Silver Heart (29 page)

I nodded, though I knew that letting him go afterwards would be even harder.

Maybe in the next hour we would find a way to freeze time…

That hour passed and Sawyer left. Thursday morning came and went. In an attempt to cheer me up, Maddie got me out of bed, practically strapped on my snowboard for me, and drove us to the slopes. Her remedy for heartbreak was to keep moving. According to her, constant action ensured there was no time for the mind to wander.

By the afternoon, I’d had enough of action and snowboarding to last me an entire lifetime. Craving a change of scenery, I yearned to leave the resort.

Not that I had anywhere to go.

Where would I escape to? Back to Denver? Back to the past and my carefully planned future?

Unfortunately, my future had other plans. It arrived in the form of my angry mother, with Adam tagging along behind her like a puppy on a leash. She burst into our cabin just as we were taking off our boots, nearly mowing down a stunned Maddie with her big fur coat.

“Dylan Evelyn Silver!” she huffed. Her gray eyes were wide and frenzied as she took me in. “What in the world has gotten into that head of yours?”As always, her perfectly coiffed hair was pulled back in a bun. I couldn’t actually ever recall seeing those curls my father had fallen in love with.

“Mom?” I shook my head and blinked rapidly.
As if that was going to make her disappear and change the scene unfolding in front of me.
“Adam?” I gaped at my brother.

He shot me an apologetic look. “Preston told his parents about Marcus, and Mom found out about your relationship sham,” he recited. “So she took the first flight to Vancouver and forced me to drive her over to the cabin. Sorry.”

I rubbed my temples. “Why are you here, Mom? What are you do—”

“I’m just trying to understand this predicament with you and Preston,” my mother cut in. “It must be some kind of mistake. I’m sure we can fix it. If you just talk to him and make him understand that your relationship—”

“There was never any relationship!” My heart beat wildly and my voice quivered, but I took a deep breath and forged on.

My mother looked at me as if I’d spoken another language. “I don’t understand.”

She never did.
In that moment, something in me snapped, giving way to power and anger I had been suppressing for what felt like forever.

“What don’t you understand?” I cried. “That I was living a lie because you made me too afraid to be honest with you?”

Her face blanched. “What are you saying?”

“Preston is in love with someone else. We’re not going to be together. Ever. End of story,” I said. I don’t know what had come over me, but I suddenly wanted her to know about Sawyer. “And I’m also in love with someone else.”

 “Your brother said that Carter boy was here.” Calling Sawyer “that Carter boy” stood for everything my mother hated about his family. She met my eyes. “Please tell me you haven’t been seeing him behind my back.”

“Behind your back?” I scoffed. “I’m not sixteen anymore, Mom. You and Dad can’t keep telling me what I can and can’t do.”

“
Dylan
!” My mother wobbled as if her legs were going to collapse from under her.

“Maybe you should sit down,” Adam said, grabbing her elbow.

She ignored him and continued to drill her cool gaze into me. “Your father and I are just trying to look out for your best interests. If it wasn’t for us, you and your brother would have never had the opportunities that you’ve been lucky enough to have. So don’t be a brat.”

“A
brat
?” Though she had just flung a simple word at me, my cheeks burned as if she’d physically slapped me with it. “When have you ever known me to be a brat, Mom?”

A blast of fury exploded in my chest as something acidic burned the back of my throat. I felt like I was going to vomit. “All these years, I’ve been nothing but the good daughter you so desperately wanted! It’s you who always seems to need more. Better grades, world-renowned internships, perfect husbands. I’m so fucking tired of it!”

My mother’s hand fluttered to her chest. “I feel ill. Oh, I think I’m going to be sick.”

So did I.

I felt betrayed by my own family. Not good enough to be the person I really wanted to be.

“I’ve given you everything you ever wanted,” my mother moaned, looking over at Adam. “Didn’t I?
Didn’t I?!
”

My brother stiffened, but didn’t say anything.

Traitor.

Taking a deep breath, I counted to five. It didn’t help with the feeling of nausea, but at least I’d managed to regain some control over my voice.

“I appreciate everything you and Dad had done for me, but somewhere along the way you forgot one important thing,” I told her. “You’ve never allowed me to just be me. I couldn’t talk to you—daughter to mother—because you didn’t listen to anything I had to say. All my life, you’ve never asked me what I wanted.”

“But…” Once again, she was clutching her chest. “I know what you
need
, Dylan. That’s a mother’s job.”

“You
think
you know what I need,” I retorted. “There’s a difference.”

“I know that you
need
to come home with me,” she retorted, her jaw set. “Right now, so that we can straighten out this Preston situation and get you set up with Dr. Forrest.” Her cool voice cut through me, chilling me to the bone. “I already pre-booked your ticket, but we must leave right away if we want to make our flight.”

I kept my feet firmly planted. “No.”

Ignoring me, my mother finally acknowledged Maddie. “Could you please bring Dylan’s things home with you?”

 “No, she can’t,” I spoke for my best friend. “Because I’m not going anywhere. I have one more day of vacation left, and I’m staying here with Maddie. Who happens to be my best friend and not my personal butler. Have a safe flight back to Denver, Mom.”

With those words, I stormed out of the cottage, Maddie running after me with my coat in hand.

Fuck, fuck, fuck

 
I’d never done that before, never said those things to my mother. The only time I had ever stood up to her—after sneaking out to one of Sawyer’s competitions and getting in trouble for it—she had faked a heart attack to pay me back for upsetting her. I had no idea what kind of wrath waited for me in Denver when I got back.

But right now, I didn’t care.

Choosing to keep my future on lockdown for one final day, I agreed to tag along on Maddie and Connor’s date to ride the special scenic gondola between Whistler and Blackcomb mountain peaks.

I was going to keep smiling and pretend to enjoy myself, even though I felt like hell on the inside. There was a tight knot at the pit of my stomach and it was growing bigger and heavier with each passing minute. My parents and Adam were the only family I had and I had royally screwed things up. I was fairly certain that I would never be able to come back from the stuff I had said to my mother.

My heart was also in knots, although for a much different reason. Sawyer’s absence left a dark void inside me. I wanted him back. I needed him back.

So, so bad.

As we lined up to purchase our tickets, I watched Maddie and Connor joke around with each other and tried to absorb some of their happiness. She sank her hands into the front pocket of his hoodie, pulling him in for a kiss. He whispered something in her ear and she blushed.

Madison Evans—the most brazen girl I knew—actually blushed.

My heart swelled. Partly because it missed the hell out of Sawyer and his hoodies. I wished that was my hand in Sawyer’s pocket, that those were Sawyer’s lips on mine…

But a piece of me was also happy for Maddie. Seeing her flirt and laugh with Connor brought a smile to my face. The bold, unabashed Maddie I knew was reduced to acting like a smitten schoolgirl. That was certainly one for the history books. Especially since Connor was different from the men she usually pursued. He was a lot quieter and much sweeter than her standard conquests. She had even entertained the idea of going to visit him in Australia this summer.

Just as I began to think that there would never be anyone else for me who could even come close to measuring up to Sawyer, my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat, then quickly sank when I glanced down at the caller ID.

“
Adam
?”

“Remember when I told you that I couldn’t be someone else?” he asked, sounding almost manic. He didn’t wait for me to respond. “I’ve thought a lot about those words and I don’t think you should either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you should continue trying to be someone you’re not, Dylan.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Someone who isn’t happy. A career in medicine…I don’t think it’s your calling. I think you’ll regret not following your passion for photography.”

I was stunned speechless. Clearing my throat, I asked, “Where is this coming from, Adam?”

“From trying to be a better person,” he said. “It’s my attempt at finally being a brother. I feel horrible for what I did. I shouldn’t have brought Mom up to the cabin. It was a shitty thing for me to do. I thought I was helping, but clearly you need a different kind of help.”

“I need a sibling I can count on,” I told him. “A brother who won’t stab me in the back.”

“Do you ever think Mom and Dad brainwashed us?” Adam sighed. “Not like actual brainwashing, but I feel like maybe they had conditioned us to be the people they wanted us to be. I mean I know that’s the role of a parent, but maybe they took it too far. What if I only love medicine because of Dad?”

I shrugged, forgetting that he couldn’t see me. “I don’t know. I guess the most important thing is that you love medicine, right?”

“Yes, and thinking back to this past weekend and how you wielded that camera with the same enthusiasm I do a scalpel makes me realize just how much you love photography.” His voice rose slightly as he added, “And how blind and unsupportive I’d been all these years.”

For the first time in my life, my brother was actually speaking to me. Not just about my photography—a topic that he had continuously undervalued—but simply talking to me like a sibling. It felt alien, but I welcomed the change. Especially after everything that had happened with our mother.

“I don’t know what I would do if someone told me that I couldn’t be a doctor. It probably would kill me,” he added. “So I think you need to stop wasting your potential for happiness and go after what you want.”

“Now I know why you were curious about brainwashing. You’ve been abducted by aliens, right? Where is my serious, stern, no-nonsense brother?” I attempted a joke, but my reality seemed far from funny.

“I’m serious, Dylan,” he said.

I closed my eyes and sighed. “But…”
How do I even put all the “buts” into words?

“But what?”

“But all the hard work and years of school,” I groaned. “But mom and dad. But a million different reasons!”

I listened to him breathe in and out as he considered my words. Finally, just as I thought he was going to say something along the lines of “you’re right” or “never mind,” he surprised me.

“Yes, you’ve worked hard to earn an undergraduate degree from a prestigious university, but I don’t think you should look at it as time wasted,” he said. “More like...valuable lessons learned. As for mom and dad, I can’t say they will understand. In fact, I know they won’t. You saw Mom today. She almost faked another heart attack. I’ve been around enough arguments the three of you have had about your photography to know that they don’t approve. But I can promise you that I’ll be there to stand up to them with you. Right by your side. If you decide to go after your dream, you won’t have to go through it alone. I mean it this time. No more betrayals from me.”

“You’d piss off mom and dad for me?” I scoffed. “Really? You? For me?”

“You’re my sister, Dylan.” I could almost visualize his smile as warmth colored his words. “It should’ve always been ‘you and me against the world,’ but for all these years it hasn’t worked out that way. That’s my fault, I know, so let me start making it up to you.”