Sins and Scars (Sinners Book 1) (22 page)

Those fuckers thought that I’d do better here, but they have no fucking clue the memories this place causes. I never want to step foot in this place again, but right now I don’t have a choice. I have a broken leg, and I can barely get around due to my injuries.
 

When Nikolai comes walking in with a bottle of Johnny, I practically salivate. I haven’t had a drink in, who the fuck knows, and right now, I would rather drown myself in that bottle than feel the pain in my chest.
 

“You want it?” He asks. I try to reach out and grab it, but he pulls the bottle back and taunts me with it for a second, like a shitty little brother would do.
 

“Fuck yes. You know I do, or you wouldn’t have brought it. Now hand it the fuck over, asshole.” I demand. He finally gives it to me and I unscrew the cap and take a long pull. The liquid burns as it goes down and it takes my mind off of all things Harlyn.

“She asked about you.” His words cut deeper than the knife that was fuckin’ jammed into my stomach by Flint.

“What did she say?” I mumble. He tosses a card at me and I pick it up off the bed and look at it. Her hand writing is flawless, and the urge to read it takes over everything else.
 

“Find out for yourself. I’ll leave you to it. Just don’t drink yourself into a stooper. I have a few things I need to do before I get her shit settled. Uncle Viktor wants to talk to you when you’re healed, too.” I look up at him and he shrugs. “Don’t ask me. I didn’t tell him shit, just that I was helping you.” I watch him tap the wall with his palm before he makes his way out of the room, and the front door opens and closes.
 

Looking back down at the card, I flip it over and start to read the writing on the back.
 

Stavros,

There are so many things I want to say to you right now, but I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sure you hate me right now for not being there for you, but I can’t. I feel like I don’t even know the person that I’ve become, and I hate myself for it. Just please know that I love you so much and watching them do those things to you… I don’t even know how I feel about it.
 

I thought that you were dead as I watched the blood start to pour from your neck. You got cold and pale. I did everything I could to put pressure on it, but you were losing too much blood. I never wanted to stab you or get that asshole’s name tattooed on me, but I did it to save you. I would rather endure pain than know that you weren’t walking this earth.
 

I know you’ll continue to protect me and watch over me and I’m thankful for that. I love you more than you’ll ever know and I wish I could show you. I wish that I could be there with you right now. Don’t forget me and all the love we made. You are worth fighting for Stav, and I wish I had the courage to keep fighting for you.
 

If you fly, I fly.

I’ll love you for forever and a day.

XOXO, Harlyn

I set the card down on the bed next to me and for the first time in forever, I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I don’t remember the last time I ever let an emotion affect me this way unless it was lust, anger, or love. Love and lust are the only two things that I ever felt with Harlyn, and right now she’s bringing out a new emotion in me. Heartbreak.
 

Laying back against the pillows, I close my eyes and try to push out all emotion from my head. I don’t want to think about anything that has to do with her. I just want to get through this shit and heal so I can get back on my feet, and ride my bike. Fuck, did they ever find my bike?

Grabbing my phone, I wipe my cheeks and dial Romeo’s number.
 
When he finally answers, I don’t give him a chance to say much. “Did you guys find my bike?” I hear his chuckle across the line, and I want to punch the fucker.
 

“I’m glad your head is fucking back on straight.” He yells something out to someone else and then gets back on the phone. “You can’t even ride, why do you care?”

“Because that’s one of the only fuckin’ things I have left. I need to know that my girl is still up and running for when I’m ready to ride again.” He laughs again and I wish I could reach through the fucking phone and deck the bastard.

“Yeah we got your bike. There was some damage, but nothing you can’t fix.”
 

“Good. As soon as I can get out of this fuckin’ bed, I’m getting her fixed back up and riding. Sitting on my ass is fucking drive me mad.” Little does he know that's not the only thing I'll be doing once I can move. I’ll be getting an address out of Nikolai and driving by her place to make sure she’s okay before I can put her out of my mind completely. Who am I kidding, I can't put her out of my mind.

“You need to heal before you do any of that shit.” He grunts out.
 

“Yeah says the fucker who isn’t fucking bed ridden. I want to get the fuck out of here. You know I haven’t been here since Harlyn was with me and I can’t be here any longer.” He grunts out some answer that I don’t understand, and I’m itching to get up.
 

Pushing my body to the edge of the bed, I slip off of it, and swear under my breath. “I’ll get a couple of the prospects to come pick you up. Just don’t do anything you shouldn’t. Stay off your damn leg or you’ll never heal right.”
 

“Yes, mother.” I snicker. He hangs up and I toss my phone on the bed and make my way to the bathroom to take a piss. By the time the fuckers finally show up to take me to the clubhouse, I’m three sheets to the wind, and all I want to do is fuckin’ pass the fuck out in my bed at the clubhouse.
 

When we finally get there, I make my way to my room and collapse onto my bed, which causes my whole body to feel like I got hit by a mac truck. Burying my face into my pillows, I get a whiff of her perfume and I have to close my eyes. Everything I’ve ever felt for her floods my mind. I want to open my eyes and have her laying in my arms again like she was only a few weeks ago.
 

When my eyes open, I don’t see anything but the white wall across from me, and it floods my body with anger. I let her get hurt again and now she wants nothing to do with me. I’ll never be good enough for her and the sooner I realize this, the less likely I’ll fuckin’ hurt.
 

A painful ache takes over my chest and I have to squeeze my eyes closed, as the last moments of Harlyn and I together flood my mind. Walking away from her was a mistake. I should have fought for her. I shouldn’t have left her alone in my room.
 

“Fuck!” I roar. I take the Johnny off my nightstand, chuck the fuckin’ bottle at the wall, and watch as it shatters. The liquor spills on the carpet and the glass rains down next to the wall.
 

Grabbing the nightstand next, I pick it up and throw it against the wall, too. I watch as the wood splinters and crashes to the ground. The monster inside of me wants to go and find her and bring her back here, but the voice in my head is winning out. She deserves better than me. Better than this monster inside of me that forces me to take things from one extreme to the next.
 

Sinking to the ground by the door, I put my head in my hands and hear boots running down the hallway. When my door opens, Dex and Romeo both look at the mess that I’ve made, and give me a sad expression.
 

I don’t want their pitty, all I want is to get rid of the pain that is suffocating me right now. I want to get over her, but I know that it’ll never happen. She fuckin’ owns me mind, body, and god damn soul. No woman will ever take her damn place, and my chest hurts just thinking about it.
 

“You good?” Dex finally asks.
 

I shake my head no and look over to the wall. I try to stand up, but I end up losing my balance and falling back into the wall. They step forward to help me, but I push them both away. “Every fuckin’ thing reminds me of her. My fuckin’ bed smells just like her, and I just want to get away from it all. She doesn’t want me, fine. I’ll fuckin’ deal somehow. Just don’t fuckin’ feel sorry for me. I made my bed and I’ll lie in it for once.” I stand up, hobble past them both, and make my way into my office. When I slam my door shut, I picture the day she came back and I fucked her against my desk. Putting my arms on the desk, I get pissed and knock every fuckin’ thing off of it. Glass breaks, and papers scatter all over the floor.

She’s fucking with my head and I wish it would stop, but I’m a prisoner in my own damn head. She fuckin’ owns me and doesn’t even fucking care.
 

Hobbling over to the couch, I lay down and shut my eyes. I have to drown everything out somehow, now if I can only figure out how.

Three years. Two months. Three days. Sixteen hours.

That’s how long I’ve been waiting for Harlyn to come back to me since everything that went down with the Fighting Rebels. She’s been keeping a secret from me that she doesn’t think I know about, but she's wrong. When Nikolai called to tell me that she was finally going to come see me, I was fuckin’ jumping at the bit.
 

I can’t wait for her to finally tell me the goddamn truth. I deserve to fucking know and if she doesn’t tell me soon, I’ll make sure she knows that I know, and that I’m not letting her leave again.
 

I’ve been watching her from a distance, and this time I haven’t tried to get in between her and the life she has right now. I forced my brother to give me her location when I finally healed completely, and I’ve continued to watch her.
 

I watch as Niko’s car pulls in on the security camera and I see her get out. She looks fucking better than I remember, and I can see her new curves from here. Niko opens the back door and I see a little boy get out of the car. I feel like I’ve got the fuckin’ wind knocked out of me. Niko picks him up, and I watch as Harlyn walks around the car to my brother. He says something to her and she looks up at the camera. She gives me a dirty look and I can’t wait for her to get her ass inside. Making my way from my office, I mosey towards the bar and I wait for them.
 

When the doors open, I see a few people’s mouth drop open. They get a look at Harlyn and the little boy that my brother is holding before they look over at me. Everyone here knows what went down three years ago, but no one mentions it.
 

Trix gives me information when I ask her for it, but I can tell that it bugs her when I want her to spy on her friend for me, so I didn’t ask her a lot. She gave me enough to know that she wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, and that she missed me. She didn’t say anything more than that, but I wasn’t really asking her to give me all the details of her life - I just wanted the important parts.
 

“Stavros.” Harlyn all but sneers at me. I know she’s pissed that she’s here, but I’m not the one who forced her this time. She came all on her own.
 

I make my way over to her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her body into mine. I press my mouth to hers, and kiss her roughly.
 
She holds her body tensely, but then gives into me, and kisses me back. “Mommy.” A little voice whispers. He looks over at me, and I release her. She wipes her mouth and I can’t help but grin at her.
 

She takes the boy from my brother, and he walks towards the bartender and asks for a drink. “Ruslan, remember when I told you that you were going to meet someone really important?” He nods his head and points at me. She gives him a small smile and nods her head. “This baby, is your daddy.” He looks between me and his mother and his eyes keep bouncing back and forth between us.
 

“Ruslan.” The name feels strange on my tongue, but I reach out to him, and he hesitantly reaches out to me. I take him into my arms, and for the first time since she left, I feel at peace.
 

Wrapping my arm around her neck, I pull her to my body and whisper in her ear, “you’re not leaving again.”
 

When she looks up at me, I can see the ghost of a smile cross over her lips. “I’m tired of running from you. I tried to be with someone else and it never felt right. You’re it for me Stav.” I lean down, press my mouth down on hers, and I kiss her deeply.
 

Ruslan starts to giggle and says, “gross!”

I release her and she starts to tickle him. “Mommy!” He shrieks. I grab her hand and lead her towards my room.
 

I know I shouldn’t forgive her for not telling me about my son, but I don’t want to waste any more time than we already have. I want to have a life with my son and her. Who the fuck knows when the next war, or worse, is going to come at us, at least I know I’ll have time with them both. We can be a family.
 

Shutting them both in my room, Harlyn looks around and notices a few changes from before. We revamped the rooms last year, and got all new furniture. We even had the prospects do some painting.
 

“What happened to the old stuff?” She asks looking around.