Social Skills (7 page)

“Don’t
tell me nothing if it’s something,” Jared said flatly. “I don’t want you to
resent me or whatever.”

“I
won’t…I don’t…I want this…but…j-just so you know…I haven’t ever…”

Jared
let out a low chuckle. “Jeez, Connor. I already know that. And I told you, this
is my first time with a guy, too. It’s okay.”

“No…I
haven’t ever…with anyone.”

Jared
blinked at him for several seconds, during which Connor wished he actually
would
die from embarrassment. Why had he suddenly been possessed by a need to confide
all of his insecurities—the ones he usually tried so desperately to
hide—to the very person he should be trying to impress?

“Not
with anyone? You’ve never been with a girl at all?”

Numbly,
Connor shook his head.

“Not
even a hand job?”

Another
shake of the head.

“Didn’t
you ever get…curious?”

“No.”
Connor shrugged. “I’m…I’m gay.”

Jared
chuckled again, but it was strained. “Um, okay. Not that I’m a male slut or
anything—I mean, I’ve only been with a couple of girls. And I always used
protection, you know, so I’m clean, or whatever, but…you weren’t like…saving
yourself, or something, were you?”

The
responding laughter that sprang to Connor’s lips edged on hysterical, but it
served its purpose as Jared relaxed.

“Okay…so,
you still want this, right?”

“Yes,”
Connor breathed, glad he could finally latch onto something with conviction. “Yes.”

Jared
rested his hand on Connor’s chest. “Okay,” he said softly.

He
traced a slow line down Connor’s stomach, pausing to run his fingers through
the silky golden hair below his navel. He didn’t aim for the button of Connor’s
pants again, and instead let his hand wander on top of the fabric—cupping
Connor’s balls and running his thumb over the length of his erection. Connor
moaned and Jared gripped him again, this time with more force.

Wracked
by a sudden spasm, Connor had just a few seconds to pull away and flop over. He
shoved his face into a pillow as his body tightened and then released.

“Connor?”
Jared’s tense voice cut through the strange moment of elation and misery.

“I’m
s-sorry.”

“What’s
wrong? Seriously, talk to me.”

Face
burning with shame, Connor rolled back over and stared at his crotch. Why hadn’t
he worn jeans instead of cargo pants? The stain would’ve been far less
noticeable then.

“Wha-…Oh.”
Jared cut himself off as he followed Connor’s gaze. He started to laugh, but
when Connor squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears, Jared wrapped both arms
around him and pulled him close. “Hey, it’s okay. Kinda speaks highly for me,
doesn’t it?”

Connor
buried his head in Jared’s broad chest as words came tumbling out with
unprecedented speed. “Okay? How is it okay? I’m an eighteen-year-old virgin,
about to be touched by the hottest guy I’ve ever known, and I fucking came in
my
pants
.”

Jared
laughed some more, his chest rhythmically bouncing Connor’s head. “Well I for
one hope there’ll be other chances. The day’s not over, either. I could still…”

Connor
twisted out of the embrace. “I’m…I’m good. Let’s…just forget about me for a
little while, okay?”

“Uh,
okay…”

Determined
to steer the day away from all of his failures, Connor found an unexpected
wellspring of motivation. He pushed back on Jared’s chest until he had him
lying flat against the bed.

Jared
looked up at him with a dopey smile. “Yeah, okay,” he said again.

Connor
grinned back, but only because it was hard not to when Jared smiled. Inside, he
was quivering, struggling to latch onto the momentum from earlier in the hopes
it would carry him to his next move. So far, he’d only been reacting, and it
had been easy to let Jared take the lead while he rode the mindless wave. Now,
though, Jared was still, and it was his turn—his turn to take control,
and he had just as little experience in taking control as he did with sex. He
had only a meager helping of porn to rely on, and how realistic were those
things, really?

But
there was also something else—a tiny voice in the back of his head that
had previously been silenced by his nervousness. A voice that was telling him
what
he
wanted, a thrumming inside that demanded he take action and
fulfill his own undeniable desires.

He
used a hand to trail Jared’s body for a few minutes, while the voice inside got
stronger and stronger until fingers on skin was no longer enough. Then he began
kissing Jared’s chest, as Jared had done to him earlier. Jared squirmed under
him, letting out pleased gasps, especially when he added a small amount of
tongue to the mix.

By
the time his trail of kisses had reached the belt line, Jared was panting, his
stomach rippling and contracting with labored breaths. The carnal response
encouraged Connor to continue, and he stared down with intense concentration,
soaking in the area he was about to know intimately. Slowly but deliberately,
he unbuttoned Jared’s pants, feeling the tip of his tongue against his teeth as
he bit down in anticipation.

Jared
was hard, and Connor wasn’t so much uncovering his dick as releasing it, since
the moment the zipper was down it sprang out from his boxers. Connor pulled
down the elastic band to make Jared more comfortable, then sat back to study
the scene.

He
was pleased to find he wasn’t panicking to the point of a complete meltdown by
this point, as he’d rather expected. Maybe he would have been if he’d been
straight—if he’d been faced with some foreign piece of anatomy he could
never truly understand. But Jared had a dick, and so did he. And he could have
laughed from the relief, because at the very least, he had some knowledge of
what one did with a dick.

He
breathed in through his nose and out through the space his tongue created
between his teeth, an internal debate now raging. Think, or don’t think? Think
about what he usually liked when getting off, or don’t think, since that seemed
to be the best way to calm his nerves? The seconds ticked by as Connor weighed his
options.

After
a while, Jared wiggled restlessly underneath him.

Fuck
. He couldn’t just leave Jared there now, dangling on
a precipice. Why had he never been the type of kid to jump into icy water? Wading
in was always that much more agonizing.

Fuck
, he thought again, and forced himself into action. He
gripped Jared firmly, and he could tell Jared was just as surprised as he was
by the move, because he let out a wordless stream of noise that ended in a
shudder. Relieved the sound seemed to be one of pleasure, Connor continued to
stroke, pretty much as he would for himself, until that voice got in the way
again.

Fingers
on skin is not enough.

Jared
had probably had a hundred hand jobs, if not more, not to mention all the times
he must have fulfilled his own needs. If there was ever a chance of making
Jared
want
him the way he wanted Jared, it was probably now. And if he
wasn’t going to be enough for Jared because of his lack of experience, he
should really figure that out now, too, before he grew any more enamored.

But please, don’t let it be that.

For
once, something stronger than his usual fear overtook him, spurring him to dive
into the deep end—the fear of losing what he was only just now
discovering.

So
he inhaled deeply, leaned down, and brought Jared’s dick into his mouth.

He
couldn’t take it all the way in, but he used his hand to compensate, and the
first time he closed his lips and sucked Jared gasped, thrusting his hips
upwards.

“Jesus,”
Jared said.

The
spoken word distracted Connor long enough to look up, something he’d been
trying to avoid for as long as possible. He’d had the notion Jared would be
eyeing him skeptically, but now he saw Jared was far too gone to be judging. His
face was flushed, his eyes were nearly jet-black, and his reddened lips had
curled into a small
o
.

“Connor,
I’m gonna…”

Fierce
pride welled up in Connor as he didn’t flinch at all, and instead swallowed the
strange warmth that shot into his mouth. It wasn’t entirely pleasant, but it
wasn’t horrible, either, and thankfully his gag reflex was one of the few
things he did have control over.

Jared’s
strong arms pulled him up after a second, and his lips were smothered in a kiss.
“You swallowed,” Jared said hoarsely. “You’re fucking incredible. That was so
much better than—” He stopped and kissed Connor again. “You’re incredible.”

Connor
grinned, but a sudden realization hit him that caused a clenching in his gut.
Better
than Veronica
. The image of her sticky pink-glossed lips wrapped around
Jared’s penis popped into his head, and he blinked several times to clear it
and dispel the queasiness it left in its wake.

Jared
was kissing him again, though, and he wasn’t able to dwell on the feeling for
long.

Chapter Seven

Jared
shuffled into class late on Monday. By that time only his old desk near
the wall was open, and with an apologetic nod in Professor Abrahms’ direction,
he took his seat.

Connor’s
eyes trailed after him, uncertainty plaguing his every breath.

Waiting
for the chance to see Jared again had been hard enough. He’d spent the
remainder of the weekend staring off into space, reliving every moment of their
time together. He wanted every touch, every taste, and every scent to be
permanently logged in his mind, and any time he thought he might be forgetting
something, he replayed their encounter yet again, from start to finish.

He’d
almost forgotten how improbable the whole thing was, but in the harsh light of
day his doubts began to pile on top of each other, mocking him for his lack of
caution at becoming entangled with someone so far out of his league. Maybe it
wasn’t likely to be an elaborate hoax, but that didn’t mean Jared hadn’t
already had his fill. His foray into gay experimentation could very well be
over, or he could be ready to move on to bigger and better romantic prey.

Through
the veil of his bangs, Connor glanced in Jared’s direction. He could see Jared’s
face, but he couldn’t quite make out the expression. It took him nearly a full
minute to convince himself to look up.

Jared
was smiling. Connor returned the grin shyly, then quickly turned away.

Five
minutes later, his eyes traced the same path. This time, Jared smiled even
wider, and Connor let his gaze linger, taking in the strong lines of Jared’s
face and the slight shadow of stubble along his jaw.

While
he looked on, Jared pulled a sliver of his bottom lip into his mouth, bit down
and then released it slowly.

Connor’s
pencil fell from his grip and clattered to the floor. He hurried to retrieve it
and wound up knocking a book off his desk as well, which landed on the ground
with a much louder thump.

The
snickering he expected as he scrambled to reclaim his belongings never came. Evidently,
everyone was too engrossed in their personal musings, or in Professor Abrahms’
lecture.

Jared
was the only one watching, chewing on his eraser tip with a cocky grin.

For
the next hour they continued to share occasional flirting glances, and Connor
was so elated he’d pretty much worked up the courage to approach Jared by the
time class was over. He didn’t have any idea what he was going to say, but so
far Jared had been good at taking the initiative. All he could really focus on
was that he wanted to be
close
.

He
stood and gathered his books, but before he could take even a step forward,
Jared’s roommate came barreling in from the hallway.

“Dude,
I brought your car. You ready to go? We only have like half an hour to get all
the goods. Oh, and Brendan says he wants Cheetos, to match his hair. The spicy
kind.”

Jared
chuckled. “All right man, let’s go.” He gave Connor a little shrug and a smile
as he moved past.

The
wind knocked from his sails, Connor trudged out. In his fantasy-filled mind he’d
temporarily forgotten that, unlike him, Jared had an active social life. Chances
were even if Jared
did
like him, hanging out with a shy, awkward
outcast wasn’t going to be at the top of his priorities.

Which
was why Connor would just have to fall back on his old priorities. He headed to
the library and tucked himself away deep in the stacks, surrounded by books and
silence, where he read until little neck jerks alerted him he was starting to doze
off. By the third time he was forced to admit defeat, and he drowsily made his
way home.

In
the darkness of his room, a tiny blinking red light greeted him. He snapped
back to his senses in an instant, his usual cynicism abandoning him as he
trampled across the room to check the phone message.

His
free hand closed into a fist when it was not from Jared. It was Karen at the
athletic department, informing him his services would no longer be needed
because Jared Brothman had decided to forgo aid for the remainder of the
semester. She kindly offered him a position with the anthropology tutors next
fall, and asked that he keep her informed if there were any other subjects he
felt comfortable tutoring for the spring semester.

Bewildered,
Connor replayed the message. A dark voice suggested Jared might be trying to
break off contact with him, but rationally that didn’t make sense in light of
the whole
I’d like to keep seeing you
discussion, and the way they’d
spent class locking eyes, darting them away, then locking them all over again. Perhaps
Jared was just sick of anthropology.

When
the phone rang a second later, Connor still had his hand on the receiver, and given
his train of thought, for once he didn’t answer with,
“Hi, Mom.”

“So,
did you get your layoff notice?” Jared asked.

“Uh,
y-yeah. You…don’t need tutoring anymore?”

“Um,
need
, well, that’s a separate story. But what I
want
is time
to spend with you. I’m pretty booked most days, so this solves the problem
perfectly. It gives us a built-in block of time to spend together twice a week,
and no one will wonder where I am.”

“Oh.”
Oh, thank God
.

“I
hope you’re not mad. I know I should’ve asked you first. You didn’t need the
money, did you?”

Connor
barked a nervous laugh. “Um, it was just twenty dollars a week. I think I can
live without it.”

“Great.
Listen, I gotta go. We’re having a Madden tournament in my suite. But I’ll see
you tomorrow night, during our regular session time, ’kay?”

“Yeah…okay.”

Jared
hung up but Connor kept the phone in his hands, pressing it against his chest. He
was afraid if he put it down, he’d think he’d dreamed the whole thing up.

***

He
opened the door on Tuesday and stood back a few feet, waiting for Jared to
settle on his bed like he had the last two times they’d been together. But
Jared stayed in place and stared at him, a curious expression somewhere between
anticipation and annoyance on his face.

“Hi,”
he eventually said.

“Hi,”
Connor replied, and waited some more. Jared still didn’t move.

They
watched each other for several seconds, while Connor’s mind swung in so many
directions trying to interpret Jared’s behavior that he grew dizzy from the
effort.

“All
right, bro.” Jared finally broke the silence. “The shy act was kinda cute in
the beginning, but it might start to get old. You had my dick in your mouth the
last time I was here, and now you’re acting like we’re strangers. Aren’t you
going to talk to me at all?”

Connor
steadied himself with a hand on the nearest object to him, which happened to be
his wire music stand. It wasn’t up to the task of supporting his weight, and it
bent a little more toward the ground as he stumbled and finally grasped his
bookshelf in his quest to remain upright.

Jared
didn’t even crack a smile. He just kept staring earnestly.

“Um…it’s
not an act. It’s just…h-how I am.”

“Yeah,
I know.” Jared sighed. “But I’m hoping you’ll be able to make an exception for
me. I want to get to know you better, and that probably won’t happen if I’m the
one talking all the time. And I don’t want to have to get you drunk every time
I’d like you to open up.”

Connor’s
tongue popped through his teeth and he chewed on it as he nodded. “O-okay.”

“So
let’s start right now. You tell me what you want to do.”

“D-do?
Do where?”

“Here,
with me. What would you like to do right now?”

“Um…I…I…”
Blood tingled in Connor’s cheeks, and if he hadn’t been holding onto his shelf,
he probably would have sunk to the floor.

Jared
heaved another sigh. “Okay, okay, don’t have a panic attack.” He edged closer
and wrapped Connor in his arms, running comforting hands along his back. “Just
relax.”

On the
verge of tears from the unexpected confrontation, it took Connor a second to
ease into the contact. But once he did, the proximity to Jared’s steady heart
rate began to settle his anxiety.

“Better?”

He
nodded against Jared’s chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah,
don’t be sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just want you to be comfortable
around me.”

“I’m
starting to be,” Connor mumbled, unable to resist burying his head deeper into
Jared’s warmth.

“Well
if this is all it takes, I’d say things’ll work out fine.” Jared’s hands
settled at Connor’s waist. “Got any ideas about what you’d like to do now?”

“Um…this
is nice.”

Jared
leaned down and pressed his lips into Connor’s. He stayed close when he was
done, whispering, “Okay, what else?”

One
kiss was all it took to get Connor’s body surging almost to the brink, and he
was pretty sure Jared could feel that, as he was pressed up against his thigh. Would
there ever come a point when he’d be desensitized to Jared’s touch? So far, he
could barely deal with his hand being held.

He
shifted to glance down, and Jared began pulling him toward the bed. “Let’s take
care of that.” Jared grinned. “I’m sure it’ll help you relax.”

Connor
tensed again, the memory of his previous failure springing to mind. Strangely,
that turned out to be a benefit, throwing him into his head instead of his body
and keeping him from fully focusing on what was happening.

Jared
pushed down on his shoulders until he was lying flat on his back and staring up
at the ceiling, praying for stamina. A hand slipped under his shirt but he
hardly noticed it, even as it began running along his chest in slow circles. The
pressure gradually increased and the circles widened, sliding further and
further down his torso.

As
distracted as he was, he managed to do a better job of containing himself. He
remained composed until Jared yanked his slightly loose pants down without
unbuttoning them and wrapped surprisingly hot fingers around his dick. Warmed
from the friction, the fiery temperature of Jared’s hand shocked him into a squeak.

Jared
paused. “This is okay, right? I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here. Just
thought I’d try what I usually like.”

“O-okay?”
Connor’s voice scratched out while most of his mind remained frozen in ecstasy.

He
came less than a minute later. Jared expertly caught the stream in his hand and
wiped it off in a tissue while Connor floated back into his body. He couldn’t
remember a more blissful release in all of his life—though that probably
had a lot to do with the fact that it was only the second time someone else had
led him to it. And this time Jared had even managed to make skin-to-skin
contact.

After
a brief recovery time, he tried to shift Jared into a convenient position to
return the favor, but Jared resisted.

“Nope.
Time for you to talk, remember? You gotta be relaxed enough now.”

Connor
smiled, the endorphins still traveling his body. “Yeah, maybe.”

“So,
what’s on your mind?”

“Well…that
was…the best hand job of my life.” A sigh escaped Connor’s lips without his
approval.

“That
was your only one,” Jared pointed out, chuckling.

“Yeah,
but it seemed like you were an expert. I mean, it always seems like you’re so
completely…confident in everything you do. I’m not like that.”

Jared
shook his head. “Don’t put me on a pedestal, Connor. I’m still figuring things
out, the same way you are.”

“Not
the same way I am,” Connor scoffed. “You may be just figuring out what it means
to be gay, but what about everything else? You’re an athlete, you’re popular,
you’re amazing-looking…”

Jared
cut him off with a wave of his hand. “I hope those aren’t the only reasons you
like me.” A frown crossed his face. “’Cause I’m a mediocre player at best, and
looks don’t last forever. I act the way I do because my father raised me to be
assertive even when I’m not entirely sure of myself. So I can present a
confident image, you know? Maybe you should try it sometime.”

“Uh…um,
okay,” Connor replied weakly. An awkward silence descended while he worked on
swallowing the lump in his throat.

Jared’s
expression softened. He leaned in, his lips grazing Connor’s temple. “Sorry. I
didn’t mean to interrupt you like that. So, you were saying, you like me
because I’m a popular athlete?” Despite the teasing smile, something sober
colored his voice.

“N-no.
I mean, th-those weren’t the reasons I like you. Just why I was so shocked you
liked me.”

Jared
rolled his eyes. “We’ve covered that territory. Let’s move on.”

Nodding,
Connor slipped his hand up Jared’s chest, absentmindedly tracing an infinity
sign along his ribs. When he realized what he was doing he hurriedly tucked the
hand away, as it clearly could not be trusted out in the open. “Well, you’re a
lot more than just good-looking. You’re…nice to me. You’re nice to everyone, as
far as I know. And you’re really…patient.” He hid an embarrassed smile in a
convenient lump of comforter.