Singing Heart (38 page)

He turned her sideways lying behind her cuddling her entire body and caressing her with his lips and fingertips until she was throbbing with passion, moaning from the waves of pleasure he invoked deep inside matching his movements with her own. He captured her wrist pulling them high above her head. Holding her captive in his arms as he drowned deeper inside of her claiming her soul. He shared erotic images that he planted in her mind.

“
Your mine!” he panted. Thrusting deeper to make her feel his possession. “Tell me!” he demanded.

Too far gone to speak Xzan nodded her head. It wasn’t enough. He pulled her closer ramming even harder his thighs perfectly aligned with hers,

“
Tell me you’re my woman!”

“
Yes!” she gasped.

He sat up pulling her with him into his lap on his bent knees. Burying his lips in her neck holding her by her breast he continued his frenzy till she thought she would explode. Her head rocked from side to side feeling his chest against her back, the hardness of his body pressed so privately inside of hers.

“
Open your mind…let me in.” he commanded. “Feel me.”

She did as she was told. Letting him see her soul. He felt all that she felt. She felt what he felt. It was too much. They soared together like eagles flying so high they were alone in the universe. Wave after wave of ecstasy washed over them exploding then gently receding into gentle spasms as they reached the tips of heaven.

They floated back to earth tangled up in each other’s arms. He withdrew at the moment he spilled his seed trying to save her further pain. Gray Wolf turned her around in his lap and held her like he would never let her go. Crushing her against his immense chest he trailed kisses tenderly across the sides of her delicate features and the soft flesh of her neck.

“
Oh Jaskarra.” she sighed contentedly. Holding his familiar face in adoration. “How did we do that?”

His dark eyes crinkled in humor.

“
To think I was worried I was an old man.”

He said it in his language. She giggled. Recalcitrant plucking a silver strand from the top of his skull one of the few he had.

“
If you’re old…I can’t wait until…your ancient.”

He was afraid to hold her any longer. He knew he would never let her go. She protested when he moved her away.

“
Don’t do that! Don’t you dare shut me out! I want you Jaskarra. I love you. I’m your woman. The heavens have brought us together. Don’t you understand that?”

His eyes darkened in anguish. She saw his loss. Knew what he was feeling. Refused to be rejected. She was determined to banish the pain that being apart forced them both to suffer.

“
Give me tonight then.” pleadingly.

Hopeful it would lead to an eternity she reached out her small hand palms flat out as she had earlier. This time he grinned.

“
If I refuse with you chase me in to the water?”

She jumped to her feet swaying dizzily still light-headed from their exertion. Grabbing his breech-cloth which he had been holding and was about to put on she recklessly threw it several feet away dragging him by the wrist back to their trysting place. He was several times stronger than her but he came submissively as if she had overpowered him. Turning his head as if it were a duty he was being forced to perform.

“
Have your way with me then…but I will not enjoy it.”

She tickled his ribs playfully making him squirm. Holding him captive by his thumbs she truly imprisoned him because that was his weakness. She straddled him her hair streaming across his smooth chest as her lips erotically stroked his nipples. She held him fast even when he moaned and begged to be released. He wanted desperately to reciprocate what she was doing with her tongue.

They made love slowly. He refused to speed up the pace even when she begged him to. Torturing himself as well as her as the fire continued to grow steadily. Gray Wolf showed her things she had never dreamed of. Took her in his mind and made her one with him. Part of each other. He found places in her body that she didn’t even know were sensitive and brought her to such peaks of ecstasy that she thought she’d lose her mind if she didn’t have release.

When it came they cried out in unison. Clinging to each other as if their existence depended on it. He picked her up arms trembling from the unfamiliar exertion and carried her with her face buried in his salty neck back to the teepee. She slept deeply. Cradled firmly against the outline of his body. Content for the first time in many months. For once she felt no guilt or remorse. It felt right to be exactly where she was. Unafraid, protected and cherished. Even if it was the only night he ever willingly gave her again.

Chapter Fifteen

“
Mama, what are you doing?” Becky asked curiously tugging on her mother’s turquoise silk skirts.

“
Escaping…” Xzan sighed dreamily.

It felt so wonderful to play the piano. To be home. It seemed the only good thing that had ever come of her acquaintance with Brett was the financial boost he’d given her father. Paul Winslow had turned his small shipping investment into a large fortune. He and Mama were comfortably set for the rest of their days.

The twins were almost two now. As lively as their mother had been at that age. Their grandparents doted on them. Spoiled them rotten like they did all their other grandchildren. Her brothers and sisters were all grown. The youngest Dawn was 17.

They were all married and had children except for Todd and his wife Venessa who was obviously barren. It had been so strange seeing them as adults holding babes of their own. Especially the younger ones. They had been babies themselves when she left. They just barely remembered her.

Mama was a beautiful as ever. Her hair had turned silver but it lent her an even more elegant appearance. She still had flawless skin except for the inevitable lines around her eyes. For her age and considering how many children she had born she still put some younger women to shame.

Papa was completely bald. Had gotten pudgy. He looked the role of contented Grandfather. Paul hadn’t lost his vitality though. He seemed more affectionate towards his wife than Xzan remembered. Constantly teasing and touching her. They were after all these years even more deeply in love.

Since their children had flown the nest Mama traveled extensively with Papa on his business ventures. It suited her. She had stopped being shy and withdrawn around strangers. Now she kept up with and dressed in the latest fashions encouraging her children to do the same.

Her family had been familiar strangers for the first few months after Xzan arrived. Openly loving towards her and the babies despite how much they had all changed. It took a long time to get to know each other as the people they had grown to be. Xzan had finally confided the truth about her marriage to Brett and Sean. Her parents were helping her get a divorce. It was a long process until she would be freed.

She had no reason to believe that Sean would contest it. Once the papers reached him and he had the judge witness his signature on them legally it would take awhile for them to come back. Then her lawyers would take care of the rest.

Papa had added to her funds so she could live independently without being forced to marry for security or live so frugally she and the children barely made ends meet. He was devastated when he had learned about his son-in-law’s abuse. He felt responsible for having sent his innocent daughter in to such a nightmare. It had taken them awhile to understand why she hadn’t come back home after Brett’s death. Her family was horrified by what she had suffered in America. Their world was so pampered and protected filled with so much love and laughter they couldn’t even comprehend how she had endured those hardships.

Xzan had bought a small cottage only a few miles from her parent’s estate. It wasn’t a place she wanted to live permanently. However it was a secure haven where she could decently raise her children with her family close by and still have a modicum of privacy.

She still missed Jaskarra terribly even though it had nearly been a year since they last saw each other. They had only made love that one night. He had adamantly refused to touch her again fearful of getting her pregnant thereby creating more trouble than she already had.

She would willingly have stayed with him the rest of her life. Judiciously he insisted her children must have a life in their own in a world where they would be accepted. He feared for all their lives as long as they stayed with him.

She still thought about Sean too. Missed the person he had been before he changed into the violent stranger she could no longer trust. The old Sean would have adored his children. The man he had become might not have been unable to tolerate their constant motion. They were extremely active. Chattering non-stop to each other and anyone else within earshot. Magpies who were curious about everything in the world. Little daredevils like she had been.

She had ordered the piano a few weeks earlier from London. It had arrived this morning. She closed her eyes lost in the vibrations letting herself flow in the music while expressing her soul. Becky was as fascinated as she had been observing her own mother play at that age.

She was a miniature of Xzan in so many ways. While Jr. was incredibly like his father. Their time with the Indians hadn’t adversely affected them. They both seemed to adapt naturally to any environment no matter where they were for however long with one exception. There was nowhere for them to swim anymore. The first time Xzan bathed them in a tub both children had wailed in protest. They didn’t like the confines.

Nor were they happy being unable to swim with Mama and run around afterward with no clothes on while drying in the warmth of the sunshine. Other than that one little obstacle which she tried to overcome with lots of praise and toys to distract them in the tub they had taken to sleeping in a bed, eating at a table and roaming through the halls of the Winslow house quite agreeably.

The tiny cottage boasted only a parlor, a kitchen and three bedrooms. It was all they needed. Surrounded by her beloved rose gardens and a forest of trees it was a luscious paradise. Xzan had her share of wildlife. Birds, squirrels and assorted furry visitors. Her children kept her busy but she still had time early in the mornings before they awoke to be alone enjoying the magnificence of God’s creation and the wonderful solitude.

She had repressed her own nature putting her passion into raising her boisterous children. There had been a few gentlemen who had shown an interest but she held up Maggie’s ring which had never left her finger since the night she married Sean proclaiming to be unavailable.

No one outside of her family knew she sought her freedom. They had made up a plausible story saying that her husband had sent her to England with the children for their safety. It wasn’t unbelievable. News filtered to England periodically about the Indian uprisings and bloody battles the whites were fighting to claim the land.

She had her own opinions about the war that was raging. Knew the injustices that could never be compromised on either side. If she and the twins had remained in America it was very possible they really would have been in danger. Jaskarra had been concerned all along for her safety. He knew first hand the reality of the situation. Despite his highly valued position in his tribe he had no control over their hatred for all the whites. It was justified.

If just one of the Indian’s had decided to take matters into their own hands when he wasn’t looking there would have been nothing he could have done to save her. That was why he had taught her fight like an Indian. To hide and to always be on her guard. He had never went hunting very far or for too long. Always rushing back to make sure she was safe when he had left her alone.

“
Xzan we’re here!” Paul’s voice boomed merrily in the hallway.

She stopped playing startled. She hadn’t heard their coach in the drive. “We’re in the parlor.” she called back.

Her parents had insisted on taking the children for the weekend. To give her some time alone. They knew what a handful twins were. How hard it was to take care of them alone and keep the house as well. She would miss them. She’d never been away from them since their birth. But another part of her was looking forward to her time alone.

She didn’t have any particular plans. Just knowing she could do anything was exhilarating.

“
How are you feeling, Sweetheart?” Rebecca inquired warmly kissing her daughter’s cheek laughing as her namesake tugged jealously on her skirts lips puckered demanding to have the same attention. She picked up the little girl kissing her soundly turning again to Xzan.

“
I’m fine.” Xzan reassured her. There were dark circles under her eyes. She was entirely too thin. She hadn’t eaten or slept properly for several weeks. Rebecca was worried about her.

“
Why don’t you get some rest the next few days? Lay out in the sun and get some fresh air too. Eat! Pamper yourself. You can’ t do well by the children if you don’t take care of your own health first.”