Since He Really Feels (He Feels) (30 page)

He pulled me up out of my chair and held me while I got out the emotions that I’d been harboring for awhile. Once I started to calm down a little, he pulled back and motioned for me to sit back down.

I took in a shuddering breath, and he sat on the desk in front of me.

“Feel better?” he asked.

“Not really,” I smiled sadly, wiping my eyes one last time. “I think it’s more that he wasn’t the one who told me. You know?”

Nick pressed his lips together. “I know. But to some degree, that’s my fault.”

“Your fault? Why?”

“Because I asked you to cut off contact with him, and I know that he was just respecting that.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“Not in so many words.”

“Will you tell me how the conversation went?”

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“I have been imagining every single thing that the two of you could have said to each other since you told me you were meeting with him.”

Nick nodded. “I went to the Miller offices and we went into a conference room because Travis doesn’t have an office there yet. We shook hands, I asked him how he was, and he just kind of blurted it out.”

“What did he say?”

“He said he was fantastic and that he asked Lindsay to marry him.”

“What did you say?”

“Honestly, Julianne, I felt relieved, and I’m sure it showed. It told me that this waffling would finally be over.”

“Waffling?”

“I can’t go through life worrying that at any moment you
might leave me for another man. I love you, baby, and I’m willing to fight tooth and nail for you, but I can’t compete with the history you share when we are just starting our history together.”

“We’re starting our future together,” I corrected him. “And it’s not a competition. I’m not waffling.
I can’t wait to be your wife.”

“
I can’t wait for that, either.”

“What else did you two talk about?”

“We talked mostly about how this is going to work once I’m done at BKG. And I’ll be honest, baby. We talked a lot about you.”

“About me?”

He nodded. “Can I tell you something that might sting a little?”

I nodded, bracing myself.

“After that meeting, I am more secure that you and I won’t be disturbed by him anymore. He has moved on, and I know that it hurts for you to hear that, but he’s happy. He’s getting married and he’s starting a new position. And I need to apologize to you.”

“For what?”

“For asking you not to talk to someone who was a huge part of your life for so long. You wouldn’t have ever gotten together with him if I hadn’t done what I did, and that’s a consequence that I need to live with. I won’t be the man who dictates who you can or can’t see.”

“I know you’re trying to be kind, but that sounds really condescending, Nick.”

He looked genuinely confused. “What does?”

“The fact that you had this sudden realization today of all days.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s a little strange to me that you had this epiphany that you’re not going to dictate who I can be friends with on the exact same day that you found out he’s ge
tting married. The timing is a little coincidental.”

“I’m not going to pretend like it’s a coincidence. But the result’s the same either way. He’s going to be back in our lives when we’re working side by side with him on a daily basis, and the sooner I become okay with that, the easier this whole transition is going to be.”

It wasn’t the first time I thought that Jack had done it all on purpose. He wanted Travis and me to be friends again. When families went back as long as ours did, it was difficult on everyone when two members of those families were estranged. And part of me wondered whether Jack had always planned to put Travis in charge of his company or if he decided it when he saw that it would be one way to mend a broken friendship. Jack Miller didn’t seem like the type of businessman to make decisions based on emotions like that, but I knew how much he loved his children.

I wanted to be mad, but
Nick had a point. “So what did you say about me?”

“I asked him point blank if he was going to be okay working with you every day.”

“And?”

“
He said he would be. And I believed him. We talked about his vision for rebranding, and we talked about your role in that. We set up another meeting for tomorrow, but we want you to be there this time.”

I nodded. “Okay. Did you talk about telling me his news?”

“Yes. I told him that I was going to tell you.”

“Is it okay with you if I call him?”

“You do whatever you need to do, baby. I’m going to go downstairs and get some work done. Let’s eat dinner in an hour.”

“Okay.”

He turned to go.

“Nick?”

He turned back around toward me. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He smiled. “I love you, too, Julianne.”

I smiled back and blew him a kiss, and he caught it and held it against his heart before he left the room.

I picked up my phone, which had been sitting on the desk next to me, and pulled up Trav’s contact information. I stared at it for a moment before pressing it.

I glanced at the picture of Nick and me on my desk. It was one of the first pictures we had taken together, and that poor photo had been through a lot in its rather short life span. I remembered waking up the morning after Travis and I had slept together and seeing Nick and me so happy in that picture. I remembered needing to put it away because Nick had shattered my heart, and then I remembered pulling it back out when he came back to me.

My heart had been mended, but there were still tiny cracks in it. It was still healing. I knew that Nick was my forever and that I was his. I knew now that we would always be honest with one another. But it was Travis who’d been there for me when my world was falling apart, and that was something that I never forgot. Sure, he took advantage of the situation when he revealed his feelings to me after I told him about the break-up with Nick, but he did it because he felt confident that I would feel the same way. He somehow thought that his confession would be the thing to mend my heart. How could he have known that he would never have been able to mend it when Nick was the only one who could?

“Hey, Jules.”
His voice was warm and soft and familiar.

“I hear congratulations are in order.”

“Thanks.”

“
When?”

“December 5.”

“This year?”

“Yeah.”

“When did you propose?”

“A little over a week ago.”

I couldn’t believe I was just hearing about it now, but, then, I’d sort of been in my own little wedding planning world for the past couple of weeks. And I distinctly remembered missing a call from my mom and never calling her back, and another one from my sister. So, basically, it was my own fault.

“I wanted to be the one to tell you, Jules. But I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

Once I thought about it, I realized that it was kind of cowardly for him to let Nick be the one to tell me.

“It’s okay,” I said, even though it wasn’t.

“So I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I have missed you, too, Trav.
So many big life changes for us both. It’s just weird to go through this stuff without you.”

“I’ve always been here. And I always will be.”

I knew he would be, but not the way he always had been. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t put me first in his life anymore, not when there was another woman who he was going to marry. “I know,” I eventually said, because I didn’t know what else to say.

There was an awkward pause, and then he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

We said goodbye and hung up, and I stared at my phone for a moment, lost in thought about how short our conversation had been after months of no contact.

Travis could tell me over the phone that he would always be there for me, but that conversation proved to me that it just wasn’t true. Our friendship had never once held awkward silences or moments where we didn’t know what to say to each other. But
our friendship was different now, and as much as I knew that I needed to admit that, I just didn’t want to. I wanted to go back in time, six months earlier, and completely change the decisions I had made.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. I had to live with the mistakes I’d made, the mistakes we’d all made, because I didn’t have another choice.

I picked a florist at random and scanned the contract, emailing it off, and then I joined my fiancé downstairs.

I heated up some homemade soup I had made earlier in the week and paired it with crusty bread for dinner. Once we were seated, I decided to drop a tiny bomb of my own on Nick.

“I made some plans for your birthday. Can you keep next weekend clear?”

He glanced up at me. “What kind of plans?”

“It’s a surprise. But I’m taking you out of town.”

He raised both eyebrows. “The lady has made plans. Are you driving?”

“Well if I let you drive, I’ll have to tell you where we’re going.”

“Is it a long ride or a short one?”

“You’re not getting any details out of me.”

“I just need to know how many sedatives to take before we go.”

“Very funny.” I glared over at him. He chuckled, thinking he was pretty cute insulting my driving.

CHAPTER 32

TRAVIS MILLER

I was ready to have my best friend back in my life.

A
s I sat in the conference room waiting for Julianne and Nick to show up, I couldn’t help but think how differently things could have turned out.

It all went back to one night about a month earlier.

Things had been going fine for us. It was actually Spencer of all people who made Lindsay realize how short life was.

Lindsay’s ex worked in the same office as me, and meetings
had been tense to say the least since he had discovered that I was the new man in Lindsay’s life. 

I’d been traveling back and forth between Phoenix and San Diego as I started making the transition from architect to the CEO and acting president of a major company. I had a lot to learn, but I was well-versed in the company as well as my father’s style of business, so I picked
concepts up quickly.

I didn’t tell Julianne when I was in town out of respect for Lindsay. I didn’t want Lindsay to think for even one second that she had any type of competition, and it was a night when I was away and we were talking on the phone that she revealed some things to me that showed me that she was ready to make the move.

That conversation changed everything for us.

“I saw Spencer today.” Her voice was
flat, and I suddenly understood her irrational jealousy a little better.

“Why?”

“He texted me a few days ago to let me know he found some of my things.”

“So you went to pick them up?
Without me?”

“I didn’t feel like witnessing Spencer’s beat down.”

“Good try, Gorgeous.”

“How do you always know?”

“That you’re lying?”

“That I’m leaving something out.”

“It’s the only time you compliment my strength.”

She giggled, and then she sighed.

“So how did it go?” I pressed.

She was quiet.

“Lindsay?”

“
Trav, he was a mess,” she said, her voice quiet and laced with pain.

“I know.”

“Has he been that bad at work?”

I chose my words carefully. “He’s okay at work because he’s focused on work.”

“But at home…” she trailed off, and I thought I heard her sniffle.

“Yeah.
At home he doesn’t have the same distractions work provides.”

“I think he might have a problem with alcohol,” she blurted, followed by a definite sniffle.

“Why?”

“He was drunk, which didn’t seem out of the ordinary, but when I went to throw something away, I saw four empty bottles of whiskey in the trash. And there were a whole bunch of new bottles lined up on his kitchen counter.”

“I haven’t noticed anything like that at work, but I haven’t seen much of him. I’ll get Dan on it.”

“I would appreciate that.
Trav?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I love you.”

I smiled into the phone. “I love you, too.”

“Seeing him like that made me realize something.”