleep, Master
.

“Why aren’t you in bed?”

“I was thinking about going to yoga.” If he could figure out how to get his shirt on.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, lovely. Why don’t we call Dan and have him come in and work with you one on one?”

“I’d hate to bother him. I just can’t bear the thought of putting this shirt on.” He swayed, dizzy and suddenly bone tired.

“Lovely.” Matt got out of bed and helped him back over to it, laying him down carefully. “He wants to come and help. He’s called every day.”

“I...” He moaned and settled, lifting his hips so Matt could take his pants off.

“You are allowed to be pampered. You’re even allowed to do it yourself -- not attend yoga, eat decadent things that make you feel better, let your Master take care of you!” Matt grabbed the Lidocaine spray, spread it over his skin to ease him. “You are not alone anymore, Adam. No man is an island, and that is especially true for a man in a relationship like ours.”

“I know. I’m just... So tired, Master. So very tired.”

“I know. Your body is working so hard. And your spirit has been bruised.”

“Yes.” Yes, exactly.

“It takes time for both to heal.”

“They will, though.” They had to.

“Of course they will. We’re working on it together, hmm?” Matt kissed him softly.

“I tried to go. That counts, right?”

“You safeworded, lovely. You did nothing wrong. Nothing.”

He didn’t know about that. He had to have some culpability here.

Matt kissed him again, finger stroking his cheek softly. “Shall we get up and have something to eat? You could lie on the couch and I could feed you that touchy-feely granola you like so much, even if you think it has too much fat in it.”

“I’m not hungry, Master. I’m sorry, I’m not.” He didn’t think he’d ever be hungry again.

“You’ll eat anyway, lovely.”

He sighed, trying not to grump, to fight.

Matt chuckled. “That sounded very long-suffering.”

He stuck his tongue out at Matt. His Master laughed and leaned in, trying to catch his tongue. He pulled it back in, winked, trying to play, to be right.

Matt smiled at him, rubbed their noses together. “I love you.”

“I love you. I’m going to have to go home, soon, huh? Water my plants. Weed.” He didn’t want to, somehow.

“Or we could ask someone to water them for you.” Matt smiled gently. “I like having you home here with me.”

He nodded. “I like it here.”

Matt nodded. “It’s ours. I wasn’t here long enough to make it just mine.”

“I didn’t intend to just push into your life.”

“Adam.” His name was little more than a growl. “You are my lover, my sub. You belong in my life.”

“I just... This is everyday for you, now.”

Matt beamed at him. “Yes, it is.”

“You’re good with it?”

“I’m great with it. I love having you here full time.”

He smiled. “Thank you.” God, that felt good.

“It’s the truth, lovely.”

“I need this, right now. Everything else is wrong.”

“You’ve got this. You’ve got me. I love you. I want you here.”

He twisted and pushed into Matt’s arms, holding on tight, trusting Matt to hold him and not hurt him.

Matt buried his face in Adam’s neck, arms careful but sure around him. “I’m right here, lovely. With you.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Stay. Let him stay.

“What would you think about moving in?”

“I’d say I’m hurt and shouldn’t make decisions.”

“All right. You can give me your answer when you feel well enough. And until then, you’re staying here with me.”

“Yes. Please. Thank you.”

Matt nodded, pressed another kiss on him. “Come on. Touchy feely crunchy granola.”

He chuckled. “Granola is good.”

“I know you like it.”

“I do.” He closed his eyes. “I want an egg white, though.” Those were fewer calories, more protein.

“Sounds good. We can save the granola for snacking on while we watch another movie.”

He’d watched more movies in the last few days. It was lovely. Matt helped him stand, moving them easily toward the kitchen. He leaned, breathing. The pain wasn’t any worse than a scene now. He used to come home from those by himself; no one ever took care of him the way Matt did.

“Do you think depending on you so much will make me weaker?” He didn’t think so, not really. He thought it would make him grateful.

“You of all people know that there’s nothing weak about being a sub.” Matt kissed him softly. “I think being willing to cede control to me makes you stronger.”

He nodded, pleased that they were on the same page there. “I think so, too. I just wanted to know where you stood.”

“By your side. Always.”

That made him smile. “Thank you, Master.”

“My pleasure.”

Matt put a pillow on one of the chairs and helped him to sit carefully, then went to the fridge and began to take out vegetables. Adam watched, leaning on the table. He loved to see the way Matt moved. Matt took out the box of egg whites last, and then began to wash and cut the vegetables.

“Do you need help?”

“No, you just sit there and relax. Would you like some tea?”

“That sounds nice. Thank you.”

Matt filled the kettle and put it on before sliding a frying pan onto the front burner. Garlic and onions went in with a little bit of oil, the heat turned on. “Won’t be long for either.”

“What are you doing?” He leaned forward, watching.

“Cooking the garlic and onions first. Then I’ll add the potatoes, then the softer veggies, and then the egg whites.”

“You don’t have to go to any trouble.” It smelled good, though.

“It’s no trouble, lovely. It’s just breakfast.”

“I just throw egg whites in a pan.”

“This’ll taste way better than that.” Matt stirred the concoction, then threw more vegetables in it. Adam watched, loving the way Matt moved, the actions of the long fingers. It wasn’t long before he had a steaming cup of tea at his elbow and a plate of egg whites with vegetables. “Ta da!”

“Thank you.” He grabbed Matt’s arm, pulled him in for a grateful kiss.

Moaning softly, Matt opened up, encouraging him to deepen the kiss.

“Master.” He whispered the honorific into Matt’s lips.

“Mmm.” Matt’s tongue slipped between his lips, stroked his own.

He moaned, opened, and reached up, cupped the back of Matt’s head. Matt fucked his mouth gently, tongue pushing in with that age-old rhythm. He moaned, responding happily, stupid in love.

It was Matt who ended the kiss after several more moments, leaning their foreheads together. “We need to eat. Then we can make out a little more.”

“Mmmhmm.” He wasn’t paying attention.

Matt sat next to him and offered a forkful of food. He opened up, more interested in Matt than food. The food slipped between his lips, the flavor exploding on his tongue. He hummed, actually enjoying it. Matt beamed at him and fed him another mouthful.

“It’s good.” And it couldn’t be bad for him.

“And all it has in it are vegetables and egg whites.”

More forkfuls were fed to him. He ate a few more, then pushed Matt’s arm. “You, too.”

Matt handed over the fork. “I’ll eat mine if you continue to eat as well.”

“I will.” A little, anyway.

“Good.”

Matt dug into his own food, making a happy noise at his first bite. They sat together, Matt finishing his eggs, Adam picking, eating a bite here and there. Each bite made him feel more and more full. He should get out for a long run today.

Matt tutted. “I can hear you thinking that you’re eating too much. I tell you what, how about a stroll after lunch today?”

“I’d like that. We could go down to the beach.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” Matt began to clear up their plates.

He nodded. “Do you have to do into the gallery today?”

“No, I don’t have to go back for a few more days.”

He smiled. Matt was too good to him.

Matt smiled back and finished up the dishes, then came over. “You feel like a movie? There’s popcorn.”

“We just ate.” And it was early in the morning.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t snack on popcorn. There’s no calories in it. Especially if you eat it curled up with your Master.”

“There are, too.” He let Matt move him into the living room.

“Not enough to make you fat.”

“I worry about it. Gaining weight.”

“I know you do, but I’m worrying about your intake and calorie burning for now, so you don’t need to think about it.”

“You swear? You’re really paying attention for me?” That was a huge pressure on his shoulders.

“I promise you that you will stay in your five-pound zone.”

His knees buckled, and he headed for the couch.

“Easy, easy.” Matt guided him down.

“Sorry.” It was such a weight.

“It’s okay, lovely.” Matt rubbed his belly. “Are you okay?”

“I. No. No. No, I’m not okay.” He wasn’t okay. He was tired of saying he was okay.

“Tell me what’s not okay, lovely.” There was a hint of command in Matt’s tone.

“I don’t know! How can so much be wrong when so much is right?” His chest was going to crack open.

“Because you’re focusing on what’s wrong. We’ll make it right. Together.”

“I can’t. I can’t make anything right, right now.”

“But you don’t have to, Adam. Leave everything with me and heal and enjoy every day we have together.”

He nodded, knowing that he couldn’t do what Matt asked, but willing to try, to submit. Matt gave him an approving kiss.

He kissed Matt back, then settled in to pretend to watch a movie, to listen to the madness in the back of his mind.