Sins and Scars (Sinners Book 1) (17 page)

Looking up at the clock on my wall, I watch the hands tick. For what seems like hours, I just watch the clock move. The silence in my head is suffocating and as much as I want to do something about it, I don’t. I don’t deserve to keep fucking her up the way that I am. She’s right; all we do is destroy each other.
 

For once, I want to be the man she needs.

Running my hands down my face, I blow out a breath and sit back in my chair. A soft knock sounds on my door and I yell for them to open it. When I see Trix walk in, I know that I’m going to hear something I probably don’t want to know.
 

“Hey Stavros.” She sets a sleeping Blade on the couch in the corner of the room before looking back over at me.
 

“What can I do for you babe?” I ask looking over at Blade. He looks peaceful, and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time until shit gets messy between her and E.

“I want to leave Stavros. I can’t stand watching her be all over him while I’m in the same room. I think I might deck the stupid bitch.” She sighs and runs her hand over Blade’s dark curls. “I don’t get why he keeps her around when he hates her.” This time when she looks up at me, I see the tears start to fill her eyes.
 

“You and I both know that he won’t leave her. Babe, you need to do what’s best for you and Blade. Stop waiting around for his ass. He isn’t going to give you what you want.” She frowns, but nods her head at my words.
 

“I just wish I was enough for him.”
 

“Yeah I get you on that. I wish I didn’t always fuck things up with Harlyn, but sometimes we just can’t make it work no matter how hard we try.” I sound like a fuckin’ sap. Closing my eyes, I try not to focus on Harlyn. I need to start realizing that it’s going to be over, or who fuckin’ knows what will happen.
 

“She loves you Stavros. I don’t think you two will ever be over.” She gives me a small smile before looking back down at Blade.
 

“I have a feeling my VP has a thing for you.” Her eyes meet mine and her eyebrows furrow together in confusion. She goes to say something, but can’t get any words out.
 

“Romeo? No way. He can’t possibly want someone like me.” She shakes her head and I just grin at her. She doesn’t know that Romeo went toe to toe with E, and as much as I want to tell her to move past E and his bullshit, I don’t want to get involved. I’ll always stand behind Trix, and the decisions she makes, but I won’t be the one to help her to get to them.
 

“Romeo isn’t the man you think he is. He’s loyal, and a good fuckin’ guy. But then again, E is Blade’s father. Nothing will change that.” She nods and I can see her thinking about things.
 

“What about you? You ever think about being a father?” Her question is innocent, but it hits me like a tons of bricks.
 

“Before shit went south, I thought about it. But now? Fuck - I don’t know. I can’t imagine it without Harlyn and as soon as the lockdown is lifted she’s leaving so…” Fuck it. I won’t even entertain the thought of being a father. I won’t ever be one.

“What if things change?”
 

“She isn’t going to change her mind, Trix. I’m already trying to come to terms with it. I rather not think about it.” I open the drawer and grab the bottle of Johnny out of it, unscrew the cap, and take a big gulp. When I look back at Trix, she’s shaking her head at me.
 

“Drinking isn’t going to solve anything. If you want her, fight for her. She wants to know that you are going to be there for her when everything around you guys comes crashing down. She’s afraid that being in love with you is going to be her downfall. What happens if you go to prison? What happens to Harlyn?” She gives me a stern look, and I get what she’s saying.
 

Harlyn needs stability. She needs some fucker that can provide for her and her family one day. I want to be that man. Hell, I know I can provide for her, but I don’t know if I can keep from ruining her more than I already have.
 

“What about you?” I ask. “You really want E?”
 

“I love him. I always have loved him. He’s Blade’s father, and I think I’ll always be in love with him.” She sighs, and then looks towards the ground.

“You know I just want you happy, right?” I walk over to her and wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her towards me.
 

“I know.” She says looking up at me. “Sometimes I wish I fell in love with you, or hell, even Romeo.”
 

Loud gun fire starts, and I see Trix freeze. Grabbing my gun from the desk, I make my way towards the door, but stop before I walk out. “Go to Harlyn and stay with her.” She nods her head and grabs Blade, holding him to her chest, she slowly makes her way to me, and we walk out the door. I push her towards my room and she slips through the door, just as another round of gun fire starts.
 

Running out towards the bar, I see my men start to push through the doors and out into the parking lot. Grabbing an AK47, I make my way outside and see the men from the Fighting Rebels standing right outside our gates. Why the fuck didn’t anyone say anything.
 

Getting behind one of the pillars, I start to fire on them and I see a few hit the ground. My men start firing back again, and moving closer towards them. Once we level them all out, I see Romeo come running towards me.

“Where are Harlyn and Trix?” I just stare at him.

“What do you mean where are they? I sent Trix to my room to be with—” I take off running towards my room and when I open the door, I don’t see anyone inside. “Harlyn? Trix?” I call out. I don’t hear them say anything, but I hear a faint cry. Running towards my bathroom, I make my way inside and see Blade sitting in the shower. Picking him up, I soothe him the best I can, and make my way back towards my other men.
 

“It’s a fucking diversion.” I grit out. E comes running towards me and he reaches out and tries to take Blade, but he won’t go to him.
 

“Where are the girls?” E asks, putting his arms down when he gets that Blade doesn’t know him well enough to go to him.
 

“No fucking clue.” I run my hand down Blade’s back and he puts his head on my shoulder. “Romeo, get eyes on the ground. I want to know why we didn’t know they were attacking, and I want to know where my fuckin’ ol’ lady and Trix are now!”
 

“I want Blade to stay with me.” E finally states still staring at his kid.

“Keep your ol’ lady away from him.” I grit out. I would rather to have him with me, but E is his father, not me.
 

“She won’t touch him. Swear on my life.” I nod and hand him over. At first he tries to pull away, but after a few minutes he puts his head on E’s shoulder.
 

Six Hours. Thirty minutes.

The ringing of my phone forces me to sit the fuck down for a second. Checking the number, I see Trent’s name on the screen. “Yeah?” I bark out. The only thing I want to hear right now is that he fucking knows where Harlyn and Trix are.

“Hey man. Still haven’t heard a word on the girls. I have a buddy of mine trying to get information from a friend of his on the inside.” Clenching my fists, I slam my fist on the desk and close my eyes.
 

“Fuck.” I growl. “Just fucking find them.” I hang up before he can say anything else. My patience is about shot, and I’m ready to call in the big guns if it helps me find my ol’ lady. Looking down at where I set my phone, I contemplate picking it up and dialing the number. It’s been years since I spoke to either of them, and I’m not even sure if they will answer.
 

Grabbing my phone, I search through the contacts until I see his number. Hitting the call button, I wait for him to answer the call. “Yeah?” his voice is rough and I barely recognize it anymore.
 

“Nikolai.” I rasp out.
 

“Stavros?” he finally says after a few minutes.
 

“Hey little brother.” I try to keep from saying anything else yet. There is a lot of shit running through my head right now, but finding Harlyn is my number one priority.
 

“What’s wrong?”
 

“Why do you assume that something is wrong?” I ask. I hear his chuckle over the line, and I’m sure that he knows I wouldn’t call if something wasn’t wrong.
 

“Because, Stavros, I haven’t spoken to you in years. There has to be something wrong if you are calling. What do you need?” He doesn’t seem angered
 
by it which is surprising.
 

“Someone kidnapped my ol’ lady and one of the other girls. My men have searched fuckin’ high and low and can’t find them. I need help. I’m beggin’ you Niko.” I hear his sigh over the line and I have a feeling that he will turn me down, but he surprises me.
 

“Stav, you know I don’t like getting involved in shit like that.” His voice is tight.

“Niko, I can’t fuckin’ lose her. I love her. Please. I’m beggin’ you, Niko. I wouldn’t be asking if I had another choice. I’ll ask Uncle Viktor if I have to.” He sighs and sounds like he’s getting out of bed or something.
 

“Don’t. I’ll help you. Let me make a few calls, and I’ll give you a call back.” He hangs up and I pull the phone from my ear.
 

A knock at the door breaks my attention from my phone, and I watch as E comes walking in with Blade. “You hear anything yet?” He asks as he takes a seat across from me.

“No, nothing yet. I made a call into someone who can probably help. Just waiting on a call back.” I look at Blade, and see the dried tears on his cheeks. “How is he holding up?” I ask.

E looks down at him, and then back at me. “He’s fussy as hell. He wants his momma. Fuck, I do too.” He closes his eyes for a second and then looks back at me. “How the fuck are you not tearing this place down right now? You’ve never been good with your temper in times like these. Why the sudden change?” I look at the picture that Harlyn taped to my monitor three years ago, and I see her smiling face looking back at me.
 

“I’m barely hanging on. I’ll kill Flint for even thinking about touching her. I can’t wait to gut the bastard with my knife, but getting angry now won’t do shit. I need my head straight for when we get a location.” He nods slightly and then looks back at Blade. “You have any problems with your ol’ lady yet?”
 

“Naw, I told her if she came near him, I’d kill her. She seems to be taking the threat literally this time. I’m not fuckin’ around with her. She won’t ever be anything to him.”
 

“Then why don’t you just fucking cut her loose?” I ask.

“She threatened to kill herself if I did. I don’t fuckin’ want that shit on my conscience or Trix’s. Trix doesn’t deserve that shit and trust me man, I want to do right by her. I fuckin’ love her.” I nod my head, but before I can say anything my phone starts to ring.
 

“Yeah?” I answer.
 

“Prez there is someone out here asking for you.” One of the prospects says.
 

“Who?” I bark out. I don’t have time for anyone’s bullshit.

“He’s driving some nice ass fuckin’ beamer. He just said he needed to see you.” Getting out of my chair, I make my way towards the door with E following behind me.
 

Shoving my phone in my pocket, I pull out my gun, and open the doors to the clubhouse. When I see the car, I see the man with his back to me. When he turns around, he smirks at me and then raises an eyebrow. “You know better than to pull a gun on your brother, Stavros.” Putting my gun in the back of my jeans, I walk over to Nikolai and pull him into a hug.
 

“Thank you for coming.” I say as he hugs me back. He isn’t nearly as tall as I am, but he definitely got bigger over the years.
 

“I couldn’t let my big brother destroy the whole fucking town trying to find his ol’ lady.” He slaps me on the back and when we pull away, I see my men staring at him.
 

“Boys, this is my brother Nikolai. Nikolai, these are my brothers.” He nods to them all, but doesn’t say anything.
 

“I need to talk to you, brother.” He states. I nod my head and lead him to my office.
 

“What?” I ask. I know he has some kind of information for me.
 

“I think I might have found them. I have a friend of mine digging a little to verify the location.” I go to walk past him towards the door, but he stops me. “No. Stav. I need you to keep your fucking head on. You can’t go in fucking guns blazing. That’s what they are waiting for. They want you dead. I don’t know what you fucking did to the bastard who runs that fucking club, but he has it out for you.”
 

Punching the wall, I turn toward Niko and he just watches me. “How the fuck do you expect me to just stand around here twiddling my fuckin’ thumbs while that fucker and his rejects have her. Who the fuck knows what he’s doing to her right now while we do nothing.” I grit out.