Skulduggery Pleasant: Last Stand of Dead Men (25 page)

Despite the blades that hovered over vital areas, Dexter laughed. “Apparently they want to just hand me over to you,” he said, “which is pretty nice of them if you think about it. They also want to join up.”

“We can speak for ourselves, thank you,” Tanith said. “Hi, Val. Hi, Skulduggery.” She took a moment. “Hi, Ghastly.”

“Let him go,” Ghastly said.

“First we talk. Then we let him go.”

“No, Tanith. This conversation will not be on your terms.”

“Our terms are the only terms,” Sanguine said. “We have sharp pointy blades ready to open up every artery your friend has, so you best pay attention to—”

“You,” Ghastly interrupted, “are not allowed to speak.”

Sanguine frowned behind his sunglasses. “What?”

Ghastly’s eyes found Tanith again. “You take the shackles off Dexter, you lay down your weapons, and then we’ll talk.”

Tanith met his gaze. “We don’t have the key.”

“
You
don’t need a key,” Ghastly said.

Tanith smiled.

“We ain’t releasing him,” Sanguine said. “And you don’t give us orders, scarface.”

“Tanith,” Ghastly said, “muzzle your pet.”

Sanguine’s lip curled. “Pet? That what you called me? Hey, look at me when I’m talking to you. I ain’t no pet. You’re just sore cos she picked me over you. That wound hasn’t healed yet, has it? Still picking at it, are you? Well, here’s something that’ll pick at it some more.”

“Billy-Ray,” Tanith said in a warning tone, but Sanguine wasn’t about to stop talking for anyone.

“Me and Tanith are engaged, ugly. Yeah, that’s right. We’re getting married.”

Something inside Valkyrie curled up at the thought. She glanced at Ghastly. His demeanour hadn’t changed.

“Love, honour and obey,” Sanguine continued, “till death do us part, the whole nine yards. See that, Bespoke? The better man won. You can come to the ceremony if you like. You can be the ring bearer.”

“Billy-Ray,” Tanith said, “that’s enough.” She reached out, took hold of the shackles binding Dexter, and a moment later they clicked open. Sanguine’s jaw clenched, but he said nothing as Dexter rubbed his wrists and shook out his arms.

Tanith sheathed her sword and, after a long moment, Sanguine reluctantly folded his straight razor and put it away.

“There,” Tanith said. “We come in peace.”

“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t shoot you where you stand,” Skulduggery said.

Tanith chewed her lip playfully. “I don’t know. I’m your friend? If I hadn’t been taken over by the Remnant, I’d be a good person? I’m too cute to die?”

“You
were
our friend,” Skulduggery said, “and the fact is you
have
been taken over by a Remnant, which renders any hypotheticals moot.”

Tanith grinned. “I notice you can’t throw the cute remark back in my face.”

“You also killed Grand Mage Strom,” Skulduggery said, “and forced us into the path we’re now on.”

“That was nothing personal. That was just a job, like any other.”

“Who paid you?” asked Valkyrie.

Tanith shrugged. “You know when Davina Marr couldn’t quite remember who’d talked her into destroying the Dublin Sanctuary? I’m afraid I’m the same. What did you call him? Your ‘mystery man’? Pretty sure it’s the same guy.”

“But now you want to fight by our side,” Ghastly said. “Why?”

“Why not? I’ve been pretty busy for the last few months. My main focus has been making sure that when Darquesse arrives there will be no one who can even threaten her safety. The destruction she will wreak upon this world is going to be magnificent, and I didn’t want anything to ruin that. You must understand, Ghastly, that I love Darquesse with all my heart.”

Valkyrie waited for Tanith’s eyes to flicker towards her, for a knowing smile to slowly grow. Instead, Tanith kept her gaze fixed on Ghastly.

“So we tracked down four God-Killer weapons,” Tanith continued, “because we figured if they can hurt or kill a Faceless One they could hurt or kill Darquesse. So we retrieved them and destroyed them. I’m sure Dexter filled you in already. It was all very exciting. But now that’s all over. I’ve done everything I can possibly do to ensure Darquesse’s safety whenever she decides to turn up, and the only thing I have left to do is wait. And I hate waiting. So, when we heard about all this hullaballoo, we said to ourselves, I bet Ghastly and Skulduggery and Valkyrie could use our help. So here we are. The old gang back together.”

“And me,” said Sanguine.

“The old gang and him,” Tanith nodded. “And we figured the best way to approach you would be while bearing gifts. Hence, Dexter Vex.”

“And it was much appreciated,” Dexter said.

Tanith smiled at him. “The pleasure was all mine.”

Sanguine frowned, and stood between them.

Tanith looked at Valkyrie. “And the fact is, I still look at you guys as friends. Val, I know I’ve changed, I know I’m not the same woman you knew, but I can be. I can work at it. You’re still my friend, and I still want nothing more than to look out for you and protect you.”

“Excuse us for a moment,” Skulduggery said. “We’ll have to talk this over.”

Before Tanith could even respond, Skulduggery held up his hand and the space around them shimmered. Any sound they now made would travel that far and no further.

He looked at Ghastly. “Thoughts?”

“I want to kill Sanguine,” was the first thing Ghastly said. “And I want to do it slowly, in front of a lot of people. Using a hammer.”

Skulduggery nodded. “Very healthy.”

Ghastly sighed. “From a business point of view, we could use them. Of course we could. We know how good they are and we know what they can do. The disadvantages of using them include the fact that they’re both remorseless psychopaths, and that if the Supreme Council finds out about this they can claim that Tanith has been working for us from the start, and that killing Strom was our idea. But … I don’t know. Do you believe her, Valkyrie? What she said about you?”

Valkyrie hesitated. “Yes, actually. I think she’d do anything to protect me.”

“I agree,” Skulduggery said. “I think we should accept their offer. Use them when we need to, and keep them on a tight leash.”

Ghastly made a face. “Even Sanguine?”

“I’m afraid so. We’ll get them to accompany Bane and O’Callahan on their mission to disable the Midnight Hotel. If they step out of line, those two will be able to handle them.”

Scowling, Ghastly nodded and Skulduggery lowered his hand.

“This is on a trial basis,” Ghastly said. “You will obey our orders at all times. If you deviate, we’ll kill you on sight. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Tanith said happily.

Ghastly crouched by the wall and traced a pattern back through the flow of the sigil. A section of the shield became visible, and retracted. Dexter stepped through, followed by Tanith and Sanguine. Immediately, Ghastly reactivated the section. He returned to Skulduggery’s side. Silence.

“Well,” Tanith said, “this is awkward.”

“Allow me to break the ice,” Ghastly said, and punched Sanguine.

Sanguine staggered back on shaky legs.

Tanith sighed. “That was incredibly mature.”

Sanguine straightened up, rubbing his jaw and laughing without humour. He started to stay something and Ghastly caught him in the ribs. He gasped, staggered, sucked in great whooping lungfuls of air, and Ghastly stood over him and watched. When he’d recovered enough, Sanguine lunged and Ghastly met him with a right cross. Sanguine hit the ground with his face and stayed there.

Tanith observed Ghastly, amusement in her eyes. “So,” she said, “are we ready to go?”

They shared the most awkward van ride ever back to Roarhaven. Sanguine, when he regained consciousness, sulked while Tanith tried and failed to strike up a meaningful conversation with Valkyrie. When they arrived at the Sanctuary, the Monster Hunters were waiting.

“We’re going with
them
?” Tanith asked, clearly dismayed. “But I thought we could hang around with you guys. What about everything you said about getting the old gang back together?”

“You said that,” Skulduggery pointed out, “not us. We’re not going to trust you, Tanith, but we’ll use your talents for as long as we can. If you don’t like the terms of the arrangement—”

“No, no,” Tanith said quickly, “it’s fine. We’ll prove ourselves to you. I’m OK with that. Come on, Billy-Ray, let’s go be good guys.”

Gracious led them to their car, but Ghastly put a hand on Donegan’s arm to keep him in place.

“If you even
think
they’re going to betray you,” he said, “kill them both.”

Donegan nodded, and followed after them.

Ghastly looked at Valkyrie, and didn’t say anything. She didn’t, either.

Now that Tanith and Sanguine were not listening in, Skulduggery started telling Vex what had been happening. Valkyrie and Ghastly followed behind as they made their way to the briefing. The Sanctuary was eerily quiet – almost as quiet as the first time Valkyrie had crept down its stone corridors.

Ravel was waiting for them in the briefing room, alongside Shudder and Saracen. They didn’t make a big deal about Vex’s return. A few good-natured insults were tossed around, Saracen gave Vex a bag of fresh clothes, and then it was business as usual.

“OK then,” said Ravel, “today is the day our war officially starts. There have been skirmishes around the world, but nothing too big. At the moment it’s all very tentative. Whichever side is first to throw the big punch will take the advantage. That side will be us.”

As Ravel spoke, Vex took a fresh T-shirt from his bag and took off the one he’d been wearing. Every time he moved, his muscles rolled beneath his skin. It was astonishing. He was a gleaming marvel of musculature. A smattering of scars crossed his perfect torso, evidence of a hard-lived life, each scar a signature of a different battle or enemy. Fletcher had never been like that. Caelan had never been like that. Dexter Vex was something brand-new and wonderful.

“Mmm,” said Valkyrie.

Ravel looked at her. “Yes?”

Her eyes snapped towards him. “What?”

“You have something to add?”

She stared. “Nope. Just … agreeing.”

Skulduggery sighed. “Dexter, please put your shirt on. Valkyrie’s getting distracted.”

“I’m not,” she said, then smiled at Vex. “You don’t have to put your shirt on.”

Vex laughed, but pulled the T-shirt on over his head.

“As I was saying,” Ravel continued, “our first strike is going to be a damaging one. We have traced the Engineer’s energy signature but, unfortunately, they got to it first. Currently it is in a French Sanctuary facility. That means they’re entering into this war with confidence. They reckon if we start to supercharge our sorcerers, they can use the Engineer to disable the Accelerator. While we have no plans to use the Accelerator at this moment in time, I think we can all agree that it is useful to have something like this as a last resort. Taking the Engineer from the Supreme Council would be a massive blow to their morale.”

“What was it doing in France?” asked Vex.

“Not a whole lot,” Ravel said. “When they found it, it was in a scrapyard. Whatever happened to it, it was in pieces. Grand Mage Mandat sent the remains to his top scientists to get it up and running again. The chief scientist is a man called Lamour – an odd little man, but one who claims to have a vehement opposition to the Supreme Council’s actions. He got in touch through unconventional means. He won’t be able to take the Engineer out himself, but he says if we can get into the facility, he can hand it over. It won’t be easy, and I’m expecting heavy resistance, and I’m not willing to send a team out on what could very well be a suicide mission. So I’m going in myself.”

“And so am I,” said Ghastly.

Vex frowned. “Do you have any idea how unwise that is? If either of you are captured—”

“The mission is worth the risk,” Ravel said. “Obviously, I can’t order the rest of you to accompany us …”

“Actually, you can,” said Saracen. “You’re Grand Mage. You’re in charge.”

“Right, well, yeah, but the Dead Men have been disbanded. We’re no longer a military unit.”

Vex held up his hand. “All in favour of the Dead Men getting back together, raise your hands.” Other hands joined his in the air. “There you go. We’re now a military unit again.”

Ravel hesitated. “Very well. In that case, we’re going to break into the facility. We’ll have to make our way there the old-fashioned way – Fletcher Renn will be out of commission until tomorrow. Because the Supreme Council will be monitoring any private planes leaving Irish airspace, we’ll be travelling out of the country on a passenger jet.”

Shudder looked displeased. “A passenger jet … with other passengers?”

“Yes.”

“Passengers who are people? Mortal people?”

“Yes.”

“I … see.”

“Operational control in the field will rest with Skulduggery as always,” Ravel said, then turned to Valkyrie. “I’m aware that I take my life in my hands when I say this, but I think it would be best if you stayed behind.”

She shook her head. “I’m going.”

“We’ll be walking right into the enemy’s lair.”

“The best place to find the enemy.”

Ravel glanced at the others. There were many things Valkyrie could have said to fill that silence, but she stayed quiet. This wasn’t her decision. It was theirs. There had always been seven Dead Men – no more, no less. Originally it had been the six men standing around her and a seventh called Hopeless. When Ravel himself had been badly injured and needed time to recover, his place had been taken by Larrikin. But Hopeless and Larrikin were long dead, and the Dead Men didn’t have time to hold auditions.

The last person Ravel looked to was Skulduggery. Valkyrie turned her head away, giving him the freedom to agree or disagree without judgement.

“Well, OK then,” Ravel said at last, “it looks like we have a new Dead Man.”

Valkyrie did her very best to stop the grin from spreading.

“Should we change our name?” Saracen asked. “The Dead People, perhaps?”

“The Dead Non-Gender-Specific Persons?” Vex suggested.

“Dead Men and a Girl? Dead Men and a Little Lady?”