Silent Scars (Surviving #4) (2 page)

It is amazing what thoughts flash through your mind as death finally comes to take you away from living in hell. I’d waited years for this moment, I’d craved it, and as I stared up at the dust-filled sky, blood warm and sticky on my face, the dry heat of the sun burning down onto my battered body, I realised I was finally at peace. My immobile body was cocooned in a pit made in the sand by the IED that exploded, causing the chaos around me. I tried to see through the thick cloud of sand and smoke, to see the sky one more time before I closed my eyes. My heavy lids were slowly giving into the pleasure of the long
sleep.
I prayed for God to give me one final wish, one last look at the blue sky. People assumed I didn’t believe in God, that with the shit I’d lived through I must hate the big man, but the truth was He was the only thing I had to hold onto. God would eventually claim me from this world and bring me to a place I had prayed for my entire life. He had delivered by saving my little buddy Johan.

My nephew, my brother, my kin.

It was time for him to save me, grant me the peace of death. Allow me to fall asleep and never awaken.

I coughed and tried not to cry out as pain exploded in my body and burned through me like a hot metal poker, and yes, I knew what that felt like. My dear old dad had given me that experience. I growled and gritted my teeth, closing my eyes, and fought back the thoughts of the bastard. He wasn’t invading my final moments on Earth. He was the master and creator of the hell I’d lived through. He wouldn’t take this peace from me. I coughed again and could taste the metallic warmth of blood in my mouth. 

I opened my eyes, squinting as dust and sand surrounded me, a suffocating oppressive cloud. The loud screams and
pop, pop, pop
of rifle rounds sounded around me, and the deafening buzz from the explosion rang in my ears, threatening to blow my brain apart. The stench of death clogged my throat as my fellow men and women scattered around me, screaming in agony for help, to survive – to
live
. I lay silently, praying for peace. I was ready. This life wasn’t for people like me. I allowed my eyes to close, losing hope of seeing the blue sky once more.

“Ryan, you promise me you’ll come home”

The ghost-like voice echoed in my head, almost whispering across continents. The words my brother Will had said to me months ago. He’d made me swear I would return home safe. Clearly there was a different plan for my destiny.

“You promised.”

The pain was fading, slipping away with every laboured breath. I felt like I was slowly drifting into a deep sleep, a euphoric state where pain and fear didn’t exist.  A soft smile danced at the corners of my lips as I drifted, the sounds around me muffled. I sank into my sandy grave. I unclenched my fists and slid them into the fragile grains beneath me, and welcomed the pull.

Another flash of life played in my mind, my brother holding his baby daughter. Lou and Jo were expecting another baby pretty soon. They didn’t want to find out what they were having, but as
heaven
beckoned, I had a clear vision of the tiniest baby girl swaddled in a pink blanket in my brother’s arms. Warmth spread through me, watching the love on his face. I was so proud of him. He had found his salvation. I could leave this world knowing my brothers were in the arms of strong women who would fight for them. Love them and cherish them. I‘d never had that, never been held in a woman’s loving arms, never kissed a woman as I made love to her. Held her against me as the sun streamed through the window and caressed her skin, or woken her with sleepy morning sex. I thought in this moment I would change my final wish, the blue sky forgotten. It would have to be to have a woman hold me, kiss me, and love me the way my brothers’ women adored them. Just once, I would have liked to know what love felt like. And in return feel my heart beat wildly with the sole purpose of loving her. But men like me didn’t deserve that we deserved hell. And my hell had lasted an eternity. I was prepared for the end.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to the sky, hoping my words would float and carry to Will and Johan. I promised I would live, that I would return home. But my home was finally here to take me so in the desert my life would end, and peace would claim me. The nightmares would stop, the pain would fade, and I would finally have silence.

Death would be my salvation. My scars would heal.

I had never feared death I welcomed it. But fear welled within my heart as memories of my family filled my mind. I clenched my fingers into a fist, grabbing only at sand. I refused to allow fear to be my final thought. But like a typhoon it swelled and swirled, growing and fighting for attention. Voices echoed around me as I coughed and clawed at that peaceful elation. But it slipped away, eluded me.

“Sergeant – “

I gripped at the fine grains of sand, but they slid through my fingers, and the more I clutched to them, the less I had to hold until finally all I had was air in my hands.

“Ryan – “

The voices grew louder, calling me from the peaceful depths. I coughed as pressure on my chest and light in my eyes assaulted me. The numb serenity faded and chaotic light invaded me.

I had stayed in hell.

I was sitting at the breakfast bar, sulking like a little brat. At twenty-six it was immensely embarrassing to have your own bloody parents ground you.

“Aloura, don’t frown it will give you premature wrinkles,” my jailer grumbled as he filled his cup.

“You’re treating me like a child. I may as well act like one,” I snapped, breaking off the crust from my dried toast and throwing it down for Hercules, my trusted companion. He gobbled it up and wagged his tail.

“Please don’t feed the dog from the table.”

“Dad, seriously, house arrest is really not necessary,” I pleaded. Okay, so I was being dramatic. He had simply insisted I move into the main house and leave my cosy home situated at the bottom of the grounds in the converted stables.

“He’s been watching you.” Dad placed his drink down and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Some lunatic has been watching your every move. He’s described in sick detail what he wants to do to you. He was in
your
home, Aloura. I refuse to take any chances with that.”

The pain and desperation in my dad’s voice killed me. It wasn’t his fault some nut had decided to take offence at the practises at my dad’s firm. I opened my mouth to apologise, and he silenced me by holding up his hand. He pulled back his shoulders, lifted his coffee to his mouth, taking a sip before a mischievous grin lit his face.

“There are two security men coming to introduce themselves today. Ryan Dermont and Will Senior. In fact they should be here anytime soon.”

“I don’t need this.”

“I hate having to keep saying this, but someone
threatened
you. They are targeting you because of
me
. Make an old man happy and let this man stick with you.”

I huffed my irritation and threw more toast to Hercules.

“They’re both American, and from what Will explained your bodyguard has recently left the U.S. Marines.” Dad wiggled his eyebrows.

I simply shook my head and rolled my eyes. I was being an irritable, immature cow.

“If he’s anything like Will, he’ll be bloody gorgeous. The arse on that man.”

“Dad, seriously!”

“What I’m old, not dead from the waist down, kiddo”

“Urgh! Children need therapy for much less than hearing that.”

“I don’t know whether I want to bite his arse or beg him to spank mine,” he mused dreamily.

I was about to be reacquainted with my digested breakfast. I groaned and buried my head in my hands.

“Honey, men like him are few and far between. He’s tall, commanding, and just delicious.”

“Stop! You have to stop before I throw up my cornflakes. I’m of a generation where we like to think we invented sex and our parents don’t have any rude bits.” I waved my hands at him. “So shush.”

Dad threw his head back and laughed. “You remind me so much of your mother when you sass me like that.”

“At least she doesn’t regale me with her
inappropriate
fantasies.”

“Because she clearly hasn’t met the green-eyed Adonis. Even she would be slightly swayed from boobs if she saw him.”

“Just kill me,” I uttered, covering my face again. My father had no qualms about flaunting his sexuality since he has been out and proud since the age of fourteen. My grandmother found his stash of porn and quite bluntly said she had no issues with him being gay, but he had to find a way to give her grandchildren. My mother and he had been best friends since they could walk. She’s had a bit more of a struggle with being open about her sexuality. She tried to convince herself she was in love with my dad, but the reality was – she loved him, just not in a romantic fashion. They lived together since attending university. They were like an old married couple in every sense, apart from my dad was happily devoted to his partner, Alec. Mum was a little more commitment phobic. She lived in one half of this generous house, and Dad and Alec lived in the other. The kitchen was pretty central, so we all usually congregated at meal times. They both wanted children, and when Mum asked my dad to be a donor he jumped at the chance. They made a pretty awesome parenting team.

“This house is insane,” I grumbled.

“What’s he done now? Still droning on about his crazy idea of a bodyguard?” Alec chuckled, finally coming to my rescue. He always acted as my saviour when Dad was being insane. Alec was totally on board with me about not employing someone to be by my side twenty-four seven. He pressed a kiss to my forehead when I laid my cheek against my arm to look at him. I lifted my head and smiled when he walked over to my dad and slid his arm around his waist to kiss him on the cheek.

“I was telling her about Will’s arse.”

My cheeks turned pink when Alec gasped and covered his mouth.

“Oh Aloura, my God, it’s like a firm peach. I
dream
of having cheeks like that.” Alec patted his backside.

“Oh, please! I refuse to compliment what you already know is perfect.” Dad huffed and sipped his coffee.

Alec frowned, as if remembering something. “I didn’t expect him today. Isn’t his girlfriend due to have twins anytime soon?”

“He wasn’t supposed to be meeting me today. But I think he feels he needs to introduce Ryan personally. We’re meeting him shortly. Apparently he’s Will’s brother.” Dad grinned. “Can you imagine? More of those sexy genes in the world.”

I rolled my eyes.

The sound of heels clacking against the wooden floor warmed me.

“Mum, save me, I need to schedule some therapy with you immediately.” I sighed dramatically as she entered the kitchen. “It’s been nothing but talk of men, arses, and men’s rude bits.” I did an exaggerated shiver, making her mouth curve in a gorgeous smile. She worked at the hospital as a child psychologist, helping kids pre and post surgery. I looked very much like Mum, jet black hair, tall frame, and brown eyes. I wished I’d inherited her gorgeous olive complexion, but instead I had Dad’s pale skin tone.

“Yucky things.” She hugged me before grabbing a coffee.

“Even you, Sally, would be impressed by his gorgeous package.”

“Sorry, babe.” She kissed his cheek and sat down, opening the newspaper. “When it comes to a man’s meat and two veg, I am definitely a vegetarian.” She smirked at me.

Meet the Cavendishes – my family was insane.