Sloane (28 page)

“Actually…” She reached out and put a hand on my arm.
“I wanted to ask you something.”

I raised my gaze to hers. “Yeah?”

“It’s probably the wrong time,” she said. “I know
we’re tired. I know we’ve just been through hell. But… fuck,
there’s never a good time for anything in our lives.”

“What?”

“Is there something going on between you and Axel?”
It was as if she didn’t want to believe it.

I felt shy. “I don’t know exactly. Maybe.” He’d told
me he loved me. Of course, he’d said it when he thought he was
going to die, so maybe it didn’t count.

Leigh pressed her lips together. She turned away.

I sat up. “What?”

She shook her head.

“What?
”

“It’s just… I don’t think you should get involved
with him.”

I sank back into the couch. “Oh.”

She grabbed both of my hands. “Sloane, he’s bad
news.”

I pulled my hands back. “He’s been helping us out, if
you hadn’t noticed. And he was worried about you. He said he hadn’t
heard from you in years.”

“Yeah, but you know why I stopped talking to him,”
said Leigh. “Look. The last time I saw Axel, I had no money and
nowhere to stay. And he was fine with helping me out as long as I
wanted to sleep with him. And then when I didn’t, he practically
threw me out. I had to beg him to let me work as a stripper at his
stupid club just to try to make money. He’s not a nice person,
Sloane.”

I toyed with the edge of my t-shirt and didn’t say
anything.

“What happened between you two?” Leigh said. “Please
do not tell me you slept with him.”

I blushed.

Leigh groaned. “Jesus, Sloane, I thought you had
better sense than that. Besides, he’s fucking terrible in bed.”

Right. I hadn’t been thinking about the fact that
Leigh and Axel used to be friends with benefits. Which mean we’d
both slept with the same guy. I scooted a little bit further away
from Leigh. That was a little weird to think about.

Of course, it was a really long time ago. Maybe I
should try not to.

Except what was the thing that Leigh had said to him?
That he would never be her Prince Charming? What was that all
about?

“He’s not terrible in bed,” I mumbled. “You don’t
know anything about it. About him and me.”

“Sloane, for fuck’s sake, there is no him and you. He
doesn’t form attachments to girls. I’ve known him since I was
sixteen years old, and he never, ever has had a girlfriend in all
that time. Just a revolving door of sluts. And if you think he’s
going to treat you any differently—”

“I
know
this,” I said. “I’m not stupid. It’s
not like I agreed to marry him or something. But he makes me feel…
noticed. Important. Special. No one else ever notices me, but Axel
did.”

“He notices everything with boobs, okay? You’re not
special.”

I flinched, averting my gaze.

“He’s a cocaine addict,” said Leigh.

That was true. I swallowed. “Well, you used to be a
cocaine addict, and you stopped.”

“Not like Axel I wasn’t,” said Leigh. “I used cocaine
on the weekends. I was like a binge drinker—a binge snorter or
something. The point is that Axel is a daily coke user. He does a
line to wake up in the morning, like coffee.”

“Well, he hasn’t been,” I said. “The past couple of
days, he’s really laid off.”

“Days?” said Leigh. “You think that means
anything?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. It seems like he’s changed.”

“Oh, come on.” Leigh gave me a sympathetic look. “You
are a brand new toy, and he’s excited to play with you. But he will
get bored with you, and anything he’s said while you were together,
he’ll just forget about.”

It was the same thing I was afraid of. I twisted my
fingers together. “He told me he loved me.”

Leigh was quiet.

I looked up at her and saw that she was stunned.

“He probably only said it because he thought we were
going to die.” I got off the couch. “Look, you’re right. I’m being
an idiot. I hate being alone so bad. I want what you and Griffin
and Silas and Sloane have, but I’m never going to find that with
someone like Axel. Maybe not everybody finds someone, you know?
Maybe I won’t ever have a relationship like that.”

Leigh stood up too. “Sloane, no, that’s not what I’m
saying. You’re beautiful and sweet and funny and wonderful, and
of course
you’re going to find someone. All I meant was
don’t let Axel hurt you. That’s all.”

I backed away. “Well, I guess when you got into your
relationship with Griffin, he never hurt you, right? It wasn’t like
he left you and then got mad at you for having an abortion and then
got you involved in torturing his prison-rapist or made you like
literally lose your mind.”

“Sloane, that’s not fair.”

“No,” I said, my voice growing even more sarcastic.
“I’m just trying to understand. I mean, we should all have a
relationship that’s just as perfect as yours.”

“Sloane—”

“Isn’t the whole reason this bullshit happened
because you and Griffin had a fight?” I glared at her. “Because if
he hadn’t thought you were mad, we would have known you were
missing much earlier.”

She hung her head, taking a deep breath. “I’m not
saying my relationship is perfect. And God knows, Griffin is not
perfect. But he’s not Axel Whitman either.”

“Yeah?” I said. “Well, Axel has issues. I know that.
But he also didn’t want me to kill people today, and not because he
thought I couldn’t handle it, but because it actually
bothers
him when people die.”

And without waiting for her to say anything, I
stalked out of the room.

* * *

I curled up on a bed in one of the apartments,
intending to fall asleep and stop thinking about everything. But
before I knew what was happening, I was crying. I huddled there, my
face buried in the pillow and shook as the sobs went through
me.

“Sloane?”

It was Axel’s voice. Funny that I could recognize it
so easily now, even though none of it mattered. I might have yelled
at Leigh for saying what she said, but that didn’t mean that she
was any less right. There was no way that Axel and I were ever
going to work. And I’d been so focused on saving everyone, that I
hadn’t really given a lot of thought to the future. But now we were
all safe, and I realized that I’d set up myself up for
heartache.

I felt him settle on the bed next to me. He stroked
my hair. “What’s wrong?”

I didn’t answer, but I started to choke on my tears,
and they began to lessen.

He lay down beside me, brushing hair away from my
face.

I looked at him, lying on the pillow facing me. “You
don’t have to keep being nice to me, you know.”

He stroked my cheek. His voice gently teased me. “You
want me to be mean to you?”

I put my face back into the pillow.

“Hey,” he said, serious now. “What’s going on?”

Part of me wanted him to take me in his arms and
promise me the world. And part of me knew that was never going to
happen.

“Is it about what you did in there?” he murmured.
“Killing those people?”

Shit. I hadn’t even been thinking about that. What
kind of person did that make me, if I could brush that aside so
easily? I rolled over onto my back, rubbing my eyes.

Axel propped himself up on one elbow. “Because I know
why you did it. You did it for your brother.”

I sniffled. “Not just for him. For all of us. That
was the end of it. Now we’re free. All of them are dead, and we can
get on with our lives.”

“Yeah.” He smiled down at me. “But you felt closure,
right? After everything with you and Silas, you took charge and
made the hard decision. You were strong. I’m proud of you.”

I bit my lip. “You’re still doing it. You’re being
nice.”

“Why wouldn’t I be nice?”

I turned away from him.

“Look, I’m not saying it was easy to watch you
massacre all those people, but, like I said, I understand why you
had to do it. And I’m not going to punish you for that. None of
that changes the way I feel about you.”

I looked back. Oh, shit. “Look, you were under a lot
of stress when you said that stuff before, and if you want to back
out of it—”

“No.” He furrowed his brow. “Why would you even
suggest that?”

I sighed. “It’s just that… well… even if we were, you
know, in love, then where does that leave us?”

“We are,” he said. “At least, I am. I love you,
Sloane. Are you changing your mind?”

I sat up. “Why are you saying that?”

“Because you’re acting like you don’t feel the same
way anymore.”

“No,” I said. “Why are you saying that you’re in love
with me?”

He drew back. “I thought I explained this.”

“There are… issues, Axel. You don’t really have
girlfriends. And there’s nowhere that I really fit in your life.
And you spend half of your time in a strip club. And you’re
addicted to drugs. And—”

“Okay, okay.” He sat up and put his back to me. “So
you don’t love me.”

“I…” I clenched my hands into fists. “It’s
confusing.”

He chuckled bitterly. “Great. That’s great. I turned
my life upside down for you, and now all you feel is confused.”

Now I felt guilty. “It’s only that I was talking to
Leigh, and she told me that you were bad news, and I started
thinking—”

“Leigh said that?” He whipped around to glare at
me.

I nodded.

He got up off the bed. “Man… Leigh was my best
friend. When your best friend doesn’t even have your back, then who
does?”

“Your best friend that you had sex with,” I
muttered.

He raised his eyebrows. “Is
that
what this is
about? Yes, okay, Leigh and I were fuck buddies like a zillion
years ago. But it was never romantic or anything. You can’t get
angry about that. I didn’t even know you back then.”

“Why’d she say that thing to you about Prince
Charming?” I said. “Why’d you have so much fun punching
Griffin?”

“Guy just bothers me. That’s all.”

“And the Prince Charming thing?”

Axel massaged the bridge of his nose. “I might have
said something to her about being her prince or something. It was a
joke. I was trying to get under her skin that day.”

“You’re not secretly in love with, Leigh?”

“I’ve never been secretly in love with anyone, ever.
I’m not going to tell you that there haven’t been a lot of women in
my past, but I didn’t feel anything for them. ”

“So, you changed because you met me. That what you’re
saying?”

“Basically.”

“You expect me to believe that? What? Do I have a
magic pussy or something?”

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Maybe,” he
told the carpet.

“What?” I leaped off the bed. “Did you seriously just
say that?”

His gaze flicked to meet mine and then away. “Oh come
on, Sloane, it’s not like you didn’t feel it too. When we touch,
when we’re… together…”

He was right. Our lovemaking had been kind of
magical, hadn’t it? Hell, he was right there, and I wished we were
touching again.

He cleared his throat. “I don’t know about all this
‘changed’ stuff. I do know that I want you near me, and I think
that’s all we do. We don’t have to analyze it to death. We just
have to stay close, and it’ll work out. It’ll be natural and
perfect, just like everything is with us.”

“Everything is not natural and perfect!” I
protested.

He grabbed me and tugged me against him. He fitted
his perfect lips against mine, tangling his hands in my hair. Bliss
poured through me, and I clutched at him, assailed by the sweetness
of his mouth and tongue and fingers.

He gasped, breaking away. “See?” he breathed.
“Perfect.”

I buried my head in his chest.

He traced the outline of my spine through my shirt.
His voice was dark and soft in my ear. “I’m tired, Sloane. All I
want is to fall asleep with you in my arms. Can we do that?”

I squeezed him tighter. “Yes,” I whispered.

* * *

I awoke to a soft knock on the door. I rolled over,
untangling myself from Axel’s limbs. We were both naked. Despite
our best intentions to simply go to sleep, we had a hard time
resisting each other, and we’d definitely had sex before passing
out. Even though we were both exhausted, it had been so sweet.
Perfect, just like Axel said.

There was a robe hanging on the back of the door
(Axel had them here for guests) so I pulled that on, cinching it
around my waist. I opened the door.

It was Silas. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I said.

He was scrutinizing my robe. “Christa’s here. I
thought you might want to say hello.”

I nodded. “Definitely. Um, let me get dressed real
quick.”

Silas made a face. “Okay. Do that. And then maybe we
could, um, talk for a couple minutes?”

That sounded ominous. I shut the door and yanked on
my jeans.

Axel raised his head sleepily. “What’s going on?”

“Christa’s back. I’m going out to say hi.” I leaned
over to kiss him on the forehead.

He took the opportunity to fondle one of my bare
breasts.

I gasped, shutting my eyes. That felt so nice. But I
couldn’t let myself get too distracted. “Stop it. My brother is
outside the door.”

He tugged my face down to his and kissed me
thoroughly. “I’ll get up too.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Stay here.” I reached for my
bra.

He sat up. “You know, Sloane, I’m getting the
distinct impression that you’re embarrassed by me.”

I snapped my bra in place and scooted it around so
that I could put on the straps. “No, that’s not what’s
happening.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Get out of bed if you want,” I said. “It’s your
house.”

“That’s right,” he said. “It is. You think any of
your friends out there are the slightest bit grateful that I’m
letting you all stay here?”