Silence Of The Hams (6 page)

“If you were right there, why didn’t you open the door and see who came out of the room?“

“In the first place, I had no idea it was all that important. Secondly, I had soap all over my hands. I had to rinse them, then took a few seconds looking around for the towel rack. By the time I opened the bathroom door, there were people all over the hallway. All running toward the room. I tried to ooze past, but got caught in the crush and pushed into the storage area. And got myself back out as quickly as I could.“

“Who else was in the room then?”

Jane shrugged. “I have no idea. I just saw the rack and the hams all over the floor and Robert Stonecipher in the middle of it. Sort of under the rack. But I could see his head and with that distinctive hair, I didn’t even have to wonder who it was. Wait. Sarah Baker must have been in the room and back out before I even got there because somehow she stumbled into me, crying and saying that he was dead. Not he by name, understand. I was horrified that she meant Conrad.”

As she spoke, Meow leaped onto the top of the fence that separated the back of her yard from the field behind. There was something that looked like a limp twig in her mouth. “Katie,“ Jane yelled. “Make sure the kitchen door’s closed. Meow has a garter snake.”

There was a dramatic shriek and the slam of a door.

“Bloodthirsty things, cats,“ Shelley said with a shudder. “Speaking of blood—was there a lot?“

“I don’t think there was any.”

Jane got up and went toward Meow, still perched on the fence. She waved her arms, and the cat jumped back onto the field side. “I used to try to save the snakes,“ Jane said as she returned to the patio table. “But then I realized that the more snakes Meow kills, the fewer my chances are of ever finding one in my washing machine again.“

“I thought I was going to have to get out the sewing machine and whip up a straightjacket for you the time that happened,“ Shelley said.

“Shelley, I’ve got to go in a minute, but the reason I asked who you think killed him is this: when Mel said the guy’s wife and business partner were both there and knowing that his secretary was there, too, it made me start thinking. Aren’t there all kinds of statistics that murder victims are usually killed by somebody they know really well? And who knows somebody better—“

“—than his wife, partner, and secretary,“ Shelley filled in. “Still, most people aren’t as heartily disliked as he was by so many other people. And while you and I might not think a fight over a zoning problem or the finances of a divorce are motives, it’s probably because we haven’t been the target of them. Imagine if he was threatening your very livelihood, or your children’s future. Think how you’d feel if he’d taken all your money and you couldn’t send Mike to college because of it.”

Jane nodded. “You could be right. But I, for one, want very badly to know who did this—because of Mike’s job.“ She glanced at her watch and suddenly stood up. “I’ve got to go.“

“Where?“

“To drop Katie off, then help decorate the school for the big graduation party tonight.
Katie—!”

Several years earlier, after three tragic graduation night accidents, the high school PTA had decided to accept the fact that the new graduates would stay up and party all night the evening of graduation, and it was better to provide them a place than to let them roam around in vehicles. From a modest beginning, the PTA-sponsored party had assumed gigantic proportions.

There were three bands and dance floors: romantic, country, and hard rock. These were real bands, hired professionals, most of whom were persuaded to work for free or at least reduce their rates for the good cause of keeping the teens alive. There were also “restaurants“ set up. The kids could eat and indulge in soft drinks all night long if they had the stomach for it. The decor for the dances and the restaurants was stunning, and the wealthier parents had been known to spend outrageous sums to one-up one another in decorating their assigned areas. There were movie rooms, where videos played endlessly; a fashion show for the girls; and an area where the boys who were a bit behind in their hormonal development and would rather play basketball than mess about with girls could do so.

But the centerpiece of the graduation night festivities was the casino. Real casino equipment, slot machines, roulette wheels, and all the other appurtenances were rented and set up along the main hallways. But instead of actual money, the kids were issued a set amount of fake money with which to play.

During the year the PTA’s primary activity was soliciting prizes to be given by drawing or purchased with fake gambling proceeds. A strict and highly complex computerized system had been developed and honed to make sure that every student got one and only one prize, but some of them were doozies. This year there were five televisions, two computer-printer combinations and a laptop, a half dozen airline vouchers, numerous fancy telephones, little dorm room–sized refrigerators, CD players, wireless speakers and headphones, concert tickets, camping gear, exercise equipment, and clothing. In addition, there were hundreds of gift certificates for gasoline, dress shops, office supply stores, restaurants, music stores, and software stores. Students’ names were entered only for those prizes they were interested in, so everybody was sure to end up with something he or she wanted.

Jane, as the mother of three kids in the school district, wasn’t expected to take a big role in the process for the first child. The PTA philosophy was that if you worked first-timers to death, you’d never get them back. So her assignment was to help with the decorating of the casino/hallways. She’d also have to stay up all night as a door guard to keep the kids from wandering off. That was the part she was dreading, not having actually stayed up all night since the night Todd was born—and not by choice then. The nurses had claimed she was the only maternity patient they’d ever had who thought sleeping through labor was an achievable goal.

When Jane arrived at the school, a few minutes after nine, it appeared to be a madhouse. The building swarmed with parents; a caravan of large trucks was unloading tables, chairs, and sound system gear. The one person who didn’t seem to be frantic was Patsy Mallett, the amazing woman who oversaw the whole operation. Jane caught sight of her, sailing serenely through the chaos.

Jane reported to the head of the casino committee and was given a stepladder and a trolley that was stacked high with dark fabric, tacks, a hammer, and a box full of large cardboard-and-glitter stars and moons.

“Start to the south of the main door, overlap the fabric exactly two inches along the ceiling molding, and put two stars and moon on each section,“ were the curt orders she was given by a woman so over organized, she made Shelley seem like an aimless slob.

Jane did as she was told, and was just ready to climb down from her ladder and admire her first section of work, when she looked down and recognized the top of Mel’s head. He stood just inside the door, notebook in hand.

“Mel, we have to stop meeting this way,“ she said.

6

“This is taking the prize for my most tedious investigation,“ Mel complained two hours later. He’d been roaming around the school, trying to locate and interview a number of the many people who’d been at the deli opening. Not only was it hard to find them, but getting them to stop their work and talk to him was nearly impossible.

But Jane did notice that a number of women took the time to look him over pretty carefully. Too bad he wasn’t smiling—that dimple when he smiled would have made them topple off their ladders. At least it always made Jane feel as if she were toppling off something.

“I’ve heard of nine-day wonders, but this is hardly a nine-hour wonder,“ he said to Jane, who was taking a short break from her job. “Nobody seems to care that this guy died in their midst.“

“It’s not that they don’t care—well, that’s part of it—but they’re busy, Mel,“ Jane explained. “There’s so much to be done here and a very short time to do it. Most of these people have been planning this for a year, and now it’s show time at last. They’re like a great big Olympic team that’s been training forever and now they’re down to the wire. The woman in charge of this hallway stuff I’m doing had actually practiced and timed putting the stuff up.“

“So how come you get to come sit outside? Aren’t you wrecking the schedule?“ he said grumpily.

Jane ignored his bad temper. He was often this way at the beginning of an investigation. As he started accumulating information, he’d cheer up. “Oh, she built in a break, efficient woman that she is,“ Jane said with a laugh. “Besides, there was a glitch and I’m missing a box of glittery stars.“

“What a weird world you live in,“ he said.

“Not really. You just haven’t done a lot of volunteer work, Mel. It has to be treated like a real job to be effective.“

“Well, I’m not being very effective at my real job,“ he said.

“As far as nobody caring—he not only wasn’t very well-liked, but they don’t have kids in the school district,“ Jane said.

“What have kids got to do with it?“

“A lot. Most of the people I know well, for example, are either fairly close neighbors,“ she said, ticking the categories off on her fingers, “or people I do business with, or people I know through the kids and their activities. Not just school stuff specifically, but car pools, sports teams, lessons, recitals, stuff like that. The Stoneciphers were neighbors and some people had business dealings with him, but without kids, they’re out of a big part of the loop. Actually, I think they have a daughter, but she’s older and must not live at home with them. At least, I’ve never met her. Of course, his wife was involved in some civic stuff. In fact, she’s a born organizer. And he involved himself in lots of things, but his chosen role was always antagonistic to somebody. Or a lot of somebodies. So if people seem to be callous about his death, those are a couple of the reasons.“

“It’s not just that they’re callous,“ Mel said. “That’s okay. A lot of people who get themselves killed aren’t terribly well-liked. And I’ve investigated cases where nobody even knew the victim, they just happened to be witnesses. No, it’s that there were such a mob of people at the deli and nobody seems to be able to pinpoint where anybody was at any given time. I can’t even begin to get a fix on where anybody was when the rack was pushed over. Like you, a lot of them know where they were at the time they heard the crash, but unless they were actually speaking to someone at the time, they can’t say where anybody else was.“

“It was a social thing, Mel. Nobody knew they needed to pay any attention.“

“I know. I know. But it’s making me crazy anyhow. So far all I’ve got is a milling crowd and nobody who admits to being first on the scene or can tell me who else was. And I’m not even sure it matters.“

“What do you mean?“

“Just that there’s a second door to that storeroom. Somebody could have pushed over the rack, dodged out the door, come back in another door and acted surprised with the rest of the mob.“

“But I thought I heard voices outside. Did anyone see someone come out the door?”

Mel shook his head. “Nope. But the door leads to a covered passage where they store trash containers.“

“Oh, right. The trellis thing with the honeysuckle growing on it. I remember seeing that. And there are two doors opening onto it?“

“Right. One from the storeroom and one opening onto the kitchen. You could go out one and in the other without being noticed unless you crashed into the trash and drew attention to yourself.“

“Mrs. Jeffry?“ a voice called shrilly.

“Oops, I have to get back to work,“ Jane said, getting up hurriedly. “Mel, you’re not going to poop out on chaperoning with me tonight, are you?“

“Nope, I’ll probably fall asleep standing up, but I’ll be here.”

“Shelley, the police aren’t getting anywhere,“ Jane told her an hour later. Jane was folding a pile of table napkins as Shelley finished ironing each one.

“Come on, Jane. He was just grousing to you about his job. And he’s not the entire police force. You have no idea what else they know that Mel’s got no reason to tell you about.“

“Like what?“

“Like fingerprints on the rack for example. Maybe they, already know who did it and Mel is just trying to get additional information to enhance their case, not prove anything. Hey, you’re supposed to fold them, not wad them up.“

“Hmm, I didn’t think to ask him about fingerprints. But I can’t believe he’d be acting so discouraged if that were the case.“ She meticulously refolded the napkin and held it up for Shelley’s inspection.

“Better. Look, Jane. Suppose for some reason you had to interview everybody at the grade school graduation and find out where everyone was for every minute. Can you think of anything more tedious and boring?“

“Okay, I’d be cranky, too. But according to him, it’s a lost cause because of the doors and that little trash barrel area behind there.“

“All right. He’s got the lousy assignment. So what?“

“So I think it wouldn’t hurt if we could give him some useful information. You know perfectly well people will be a lot gabbier with us than with him.“

“You know how he feels about you butting in,“ Shelley said, laying out the last napkin on the ironing board and spritzing it with water.

“What I have in mind isn’t butting in. It’s just being neighborly. We really should make a sympathy call on Rhonda Stonecipher. We’d do that anyway, even if Mike didn’t work at the deli and I wasn’t frantic to see this thing solved.“