Since He Really Feels (He Feels) (33 page)

“Nick, I was just—” 

He cut me off sharply. “I don’t want to discuss this with you.”

I sat quietly, afraid to poke the beast for the rest of the ride back to the hotel. He parked the car and we got out together, heading toward our room. Once I was in the room, though, he turned around and walked back out the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Out,” he answered over his shoulder. “You stay here.”

“You’re just leaving?” I hated my pleading voice, but he wouldn’t just leave me in Sedona. Would he?

“I need to get away from you.” I watched him walk down the hallway until he disappeared from my sight.

Fuck. This was bad. I was two hours from home and left alone in a hotel where I was supposed to be celebrating Nick’s birthday weekend
with him.

I grabbed my cell phone and room key and then headed down to the lobby bar, where I ordered a glass of wine and settled into a quiet corner table that had a couch on one side and two big, leather chairs on the other side. I settled into one of the leather chairs that faced the w
all so that no one could see me. I was on the verge of tears at any possible second, but I couldn’t sit in our hotel room and stare at the bed where Nick had just made love to me mere hours before.

How did we even get back to this place?

He was pissed at me. I had just been trying to help, and maybe someday he’d see it that way; but tonight clearly was not that night.

I glanced at my phone, wondering if I should call him or text him. He’d specifically said he wanted to get away from
me
, so that probably ruled out calls or texts. I pulled up the latest email I’d gotten from Lex on my phone. She’d sent me her phone number, so I dialed that.

“Hello?”

“Hi Lex. It’s Julianne.”

“Hey, you.
What’s up?”

I started crying. God, I was a mess once again.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nick left and I don’t know where he went,” I managed to choke out through my tears.

“Where are you?”

“Hotel.”

“Text me your hotel info. I’ll be right there.”

I did what she requested, moved to the couch so she’d be able to see me, and ten minutes later, I saw her walk through the doors of the hotel and spot me in the lobby bar.

She sat down next to me on the couch, lacing an arm around my shoulders when she saw the tears brimming in my eyes again.

“He’ll come back,” she whispered. I knew he would, but I hated that he was mad at me for trying to fix something that wasn’t mine to fix. I had good intentions; I was only trying to help since this was going to be my family, too.

I didn’t know what else to say. How strange was it that Alexa, the girl I’d only really met a couple of hours earlier, was the one comforting me while Nick was off doing God knows what?

She went to the bar and came back with two glasses of wine, one for each of us.

“Thanks,” I said, chugging what was left in my first glass.

“Is he always this stubborn?” she asked, and the thought crossed my mind how odd it was that she had met him long before I had, but she literally knew nothing about him.

“Yeah, he can be,” I smiled ruefully.

“How long have you been together?”

“Officially? About six months. But we fought it for a good year before we got together.”

“Even though he was angry, I could tell how much he loves you.”

“How?”

“He kept glancing over at you when you weren’t looking. I could see it in his eyes. He’d do anything for you. I want a love like that someday.”

“It just feels like all we ever do is fight. I try to do something to help him, and he just gets mad at me.”

“He doesn’t see it as you helping him right now. I know that was your intention; we all know that. But all he sees is the woman he loves trying to push him into a relationship with people he isn’t interested in forming relationships with.”

“I like what he said to you.”

She smiled. “So do
I. And Josh, too. I really feel for the first time like I might have a chance to get to know my brothers.”

“I know I already said this in our emails, but it’s not your fault. What happened with your mom, I mean.”

She shrugged. “It’s never been my fault, but I get why Josh and Nick resent me. It was hard growing up knowing that I had two brothers out there who didn’t want anything to do with me.”

I filled her in on more about Nick and Josh, and she managed to help alleviate some of my worry.

I was on my second glass of wine with Alexa when he stumbled into the lobby. Josh was with him, his arm slung around his brother’s shoulders to hold him upright.

From the way he was walking, it was clear that Nick was
very
drunk. Drunker than I’d ever seen him.

Josh spotted us in the corner of the lobby. We both stood and rushed over to help him with Nick. “Where’s your room?” he asked.

“This way,” I said, and the four of us headed toward the bank of elevators.

Josh helped Nick, who was mumbling incoherently, onto the elevator once the doors opened for us. He leaned Nick against the back wall of the elevator, and even standing still was causing him to sway. He was going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning.

We finally arrived at our room, and Josh helped Nick into bed, fully clothed. I took his shoes off and let him pass out to sleep it off. Luckily I’d booked a suite with a bedroom separated from the living area with double French doors, so Alexa, Josh, and I gathered in the living area to talk.

“What happened?” I asked, sitting on the couch, taking off my heels and rubbing my aching arches.

“He called me and said to meet him at a bar just down the road. I met him, and he was already a few drinks in. I couldn’t slow him down, but I did eventually get the bartender to kick us out, so I drove him back.”

“I’ll go with you to get his car,”
Lex said to Josh.

I looked at her gratefully. “Thank you.”

“He’s more hurt than pissed, and he doesn’t know how to express that. So he drank.”

“You warned me. I should’ve listened.”

“Actually, I think you did the right thing, Jules. I don’t think it was bad that he had to face our mother. And I don’t think it’s bad that we got Lex out of the deal. This is something that has needed to happen for a lot of years, but we were all just too complacent with the way things were to do anything about it. It took you to push us all together, to show us that the bond of family is important. It’s just going to take my hardheaded brother a little bit of time to appreciate that.”

“Thank you, Josh,” I said, grateful for my future brother-in-law
and his words of wisdom.

We talked for awhile longer, and then Josh and
Alexa went to pick up Nick’s car from the bar while I watched him sleep. He was snoring, which was a rarity for him; but at least he was breathing.

I felt terrible. While Josh’s words had comforted me, knowing that Nick was in the shape he was in because of me left me ridden with guilt. Ultimately it was his own stupid reaction, but it was his own stupid reaction to something I had created.

I sat with him until Josh returned with Nick’s car keys. Then I crawled in bed beside Nick, but I wasn’t tired. I pulled up Facebook on my phone for something to do to kill time until I felt more tired, and I scrolled until I came across something that caught my eye.

Travis Miller was tagged in Lindsay Rhodes’s photo.

I gazed at the series of three pictures starring Travis and Lindsay. Picture one was a self-portrait of the two of them. Picture two was a self-portrait of the two of them kissing. And picture three was a close-up of Lindsay’s engagement ring with the two of them kissing in the background.

“We’re getting married!” the caption read.

My breath caught in my throat. I studied each picture in turn, zooming in on the two of them. They looked ecstatic. They looked like the perfect couple.

They looked right together.

I studied her ring last. It was a platinum band with a simple but enormous princess cut diamond. It was gorgeous, and it looked beautiful on her slender fingers.

I glanced down at my own
engagement ring, and the single emotion that was dominating my heart was happiness.

Finally.

I was finally past all of the jealousy, the hurt, the pain, the confusion. I was finally just happy for my friend and the joy that he clearly now had in his life because of his future wife.

Nick groaned next to me, and then he threw the covers off of himself and stood up. I watched him walk into the wall and then curse. “Where the fuck is the bathroom?” he mumbled, and I flicked on the light and then stood and helped him to it.

He emerged and settled back into bed, resuming his snoring almost immediately.

I did my best to try to go to sleep, but my mind just wouldn’t shut off.

I tossed and turned throughout the night, and in the early hours of the morning when the sun was just starting to peek through the drapes, I had finally drifted into a light sleep when I heard Nick leap out of bed, run to the restroom, and proceed to empty the contents of his stomach.

At least he’d feel better with the alcohol out of his system.

He joined me back in bed after I heard him brush his teeth. He was (unsuccessfully) trying to be quiet.

“Feel better?” I asked softly after he settled back in. I was facing away from him.

“Yeah,” he said.

I left him alone, knowing how embarrassing it felt to throw up from drinking too much.

“Julianne?” His voice was hoarse.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

I felt tears brimming in my eyes at his sweet sentiment.
I turned to face him and kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry, too.”

“We’ll talk more
later, okay?”

“Yeah.”

His breathing evened out quickly again, and I knew he’d fallen back asleep. Lucky him, since now I was wide awake once more.

It was almost noon before he finally woke up. I had started my day by going for a hike in the mountains that were walking distance from our hotel, and then I cleaned up and headed out to the patio with a book and the breakfast and coffee I’d grabbed from a little stand in the lobby.

He sat in the chair next to me and sighed, running his hands through his hair. His eyes were covered with sunglasses, and even through those, he looked a little rough.

“Good morning,” I said softly.

He glanced over at me and grunted.

I handed him what was left of my coffee wordlessly.

“Nick, I—”

He cut me off. “Don’t,” he said sharply.

I shut my mouth. He was certainly in a mood.

He took a sip of my coffee, and then he set the cup down. He looked a little green.

“Julianne, you can’t just walk around trying to fix people’s lives.”

What the fuck happened to the sweet Nick who had woken in the middle of the night and apologized?

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.”

“Fine. I was.”

“Thank you for admitting it.”

“These people are going to be my family, too. And that means something to me.”

“I know it does. It means something to me, too. But what I need is for you to be on my side.”

“I’m always on your side, Nick,” I said softly.

“I love you for trying, baby, but some things are beyond repair.”

I nodded. He was right, and I knew that. But I was also right. He was going to give Lex a chance, and that had to mean something in the grand scheme of things.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Like shit rolled over by a dump truck.”

“Why did you get so out of control last night?”

“Seriously, Julianne? A goddamn lecture? Now?”

“Sorry,” I muttered. I hated feeling shut down like that.

So much for our romantic weekend getaway. We had the rest of the day and then we’d have to leave the following morning, and with him in the mood he was in, I wasn’t feeling very optimistic for a fun day.

I headed inside. I didn’t need him yelling at me; if he was angry, well, then he could sit and stew in his anger. I wasn’t about to sit around and take whatever the fuck he felt like dishing out at me.

I grabbed his car keys off of the dresser, ready to take the car to the shops downtown and just walk around for a few hours. Getting away from Nick didn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Out.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“Don’t be like what, Nick? Don’t be mad that you’re fucking yelling at me like I’m a child? I get it. You’re mad. I’m sorry. Now get the fuck over yourself.”

I grabbed my purse and strode through the room to the door, but I wasn’t fast enough.