Silver Moon (A Women of Wolf's Point Novel) (11 page)

“Let’s stick with the idea of what a pack does for the moment,” Shelly said firmly. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have gone off like that. The Pack is there to help you manage changing, as much as to watch your back the rest of the time. You know you could have just as easily endangered an innocent bystander, don’t you?”

“No!” Becca started, hands braced against the arms of the chair. She could feel her face flush, feel the blood thrum under her skin. She could smell the other women in the room and almost, but not quite, feel the changes start in her body. “I knew not to hurt the boy. Even as a wolf, I knew! I did what you did with Erin, Shelly. I changed partway and carried him down the mountain.”

There was dead silence in the room as both Shelly and Erin stared back at her. Now that she’d stopped crying, she could see how tired Shelly looked, how uncomfortable Erin’s cast appeared to be, hanging like a weight off her shoulder. Yet here she was whining about her own troubles.

Of course, they weren’t looking at her like her complaining was the biggest problem. No, this was the kind of astonishment that would have greeted the announcement that she was able to turn into a wolf during the full moon, if she’d said it outside this room. She wondered what she’d done that was so weird.

Erin glanced from Shelly back to Becca. Her tone was very careful as she asked, “You were able to control your change when you were in Mountainview, Becca. Are you sure?”

“I think I’d remember something like that, don’t you? I got out into the woods and I could feel myself start to change, just like at the Club. I fought it as hard as I could. I barely managed to get my clothes off and hidden before it happened.” Becca shook her head as if to clear her memories.

“It’s pretty unusual to change more than once in a month, but it happens sometimes. It’s generally a new wolf thing: you’re more sensitive to the magic when it first starts happening.” Shelly sounded like a schoolteacher, her voice soothing, calling Becca back to the present. “What happened when you found them?”

“Well, like I said, he went for me. He stabbed me a couple of times and it hurt like hell. We fought and I won. Then I made myself change partway so I could pick up the kid. I lost a lot of blood during the fight. But at least the whole Change thing seems to speed up healing. That’s something at least. Think we could use it to fix the hot flashes too?” Becca was pretty pleased with herself for thinking that one up. Maybe the trip to the cave had been useful after all, if it inspired this kind of thinking.

Shelly was still frowning at her. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea after all. “But how’d you do it? What were you thinking about beforehand?”

“Well, I could smell how scared the boy was and I was covered with blood and everything hurt. But I knew I couldn’t carry him down the mountain in my jaws, not without hurting him. So I guess I was just thinking about what needed to be done and how I could make that happen.” Becca shrugged. “Did I do something special?”

Erin laughed but seemed to sober up quickly when Shelly caught her eye. “Yes,” Shelly said finally. “You did something special. New wolves can’t make that kind of partial change, or at least I’ve never heard of it happening. Not enough control. Even wolves who’ve been changing for a while have a hard time with it and most can’t do it.”

Becca tried to figure out if this was a good thing or not. Shelly didn’t look mad, just surprised, so that was something. Erin, on the other hand, looked fit to burst. Her eyes were sparkling and she winked at Becca. And Becca, for a wonderment, didn’t find herself blushing and avoiding eye contact. Nope, this time around, she just smiled back and wondered why this made her neighbor so happy.

“All right, Becca. I think it worked out reasonably well this time, all things considered. But I also think you got lucky. That you left to begin with is partially my fault: I haven’t been able to pay the kind of attention to you that I should have because of my mom. We’ve talked about it and Erin’s going to train you instead.” Shelly stood up a little straighter and her voice left no room for argument.

Which didn’t stop Becca from trying. She wasn’t sure she should spend that much time around Erin. It would get weird fast. “Training? But what about her arm?”

“We’ll manage,” Erin said, her tone quiet and amused. “And half-controlled changes or not, there’s a lot you don’t know about being one of us.”

There wasn’t much point arguing with that. Becca reached for Ed’s folder and Erin handed it back. “Stop worrying about the house. We’ll make something work out.”

That was enough to make Becca feel slightly more optimistic. Maybe everything would be all right. Somehow.

Erin sat down in the chair opposite while Shelly settled in on the edge of the desk. “Next topic. Lizzie said that she took you up to see the cave,” Erin remarked as if she were talking about the weather.

“Yep. What does that have to do with any of this?”

“How did the cave make you feel?”

“I dunno. Kind of crackly around the edges like it was electric or something. And it was creepy, all those women changing into wolves. How come this doesn’t happen to men?”

Shelly blew her breath out in a sigh, almost like she was expecting to hear something else. “It does happen to men. Just not here and not the same way it happens to us. There are two different kinds of wolves, Becca, and they change for different reasons. Erin, you’ll need to cover that in your training. Do you think we’re creepy too?”

Now there was a question. Becca looked from one to the other of her friends, seeing them change in her mind’s eye. Shelly’s eyes flickered gold for an instant and Becca decided to go with honesty. “Sometimes. I’m just not used to the idea yet. And I don’t know that I ever will be. Does Pete know? And the kids, other than Kira?”

Shelly tilted her head to one side. “I don’t keep secrets from Pete if I can help it. Pack business, yes, but not something like this. I was afraid I might hurt him or the kids when it first happened. Kira found out by accident. She says the other kids don’t know and I’m not ready to tell them yet.”

“How long have you been changing?”

“Six years.” Shelly glanced at the clock and Becca followed her look. If it was a hint, it was a pretty successful one. She’d be making up a couple of hours for this paycheck at this rate.

“I should get back. Pete’ll be wondering what happened to me.”

Becca blew her nose and stood up, feeling better than she had since before lunch. “We can talk more about this later?”

Shelly nodded, a tired smile curling her lips. “We’ll talk more very soon. I promise.”

Erin cleared her throat. “Stop by after work tonight? We can get started then.”

Becca nodded her response and paused for the others to get up. They went on sitting there, though, like there were things they were going to talk about once she left the room. Evidently there were still some secrets she wasn’t ready for. And who knew, maybe she wasn’t. It already felt like a long day. So she nodded again and went out and relieved Pete at the counter, exerting all her newly discovered self-control to lose herself in paint and plumbing sales for the rest of the day.

Becca tried as hard as she could to ignore all of her weirder feelings for the rest of the afternoon. She didn’t think about anything that made her blush, for one thing. Well, not much, anyway. She did remember to pick up some take-out for their dinner, speaking politely and formally to Mrs. Hui, more or less as she always did. Just like they hadn’t woken up together naked in the woods.

But now that she was standing on Erin’s doorstep, everything she’d been trying to ignore came flooding back. Sure, it was a doorstep in front of a porch door with some peeling white paint on it, not unlike her own. The house even looked a bit like hers, except with dark green trim instead of white. There were a few other differences, too; maybe she should just stand here awhile and think about them.

Her imagination took flight, circling in all directions, noticing dozens of things she’d never noticed before. But when she thought she saw several of the neighbors change into wolves as they mowed their lawns, Becca shook her head to clear it and rang the doorbell. Whatever was waiting for her on the other side couldn’t be any crazier than what was going on in her head.

Erin pulled the door open and gave her a lazy smile. “Hi there. C’mon in.”

Becca followed her somersaulting stomach inside, wondering if Erin had known how long it had taken before she worked up the nerve to ring the bell. For a minute, she looked everywhere except at Erin and it was as if she was seeing her neighbor’s house for the first time. Had the rug always been that pattern of dark reds and blacks? Suddenly it looked like blood spilt on the polished hardwood floor. And that framed painting of the wolves–was that their Pack? Or just regular wolves?

Erin shut the door behind her and reached down to take the bag of Chinese take-out. “Thanks for doing this. Cooking’s still a chore with my arm like this.” She moved the sling, the gesture startling Becca into looking straight at her.

The hallway was dim in the twilight and Erin’s eyes shone silver for a moment. Becca could almost see the ghostly shape of pointed, furry ears above her short-cropped gray-brown hair. “Is it always going to be like this?” She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands over her face.

Erin patted her shoulder and herded her toward the kitchen. “You’ll be sensitive to the moon phases for awhile. But it gets better with practice, I promise.”

Becca groaned in disbelief as she pulled out a chair from the table and dropped into it. “This is all too much to take in at once. Why can’t I just have the same kind of menopause everyone else has? Or just friggin’ Ed and his lawyer trying to take my house? Instead of all of it with a topping of turning into a monster on moonlit nights.” She remembered who she was talking to and her stomach twisted. “Cool, useful monsters, of course.”

“Just lucky, I guess.” Erin put the food on the table. “Seriously, do you think we all had it easy? Just took the whole thing in stride when we started changing? Shelly took it as a birthright, sure, but Pete was really freaked out. Gladys wouldn’t talk to anyone for six months, just kept to herself and thought she was going nuts. I—” she stopped abruptly and pulled some plates out of the cabinet.

Becca got up and looked around for utensils and mugs, settling for taking the clean ones out of the drain. Erin had turned away and was looking out the window into the backyard like it was the most interesting view in the world.

Becca wondered what to do, what to say. It wasn’t like she knew Erin that well. What if there was some terrible story about her change, one that would make it impossible for Becca to be friends with her? She wouldn’t befriend a real monster, not now, not ever. She promised herself that, hoping she wasn’t lying to herself, while she opened up the cardboard containers and waited for Erin to turn around.

When she did, it was to pour out some ice water into the mugs and hand one to Becca. She still wasn’t looking up when she sat down. “Look,” Becca said finally, “whatever you did can’t be that bad. I hope.” She tried to smile like she was kidding but she could feel her lips trembling. Then she braced herself for whatever was coming next.

“I had myself committed after I changed. Spent nearly a month over at Pleasant Oaks Psychiatric in Eastfork before Shelly found about it and dragged my doped up ass out of there. She got to me just before the next full moon. Can you imagine what kind of carnage there would have been if she hadn’t?” Erin shuddered. “All those helpless folks locked up with an honest to God werewolf.”

“But you can control it. You wouldn’t have killed any of those people,” Becca said indignantly.

“Really?” Erin’s eyes were definitely glinting silver now, even under the kitchen’s fluorescent lights. Her face seemed to be getting longer, fuzzier while Becca watched her. Something rose in the shadows of her collar and a soft growl found its way up from Becca’s throat, leaping past her lips before she could stop it. She clapped her hands to her mouth and stared at Erin, eyes wide. Erin’s lip curled and she snarled back.

Becca felt herself start to respond, to change, and she jumped to her feet. “Stop it! I mean it! You made your point. You’re a monster, I’m a monster. None of us can really control this, not all the time.” She stood over Erin and gasped for breath as she fought against the madness swirling through her.

Erin sat back and exhaled slowly as if she was letting all the wolf go with each breath. “You just did. Control it I mean. I couldn’t do that right after I first started to change. So yes, I might have killed a few of those folks up at the Oaks. It wouldn’t have been anything personal, mind you. Just about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Becca dropped back into her chair as her legs gave out. “Why didn’t you stop me from going to Mountainview?”

“Well, it wasn’t like you left a note or anything. We didn’t know where you’d gone. Shelly took off to check out your ex’s place in between trips to check on her mom and I went through every campground in the woods around here. We made a list of anyone we knew that you knew who lived somewhere else and tried to get in touch with them. Apparently, you hadn’t mentioned the Mountainview relatives to Shelly in quite a while.”

“She thought I went to chew Ed’s face off? Funny, that’s what I thought you two meant back at the office.”

“He does seem to bring that out in you. And I’m not saying he might not deserve it.” Erin smiled.

Becca felt herself getting angry all over again. Why was her life the only open book around here? Stupid Ed. “Speaking of families, where’s yours? Why no ex-husband, kids, parents? You never mention them.”

“I killed them all during a bad moonrise a couple of years back.” Erin’s matter-of-fact tone froze Becca in place until she rolled her eyes. “No ex-husband. I’m a lesbian, Becca. Have been since I came out as a teenager. My last partner is living with her new wife out on the East Coast. We never had kids and my parents died a few years back.”