So Much It Hurts (10 page)

I felt relieved—at least he wasn’t some psycho serial killer. “You’re a really good singer,” I told him.

“Thanks,” he said. “I hope to make it big someday.” He winked at me, causing my heart to skip a beat. His voice was so soothing when he spoke. I would have loved to hear him sing again sometime. I stayed lost in my thoughts the rest of the class period.

Allison caught my arm as I floated past her in the hallway. “Kaitlyn,” she hissed. “Eric told me that you were talking to that convict in drama class. Were you really talking to him?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I felt a little defensive. “Chris is not all that bad, Allie.”

“Chris? His name is Chris? Kaitlyn, girls like you shouldn’t even know his name,” Allison chided me with a blatant look of disgust on her face. “Besides, why would you even talk to someone like him?”

I glared at her. “Because he’s
nice
,” I said curtly, hoping she would take the hint.

“Oh.” She spoke the word as if it left a sour taste in her mouth. “Well, you won’t catch me talking to him,” she huffed.

I rolled my eyes at her just as Trevor walked up at that exact moment. The look in his eyes told me he was not happy. “Hey,” he barked. “I told you to meet me by the water fountain after class.”

“Oh, sorry,” I apologized quickly while I immediately reprimanded myself.

“Did you get caught up by another guy again?” he asked sarcastically.

Allison coughed loudly beside me. I pinched her arm where Trevor couldn’t see. “Well, I guess I’ll see you guys later,” Allison announced. She had taken my hint as she rubbed her arm where I had pinched her.

“Bye,” I called as she walked down the hall.

“Next time, be where I tell you to be,” Trevor commanded. “I’ll see you at your locker after school.” He practically stomped away. He got angry so easily these days. I just didn’t understand him anymore. Maybe I had never understood him in the first place.

I turned to go to my last class. Chris King was leaning coolly against the wall. Several other guys were talking to him. Clearly, they admired him for his recent encounters with the law. I could tell by the look on his face they annoyed him merely by the way they idolized him. He looked at me over his ravished audience. Tilting his head up to acknowledge me, his eyes settled on mine. Waves of excitement pulsated in my stomach, and I could almost feel a sense of longing in his stare. I wondered if my eyes gave him the same feeling. He held my gaze for several seconds as if he were silently pleading for me to deliver him from his minions. I shrugged apologetically, wishing I could rescue him and sneak into a janitor’s closet just to have a moment alone with him.

I couldn’t wait for school to end that day. My last class went by…ever…so…slowly. I watched the minutes tick by on the clock; every second seemed longer and longer. The class dragged on forever while Mr. Abernathy droned on about the women’s suffrage and the ratification of the 19
th
Amendment. I barely paid attention to the lecture. Maybe Rachel would let me borrow her notes; then again, I highly doubted it. To Rachel, getting into college was a rat race, so she would do just about anything to keep her competitors down.

The school bell rang and I jumped from my seat. Maybe I would bump into Chris again.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Rachel asked inquisitively.

I tried to sound casual. “I gotta meet Trevor.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at practice,” she said. I was relieved she didn’t interrogate me any further. I might have spilled my guts about secretly hoping to bump into Chris.

The hallway was packed like sardines as people tried to make their way to the exits, but I could still see Chris coming down the hallway toward me. I panicked as I scanned the crowd for Trevor. Thankfully, I didn’t see him. Chris smiled as he got closer to me. His crooked grin made me blush. I lowered my chin and peered up at a him through bashful lashes.

“See you later,” he said covertly.

“Bye,” I responded quietly.

Just as Chris got within inches of me, he reached out and touched my hand as he brushed by me. I could feel the energy pass from his fingertips to my palm. My heart rate quickened as a rush of adrenaline surged through my arteries. His eyes held mine hostage for a few extra seconds. Then, his fingers fell from my hand the minute he was pushed forward by the steady flow of people rushing by us. My hand still tingled from the sensation of his touch. I felt myself longing for more.

Somehow I made it to my locker. Trevor was already waiting for me. I swallowed hard, detecting that he was ready for a fight. I could see his jaw muscle clenched as I got closer to him. “Eric told me you found a new boyfriend,” he said flatly.

“Who?” I asked, although I already had an idea.

“The convict,” Trevor stated, narrowing his eyes at me.

“I was just being friendly to a new student,” I replied.

“Well, like I’ve told you before, you better not ever talk to another guy. Ever.”

“That’s not fair, Trevor! How is that even possible?”

Without hesitation, he grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me into the lockers. My head bounced off the cold hard locker door. The sound of clanking metal seemed to echo down the hall. I caught my breath as he hissed, through clenched teeth, into my ear, “You’d better make it possible.”

A few other students slinked to the other side of the hallway to avoid our confrontation. Others quickly ducked into empty classrooms with open doorways.

“Please stop, Trevor. You’re hurting me,” I said as the tears stung my eyes.

He loosened his grip a little. “I mean it, Kaitlyn. If I ever catch you even looking at another guy, then you can guarantee there will be
trouble
.”

At that moment, I didn’t want to even think about what he might have meant by
trouble
. The night of the death threat immediately sparked my memory.

“I’ll see you after practice,” he said sharply as he released me from his painful grasp.

“Okay, okay,” I said trying to keep my composure.

He headed out the door for practice just as my eyes opened the flood gates.

The tears continued to flow, despite my efforts to stop them, as I walked down the hill toward the track where the cheerleaders held practices. Unfortunately for me, the track encircled the football field where Trevor would be working out with his teammates.

“Kaitlyn!” a familiar voice called out.

It was Chris. He was sitting on the sidewalk listening to his mp3 player. A notebook and pencil were in his hand. His backpack had been slung onto the ground next to him. I glanced around nervously, looking for any sign of Trevor, even though I knew he was probably in the locker room getting suited up for football practice.

“Oh, hi Chris,” I said, smiling through my tears.

“Whoa! Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

I’m sure my face was a mess with my mascara running down my cheeks. Embarrassed, I tried to wipe it away on my sleeve. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“F-I-N-E. Feelings Inside Not Expressed.” He pretty much nailed it.

“You wouldn’t understand,” I replied.

“Try me,” he prodded.

I considered his offer for a moment. “Have you ever been afraid of someone?” I asked cautiously, resisting the sudden urge to confide in this guy I barely knew.

“I guess,” he admitted, eyeing me warily. Shutting the notebook and cramming the pencil into the spiral metal binding, he stuffed them into the backpack that was sprawled out beside him.

“Well,” I said, glancing apprehensively toward the ground and kicking at an imaginary pebble, “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be alive tomorrow if I did what I wanted to do.” I looked up, just in time to see him narrow his eyes and tilt his head to the side.

Hopping up onto his feet, he met me at eye level. “What exactly do you mean?” he asked, clearly concerned by my statement.

I shook my head at him. “Never mind. It’s nothing. Forget I ever said anything.” I internally scolded myself for opening my mouth to a near stranger.

Chris took a step closer to me, attempting to close the gap between us. “Kaitlyn, it can’t be nothing. If it were nothing, you wouldn’t be crying right now.” Chris’s eyes probed mine, searching for answers.

“Really, Chris, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” I insisted, peering up toward the clouds in the sky. I couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. He already knew too much.

“Well, if you’re sure…” he said hesitantly. I could feel his eyes on me as he stared at me, unconvinced.

“I’m sure,” I nodded, glancing back at him and faking a smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Waving to him, I quickened my pace toward practice. I wasn’t sure which one I regretted more—telling Chris too much or not telling him enough. Part of me wanted to tell him the truth, but the other part wanted to protect him from the wrath of Trevor. Although I felt sure Chris could handle any fury Trevor tried to dish out, I was just afraid that Chris would be sent back to the detention center if he got mixed up in any trouble. Fighting with Trevor Kent would surely cause the school board to boot a “trouble-maker” like Chris straight back to the juvie.
No!
I had to protect Chris from going back to jail. I could
not
let him get involved.

I sat beside Trevor at his kitchen table on Thursday of that week. He had a paper due in his English class the following Monday and needed help editing it. Having spent hours helping him, I actually found myself writing his paper more than proofreading it. Technically, I should have gotten credit for the paper instead of Trevor. I found myself in that situation a lot during our senior year—completing Trevor’s assignments for him. None of his teachers questioned the fact that Trevor had gone from a teetering 2.5 grade point average our sophomore year to being well on his way to graduating with honors by our senior year. Maybe they thought his brain matured like his body had—overnight.

“Thanks for your help,” Trevor leaned over the paper and tried to kiss me.

“You’re welcome,” I said and leaned away from his kiss. I just wanted to finish the paper. I had been working on it for at least three hours straight.

“Come on,” Trevor whined. “Give me a kiss.”

I ignored his request. “I’m almost done.”

“Okay,” he pouted, but couldn’t stop the smile that quickly overcame his lips. “After this, I’m taking you somewhere. Anywhere you want to go. You deserve it!”

I thought about the possibilities…limited by a small town. Still, I could really take advantage of Trevor and his promise of “anywhere.”

“Let’s go to Millennium with Allison, Eric, Eva and Caleb tonight,” I grinned at him.

Club Millennium was a dance club in town. On Thursday nights, they closed the bar and opened the doors to all students ages fifteen to nineteen. Club Millennium was just about the only hang-out location in our small town. Most students lived for Thursday nights. Of course, the school board tried to shut down the club for years because so many students were useless on Fridays. To no avail, the club remained open and students flocked to Millennium in droves. Trevor rarely graced the doors of the club because he detested dancing. I knew his promise of “anywhere” was my only chance to get him to go there.