Significance (14 page)

“Dang,” I whispered.

We sat for a few minutes just like that, eyes closed. I breathed him in and enjoyed the feeling of clarity and calm from his touch.

“Are you ready to go home yet?”

“No. But I guess I better. It’s getting late.”

“Here,” his hands went inside my jacket and he pushed my arm through the sleeve. “Better zip this up. It’s dark so it’ll be even colder on the bike.”

I let him pull both my arms through and zip my jacket up before he took my hand and we made our way back to the parking lot.

“I picked a good day to wear a dress, huh.”

“It may not be practical but you look very pretty.”

“Thanks. So, um.” I had wanted to ask him this question since I first found out about all this but couldn’t get up the nerve. “Do you-” I sighed.

“What is it?”

“Do you, uh, feel withdrawals like I do?”

“Of course, yeah. Significants always feel withdrawals for each other, especially in the beginning.”

“But are they like mine? I mean, this morning I thought I was having a heart attack or something.”

“Well,” we made it to the bike and he leaned against it, “no, from what Gran says, humans feel it a lot more than we do. This morning I felt sick and sore, just like you said, like I had the flu. It sucked but I knew what was going on and got to you as soon as I could but I wasn’t in pain. I’m really sorry about that. I’ll be there sooner tomorrow.”

“It’s ok. I think it’ll be better tomorrow now that I understand what’s going on.”

“So, that’s what you wanted to ask me?” he asked and looked unconvinced.

“Not all of it. I-” I so didn’t want to say the words.

Then a thought hit me. He could read my thoughts earlier, my actual thought. I decided to try it again. I thought about how I feel when he touches me. How I feel calm and collected and have no worries. I wondered if he felt that way with me. If my touch calms him and makes him feel better like his does me. Like a balm to soothe and comfort.

I pushed my thoughts to him and watched his face to see if he heard me. He looked at me expectantly and then his mouth opened. He looked shocked and surprised. He smiled and laughed.

“You did that all by yourself. I wasn’t even trying to read you!” I smiled too, enjoying his happiness as he moved to stand in front of me. “Wow. You are amazing, you know that? You’re constantly surprising me. But even with that, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” I stood listening and looking at him in complete agreement of what he was saying and complete awe at how we seemed to always be feeling the same thing. Then he pushed my hair behind my ear as he stepped a little closer. “And to answer your question, yes. Every time I touch you, it’s like a switch is flipped. I do touch you a lot when I feel your anxiety, but I do it for me too. It’s like everything that was wrong is right and it’ll all be fine if I can just touch you. It takes everything away that I don’t want to feel. I could touch you all day long.” And as to demonstrate, he let his fingertips coast down my cheek. “I can’t believe I only met you yesterday.”

“Me neither,” I breathed and then sighed. “And you won’t see me tomorrow if we don’t get me home before midnight.”

“Right. Yeah, let’s get going,” he said hurriedly, not liking the outcome of that.

He put on our helmets and climbed on, then I hopped on behind him.

“Hang on, gorgeous. I’m not taking it easy on you this time,” he said, my heart flipped and I heard him laugh trough the helmet.

Whether it was because he could hear my thought or he could feel my excitement through my heartbeat, I didn’t know but didn’t care.

“Ok.”

“You trust me?” he asked as he cranked it up and I gripped him tight around his stomach. I could feel his muscles were hard and bunched through his shirt.

“I trust you.”

We rode in almost silence the way home, except for the occasional squeal from me. I let him ride as fast and as crazy as he wanted to. I was scared sometimes, especially on the curves where we leaned the bike into them, but I was having just as much fun too. I’d laugh and I’d hear him laughing too, through the helmet mics. He’d reach up and grip my hand or sometimes he’d reach back and rub my knee to soothe me and I felt instantly calm yet excited at his touch at the same time.

We pulled up in front of my house with twenty three minutes to spare. I got off and handed him his helmet and jacket. He took his helmet off too and we stood by the bike for a minute as I thanked him again for dinner and he thanked me for going.

I wondered again if he was going to try to kiss me.

“Alright, I better let you go. I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

“Ok. I’ll see you then.”

I started to go but he stopped me by grabbing my hand.

“Maggie. I just need one more thing.” He pulled me close and I knew this was it. He was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. He pressed his forehead to mine and his arms went around me. “I just needed to touch you one more time,” he confessed softly, kissed my cheek and ran his hand down my arm. “You’re so soft,” he said too quietly, more to himself.

“Thanks,” I muttered breathlessly and lamely.

“Bye, Maggie.”

“Bye,” I said but couldn’t take a step to go. “Caleb.”

He glanced at me.

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “It’ll get easier, I promise. Maggie, I want you to go inside and get some sleep. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll see in the morning, I promise. And I can’t wait.”

Then somehow I turned and made it to the steps, albeit wobbling and stumbling in my stupor. It was actually painful to watch him mount the bike and drive away. My gut twisted and pulled as I closed the door and leaned my back against it. My feet tingled and begged to take off running after him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, smiling and remembered his words to me about seeing me in the morning.

I pushed off the door and stepped into the foyer and saw my dad, sitting at the kitchen table.

“Did you have a good time?”

I was flabbergasted. What was up with him?

“Uh, yeah. Sure, dad.”

“Not too good I hope.”

“Dad. Eew,” I said as I poured myself a glass of water.

“I’m still your father, Maggie. You may not like it but you are not an adult yet. I want you to be careful with that boy. And I don’t remember you getting permission to ride on a motorcycle.”

“I didn’t think I needed permission. He had a helmet and jacket for me. He’s very responsible.”

“I’m sure, but that’s not the point.”

“What is the point, dad?”

“That you’re seventeen and still live under my roof. You can’t just do whatever you want to do.”

“I’m not. I told you I was going out and you said it was fine.”

He grunted and ran both his hands through his hair.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“What
are
you talking about?” I asked exasperated.

“Look, I-” He choked on his words.

Like really choked up. His head bowed and he sniffed. I saw his shoulders shake. His hand came up to swipe his face and I couldn’t take it anymore. I walked swiftly to him and knelt down in front of him.

“Aw, dad. What is it?”

“Maggie. I am so sorry.”

“What for, dad?”

He looked at me closely.

“I did everything I could for your mother. She was everything to me. And then you came along and you were everything too. My girls. Then your mom left for no reason, out of the blue and took everything with her. She was spiteful and hateful. She didn’t care what happened to you or me and I couldn’t handle it. I loved her with everything I had and she gave me no reason, no
real
reason, for leaving. Just that I held her back. I don’t know what I did to her and I know that I’ve been a horrible person, let alone father, to you lately. I was bitter and nasty. I know you’ve been angry with me- for good reason. You just look so much like her and are so independent, I just assumed you didn’t need me or didn’t want me like she didn’t.” He took my face in his hands, the first time he’s touched me at all in almost a year and I saw another tear roll down his chin. “But I love you so much. It took me seeing you walking out that door with someone who could actually take you away for me to remember that. I’m so sorry, Maggie.”

He hugged me to him tightly, crushed me to him really. My body was rebelling. It wanted to remind me of all the things he had said to me. All the things he needed to have done or said and didn’t. He let his grief over my mom ruin his life and I let my grief for him ruin mine.

I felt utterly at his mercy. My heart ached with wanting. I wanted him to be telling the truth so badly that it hurt. I needed him, as much as I took care of myself, I still needed my dad.

“Maggie, please forgive me. I know you’re about to turn eighteen and you’ll probably be leaving home soon. I can’t live with knowing how I’ve hurt you without trying to fix it.”

He sniffed again and pulled back to look at me.

“Dad, I understand. I do. I know it sucked for us both when mom left but you more than me. She was my mom but your wife. It’s different, I know that. But I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. I’m so sorry.” He hugged me to him. “I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too, daddy.”

“I have an idea. Why don’t we go to the boathouse? I’m sure that old place is still available. We can just spend some time away, you and me?”

Before I could balk at his idea- for he knew nothing of my predicament with Caleb- the doorbell rang.

I went to answer it and peeked out the peephole.

Caleb. And he looked nervous.

I opened the door. He sighed with relief and pulled me to him.

“Oh, thank God. You heart was going nuts and I could feel you were upset. I thought something was wrong.” He pulled back to look at me and wiped a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even realize I’d been crying. “You
are
upset. What’s wrong? What happened?”

“My dad and I were just...patching things up, I guess.”

I heard my dad coming and pulled from Caleb’s grasp, painful as it was.

“Maggie, it’s midnight. Who in the world could it...be?” Dad stopped in the doorway and stared with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. “Caleb. It’s kinda late, son.”

“Yes, sir. I uh...just needed to check on something.”

“What’s that?”

“Dad,” I interrupted. “Caleb forgot to tell me what time he was coming tomorrow. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t too early.”

“Well, Caleb. I think,” he put his arm around me, “Maggie and I decided to head up to the lake for a couple weeks. So, she might not see you for a while.”

Just saying the words letting alone thinking about it sent my body is a panic. I gasp and let out a little cry of distress to my embarrassment but I had no control.

My dad looked at me sideways as Caleb stepped a little closer.

“Sir, please don’t do that. I, um, have a few things that I asked Maggie to help me with, before I go back to school. It’s kinda important.”

It wasn’t completely a lie.

Caleb’s hand snaked out slowly and low to touch the ends of my fingers with his and him and I both sighed. I looked up to his face, he was just as upset as I was about the prospect of not seeing me. So much for no trouble with my dad.

“Yeah, dad,” I insisted. Dad glared at Caleb’s fingers as he caressed mine. “Please. I’d love to go with you but I already promised Caleb I’d be here.”

“Alright,” he said stiffly. “But I don’t want you spending every day, all day with each other. It’s not good for you, especially if he’s leaving for school in a few weeks and leaving you here.”

Another jolt of pain ran through me.

“Dad, please don’t say that,” I almost moaned.

“Sorry. But it’s true. The sooner you break it off, the better in my opinion.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming at him. “Alright. Say goodnight to Caleb.”

Oh crap. I couldn’t move. Caleb had to release me or whatever it is that he does to let me leave him and my dad was standing right here. Oh crap!

“Maggie,” Caleb said immediately, I assumed he realized what I just had and I locked my eyes to his. “Go up and rest. We have a busy day tomorrow. I’m sorry I bothered you but I’ll see you in the morning, ok?”

I nodded.

“Ok.”

He waited to see if that was enough to help me go and when he saw me turn he blew a grateful breath and smiled. He waved to my dad and said a goodnight as my dad shut the door.

“That’s a strange boy, Maggie. Are you sure he’s who you want to waste your summer on?”

“Dad.”

“Ok. Ok. I’m going to go to bed. I have a lot to think about and an early start at the mill tomorrow. Goodnight, baby girl.”

“Goodnight, dad. And I really appreciate you telling me all that before. I’ve been really worried about you.”

“I know and I’m sorry. But things are gonna be back to normal around here. You’ll see. I love you, Maggie.”