Sleepers (9 page)

“Trevin wasn’t even in my head when it happened,” Mags cried. “You know how you feel when you’re with Kellan? How you feel in his arms? I wanted that too, Lianne. Just once, I wanted to be held by a man who loved me for me. Not one who raped me to get me pregnant with his heirs.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to calm the anger bubbling inside me. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t.
Mags was
my dearest friend, the one person who’d been more like family to me than anyone else in Fithia. But she’d lied, to everyone.
To the king, to me, to her sons.

“Why do you think I’ve been so tolerant of your time with Kellan? Why do you think I encouraged you?”

Mags sat up and punched the pillow next to her. Trevin began to cry, but we both ignored him.

“I didn’t ask for this life. I didn’t want to be chosen. Everyone thought I was nuts, trying to hide on Choosing Day. They knew I had a good chance because of this beauty I was cursed with. I knew it too. He’d noticed me before, at the Harvest Festival. I could see how demented he was and I didn’t want to ever be close to him.”

She ripped the covers away from her body and jumped off the side of the bed. She twirled around on the floor, her dress flying out on all sides like a dancer at court.

“I’m not allowed to do that either,” she said, putting her hands down on her skirt, stopping it in midflight. She stuck her tongue out, crossed her eyes and pushed up on the tip of her nose.

“Can you imagine what they’d say if I did that at court?” she asked. “What if I want to walk around barefoot or go strolling outside without someone to walk in front of and behind me?

“I can’t do any of those things, Lianne. All the stuff you take for granted, I am not allowed any of it. My life is not my own, but my heart…” she walked over to me, her hand hovering over her chest, “…my heart belongs only to me. It’s inside and no one can take it away from me. It loves who it loves.”

She paused and reached out for my hand, but I wouldn’t cooperate. I didn’t want to touch her.

“It loves you and it’s not supposed to.
You, the Dalagan adoptee who is here to serve me.
It loved him too, the man I am not allowed to be with, but the only man who’s ever looked at me and seen who I am on the inside.”

I held my breath, willing the fires to stop. I knew what she meant. I felt it. But the anger wouldn’t let go. It tore at me, writhing around inside.

“Just once, I took a chance on my heart.
Just one time.
I’d loved him from afar and I knew he loved me too. Only one time did we ever let go of who we were supposed to be and gave in to who we are.”

“Who?” I whispered. “Who’s the father?”

Mags turned around and sat on her bed, taking Trevin out of his bassinette and into her arms.

“He doesn’t know Trevin is his.” She kissed Trevin’s nose.

“He should know.”

“And what good would that do?” Her bloodshot eyes now flashed with anger instead of sadness. “I didn’t even tell him and yet someone else found out and told the king. As for proof, I have no idea what kind of proof they could have offered him. We took care to leave nothing behind. No one could have known.”

“Someone has enough proof to convince the king,” I said, “otherwise he wouldn’t be threatening to execute you and Trevin. But why isn’t he going to execute the father?”

Mags repositioned Trevin in her arms, stroking his hair. She glanced back at me.

“Is it possible he doesn’t know who the father is?” she asked. “We’re being punished and he isn’t.”

“Does he know the father?” I asked. “Would he even care?”

“Oh, he would care,” Mags said. “He would care very much. And that’s another reason I won’t tell you. If the king doesn’t know, then no one else needs to know either. It was our agreement, made in the
dark, that
no one would ever know. Do you see now why you need to save Trevin? If you can get away with him, the king can kill me and be done with it. Trevin would never inherit the throne. His brothers are in line before him. No one would even care if I am gone.”

I felt the fire flicker. I imagined the flames blue, no longer red, burning out slowly. My belly relaxed, my muscles softened. She’d allowed herself one night, one moment to herself and she was willing to accept the consequences.

“I have no life here, Lianne,” she continued. “If I die, I die. My older sons will be raised to the throne and Trevin will live happily elsewhere.
With you.
You’ve been so kind to both of us and I know you would make a good mother to him.”

I wanted to laugh, but I held my tongue. I saw how serious Mags was, how much she wanted this scenario to be true.

“I could never be a mother to him. He’s your son. I do love him, but not like a mother should. He needs you and I can make sure you have each other.”

“How?” she asked. “I can’t leave. Everyone would see me go. I’m the queen, everyone knows my face. And I know you, Lianne. I know you don’t have it in you to kill Rotlar.”

“I can figure something out. We have a week’s time. Please Mags, don’t give up. Not yet,” I begged. I was angry with her, but I couldn’t condemn her to death.

The chamber door opened and Albree walked in, flanked by two guards.

“We’re here to take you in to custody, my queen,” the first said. He didn’t look Mags in the eyes. Whether it was out of shame or deference, I couldn’t tell, but Mags stared straight at them. She placed Trevin back in his bassinette, stood up straight and threw her shoulders back.

“I’m so sorry, my queen,” Albree cried, throwing herself at Mags’ feet. “We got here at the same time. I didn’t mean to walk in with them. Please don’t think I had anything to do with this.”

“Who will be caring for my son?” Mags asked the guards, ignoring Albree. “I won’t leave until I know he’s in safe hands.”

They still wouldn’t look at her and she glanced over at me. I knew what she wanted, for me to run with Trevin. But I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t let her sacrifice herself.

“The king has chosen a family for him, for now,” the guard said. His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed. “He will stay with the family of your lady-in-waiting.”

He pointed at Albree. She pulled herself off the floor, smoothed out her dress and walked over to Trevin’s bassinette. I sighed. At least Trevin would be near me. I’d have to give up my nights with Kellan, but for Trevin, I’d do it.

Then he looked at me. “You are dismissed and ordered to leave the castle.”

“No!” Mags screamed as Albree picked Trevin up out of his bassinette. The guards held on to Mags’ wrists, as she strained toward her son. “You can’t do this to my baby. My innocent little boy.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks, her bloodshot eyes reigniting. She struggled against the guards, but they were too strong.

Albree turned around, Trevin in her arms. She bent over and kissed him on the nose. “Who’s the sweetest little baby?” she cooed at him.

Mags dropped to her knees, sobbing. I ran and fell on the floor next to her, holding her in my arms. Her tears soaked the top of my dress, but I didn’t care.

“Get up,” a guard yelled, kicking her leg. They tugged on her arms, trying to force Mags to her feet. I held on tight, not taking my arms off of her. They would have to pry me away.

Mags leaned over, her head next to mine, her lips on my ear.

“Don’t let them get away with it,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and strained. “If you can, kill him.”

Mags pushed herself out of my arms and stood up, resuming her composure

again
, ever the queen.

“Do you have everything, Lianne?” Trevin squirmed in Albree’s arms. She didn’t even attempt to soothe
him,
instead she pulled his blanket tighter to keep him still.

She hovered over me while I packed my few belongings. I stuffed clothes into a bag and placed a few trinkets in it. I was surprised how little I’d collected in sixteen years of living in one place. No gifts from my mother or sister to pack. No gifts from anyone, really. I had my clothes and the rest technically belonged to Albree and my mother.

My so-called mother had been informed I was dismissed but she didn’t even bother to see me off. I hadn’t expected her to either. Albree was only here to make sure I didn’t take anything that wasn’t mine. She’d already pulled a ribbon out of my hand, claiming it was really hers.

I didn’t argue. I didn’t care enough about a stupid ribbon to fight for it. I had a bigger battle ahead, one that didn’t require pretty ribbons in my hair. I had to save Mags and I had to get Trevin away from Albree.

“I have everything that I care about, Albree,” I replied.

I was done trying to hide my hatred for her. It didn’t matter now. Albree laughed, making Trevin cry.

“Stupid baby.” She put him down in the bassinette one of the guards had brought in. “Be quiet.”

“You’d better be nice to Trevin.” I couldn’t even stand to think of him in her arms. The angry
fires licked at my belly, but now wasn’t
the time to act. If I took Trevin from her, and I knew I could easily overpower her, I would have no hopes of saving Mags. Until I had a plan they both had to stay in the castle, each in their own prison.

“Of course I’ll be nice to Trevin,” Albree said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re never nice to anyone.” I didn’t bother with niceties anymore.

“Lianne, you are not one of us. Trevin may be a bastard, but he is still Fithian. We care for our own, not for some pathetic adoptees thrust on us.”

“Thanks for caring.” I wanted the words to sting.

But Albree had already turned her attention to the window. She leaned over the windowsill, her breasts hanging over the ledge, giving the men practicing their maneuvers outside the full view. She called out to them, waving. Their cheers rose up to the window. They were obviously happy with the distraction. Aric yelled, scolding them to pay attention.

I fought the urge to kick her in the butt and send her flying out the window. It would be too easy. I pulled my bag onto my shoulder and leaned over Trevin’s bassinette. He smiled and blew bubbles when I tickled his chin.

My heart pounded, like it wanted to break out of my chest. I was leaving my only home and I could only hope Kellan would take me in. It wouldn’t be easy. Aric didn’t know I’d been spending my nights there, but he would know I’d been dismissed from the castle and he might get in trouble for harboring me. I wasn’t sure any place was safe.

I left the room, not bothering to say goodbye to Albree. She didn’t say anything either. She was probably happy I’d left.

As I walked through the castle halls, people whispered to each other while they eyed me. Word traveled quickly in a castle and I was the newest scandal. Well, not me, but I was connected to it.
A casualty of Mags’ infidelity.

The fire flickered in me, begging to be set free. My only instinct was to fight, but I restrained myself, knowing, once again, it wouldn’t help. If I got in trouble now, I’d be put in the dungeon with Mags and never have a chance of setting her free. If I could force myself to walk out of the castle without creating a scene, I’d be free to make my plans.

I needed to get to Kellan. He’d said he had ideas for getting in the castle, ideas that revolved around my access to Mags. But now that I’d been banished, I wasn’t sure how I’d get close to the king again, close enough to kill him with my bare hands.

I’d never been allowed to touch a weapon. Aric knew his place and only taught us hand-to-hand combat. He broke the rules by teaching us to fight, but kept us from being too deadly by withholding weapons training. Kellan carried weapons to and from the training grounds all day, but he only learned strategy. He’d never wielded a sword or a mace in practice or in battle. It was his job to learn strategy and bring it back to our people. But handling weapons, well, I wondered who was supposed to teach that to our people if we were supposed to be the links from the Fithians to the Dalagans. Maybe the Fithians didn’t want anyone to know how to fight.

They were smart, using us as pawns in their war. If it weren’t for the Awakening, I would have gone on appreciating them. I never would have seriously wondered if they really had my best interests at heart. I shook my head, wondering how I’d been clueless for so long.

Kellan, Bryden, and I weren’t allowed the same luxuries as the natives. We spent our days serving like many other Fithians, but at night, instead of being restful were spent learning about the war. Our teachers told us it was cultural training, but there were many nights I spent blanketed in a cold sweat from the nightmares I’d had about my own people.

Their mysterious magic floated around in my dreams, destroying everything it touched. It was enough to make me fearful of returning home when I turned twenty, knowing if magic hadn’t been bled from them, I’d never be able to defend myself. Never be able to teach them about the wonders of the Fithians and how they saved us.

I laughed at my naiveté. I’d believed them so easily, trusted them to care for me and protect me. Knowing the truth now, I couldn’t wait to destroy them. I didn’t understand how Bryden survived for so long and played along with the charade, and yet he still didn’t want them killed.