Smother (35 page)

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Authors: Lindy Zart

BOOK: Smother

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She loved this face.

“I am not her anymore,” she repeated out loud, believing it, gathering strength from it. “I am me.”

Leo’s eyebrows lowered, understanding lightening his eyes.

“And I will keep trying. Always,” Reese said, making a promise to him, and to herself.

He smiled at her, and it wasn’t with his mouth, but with his eyes, and every other part of him. It was blinding. He slid his hands up the side of her neck, bringing his face close to hers, and he kissed her like she was something he would never give up. Leo was a never-ending puzzle, one she didn’t think she’d ever completely know or figure out, but the right pieces of him called to the fragmented pieces of her.

Dark and dark to create the light.

“You bring silence,” she whispered. “Everything is quieter, calmer, when you’re near me. I need that. Thank you for giving me that.”

Alone, they struggled.

Together, they found something worth struggling toward.

It wasn’t romance, because that could fade.

It wasn’t love, because that could be lost as soon as it was found.

It was more.

It was a morsel of lucidity in a galaxy of madness. Bits of stars among black skies. It was a whole world of feeling put into the simplest actions. Smiles and laughter would come, even though they were rare. Every look, every touch was magnified by the lack of words and expression. She felt, and she trusted that more than anything.

The only man she wanted to touch, was this one. There was still so much of Leo to learn, and yet, she already knew all that mattered. The rest was details that had made him into what he was, but had no weight against what she felt for him, or what kind of man he was. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on the place where his heart beat, her hand pressed against his chest to hold it there.

“You always hold me so tight, like you’re afraid I’ll go,” Reese said softly.

“That’s not why.”

Reese didn’t fall in love with the way he looked or what he had, or even with what he could do. She fell in love with the purity of his soul, edged with razors and sharp though it was, and that was what made the rest of him beautiful. He didn’t tell her he loved her. He showed her. It started on the day he saw her standing in the rain, crying.

“Then what is it?”

Leo’s answer was slow, and spoken in a low voice. “I have to remind myself I’m really holding you.”

He was a man without regret. A man that did what he felt was justified, and he didn’t care if it was wrong or right in the eyes of others. He would destroy those that hurt the ones he cared about, and she couldn’t even pretend to be bothered by it. He had beaten for her, ravaged lives to bring her justice. He’d hurt the men that had hurt her, and in doing so, she’d realized she was worth fighting for.

He smiled at her, warmth darkening the stars in his eyes, softening his features. It was a beautiful face, and deceptive. Because if someone didn’t pay close enough attention, they missed the loveliness of it. “What are you thinking?”

Everyone wanted words. They thought if they were told things, it made them fact. They needed to hear thoughts, emotions, promises, anger, happiness, regret, love. Why? Talking was just noise. Words didn’t mean anything. Saying things didn’t make the words real. She’d heard so many spoken lies, but the truth was always clearest when there was quiet.

“I’m thinking about words,” she said.

Silence spoke. People only had to listen.

“What about them?”

Leo didn’t tell her things. He proved them.

“I don’t need them with you.”

He went still, staring down at her, letting her know she was his world. His uneven, apocalyptic, never before explored, world. And he loved her. He loved Reese, all of her, even the flawed bits. Maybe he loved them the most. She was loved innocently, completely. In the purest of ways.

He dug a hole in her heart, planted himself there, and stripped away the uncaring element she’d once mastered. At times, she wanted to go back to that unfeeling girl, but it was too late for her. Reese was ruined in the best of ways. She understood what it meant to care for someone, because Leo showed her.

“I will give you whatever you need, even if it isn’t what you want,” he said against her neck. Leo locked his fingers with hers, resituating them so that she was beneath him. His mouth brushed against her cheek that was once hit and bruised.

She smiled, having said similar words.

Leo’s mouth formed a trail down her neck, across her collarbone, painting a picture of redemption. Each touch was slow, measured. He savored her, gave her back to herself. Leo turned her into a canvas and he was the instrument molding her, wiping away the ugly. Making all of her beautiful as he drew her into what she always should have been.

Reese could finally breathe. She stopped fighting the darkness and instead accepted it as part of her. Most importantly, she stopped fighting herself and instead loved all the broken pieces that made her who she was. She could do this. She would do this.

Finally there was nothing to smother.

Thank you to the ladies who beta read for Smother. Your insight is much appreciated.

Wendi, your red pen of doom is the bomb.com

I want to let my readers know how thankful I am. Your continued support is humbling.

Kari, you made the perfect cover.

Thank you to Christine at Perfectly Publishable for your formatting expertise.

To every person of the Indie community—whether you’re an author, agent, formatter, editor, cover designer, blogger, reader, writer secretly typing away your stories (You have to share them, eventually. I demand it!), or anyone else I missed and shouldn’t have—I’ve learned a lot from you, and consider a large amount of you my friends.

Let’s continue to be awesome, shall we?

Lindy Zart is the USA Today bestselling author of Roomies. She has been writing since she was a child. Luckily for readers, her writing has improved since then. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband, two sons, and one cat. Lindy loves hearing from people who enjoy her work. She also has a completely healthy obsession with the following: coffee, wine, Bloody Marys, and pizza.