Small Treasures (17 page)

He couldn't go into the damned cabin and sleep in the too small bed with Abby snuggled up just out of reach. Not tonight. Somehow, he'd been able to control himself when the others were there, but now… now his mind gave free rein to the torturous images he'd been fighting all evening.

Samuel flopped down onto the blanket and threw his forearm over his eyes. It didn't help. Nothing did. No matter what, Abby's face haunted him. With little effort he still felt the touch of her hand on his, the warmth of her breath when she stood on her toes to kiss him. Samuel remembered clearly having to summon every ounce of his strength to keep from grabbing her and clutching her to him.

"Dammit," he mumbled and tried again to push the memory of her body pressed to his from his mind.

"Samuel?"

He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. Just the sound of her voice whispering in the darkness was enough to inflame the desire that never ended. Why the hell didn't she just leave him alone? Couldn't she see what she was doing to him?

"Samuel?" She stepped into the barn. He heard her footsteps scuff on the dirt and straw. "Are you in here?"

It was no use. She wouldn't leave. He knew that.

The horses moved restively in their stalls at Abby's approach. Soon she'd have them all worked up. Samuel surrendered to the inevitable and pushed himself to his feet. "I'm over here, Abby," he said quietly.

She moved closer. He didn't even have to hear her. He could smell her. Even after sitting around an open fire, amid the flying ash and the stink of burning wood, she still smelled like flowers and vanilla.

He jammed his hands in his pockets when she came to a stop directly in front of him. Otherwise, he knew he'd grab her and never let go. And he couldn't do that.

"Samuel" — her voice was soft, confused — "why are you out here? Why haven't you come in the house? There's fresh coffee on."

"I'm, uh… " He groped for a reason. Any reason. "Gonna stay in the barn tonight. One of the horses ain't quite right." He couldn't meet her eyes and keep the he going. "Don't want any coffee, either."

"Oh." She turned quickly to look at the animals behind her. "What is it? Can I help?"

He snorted. "No, Abby. You can't help me any."

Her face fell. Even in the shadows, Samuel could see her disappointed frown. He had to ignore it. Hell, he had to get her out of the barn. "Go on back to the cabin, Abby. Go to bed."

She stepped closer instead. One of her small hands reached for him, and he jerked when her palm touched his chest. "Abby…"

"Samuel," she interrupted, "you can't stay out here. It's much too cold. You'd freeze."

He couldn't stand it. Pulling one hand free of his pocket, he grabbed her wrist and pushed it away. Cold? Hah! Right now Samuel's blood was boiling so that he thought he'd never cool off.

"Abby… "He took a deep breath and released it slowly. Mentally, he began the ABCs even as he spoke. "I'll be fine. Just go on to the cabin." Quick, he added silently.

"But, Samuel," she said softly, moving even closer, "I don't want to go without you." He knew what she was about to do. And even though he thought it might kill him, he wouldn't stop her. She reached up and cupped his face with her palms. Her hands were so warm, so soft. Samuel bit back the moan rising in his throat. As she drew his mouth down to hers, Samuel told himself that he was being a fool. That he should push her away. But he knew he wasn't strong enough to do that. Not just yet.

He saw her lips curve slightly just before their mouths met. Her hands moved from his face to snake over his shoulders and lay flat against his back. He felt the warmth clean down to his soul and lost the will to fight.

Tenderly, almost fearfully, his huge hands moved up her spine, his fingers dancing lightly over the fabric of her plain white blouse. Even when she pressed herself tighter to him and opened her lips for his tongue, Samuel held himself in check, terrified that he might hurt her accidentally.

He groaned and his big body shuddered as his tongue moved over the warmth of her mouth. Abby's breath came soft on his cheek, and her fingers moved through his hair.

When the ache in his groin became too much to ignore, Samuel's senses finally snapped back into control. He tore his mouth from hers and gasped for air like a dying man. In the dim light he saw her golden eyes glittering with passion and the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she struggled for breath.

With a muffled curse Samuel spun away, pushing his hands through his hair. This is what he'd hoped to avoid. This was the reason he'd come to the barn in the first place. Because he couldn't trust himself around her anymore. He'd never wanted anything in his life the way he wanted Abby Sutton. And the strength of that desire scared him to death.

It wasn't even the fact that she was so damn little he'd probably crush her if he tried to make love to her… it was the fact that she wouldn't be staying with him. And if he allowed himself to love her and she left… he would die. Samuel was certain of it.

"Samuel," she said softly.

"Go away, Abby," Samuel groaned, not looking at her.

"But —"

"Goddammit, Abby!" He placed both palms flat against the barn wall and let his head fall forward. Every muscle in his body was tight, strained to the breaking point. "Will you get the hell back to the cabin?"

"Samuel," she tried again stubbornly, "why are you doing this? I wanted —"

A broken laugh burst from his lips, but still he didn't turn to face her. "You wanted? You wanted what, Abby? Us makin' love? Shit, you're so goddamn little, I'd prob'ly kill ya!"

She gasped, but he went on.

"You want me to just throw you down on the floor of the barn? In the dirt? Is that what you want?" He groaned again and with a mighty shove pushed away from the wall and turned to look at her. It took every ounce of courage he had to look into her eyes and see the hurt he was causing her. But he had to get her to leave. Before it was too late. Though it was like tearing his own heart out, he knew the only way to make her go back to the cabin… and safety, was to be brutal. "You want me to treat you like a whore?"

Her breath caught, her mouth fell open, and her eyes filled with unshed tears.

He forced himself to go on. " 'Cause, Abby, if it ain't what you want, you'd better clear outa here while I'm still willin' to let you go."

In disbelief Samuel watched as she lifted one hand as if to reach for him. He could see the hurt in her watery eyes, and still she wanted him.

Abby couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was so unlike Samuel to be cruel. And she knew that he didn't think of her as a… whore. There had to be a reason for his callousness. If only she could touch him again. Make him tell her what had gone so wrong… but even as she thought it, her courage deserted her.

Deliberately he stepped back and turned away from her."Go on, Abby. Get outa here."

A few seconds later he listened to her leave. Her steps were slow, and with each one, he had to fight to keep himself from calling her back. He'd never been more alone.

A strained silence fell over the cabin, bringing a chill as deep as the early morning mists that covered the mountains.

Abby looked out one of the front windows and watched Samuel hitching up the horses to the big wagon. He was wearing the blue shirt she'd made for him. Her interested gaze told her that it fit him far better than any of his store-bought clothes. His massive chest and broad shoulders looked even larger in the plain blue fabric, and she couldn't help staring. His worn, bedraggled hat was pulled low over his eyes, and though she could see his lips moving, she couldn't hear him.

But then, she hadn't heard much from him for the last week. Since that night in the barn when she'd made such a fool of herself, Samuel had avoided Abby as much as possible. Even when she'd forced him to let her take the stitches out of his hand, Samuel hadn't spoken to her. Not a word. He continued to sleep in the barn, even though the nights were getting colder.

And it was no warmer in the cabin. Oh, certainly she had a fire and plenty of blankets and even the dogs and Luke for company… but with Samuel's side of the big bed empty, Abby had found it almost impossible to sleep. She missed his sleepy grumbling, the way he banged into the bundling board every time he moved. Abby sighed and dropped the edge of the curtain. She even missed his snoring.

Luke pushed Harry off the nearest chair and looked up. "You want me to take some of these here out to the wagon?"

She forced a smile. Poor Luke. He'd fallen into the midst of a battle he couldn't possibly understand and was doing everything he could to remain neutral. "Yes, go ahead. I'll be along in a moment."

He nodded uncertainly and paused as though he wanted to say something, then picked up the three-layer chocolate cake and moved for the door. The boy had really filled out in the last week or so. Regular meals and the new clothes made him almost unrecognizable as the dirty little urchin he'd been such a short time before. Abby rushed ahead of him, opened the door, and held it for him. Irritated, she noted that Samuel didn't even turn around when the door hinges squeaked.

It looked as though this barn raising was going to be a very long day. Abby walked over to the small mirror she'd nailed up only the day before and checked her appearance one last time. A lavender ribbon held her hair back from her face, and not having the heart to bother with the rest of it, she'd simply let the mass of chestnut curls hang free to her hips. Her faded red dress, though not new, was clean and freshly ironed with enough starch added so that it might stand on its own. Trying to be festive, she'd wrapped a wide, yellow ribbon around her waist and tied it in a big bow. The ends of the ribbon, defying all her efforts to iron them into submission, hung limply down the front of her dress.

Abby sighed, pinched her cheeks, then reached for her bonnet. As she studied herself in the slightly flawed mirror she realized that not even her precious hat would be enough to cheer her up. The little one-eyed dove seemed to mock her as she tied the purple bow into a saucy knot under her chin on the right.

Even her pink feather looked tired. Instead of standing straight up, it now leaned off to the left, pulling the blue fabric flowers away from the straw base. Her fingers reached for the tiny, yellow net veil and drew it down to the bridge of her nose. It was too late now to try

She stopped and listened to Luke call her from the yard. Straightening her shoulders and narrowing her eyes, Abby mumbled a few well-chosen words to the big man who couldn't even be bothered to shout at her. Disgusted, she turned to the table and picked up the golden brown apple pie. Lifting her chin, she walked out the front door and slammed it behind her.

She was going to have fun at the get-together. Even if it killed her.

Her face hurt from smiling. Abby'd been introduced to so many people, one face blended into the next until she could hardly remember her own name. Of course, there were a few people who would be hard to forget. She glanced down the length of the food table.

Sarah Dumont, the woman who ran the Lucky Lady Saloon in Rock Creek, stood with "her girls," surrounded by a swaggering, strutting crowd of men and boys. Each member of their audience jostled the other in a hopeless quest for singled-out attention.

Abby's gaze moved quickly over the three women. Sarah, a tall woman with light brown hair and a blond streak on either side of her face, wore a deep peach gown with a bodice cut so low Abby wondered how she kept it up. Stacey's auburn hair was pulled around to one side of her face and hung down in long curls over the shoulder strap of her bright pink satin dress. Jennifer's pale yellow gown was modest in comparison to the others, yet Abby was glad the woman's almost black hair hung forward, over her full breasts.

It was just as Minerva had said it would be. One look at Sarah and her girls and the menfolk forgot all about their families. All of the men except Samuel.

Abby looked away from the crowd, letting her gaze travel over the Coles' yard. He wasn't hard to find, even among so many people. Samuel was taller by far than any man there, though even if he weren't, Abby was sure that her eyes would go unerringly to him.

Then he stepped out of the almost-completed barn, slipped around the corner, and stood alone in the shadows, watching everyone else. Despite his casual stance, leaning up against the side of the barn, he looked ill at ease. His hands twisted and untwisted the brim of his hat, and even from a distance, Abby could see the scowl on his face.

She couldn't understand it. After his team had won the side-raising contest, Samuel had seemed to be enjoying himself.

# # #

Samuel hugged the side of the new barn. From his vantage point he could see everyone at the party. He was well aware of the angry looks all of the wives were firing at the men gathered around Sarah and her girls. And he had to admit that the three women were really something to look at. But even as he thought it, he knew he would never be a part of their admiring throng.

Hell, he'd only been with two or three women in his whole life! And that was because they'd come to him. Oh, when he was younger, he'd been like most other young pups, playin' up to the saloon girls… but it had only taken a couple of those women to stare at him with dread to cure him of that nonsense!

Luke and Obadiah caught his eye then as they stood at the edge of the crowd, jumping up and down to get a good look. Samuel half-smiled, shook his head, and looked away.

He crushed his hat between his fingers and cursed himself for a coward. Here he was, alone again, when only a while ago he'd been part of a team. Samuel knew he'd never forget those few moments of happy excitement after his team had won the race to put up the barn. His team members clapping him on the back, smiling at him, including him in their victory celebration.

But all too soon it had ended. One by one, the other men had returned to their families, and Samuel was alone again.

You don't have to be alone, his mind chided. All you have to do is go to Abby.