SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (27 page)

Prevention measures include (1) limiting such play if the dominant has a heart condition, seizure disorder, or other condition that puts them at risk for sudden unconsciousness, (2) extra caution on the dominant’s part to make sure they aren’t injured (because falling is probably the main risk, keep the play area floor clean, well-lit, and otherwise safe), and (3) making sure that the dominant stays well-fed, sober, and neither too hot nor too cold. Low blood sugar, intoxication, and even heat exhaustion can cause unconsciousness.

Caution: A dominant should keep in mind that if they should become unconscious while playing in isolation with a stringently bound submissive, then that submissive will probably be unable to come to their aid in time to do any good - a cardiac arrest being a worst-case example. That being so, they might want to think twice about how extensively and inescapably they want the submissive tied.

The main question to consider is: can the bound person either free themselves or summon help if the dominant suddenly becomes unconscious? If they cannot, it’s essential that the bondage be modified.

Self-Bondage

Many people have bondage fantasies but no partner, so they bind themselves. Many, many people interested in SM have partially tied themselves up while they masturbated.

The person interested in self-bondage faces a problem. They want to bind themselves so they can’t escape, yet, obviously, eventually they will want release. What to do?

Self-bondage can obviously be extremely dangerous. As you know, I recommend staying as close to a bound person as you would to an infant left in your care, and even closer if you’ve gagged them. Clearly, a self-bound person has deprived themselves of this very basic safety measure. Problems such as positional asphyxia, or outside-world problems such as fires and earthquakes, can be life-threatening without a “lifeguard” standing by.

I have heard of several deaths resulting from self-bondage that went wrong. I’ve even heard of the death of a couple that took place when both of them were tied up and the house caught fire. Many of these deaths involved “highly experienced” players who “knew what they were doing” yet died anyway. Most such fatalities involved gags, hoods, ropes around the neck, or some other device that had the potential to restrict breathing.

I’ve also heard of people having panic attacks, accidentally knocking over heaters, and other mishaps.

Most self-bondage involves locking devices, especially around the wrists. The person works out some plan by which the keys again come within their grasp. Unfortunately, failure-proof mechanisms simply do not exist. If the device fails to work (and, eventually, it will) the self-bound person often has no other way to get free or summon help.

I’d be happy to tie you up.

Also, bondage not tight enough to immediately put the bound area to sleep may still be tight enough to do that gradually. The self-bound person’s hands may go numb after an hour. If the keys fall within reach after that - trouble.

I have experimented with self-bondage and found it somewhat interesting, but - besides its dangers - it has other drawbacks.

First, if you bind yourself so that you can’t get loose you may rapidly discover that being alone and in bondage is
boring.
Without a “sweet tormentor” for company, this situation can get very stale very fast. The vibrators, clamps, dildoes, and other gear that aroused you when you first put yourself in bondage may feel awful after your arousal fades - even if it doesn’t malfunction or go out of adjustment. If, genius that you are, you set the situation up so you can’t get loose for three hours, you may find that the last two hours and 50 minutes go on for a very, very long time.

Seriously, be careful with self-bondage. It’s something that often seems like a good idea in fantasy, and offers plausible exploration, as long as
absolutely nothing
goes wrong. Remember that even a minor malfunction or unexpected development can cause you to die a slow, agonizing death. Many “experts” died exactly this way.

You might try binding your breasts and genitals, but be very conservative about using anything that would restrict your breathing (gags, hoods, neck ropes), make you vulnerable to a fall (blindfolds), or restrict your limbs - especially your arms.

Many people have died of self-bondage gone wrong. Some “experts” who wrote about how to do this are now dead due to a self-bondage accident.

On Being Untied

As part of their basic training, submissives should be ordered to “hold position” while being untied. They must remain still until their dominant has removed their bondage and given them permission to move. Manysubmissives wriggle and escape as their bondage comes off. Such movements can sometimes cause a knot to jam, or otherwise interfere with the untying. The movements can also be a safety hazard. Train your submissives to remain still while you are untying them until you give them your permission to move.

Another principle: let them move their own body. Muscles become sore and joints become stiff when they haven’t moved in a while. If a well-meaning dominant “helps” by moving the body part for the submissive, they may cause a strain or similar injury. Let the submissive regain their ability to move at their own pace.

Also, don’t massage or otherwise rub freshly released limbs, especially if indentations remain in their flesh from the restraints. Such rubbing may be painful and cause tissue damage. Let freshly released tissue re-expand at its own pace. If you want to be nice to the submissive, rub them later.

Bondage 1B

Gags

Using a gag
substunsially
increases the risk involved in SM. Many people think a bound person should “automatically” be gagged. This is absolutely not so.

Just as there is nothing “automatic” about allowing yourself to be bound, there is also nothing automatic about allowing yourself to be gagged. It’s an entirely separate decision. Many professional submissives, for example, will allow a new client to bind them tightly and severely, but will not allow themselves to be gagged.

One good rule is to avoid using a gag the first few times you play with someone. As a dominant, you need ongoing feedback from a new submissive. You’ll lose much of that if you gag them. So, even if they’d let you, don’t gag a submissive the first few times you play with them.

That’s a heavy moment, when the lock snaps shut.

Second point: Obviously, a gagged submissive is going to have trouble calling their safewords. You therefore have to give them a non-verbal set of signals.

Some various approaches to this include:

1. Having the submissive hold a ball, scarf, or similar item in their hand. If they drop it, that means the session has become too intense.

2. Having the submissive snap their fingers.

3. Having the submissive vigorously nod their head in an up-and-down direction. (Many people twist their head from side-to-side when they’re feeling passionate, especially when they’re lying on their back. Almost nobody nods their head up and down.)

4. Having the submissive “grunt” in a recognizable pattern, such as two short grunts, then a pause, then two more grunts, repeated as needed. (A gagged person can still grunt rather loudly.)

5. Having the submissive strongly and audibly tap two times on themselves, their partner, or some object. The tap can be delivered with a hand, foot, or any other body part. This is very similar to the “tap for release” safety signal taught to martial artists.

I like the “grunt” and “tap” signals. SM is often done under dark conditions, so an audible signal (as opposed to a visual signal) is a good thing. People who are lying on a bed with their hands tied behind their back would have trouble snapping their fingers or dropping a scarf.

Note: some submissives learn how to finger-spell the deaf alphabet, and can thus, even though gagged, have detailed conversations with their dominant if the dominant also knows it (and it’s not that difficult to learn).

Obviously, one major danger of a gag is that it could interfere with the submissive’s breathing. You would obviously want to limit or eliminate gag use when the submissive has a cold or anything else that interferes with their ability to breathe through their nose. If your submissive is at all prone to allergies, a couple of shots of decongestant spray in each nostril, and/or an oral decongestant, is a good idea before gag play.

You do your best SM with someone you love.

A basic gag consists of something placed in the submissive’s mouth to limit their ability to make sound - the “mouth stuffing” - and something placed over the mouth to hold it in place - the strap.

Many deaths have occurred - usually during criminal activity, not SM - when the mouth stuffing worked its way into the back of the victim’s throat and blocked their airway, thus killing them. This usually happened when the victim was bound and gagged by robbers who then left them alone. These robbers thus ended up going to prison for a murder they never meant to happen.

Two safety points:

First, if you gag a submissive, you obviously have to stay with them and watch them even more closely than you ordinarily would. This usually means staying in the room with them. If you do leave the room, it’s
very
wise to assume that the gag slipped and completely blocked their breathing the moment you left. Keep how long you stay away accordingly short.

Some dominants give their gagged submissive a noisemaker such as a bell to use if they “really” get in trouble while the dominant is out of the room. Alternatively, they may order the submissive to use it every minute or so. The dominant may go so far as to tape it into the palm of the submissive’s hand so it can’t be accidentally dropped.

Second, for safety’s sake, you should attach the mouth-stuffing to the strap so that it cannot work its way into the back of the submissive’s throat. Again, failure to do that has resulted in many accidental deaths.

Another danger associated with gags is vomiting. If a gagged submissive were to throw up, the vomit would plug their nose and be sucked into their lungs. This is often fatal. You need to use a gag that can be removed within seconds in case of emergency.

Also, you would not want to gag somebody who felt nauseated, and you would remove the gag if they became nauseated during the session. Dominants should instruct their submissives to let them know when they first become nauseated. It’s important to react to the early warning signs on this matter. Don’t wait until the last instant. One lesson I learned during my ambulance days: when a patient says that they’re going to throw up, they don’t mean in 30 seconds. They mean now.

As a safety measure, you might want to avoid gagging someone who has recently eaten (say, roughly, within the last three hours) and/or who has taken anything, such as alcohol, in sufficient quantity to make them nauseated.

A submissive who has had their jaws forced apart either too far or for too long by a gag may develop problems. These problems include pain and/or spasm of the jaw muscles, aggravation of temporomandibular joint syndrome, or even, in an extreme case, dislocation of the jaw itself.

I always ask to be blindfolded when I bottom at parties - because if someone I don’t like is watching, I don’t want to know it.

Types of gags.
Okay, let’s assume that this is your third session with a submissive, that the non-verbal safewords have been agreed upon and verified, that the submissive feels fine (they are not at all nauseated), hasn’t eaten for three hours, and has not been drinking.

How do you gag them?

Many people use a gag that consists of a leather strap and a rubber ball - the so-called “ball gag.” The ball is inserted between the submissive’s teeth, then strapped in place behind their head. (No locking buckles!)

This type of gag usually works fairly well. The strap is often black leather, and the ball is often bright red. Many people think it looks sexy. Such a gag muffles sound fairly well.

One drawback with gags, or with something else placed in a submissive’s mouth, is that anything placed in someone’s mouth causes them to salivate.

A gag forces the submissive’s jaws apart, and thus makes saliva harder to swallow (stick two fingers between your own teeth and try it). Usually, the saliva tends to run either down the back of their throat or out their mouth and down their chin. (That adds a humiliating touch that some dominants, and some submissives, like.) Occasionally a submissive will be unable to swallow with a ball gag in place; you should probably use a different style of gag.

One solution is using foam rubber instead of a balL A fist-sized piece of foam rubber fills the submissive’s mouth nicely (as they open and shut their jaws, it expands and contracts in response), is cheap, and absorbs saliva. That last feature is one many submissives like.

One drawback of foam rubber is that some sharp-toothed submissives can bite through it; but, as I said, it’s easy and cheap to replace. (There’s a hypothetical possibility that a submissive could bite a piece off the gag and choke on it, but I’ve never heard of this happening.) I would like to see this material used much more widely than it currently is used.

One type of gag you sometimes see is called the pump gag. This gag has an inflatable balloon on the inside of the strap. It’s attached to a squeeze bulb, inserted and secured, then inflated - thus filling the mouth. Unfortunately, some submissives have died because the gag was over-inflated and blocked off the back of their throat. Most of these gags are made in England, and I understand that Customs agents now seize them as they come into the country. The use of such gags in connection with a hood is especially dangerous because such a hood prevents the dominant from receiving the feedback allowed by seeing the submissive’s face.