Authors: Jane Lovering
"Yes. Yes, you're right, of course." I listened to the
background at his end for a moment. It was almost silent, no
sounds of anyone drinking or talking. If he was with Sarah,
she must have no bodily functions at all. "So, you'll see her
tomorrow."
"Yeah. Guess so."
"All right. Well, thanks, Piers."
A bit more of a pause. "You take care of yourself, okay?"
I smiled down the phone. "Yes. I will. See you soon, Piers."
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"Sure." He hung up. I still wasn't certain whether he'd
been with anyone or not.
The next morning Florence repacked most of her London
clothes and set off to visit her father. We said our goodbyes
at the bus stop, then she headed west, making me promise to
update her on the Grainger situation, as soon as I got in
touch with the vet. I journeyed into town, arriving at Webbe's
exactly the same time as Jacinta. This morning she was
dressed like a wallpaper sample book, in huge clashing floral
patterns. She was touchingly pleased to see me.
"Alys! You are being here! This is most early time for you.
Have you come from more partying with Piers? I am telling
you, Alys, Piers is
big
hot. Verrrry sexy boy."
"Yes, you
do
keep telling me that, don't you? But I notice
you turned down the party invite. You should have come,
Jace. All those very young men—it was a bit like a sixth-form
nightclub. Anyway, Piers and I had a bit of a disagreement so
I think we might not be seeing so much of him for a bit."
Jace just snorted and hustled off behind the curtain to put
the kettle on.
"Good morning, Alys. Is Jacinta here yet?" Somehow
Simon had managed to get into the shop unheard by either
Jace or me. Presumably he'd come in the back way whilst
we'd been talking on the step. Either that or he had his
spartan bedroll laid out in Biography and never actually went
home.
"She's making tea." I followed Simon as he went round,
which meant both of us caught Jace in the guilty act of
shoving a chocolate HobNob between her deep red lips.
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"Simon," she mumbled around the crumbs. "You are early
also."
"So I am," he said dryly. "Look, Jacinta, I need to have a
word with you." He turned to me, standing in the doorway.
"In private, Alys, if you don't mind."
I felt myself blush as though I'd already been
eavesdropping. "Oh. Right." I began to shuffle my way over
to the counter as slowly as was compatible with retreating
behaviour. I fired up the till and wondered was Simon really
going to sack Jace?
A customer came in, and I stopped pacing back and forth
beyond the curtain, trying to overhear. There hadn't been any
tears so far, nor shouting, and they'd been in there nearly
fifteen minutes. How long does it take to sack someone
anyway? A couple of minutes should do it, surely? I sold a
book absent-mindedly, still straining my ears for the sound of
sobbing. On either part since, if riled, Jace could have done
Simon some serious damage.
Then the telephone rang and took my mind off things. I
hoped it wasn't for Simon, since I didn't fancy putting my
head round the curtain after the no-nonsense way he'd
already told me to butt out, but it wasn't. It was Leo, for me.
"Good morning, Alys." He sounded bright and breezy.
"How are you today?"
"I'm fine, I think. How about you?" I was still uncertain
about the whole me-and-him thing, but I was having little
waves of good feeling towards him, and that was a start.
"Yes, I'm fine too. Look, I'm ringing"—he dropped his voice
and I wondered who was listening—"to ask if it would be
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possible for me to come and see you tomorrow. At your flat? I
can be there by, oh, sevenish, I should think. Would that be
all right?"
Oh God, was he going to give me the final talk? "I'm sorry
but this just isn't working." Followed by an excuse picked
from the Man's Get-Out Clause list? Just as I was beginning to
get my head around the idea of a relationship? My heart
pounded as I switched from being offhand to concerned. "I
think that would be very nice," I said inadequately. "Will Jay
not mind being left in charge?"
There was a short pause and I hoped he wasn't going to
ask if he could bring her too. "Jay—" He broke off and
restarted. "Jay is having a few days off. She's considering
taking up another position."
It might not be the Dear Alys talk after all. Leo sounded
too happy. Unless he considered he'd be well rid of me and
couldn't wait to move on to someone who knew a fetlock from
a crupper.
Leo was hesitant again and my heart took a dive. "I've
written a poem I think I'd like you to read."
Behind the curtain to my left there was a sudden
movement. Something poked the fabric until it bulged, then
swiftly subsided like a cheap erection. Half my mind was on
this, while the rest crept around the implications of what Leo
had said. "You want me to
read
something you've written?" I
sidled around trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on,
but the curtain was tightly pulled across the cubby hole. Not
so much as a sock was visible.
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"Er, yes. I think so. Well, don't be disappointed if I change
my mind, will you? I mean, I'll still come to see you, the
poem isn't—I mean—it's not just—" Mr. Diffident had clearly
taken control of Leo's body again. "About sevenish," and he
was gone, leaving the phone to feel the heat of his
embarrassment.
"Gosh." I stared down at the replaced handset, my mind
ringing like a bell.
"You are looking serious." Jace popped up at my elbow like
an economy-sized Jack-in-the-Box. "Is it that you are having
some news?"
I stared at her. She was smiling, her mascara was
unimpeachable, her lipstick unsmudged, evidently neither
sacked nor rogered. "Leo's coming visiting tomorrow night." I
followed this bald statement with a quick update on the
events of his previous visit.
"Ah." Jace sat on the stool next to me. "So."
"So? What did Simon want with you?"
"It is nothing. Just wishing to talk about my privates, you
understand? Personal."
I felt momentarily hurt that Jace expected me to give her
the down-and-dirty on my life while she kept her own locked
away, but then I thought of all the things about me which I'd
never told her, and forgave her. "Leo's such a nice guy, Jace."
"And you are not knowing what to do with nice, are you,
Alys? The men you are having, you are always choosing
because they are not wishing to have relationships with you.
They are wishing only for quick sexing."
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"No," I said indignantly. "It's just that that's how it's
always turned out."
Jace looked at me sternly. "Alys. I am seeing for myself.
You are not wanting men to be close to you, so you are
picking men who are not wanting to be close with anybody.
Then you are saying 'Boo hoo, he is not staying with me.'"
"I couldn't really have any kind of full-time relationship
though, Jace. It wouldn't be fair on Florrie."
"But, Alys, this is always being your excuse. You are not
seeing properly. Florence, she is a woman now, soon she will
be going away into this big world and you are needing
someone to show you that you can be a sexy woman again.
Is like you are
afraid
to be loving a man."
I sighed. "But is Leo that man? Is he the big
IT
?"
Jace inclined her head towards me. "Only you can know
these things. I hope that you will let me be meeting with him
tomorrow."
"Oh yes. Look, come over about eight. I'll get Florrie to
come over too. Maybe Mrs. Treadgold would like to pop in as
well. It might be time to break it to the group that I'm not
really dating Piers. I've got a book to drop off for her. I'll ask
her while I'm there."
"Hmm. I will come." Jace stood up and the heels of her
shoes squeaked as they took the strain. "You are needing my
vision of this man." She sauntered off into Science Fiction
with Neil Gaiman under one arm, leaving me to wonder what
she was going to make of Leo and what he would think of her.
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Mrs. Treadgold had been baking and her wig was coated in
flour. It made her look a little like a Christmas-tree ornament.
"Hello, dear. Would you like some cake?"
"No thanks. I've just dropped by to let you have the new
Mills and Boon book you were wanting. Oh, and to ask if
you'd like to come over to my flat tomorrow night."
Mrs. T shuffled backwards over her doorstep to allow me
into her tiny house. It always reminded me of an illustration
in a children's book, a four-square building with a wiggly path
up to the front door. "Is it a special occasion, dear? Or just a
get-together?"
"I'm having a visitor." I eased my way along the narrow
hall into the brightly lit kitchen. "I'd like everyone to meet
him. Oh." Under the fluorescent tube which illuminated her
surprisingly modern kitchen, Mrs. Treadgold looked pale.
Even her bright blue eyes had a faded look to them. "Are you
all right?"
She turned to the scrubbed table in the middle of the
kitchen and began parcelling up slices of cake into
greaseproof packets. "Old age, my dear. Comes to us all. Is
this visitor something to do with your young man?"
"I—" I sat down on one of the pine chairs. "I think I really
want some advice."
A cup of tea materialised, poured from the stoneware pot
which hid under the cat-shaped tea cosy. A slice of cake
joined it.
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"What sort of advice?" Mrs. Treadgold sat next to me, on
the chair with the embroidered cushion. That had cats on too.
She was a woman in the grip of a serious feline obsession.
"And is it advice you really want, my dear, or someone to
agree with something you've already decided? I mean, I can
give you all the advice in the world, but if you don't want to
do something, you're not going to, are you?"
I slumped even deeper into the chair and thought of
Jacinta's opinion. That I was too afraid to take a chance and
deliberately chose men who just weren't that into me to
prevent myself from ever having to work at a relationship.
"If you fall in love with someone," I said slowly, "do you
think it happens all at once? Or can you, for example, quite
like someone for a long time, then find that it's turned into
something else? Or do you just look at someone for the first
time and go—yep, he's the one?"
"Eat your cake, dear. Philosophy always goes down better
with a cup of PG Tips and a slice of banana loaf."
Obediently I ate. "So I suppose what I'm really asking is,
do you believe in love at first sight?"
Mrs. Treadgold sighed. "When I met Mr. Treadgold, I didn't
fall in love with him. Not at first. He was wearing a
slaughterman's apron and the most ridiculous hat I ever saw.
But. The first time I looked into his eyes, I knew."
"Knew? What, that you were in love?"
The teapot clanged against the side of her cup, as though
her hands were shaking. "I can't say that it was love, not
exactly. But it was something. I just felt—different. As though
he knew me from the inside out. Oh, I can't explain, not
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really, but to answer your question, no. I don't believe in love
at first sight. And anyone who does, in my opinion, is getting
love and lust mixed up. I believe that when you're with your
true love, you don't feel you have to hide any more. Does
that make sense?"
"Yes." It was true. I didn't have to hide with Leo. He let me
be who I was, without question. My heart gave a little skip.
We
could
make it work, Leo and I. Maybe this confusion I felt
about him was the first part of falling in love? Perhaps I
should stop worrying and just go for it, let myself fall.
At precisely seven the next evening, I was showered,
dressed in a form-fitting sweater and embroidered trousers.
The flat was tidy and had been hoovered so thoroughly that
most of the remaining thread had left the carpet. I'd put the
roses in vases, borrowed from Mr. Roberts-next-door, around
the living room. With the few tea-light candles I possessed lit
under tinted glass shades, the place looked inviting and
slightly romantic.
At seven thirty-seven, there was a knock. I left a long
enough pause to indicate I wasn't standing right inside the