Soft Shock (25 page)

“And your
problem is you don’t know how to be
in
one,” Owen countered. “I don’t think we should be throwing stones from our
glass houses.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glowered down at her in a
reproving manner that pissed her off. Who did he think he was, giving her that
look? “Do you?”

“I’m happy just
the way I am,” Marci snapped. “I like being free to do whatever I want. I’m
glad it’s over.” Her voice faltered on the word “over”, and she hated herself
just a little bit for that. “And another thing,” she added before she lost any
more ground or verve or whatever. “Why does your girlfriend hate me so much
when she doesn’t even know me? Did you tell her about us?”

“She knows,” he
said in that quiet-yet-powerful very Owen way of his.

“Why’d you tell
her?”

“Why not tell
her?” Owen shrugged. “There’s nothing to hide.”

“Did you tell
her that you love me?” Marci asked. “Or…at least…that you did?”

“I never wanted
things to end between us. You made it necessary.”

“Do you still
love me?”

Owen caressed
her cheek, ran his thumb over her bottom lip, pulled away. “Why does it matter
now?”

 
“This isn’t the place for this. I’m
sorry. I don’t know why I’m bringing all this stupidity your way when you
clearly have enough to deal with right now.” She shook her head. “I really am
sorry about Jeremy. I know how…” All the things she knew seemed inappropriate
to say. “I really should go.”

Owen nodded and
stepped from under her umbrella. “Maybe you should.”

She opened the
driver’s side door.

“The answer is
yes.” His voice came from close behind her.
Very close.
She didn’t dare turn around. “It was never about that.”

Marci got in
the car, closed the door behind her, and slumped against the steering wheel.
She’d gotten herself into a real good mess this time.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Owen sank into
the bed next to Kristin, exhausted. He closed his eyes and listened to her
babble on. His brother was still in the hospital two weeks after the accident
but they’d had to fly up to New York to keep their appointment for engagement
pictures. It was either that or
face
the wrath of
Kristin. And hear yet another rant about how they were so far behind on yet
another wedding thing.

“All I’m saying
is it’s late March, and the wedding is in September,” Kristin had said in that
annoying you-know-I’m-right voice of hers. “If we put these pictures off, if we
don’t make it to the appointment, there won’t be any point in taking them.”

Owen did see
the point in taking them at all, but he knew after over four years of Kristin
and counting, you picked your battles with her, and you chose carefully, unless
you wanted to live in constant misery.

“So is your
brother an in or an out for best man?” Kristin asked.

His eyes popped
open, and he looked over at her.

She raised her
eyebrows. “Well?”

“I can’t
believe you just asked that. He’s still in the hospital.”

“Hospital or
not, you name a best man or I give you one. We’re already way behind on the
tuxes, I don’t know how many guys you want in the wedding party, and I have
girls waiting on the word to know if they’ll be in the party or not.”

“You can’t even
ask how he’s doing, or how his physical therapy is going, but all of a sudden
you remember I have a brother when this damned wedding comes up.”

“Jeremy is a
grown man, he makes his own bad choices, and he gets himself into these messes.
You seem to like to take responsibility for the trouble he gets himself into,
but I’m not going to waste a whole lot of time and energy getting all worked up
about yet another Jeremy episode.”

“You know
what?” Owen rolled to a sitting position at the side of the bed. “Do whatever
you want. This whole thing is your plan, your idea anyway. You pick. I’ll show
up, I’ll try not to mess up anything for you, and you do the rest.”

Kristin’s mouth
dropped open in obvious shock. “Owen. What is with
you?”

“I just don’t
care about any of this crap,” Owen stood and ran his hands through his hair.
While they’d been taking their pictures earlier that day in Central Park, he’d
been agitated. The agitation went back farther than that if he were being
really honest with himself.

“Do you still
want to get married?”

Oh, she didn’t
want to play this game.

Everything was
rubbing him the wrong way lately, from the fancy hotel room her parents had put
them up in for the weekend to every word out of Kristin’s mouth. How had he
never realized how shallow and materialistic she was when they were together
before? Because he had been too blinded by wanting to be with her no matter
what. So what had changed? There’d been a time not so long ago when he would
have given his right arm for what he had this moment. But something had
definitely changed. He pushed Marci’s name from his mind with no small and
inconsequential amount of effort.

Kristin was
definitely getting to him. The way she’d talked to the photographer earlier
that day, so self-assured of her importance. Talking about the overpriced this
and designer that they’d have at the wedding. Name dropping from the guest list
that included many of her parents’ important and influential friends.

He thought back
to the disdainful way Marci had talked about her mother’s sense of
self-importance. And how Marci considered it her job to keep her mom grounded.
Marci herself had always seemed so grounded. Sure of herself but not conceited.
That was one of the many things he missed about her. He still couldn’t believe
she’d admitted at the hospital that she missed him. That’d been a shock, for
sure, but it wasn’t enough.

“Owen, I asked
you a question,” Kristin looked up at him in that infuriating and demanding way
of hers.

Owen took a
deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m agitated. I need some fresh air.”

“At ten o’clock
at night?”

“Yep.” Owen
searched for his jeans.

“You’ve been
acting so strange lately. Is this about that Marci girl you were screwing?
She’s not even that cute. Personally, I don’t see the attraction. I mean,
truly, there’s no comparison.” Kristin gazed lovingly at her own reflection in
a mirror across the room.

“Why do you
have to drag her into this? There’s no reason to say such hateful things about
her.”
And completely untrue things.
“I chose you,
okay?”

Kristin
laughed. “Chose me? More like you’re lucky I let you be a part of my life
again.”

“Whatever,
Kristin.” Owen tugged on his jeans and grabbed his CVU sweatshirt.

“I know you’re
not going to leave this room. Didn’t you hear me say we need to get the wedding
party figured out?”

“I told you. Do
whatever you want. I’m done.”

“What about
your brother?”

Owen pulled on
his North Face and pocketed his key card to the room. “I’m done.” With that, he
was out of the door.

Owen walked
down the street, leaving the posh hotel on Park Avenue behind for at least a
few blissful moments. There was a very important question on his mind at the
moment that he had no idea how to begin answering: what in the world did he
want?

He’d thought
the answer to that question was simple. A few months ago, before she’d broken
his heart and left him for Justin, and before he met Marci, the answer would’ve
been Kristin. Hands down. And he should have been thrilled to have her back,
but so much had changed in the few months they’d been apart. He’d had too much
time to think about what he truly wanted out of life and what kind of woman was
right for him. Not only that, but he’d had some incredible times with Marci.
And not only in bed.

He’d invested
so many years in his relationship with Kristin. They’d been through so much.
He’d put in entirely too much work to walk away, hadn’t he? But this was a
relationship he was talking about, not some investment account for his retirement
or something. This sort of thing should be about love, not practicality and
vested interest and other such things.

The chilly
night air whipped around his face, and he hoped it would do something to bring
him the clarity he needed. Kristin could be fun. She was definitely on top of
things socially. He wouldn’t have to worry about planning anything. He’d always
just showed up when and where he was told. She was beautiful, and she knew that
very well. But she could also be so selfish and mean and petty. Everyone had
their
flaws, though. What he couldn’t figure out was where
that tipping point was. Where did that point come where the bad outweighed the
good?

He certainly
hadn’t had to go through this sort of deliberation where Marci was concerned.
She’d made the decision for him. And he’d known from the beginning how she
felt. It’d been foolish to think he could be different. That he could mean more
to her, and even if he did, that he could get her to admit it. It still hurt,
though, that it hadn’t bothered her at all to lose him. At least he was pretty
sure it hadn’t. What had that been that one night at the hospital? He’d almost
thought, for a moment, but no. If it was anybody else but Marci, there might be
room to hope. But it wasn’t, so there was none. He sighed and shook his head as
he continued down the street.

The lights and
bustle of the vibrant city were lost on him. He barely noticed as people walked
past him at a brisk, clipped speed or as groups of them passed at a slower
pace, sharing laughter and stories with each other. No, he was almost entirely alone
in his own head.

It wouldn’t be
fair to Kristin to not go through with this, but there had to be a better
reason than that. He’d been in love with Kristin for four years. Of course he
still was. They had a shared history. He was crazy about her.

Maybe he was
having second thoughts about making the lifetime commitment he’d always been so
eager to make since he and Kristin had first gotten together. That didn’t make
sense, though. He’d always wanted to be with her. Still, he felt restless.
Something was off—something hadn’t felt right the whole time he’d been
back with Kristin. Almost like maybe they shouldn’t be together. But that was
crazy because Kristin was perfect for him. He’d always known that.

Lots of things you’ve “always” thought were
true turned out not to be. You thought Dad and Liz would “always” be around for
one
,
came
the unbidden thought.

As he slowly,
reluctantly, made his way back toward the hotel, he thought of the sample save
the date cards and wedding invitations Kristin had shown him the other day.
There’d been oh so very many. She’d sat him down for literally two hours to go
through them, and he really couldn’t care less which ones she chose. That
wasn’t symptomatic of a bigger problem, right? It had to be perfectly normal
not to care about such things. The wedding was the bride’s show. It had nothing
to do with him thinking he made the wrong choice.
Because
anybody in his right mind would want to marry Kristin.
Yep. Only one
question remained.

Should he have
to work this hard to convince himself of that?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Marci checked
her latest text message from Brad and rolled her eyes.

“Not again,”
she muttered.

Ronnie, who was
sitting on the other end of the couch with a Game of Thrones novel, said,
“Huh?” without looking up from the book.

Marci set her
tablet aside. She’d been planning the rest of her week since she was all caught
up with work at the moment. She was always done with things ahead of time these
days. She tried to remain busy because not doing so gave her too much time to
think. “This guy I hooked up with months ago. He was sending me texts every now
and then. I guess he’s convinced we’ll get together again. I ran into him the
other week at the library, and he’s been really persistent ever since.”

“Oh.” Ronnie
closed her book and looked up. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really
anything to talk about. He doesn’t seem to get that I have a one-time-is
enough-with-any-guy policy.” Honestly, most of them weren’t good enough to
warrant a second shot anyway. Most.

“Any guy, huh?”
Ronnie raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t start,”
Marci said. Speaking of most.

“Just saying.”

“I’ll kindly
thank you not to say it.”

“Touchy
touchy,” Ronnie said in a singsong voice.

“No, I’m not,”
Marci
answered in a similar voice.

“Marce, I’m
getting kind of worried about you,” Ronnie said in a more serious tone. “You
never go anywhere. You’re always holed up in your room or at the library.
Sadie’s wondering
if you’ve fallen off the face of the
Earth.
And those poor students of yours.
You’re
probably taking this funk out on them.”

“I’m very good
to my students, thank you very much.” She thought she was doing a pretty good
job of channeling her anger. So far, she’d completely redecorated her room,
finished planning her TA sections through the end of the year, and was even
ahead of schedule on all her final projects and papers for the year.

“Tyler put me
in charge of looking after you, and I’m worrying I’m not doing a very good
job.”

“I don’t need
anybody to look after me. I’m a grown woman for crying out loud.” She picked up
her tablet and hit the icon for her Pinterest app. Maybe she should redecorate
the living room. She was pretty sick of looking at the same old colors. “What
do you think about an accent wall? Or what if we turn that extra bedroom into an
office or lounge area for chilling out instead of getting a new roommate?”

“We have a
whole giant living room for chilling out.”

“We could make
it into an office.”

“You could stop
avoiding the issue. And admit that you have feelings like everyone else.”

“Not about
boys, I don’t. They’re disposable. One’s just as good as the other.”

“Really? Then
why haven’t I seen you with any of them lately?”

Marci didn’t
have a good answer for that, so she did the next best thing and kept her mouth
shut.

Ronnie was
about to say something else when there was a knock at the door. She stood and
stretched out her back. “I’ll be right back. Don’t think we’re done with this
conversation.” She wagged a finger at Marci as she padded over to the door on
bare feet. Ronnie pulled open the door, and for one heart-stopping, wishful
thinking moment, Marci thought she saw Owen on the other side of it.

She realized as
her heartbeat slowed to a normal rate that the hair was too short and too light
in color. The person was also too short—taller than her but too short to
be Owen.

“Jeremy,”
Ronnie said, her tone both surprised and wary. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Can I come
in?”

Ronnie stepped
aside so that Jeremy could enter the apartment.

He approached
the couch, swinging himself forward on crutches. “Hi, Marci.”

“Hey.” She
started to get up.

“No, stay,” he
said. “If you don’t mind. I want both of you to hear this.”

She sank back
into the couch, and Jeremy slowly took a seat next to her and put his crutches
to the side. Ronnie sat where she’d been before, which was on the other side of
where Jeremy now sat. Jeremy sat forward, rested his elbows on his thighs, and
locked his fingers together in a way that reminded her so much of Owen, it
pained her heart.

“I’ve been
thinking. A lot,” Jeremy said.

Marci bit back
a retort. Jeremy was obviously trying to be serious, and whatever he had to say
seemed very important to him.

“I want to
apologize,” Jeremy said, looking over his shoulder at Ronnie. “And to you,
too,” he said, turning to look at Marci. “Especially for the way I acted at
Thanksgiving. That was completely uncalled for.”

This was new.
And this quieter, more mature Jeremy unsettled her in how he continued to
remind her a little more of Owen at every turn.

“I have to do
better,” Jeremy said. “The fact that you could have been seriously hurt because
of me really drove that home.” Jeremy grabbed Ronnie’s hand, and Ronnie put her
other hand on top of his. “I need help. Will you help me?”

“Of course.”
Ronnie gave him a hug.

“I don’t want
to burden my brother anymore. I’ve burdened him enough. I’ve burdened you, too,
but—”

“Hush. Of
course I’ll help,” Ronnie said.

The mention of
his brother made Marci sadder than she had any right to be.

“How’s your
brother these days?” Marci asked in what she hoped was a casual tone. She
avoided looking at Ronnie because she didn’t want to see any sort of
infuriating expression on her face. Instead, she looked down at Jeremy’s
scuffed black boots.

“I don’t really
know.” Jeremy pulled back from his hug with Ronnie enough to look over at
Marci. She looked up to see he was giving her a sheepish grin. “We don’t see
each other much since he got back with Kristin. She never liked me that much.”

“Seems like a
total bitch to me,” Ronnie said.

Jeremy nodded.
“I agree completely. I have no idea what he’s doing with her. He could do so
much better.”

“I have no
doubt about that.”

Marci jumped up
and turned toward the kitchen as heat prickled the back of her neck. She knew
Ronnie was staring dead at her. “I’m gonna make us tea. You guys want tea?” She
made a beeline for the kitchen before either of them could answer her.

#

When Owen got
home from New York with Kristin late Sunday night, he walked into his apartment
to find Dante and Brynn there. He hadn’t seen much of Dante since their fight,
and he hadn’t seen Brynn at all since breaking it off with her. He could feel
Kristin tense next to him. She might not have considered Marci competition, but
he was pretty sure she considered Brynn to be. Brynn could almost be Kristin’s
sister they resembled each other so much—in looks only and except for the
height. And Kristin had one hell of a jealous streak.

It seemed like
no one wanted to speak first. Brynn got up from the dining room table, her face
beet red, and grabbed her bag. She didn’t start repacking her things, though.
Dante sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Owen took
Kristin’s hand and led her to the dining room. He practically had to drag here
over there. “Kristin, this is Dante’s friend, Brynn. Brynn, I’d like you to
meet my fiancé, Kristin.”

Although
Kristin held her right hand out to shake Brynn’s, she made sure to hold her
left hand out in an, nothing-subtle-about-it way, ostentatiously shoving the
diamond ring Owen given her under Brynn’s nose. Financed, actually. Unlike
Justin, he couldn’t just shrug off a few tens of thousands. Owen’s ring had
cost less than Justin’s had, but the thing had still set him back half a year’s
salary. He didn’t make much at his two jobs. Kristin had assured him in what
she probably thought was a comforting way that it was a good “starter ring.”
She was sure happy to flash her starter ring at Brynn.

“Hi,” Kristin
said with the fakest of her arsenal of fake smiles as she shook Brynn’s hand
limply. “Owen’s never mentioned you.”

Brynn gave a
small, uncomfortable smile. “I’m not sure why he would.” She avoided Owen’s
eyes.

“What is she
doing here?” Dante said, addressing his question to Owen and treating Kristin
like she wasn’t in the room. There was certainly no love lost between those
two. Kristin’s ice blue eyes shot daggers into Dante.

“She’s taking some
time off from her internship in New York so we can catch up on this wedding
stuff,” Owen said.

“She’s not
staying here,” Dante said. “Is she?”

“I’m subleasing
a place that’s much nicer,” Kristin said. “Not that you could stop me from
staying here with my Owen if I wanted to.” She clamped on to his arm. Oh, now
he was her Owen even though they’d barely said a word to each other all the way
back to Virginia.

“Well, Brynn
and I are working on a project,” Dante said. “We have a lot of work to do.”

“It’s okay. We
can finish later.” Brynn started grabbing books and stuffing them into her bag
with trembling hands. “We’re not meeting with those potential investors for a
couple weeks.”

“You don’t have
to leave because of them.”

“I’m not.”
Brynn grabbed her laptop from the table, and it started to slip through her
fingers. Owen leaned forward and grabbed it before it could crash to the floor.
He handed it to her, and she took it firmly in her hands this time. “Thank
you,” she murmured without looking at him.

“You’re
welcome.”

Brynn stuffed
the laptop into her bag and hurried out of the apartment after muttering her
goodbyes to everyone.

“Brynn wait.”
As Owen jogged toward the door Brynn had just closed, he called over his
shoulder to Kristin, “I’ll be right back.”

He sprinted
down the hall and caught Brynn before she could get on the elevator. He grabbed
her arm. “Brynn, I need to talk to you for a second.”

She stopped and
turned to face him. Holding on to the strap of her bag, which was on her
shoulder, she said, “Really?”

“I’m sorry,”
Owen licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. “I wish things could have
been different. If Kristin hadn’t come back... Kristin and I were together four
years. I would have asked her to marry me last fall if we hadn’t broken up.” He
shook his head. “I never wanted to hurt you. I had no idea Kristin would just
show up at my doorstep one day. Literally.”

Brynn looked
toward the elevator and tugged at the strap to her bag. “You don’t owe me
anything. You were always up front with me. You never lied about anything.”

Owen winced
inwardly at that. He hadn’t always been actually. He’d told her about Marci but
not from the beginning. Marci. He felt a pang in the pit of his stomach when
Marci crossed his mind as she did all too often these days. Not that it
mattered now. Still, he hadn’t always been honest with Brynn, and that bothered
him. “I just want you to know that I’m truly sorry. I never meant to lead you
on or anything.”

“No.” She
continued to look away from him. “You didn’t lead me on. I led myself on. I
wanted to believe so badly something was there that wasn’t.”

“When you’ve really
loved someone, I don’t think you ever stop. You give that person a piece of you
that you can’t get back. But if you’re not completely masochistic, you find a
way to move on after that person has left you,” Owen said. He added to himself,
Especially when you realize that because
of the stubbornness of the person you fell for, it can never work.

“And sometimes
they come back to you,” Brynn, who would’ve naturally assumed he was talking
about Kristin, said.

Owen smiled
sadly. “Sometimes.”

“Speaking of which,
you’d better go. She can’t be too happy about you being out here with me.”

“You’re better
off without me. I’m a mess,” Owen said. He beat back thoughts of Marci once
again. “You’ll meet someone ten times more worthy of you, I’m sure.”

Brynn stepped over
to the elevator and pushed the “down” button. “She better realize how lucky she
is this time.”

Owen gave her a
small wave. “Bye, Brynn.”

The elevator
bell dinged, and the doors opened. “Goodbye, Owen.” Brynn stepped inside.

Owen went back
to his apartment and realized he’d walked into a hornet’s nest as soon as he
saw Kristin’s face.

“I’ll be in
your room,” Kristin said to Owen before flouncing across the apartment to the
door to Owen’s room. She stopped at the door and called back to him. “Don’t
keep me waiting.” With that, she walked inside and slammed the door after her. With
a sigh, Owen walked over to the dining room where Dante still sat, meaning to
tell Dante he’d apologized to Brynn. He needed to apologize to Dante as well.
Whatever this tension was between them was nonsense, and it needed to end.

“Not demanding
at all, is she?” Dante asked.

For some
reason, this struck Owen as insanely funny. He started laughing. Once he got
started, he couldn’t stop. Eventually, Dante joined in. Then Owen laughed
harder. Between gasps of laughter, Owen got out a few choice details about his
weekend in New York.

After the
laughter died down, Owen said, “I’m sorry I hit you, man. That was out of
line.”

“No more out of
line than what I said. You were right. Your business is your business.”

“No hard
feelings?” Owen held his arm out, bent at the elbow.

“No hard
feelings.” Dante grabbed his hand, and patted Owen’s shoulder with his other
hand in a half-handshake, half-hug. Owen was glad to have finally called a truce
with his friend. Now if he could only do the same with his brother.

#

Owen’s mother
called him out of the blue during the middle of the week. He stopped by the
house between the end of classes for the day and the beginning of his shift at
the coffeehouse. He was more than happy to do so, though, because that gave him
a way out of that day’s wedding planning adventure. Not so for the weekend,
however. That weekend, they were going back up to New York to meet with the
wedding planner. Horrible. But he would deal with that when the time came. In
the meantime, he had to go see his mom.