Simply Forbidden (23 page)

“D
on’t forget that we have been invited to Emily’s ball tomorrow night.”

Gabriel had to look up as Lisette waved the invitation under his nose.

“I assume you want to go.”

She sighed and perched on the corner of his desk, her expression thoughtful, her hazel eyes shadowed. “I want to go for Emily’s sake, of course, but I’m not sure if I want to see my parents.”

He put down his pen. “I thought we’d already discussed this and that you were determined to make amends.”

“Actually, I decided to let them apologize to me.” She swung her slippered foot back and forth, making her skirts rustle.

“For what?”

“For interfering, and for treating me as though I was incapable of making my own decisions.”

Something about her airy tone made all his senses come to attention. “So you intend to continue the argument.”

“Not exactly, because then they could say I’m acting like a child and that they were right all along.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t understand.”

“I’ve decided to be gracious and well behaved and to pretend that everything is forgotten and forgiven.” She brushed at his sleeve as if removing a piece of lint. “I would think you’d like that: me behaving like a proper married woman.”

He leaned back to study her carefully. “Now why am I feeling concerned?”

She slid off the desk and smiled sweetly at him. “I have no idea.”

“So are we going to the ball or not?”

“I rather think we should, don’t you?” She walked toward the door. “Oh, and we are invited to dinner beforehand as well.”

He regarded her suspiciously as she blew him a kiss and drifted away. Ever since he’d suggested that she would appreciate a more conventional marriage and husband, she’d been behaving strangely. He frowned at the now empty doorway. Well, not strangely perhaps, but far too properly.

He picked up his pen and stared down at the letter from Paul St. Clare’s uncle he had been trying to read. Lisette still welcomed him into her bed and seemed to enjoy his love-making, but she didn’t initiate anything or seek him out when he didn’t come to her. He sighed. But that was what he’d wanted, wasn’t it? An opportunity to leave the sexual excesses of the pleasure house behind him. He tried to focus on the letter and realized he hadn’t understood a single word.

He threw down his pen and stood up. There was no point trying to work while he was in this mood. He’d go down to the stables and spend some time with his horses. That had always soothed him in the past.

Lisette had always been good at expressing her sexual needs before…. Gabriel paused to remember her mastering him at the pleasure house and immediately got hard. In truth, that was
one of the things he appreciated most about her: her ability to shock him out of hiding, to force him to own up to his feelings and his desires. Had he taken that from her with his demands that she play the part of his wife? And by doing so, had he also denied himself?

With a curse, he headed down to the mews. Perhaps if Lisette resolved her issues with her family, he might find both a way to reach her and a way out of the tangle he had created. And he had created this mess; he knew that in his very soul.

Gabriel settled Lisette into the carriage and walked around to get in the other side. She was wearing what he assumed was a new gown made of rich cream-colored fabric with a low bodice sewn with pearls, which suited her perfectly. He’d prefer to keep the lush curves of her bosom for his own personal viewing, but even he knew that fashion allowed a married woman to display more of herself than a debutante.

There were pearls at her throat and in her hair as well, ropes of them entwined with the intricate braids that framed her face. He liked her hair down around her shoulders, but that delight, at least, was for him alone….

“I’m not pregnant, Gabriel.”

Drawn abruptly from his pleasant thoughts, he could only blink at her. “I beg your pardon?”

“I said, I’m not pregnant.”

He studied her carefully, aware that beneath her subtle face paint she was paler than usual, her lips tight, her hands clenched on her lap. Inside him, something not yet fully realized shifted, broke, died, but he couldn’t attend to it now, he had to pay attention to his wife.

“What would you like me to say?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Then why fling the words at me like an accusation?”

She looked away from him. “If you’d agreed to my original
plan and waited for three more weeks, you could’ve avoided being married at all.”

“I thought I’d already made it clear that I didn’t marry you for your breeding ability.” Why was speaking suddenly so hard? It felt like someone had punched him in the guts. He tensed as the carriage slowed and came to a stop. Damnation, he’d agreed to pick Paul St. Clare up and now he was regretting it like the devil. “Can we discuss this after the ball?”

“What is there to discuss?”

“Why you are so angry with me.”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

He heard Paul’s jovial voice talking to the coachman as he approached the carriage and glared at his wife. “No, it isn’t obvious, but then I’ve never been known for my quick wits. Perhaps you’re angry because you are the one who is no longer free.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but the carriage door was wrenched open and Paul appeared. His warm smile faded as he looked from Gabriel to Lisette. “Good evening, my lady, my lord. Shall I find another form of transport to the ball?”

Lisette smiled at him. “Of course not. We are more than happy to share our carriage with you, sir.”

Paul sat down beside Gabriel. “That is very gracious of you, considering that the last time I accompanied you anywhere, I literally threw you into the arms of your husband here.”

Lisette laughed and only Gabriel heard the strain behind it. Paul continued to talk as if nothing was wrong until they reached Knowles House. He jumped down to offer a hand to Lisette and winked at Gabriel.

“At least she’s forgiven me for manhandling her.”

Gabriel couldn’t even raise a smile. “I wish she’d damn well forgive me.”

Paul looked startled. “She married you. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“You’d be surprised what it counts for,” Gabriel muttered as he went on ahead to take Lisette’s hand and lead her into the house. He glanced at the big clock in the hallway, which was about to strike eight. If they could just get through the formal dinner and the ball, he might stand a chance of speaking to her in the privacy of their own house—in about six hours’ time.

Lisette glanced across at Gabriel as he smiled slightly at something her father said to him. His manners were impeccable as usual. She was probably the only person—apart from Paul St. Clare—who knew her husband was not pleased with her. She placed her hand on her heated cheek and sighed.

“Are you all right, Lisette?”

With great reluctance she turned toward her mother, who was studying her with obvious concern.

“I’m just a little overheated, thank you,
Maman
.”

Helene’s blue eyes flashed and she took Lisette’s hand. “I am tired of this, Lisette. Come with me.”

Lisette rose with ill grace and followed her mother out of the elaborately decorated dining room and into the coolness of her father’s study. Gabriel didn’t even glance up at her as she left, but she knew he was as aware of her as ever, that he would come and find her if he thought she’d been gone too long.

Helene shut the door with a definite bang. “Are you going to treat me like this for the whole evening?”

“Like what?” Lisette stared at her mother.

“As if we are strangers?”

“
Maman
…”

Helene held up her hand. “I understand that you are annoyed with us for interfering but …” She stopped speaking. “Lisette, what is it?”

Lisette bit down on her lip and felt the sting of tears on her cheeks. “I’m not pregnant,
Maman
.”

“Oh, my love.” Lisette was enfolded in her mother’s arms
and held tightly, rocked as if she were an infant herself. “I’m so sorry.”

“And I didn’t think I cared until I found out this morning that I wasn’t … and then I cried and cried.” She shook her head. “It makes no sense at all.”

“Sometimes, when we feel something very deeply, common sense has nothing to do with how we react.” Helene hugged her hard. “It’s all right, my love, it’s all right to cry.”

It took quite a while before she was capable of sitting beside her mother and speaking coherently again.

“When I told Gabriel, he just sat there like an unfeeling block of stone and accused me of shouting at him.”

“Did you shout?”

“Of course not!” Lisette blew her nose in the lace handkerchief her mother handed her. “And
then
he suggested that the reason I was angry was because
I
still wanted to be free.”

“I’ve found that many men have difficulty expressing their feelings properly. You probably took him by surprise, and he reacted by going on the offensive. That’s a very male thing to do, especially when emotions are involved.” Helene held Lisette’s gaze. “And was he right?”

“About whether I want to be free of him? That’s hardly the point, is it? I’m married to him now.”

Helene looked thoughtful. “There might be something we can do about that. I’ll talk to your father.”

“What on earth do you mean?” Lisette looked up as there was a gentle tap on the door behind Helene and Gabriel came in.

Helene half-turned and raised her voice as if to include Gabriel in the conversation. “Just that we might be able to arrange it so that your marriage never happened.”

Lisette jumped to her feet as Gabriel flinched and went still. She was aware that she must look guilty; knew from the unimpressed
look on his face that he believed she’d sought her mother’s help to escape him. He ignored her and bowed to Helene.

“May I speak to Lisette alone, please, my lady?”

“Of course you may,” Helene said. “And if you do decide that you no longer wish to be married, please let me know.”

After her mother left, Gabriel leaned against the door and studied her. “You wish to be free of me then.”

“That’s not what I said. My mother was merely …”

He interrupted her. “Marriage comes in many forms, Lisette. We don’t have to do anything together if you don’t wish to, but we will remain married.”

She took a hasty step toward him. “Don’t you care now that I’m not carrying your child?”

He looked away from her. “That is hardly fair.”

“But this has all worked out perfectly for you, hasn’t it? You have all the respectability a man in your position could desire, and, if you choose to avoid my bed from now on, you also have the opportunity never to have a child, which is what you wanted all along.”

She wrapped her arms around herself. God, she hurt. She hurt so much, he had to see it, had to know, had to tell her that he understood….

He sighed. “If you truly can’t bear to be married to me, perhaps your mother can help you get out of it. I’m prepared to listen to anything she has to say.” He hesitated. “I’m trying to offer you a choice, Lisette.”

“You offer me no choice at all.” Her voice trembled, but she kept speaking. Couldn’t he see that she didn’t want a choice? That she wanted him to tell her that it didn’t matter, that he wanted her, that he loved her…. “In truth, you offer me nothing more than the sham of a marriage where all the power is in your hands.”

He came away from the wall so fast she backed away from
him. “Damn you for twisting my words and for being pleased that you don’t carry my child.” He slammed his hand onto her father’s desk. “And damn you for not believing I wanted you and that child of
ours
with every fiber of my being.”

He stood his ground, his eyes burning, his voice shaken. “Damn you to hell, wife.”

Before Lisette could say a word, he turned on his heel and walked out. She sunk down onto the nearest chair and buried her face in her hands. The sound of his contempt still rang in her ears. God, what a disaster. Why wasn’t she in his arms now sharing her disappointment and seeking his strength?

She slowly raised her head and faced a bitter truth. Because she’d been a fool. He’d told her how he felt but with anger instead of love and she could only blame herself for pushing him into it. She’d allowed her fears of being abandoned to undermine her. She wiped at her swollen eyes. Was there any way to redeem herself or had she lost him forever?

Gabriel emerged into the hallway of Knowles House and stopped abruptly. He couldn’t walk out. If he was to help restore Lisette’s reputation, he could hardly refuse to attend her sister’s ball at her side. He wanted to laugh at the irony of his situation. She didn’t want him; she didn’t want their marriage, yet he was bound to her in so many ways….

“Gabriel? Are you all right?”

He turned to find Paul watching him from the doorway to the dining room. “I’m …”

Paul came toward him, his expression full of concern. “Can I help at all?”

Gabriel stared at his friend. “Not this time.”

“Then why don’t you come back and finish your dinner?”

Gabriel drew in a long breath. “I suppose I have no choice.”

With Paul’s gallant help, he managed to get through the excruciating meal. He even kept his seat when Lisette returned
with her mother, her shock at seeing him still there evident in her eyes as she sat down. Had she no respect for him at all? Did she truly believe herself so unnecessary to his comfort that he would abandon her?

After the meal, they moved straight into the ballroom. Gabriel couldn’t quite bring himself to take Lisette’s arm but he followed along behind her as she chatted with a highly excited Emily.

Lord Knowles patted his shoulder. “We’d appreciate it if you and Lisette stood in the receiving line with us tonight.”

“Of course.” Gabriel nodded. At least it gave him a further excuse not to look directly at Lisette or attempt to converse with her until he’d decided what the devil to do next.

“Gabriel.”

He almost turned his back on her when she touched his hand. He managed to stand his ground, but speech was beyond him. She drew him away from the rest of the family and behind some of the large potted plants that adorned the ballroom.