Signs (23 page)

“
Are you offering
?” Caleb signed, almost not daring to ask.

“I have to clear it with my colleagues and present what I’ve found today in a convincing report,” he said with a smile. “But between the three of us, I can be extremely convincing when I need to be. This trial is in your best interests, and you have the ability and drive to take this forward and do what you need to do in order for the implant to work for you. I’ll be happy to support you in this.”

“Thank you,” Caleb said, nodding. “Thank you.”

The words were thick in his throat, his voice still not used to producing words. This was important to him, though, speaking these words aloud. His thanks were genuine, and he signed the words as he spoke them.

“It’s my pleasure,” Dr. Spencer said. “We’re planning to run the trial during summer vacation, so you have a few weeks to prepare. I’m afraid we’re going to need to run more tests to make sure there are no underlying conditions that may jeopardize the success of the trial. Are you attending college in the fall?”

“Yes,” Caleb said. “NYU.”

“Fantastic, that means we can keep a closer eye on you after September. Well, do you have any other questions for me?”

Caleb looked to Luc for confirmation, then shook his head.

“No, thank you.”

“Okay,” he said, standing. “I look forward to working with you.”

He shook hands again, first with Caleb, then Luc.

“Thanks for your time,” Luc said. “I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure,” Dr. Spencer said. “Thank you for writing to me. I’m happy to admit when we’ve made a mistake. Please keep working with him. Your methods are slightly unorthodox, but they seem to be working.”

Luc felt his face heat and nodded. He slipped his hand back into Caleb’s, unafraid now, and they left the office together.

18. TRIAL AND ERROR

I
N
THE
run up to their high school graduation, thoughts of the future were overshadowed for both Luc and Caleb by the upcoming cochlear implant trial. Caleb’s nerves kicked in a few weeks before he was due to undergo the operation, which coincided with the last few days of his formal education.

In his life so far, Caleb had never been put under anesthetic, and it wasn’t something he was particularly looking forward to. Nor was the idea of having someone drill a hole in the side of his skull. In the days that led up to graduation, Caleb found himself withdrawing once again, spending more time alone in his room with Luc on the other side of the webcam.

Due to scheduling, they weren’t able to make each other’s graduation, which was annoying for Caleb, who had wanted to make the trip to New York to watch Luc walk across the stage. He had his final show to put together for his photography class and couldn’t justify taking the time to go all the way there.

The days they were forced to spend apart dragged into weeks, and Caleb felt his frustration growing, invading his life in ways he hadn’t anticipated. Now that he and Luc were having fairly regular sex, not being able to share that kind of intimacy—and relief—was harder than he thought it would be.

Running helped, especially when he had a chance to get out and cover a considerable distance. But long distances meant less time spent talking to Luc, so he didn’t do it that much. Caleb was fairly sure his parents noticed the change in his behavior, and for a while he thought he was getting away with acting like a brat.

Of course, he couldn’t get away with it forever.

“Caleb,” his dad said as they were cleaning up after dinner. “Can we talk to you in the family room, please?”

He nodded, already resigned to the reprimand that was surely on its way. He finished stacking their plates in the dishwasher, then set it to start before making his way through to the family room. Caleb had his own chair, one that was set at an angle so he could both watch the TV and hold a conversation with his parents. He slumped into it and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Your dad and I have been talking, and we think it would be a good idea for you to take some time for yourself,” his mom said gently. Caleb watched as his dad squeezed her knee over her blue jeans.

“
I don’t understand
,” he said, even though he had a fairly good idea of where this was going.

She sighed heavily. “Caleb, we think you should start seeing a regular speech therapist again before you go in for the CI operation. You’ve made amazing progress, but a professional can help you a lot more than Luc can.”

Caleb was already shaking his head. “
No. No. Luc is the reason I got this far
.”

“And we think a professional therapist is going to be what you need to take the next step.”

“
No
.”

“We think it’s important that you attribute your recovery, if you want to call it that, to your own efforts and not Luc’s. We’d also like you to go back to Dr. Zimmerman again.”

Dr. Zimmerman was the therapist he’d been seeing twice a month before he started his senior year of high school. Caleb didn’t dislike her; she just didn’t help. With anything. For a while, Caleb was convinced that his parents sent him to a therapist to make themselves feel better. If they were paying for professional help, then they were doing
something
, right?

“
I don’t want to go back to Dr. Zimmerman. I’m fine
.”

He could see the moment when she started to lose her temper.

“Luc is a wonderful man, Caleb. No one’s disputing that. But he cannot do the same job as a professional.”

“
I don’t want a professional. I want to keep doing what’s already working for me
.”

“This isn’t a joke, Caleb! This is your life. We want the best for you.”

His dad gave Caleb the sharp look that had been a reprimand for most of his childhood. “Caleb,” he said and squeezed his mom’s knee again. To calm her, Caleb guessed. “It’s only for a few weeks, until you go for the trial. You need to be in the best physical and mental shape possible in order to get through it. You’re going to go to the therapists.”

Caleb surged to his feet. “
This is not fair. Not fair
.”

“We have an appointment booked for you,” his dad said. “If you are taking this seriously then I think you’ll go. Your life is going to be very different once you get the CI, and Luc can only get you so far. It’s time to start taking responsibility for your future, Caleb.”

“
You can’t make me
.”

“No,” he said. “I can’t. But we have been very accommodating so far in this relationship you have with Luc. You’ve had the car to go and see him. He’s been allowed to come and stay here. If you can’t show us that you’re serious about moving forward, then I’m not sure if things can stay that way.”

It felt like a punch to his stomach. For so many years, Caleb had had an extraordinarily close bond with his parents. They were his friends, the only ones who knew exactly what he’d been through. Now it was them or Luc. Their way or his relationship.

“
Ultimatum
,” Caleb signed, too angry to release the torrent of words he wanted to
scream
at them.

“I’m sad you see it that way,” his dad said calmly. “We are your parents. It’s our job to guide our son in the right direction.”

“
Not guiding. Forcing
.”

Caleb closed his eyes, not wanting to see any more. The hearing aids had other ideas, though, and muted, indecipherable sounds were reaching his brain. He tried to shake it off, like an annoying bug that disturbed his field of vision, but it wasn’t going away. He couldn’t shut things out just by closing his eyes anymore.

With his back teeth grinding together, Caleb stalked for the door and turned at the last moment. His parents were still talking—arguing—between themselves, and he glared until they were both looking at him.

“Please, can we talk about this?” his mother said. “I don’t want to argue.”

The word fizzed on his tongue. He knew other kids could do this, and a tiny part of him had always wanted to be normal enough to do it too.

“Whatever,” Caleb spat, turned, slammed the door behind himself, and ran up to his bedroom.

“S
O
,
GO
to the therapists,” Luc said. Caleb had barricaded himself in his room. The door was locked, and he’d video called Luc.

“
I don’t want to
.”

Luc tried not to smile. Caleb recognized that look—when he pressed his lips together.

“I’ll come with you.”

“
Really
?” Caleb said.

“Yes, of course. I’m out of school starting Friday, and I can come down to see you whenever.”

Luc’s school got out several weeks before Caleb’s. He’d been planning on loping around the city with his friends, missing his boyfriend until Caleb graduated too, but this plan sounded much better.

“
It didn’t work before
.”

“I know, baby,” Luc said, reaching out and touching his fingers to the screen, as if they could soothe each other with gentle touches even with all the distance between them. “But when you went before you didn’t have me.” He grinned wickedly.

“Yeah,” Caleb said on a sigh.

“We’ll figure something out. I don’t want your mom and dad to stop us from seeing each other.”

“
They won’t. I won’t let them
.”

“So don’t give them any ammunition. Sometimes you just have to play the game.”

Caleb nodded and sighed, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes and rubbing them. Luc recognized this gesture. Caleb did it when things were giving him a headache.

“It’ll be all right,” Luc said when Caleb looked up again.

“
I know
.” Caleb smiled, although it looked forced. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”

Luc still loved that he was the first person Caleb contacted when he was feeling rough or frustrated or sad or… anything, really. Knowing Caleb needed him was all the motivation he needed to pack some things and book a bus to Boston to stay with the Stones for a few weeks. He still hadn’t heard from Jay, and that stung. Ellery said Jay was a dick, and Luc was better off without him. Luc said Jay was supposed to be his friend. Ellery said friends don’t treat friends like that. Luc had reluctantly agreed.

He’d asked Ilse for permission to go on the unplanned trip rather than his mother. Luc’s mom had only found out about it as Luc was getting ready to leave for the bus station, and even then she didn’t seem to care that much. He’d heard from Ilse that their mom was planning on moving into an apartment on the Upper East Side with one of her fellow martini friends—to be closer to her new job, of course. The offer for Luc to go with her had been weak. She barely got it out before he said he’d stay with Ilse, if it was all the same to her.

She didn’t seem to care.

The move would happen while he was at Caleb’s. Then in the fall he’d be moving for college, so Ilse wouldn’t have to worry about people clogging up her beautiful home anymore. Luc thought she might secretly miss him, but he didn’t say that to her face. He just kissed her cheek before he left and promised to call to say he’d arrived safely.

Caleb met him at the bus station. Luc could see the car waiting when they pulled into the parking lot, and a knot formed in his stomach. As soon as the bus pulled to a stop Luc shouldered his bag and ran down the steps, not realizing Caleb was
right there
waiting for him.

As had become something of a tradition, Luc dropped his bag and launched himself into Caleb’s arms with a laugh. Caleb held him tight, face buried in Luc’s hair. Luc screwed his face up and sighed heavily.

Home
, he thought.
I’m home
.

Caleb drove them out to the coast, and they sat in the car, watching the waves crash over the beach. As soon as Caleb put the car in Park, Luc crawled into Caleb’s lap and demanded long, slow, searching kisses. He felt the smile on Caleb’s lips, drank that in too, and when they needed to pull away for breath, rested his forehead against Caleb’s so they weren’t too far apart.

“God, I need you inside me,” Luc murmured, reaching down to adjust his cock. It had sprung up the moment Caleb had wrapped his hands around Luc’s waist.

Caleb pulled back and gave him an inquisitive look.

“Nothing,” Luc said with a grin. He pushed Caleb’s hair back from his face. “I’ll tell you later.”

It didn’t matter that he was ready to strip down right now and bend over to let Caleb take him hard and fast. They needed to get back so Carrie-Anne could use the car to get to work.

They exchanged hugs, then the keys at the door, and then Caleb and Luc were alone in the house for an hour or so until Mark got back from a late meeting. Luc was determined to make that hour count.

T
HE
NEXT
evening, after dinner, Caleb dragged Luc through to the family room so he could talk to them all. Since he’d received all the information about the CI, there were things they needed to straighten out, and he wanted to do it when everyone involved was there together.

“Is everything okay?” Mark asked.

Things had been tense, at first, when Caleb had told them Luc was coming to stay for a couple of weeks since he’d graduated already. Caleb thought they were going to refuse, and there was a hissed conversation between his parents that he had no chance of lip-reading, and they definitely weren’t going to sign it for his benefit. This new person, the one Caleb was becoming, was not the mild-mannered, quiet, and introverted son they were used to. The new Caleb stood up for himself and asked to be treated like an adult. Maybe unsurprisingly, his mother was having a tougher time dealing with the new Caleb than his dad.

The result of the fiercely whispered conversation was Mark agreeing, saying Luc could stay as long as the pair of them stuck to the house rules. That was fine by Caleb. He didn’t want either of them to have to leave the sanctuary of his room—probably ever.