Significance (10 page)

“I’m not. But, dad, you should have heard the things he used to say. He hated this whole thing. He wanted out.”

“Kyle!” Caleb yelled and stood up.

“He thought the whole significant thing was a joke. He said it was faked or something. He wanted to leave and go to school in Arizona.”

“Kyle, shut up, man! That was before it happened to
me
, ok! It’s different now. And it’ll be different when it happens to you too.”

“But it’s not gonna happen to me, is it? You’re the special one and I’ll be stuck alone forever. The one girl I thought I’d risk it for.” He stuck one finger in to the air to drive home his point. “The
one girl
and you stole her right out from under me! Literally!”

This was more uncomfortable than sex talk with Granny. I just wanted to crawl under the table. And the following silence after his statement was deafening. They were in front of me but I could slip behind Caleb to the house. Get a refill or something. So I did. But Maria caught me.

“Where are you going, Maggie?”

I turned to look at them over my shoulder, completely embarrassed and uncomfortable. I started to walk again, shifting my gaze to the ground.

“Maggie. I’m sorry,” Kyle blurted loudly while Kyle’s dad said, at the same time, “Let her go, Kyle.” While Caleb said, “Maggie.”

“Um. I think I’ll just go home but, thanks for lunch. I really enjoyed it. I want to change before tonight.” I looked at Caleb. “I mean, if you still want to go.”

“Of course I do.” He sighed and came to stand in front of me. “I’m sorry about this,” he mostly whispered.

“It’s ok.” I needed to flee the eyes. “Can we talk, later?”

“Do you want me to walk you?”

“No, I’m fine. Really.”

“Can you even leave?” Kyle said condescendingly. “I mean it’s only day two. Last night you were on the edge the whole time. Go ahead. Try to just walk out of here without his help.”

I already felt and knew it. That what he was saying was true. The minute I told Caleb no about walking me home, my body clenched with the knowledge that I’d leave him here.

“Shut up, Kyle! You claim to be her friend so stop it already. You think you’re helping right now?”

Caleb took my arm gently and pulled me with him to the back gate. I looked back and saw Kyle and his father in a heated discussion. Gran, Rachel and Jen were looking at me with nothing but sympathy. They’d been through this. They knew what it was like. And I was already hurting.

“I’m so sorry, Maggie. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not.” He spoke gently and my head started to hurt, the pounding behind my eyes suddenly almost unbearable. My eyes closed and pinched. He sighed and framed my face with his hands and I instantly felt better and opened my eyes to look up at him. “It’s so much worse when you’re upset.”

“I’ll live. I just didn’t want to be in the middle of all...that, ya know?”

“Yeah. Me neither,” he said dryly. “Are you ok, now?”

“Yeah. So, Arizona? Is that true?” I asked still looking up at him.

“Yes.” His thumbs moved across my cheeks causing my eyelids to flutter with pleasure. “And I never would have said a word to him if I’d known he’d tell everyone. This’ll stir up crap, for sure.”

“So,” I said thoughtfully. “We got Arizona and some sport you love to play that I have yet to learn what it is. What else?”

“What?”

“I’m making a list.”

He laughed softly.

“I’ll give you the full list tonight, which I can’t wait for, by the way.”

I nodded.

“Ok. I guess I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

“I’ll pick you up at five thirty.”

“In your convertible,” I teased.

“Absolutely,” he said grinning.

“Ok.”

I wanted to move. I wanted to. He knew what I needed.

“I want you to go home and wait for me. It’ll be better this way, now you can see your dad for a little bit before we leave. Everything will be fine,” he crooned soothingly. “And I’ll see you very soon.”

“Ok.”

I started to pull away but he pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. I looked up and smiled at him before pressing through the big wooden gate, not looking back at his multitude of family watching our every move.

I walked home slowly. I felt the pull to go back to Kyle’s house. It didn’t seem quite as bad since I understood what was happening this time.

Kyle only lived six blocks away. I paused at the red light and remembered the last time I was here, on the other side; watching a dark haired boy bob his head to his music. So normal, so human, I thought about how wrong I had been.

The light turned red and I looked before making my way across. As soon as I turned the corner I saw her breeze. Her scowl was firmly in place as I made my way down my walkway.

Rebecca.

“So. You’ve completely just cut me out. Is that it?”

“What? No. Look, I know seeing me with Kyle last night looked bad. But we aren’t dating, far from it. I didn’t leave you out of the loop. I promise.”

“It certainly looked like there was a loop. And that I was out of it.”

“Nope. No loop. Nada. Kyle is just a friend. He was...helping me with something last night, that’s all.”

“You know it’s been a week and half since I’ve even talked to you. You haven’t returned any of my text or voicemails. Even at the diner.”

“Beck. I’m sorry. Ok? I’ve been having a hard time lately. I just didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

She stood up off the steps and came to stand in front of me.

“Mags. You know better than that. I’m a glutton for drama and baggage. You know this,” she joked but stepped forward a little and looked at me seriously. “You could have talked to me.”

“I just didn’t want to talk about it. I don’t wanna think about.”

“Look. You’re mom is a skeez for leaving but your dad has no right to treat you like this just because he’s angry or depressed or whatever. He needs to chill and take a Prozac. He’s still your dad. He still has responsibilities.”

“
I
know but he apparently doesn’t, or doesn’t care.”

“So you thought Kyle- class clown Kyle- could help you with your problems and not me?”

She looked so hurt and bothered, I felt terrible. I have ignored her and purposely avoided her and there really was no good reason for it.

“I’m sorry. Really.” I grabbed her purple nail polished hand and squeezed. “You’re right. I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve been avoiding everyone and everything. I completely screwed myself this year and I didn’t know what to do. I just didn’t want you to see me like that. I was almost as bad as my dad.”

“That’s impossible. Your dad’s practically catatonic,” she scoffed.

“That’s what I said.” I grinned at her. “I love you, Becky Wecky.”

“Ahh. You haven’t called me that since second grade.” She smiled widely and it felt so good to see. I missed her. “I love you too, Maggie waggie.”

She grabbed me in a hug and squeezed me. Then she grabbed my hand and started to tow me down to the sidewalk.

“Come on. You’re spending the night at my house.”

I stopped her.

“I can’t. I have a...date.”

She screwed up her lips.

“Kyle, again.”

“No. Kyle’s cousin, Caleb.”

“Wow.” She grinned deviously. “You’re really making the rounds, aren’t you?”

“Shut up!” I yelled playfully. “I’m not dating Kyle.”

“So, Caleb is Kyle’s cousin. Where did you meet him?”

“At the main street red light. He stepped into traffic and I pulled him back.”

“What! For reals?” she shrieked.

“Yeah.”

I realized with painful acceptance that that was about all I could tell her. Everything else was complicated and crazy and unbelievable. I was going to have to keep secrets from her. Mmmmm. That sucked.

“Wow. So you saved him and now you’re going on a date? When did this happen?”

“Last night.”

“Ahh. He’s smitten because you saved him and asked you out to thank you. How cute.”

I felt a sudden bristle at her nonchalant words.

“It’s a little more than that.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed and relented. There was no point.

“Nothing.”

“So, how old is he?”

“Nineteen. He’s a sophomore at U of T.”

“Really? Football?”

“Not sure. But he’s studying to be an architect.”

“Oooh. A money maker. Sweet.” She sighed dreamily. “I bet he drives a Lexus.”

“Don’t know. But it’s a convertible.”

“Definite Lexus. Is he hot?”

“He’s perfect,” I answered quickly, my mouth answered without my permission.

I blushed and she laughed.

“Aha! Wow. You really like him, huh? So, what time is Caleb coming to pick you up?”

My heart clenched each time she said his name. I tried to focus on her face and remain calm. My fingers were starting to twitch.

“Five thirty.”

“What?” she exclaimed loudly and grabbed my arm. “That’s only two hours. We gotta get you ready!”
“What? Why? What’s wrong with what I have on?”

“Nothing. But this is a college guy, babe.” She pulled me as she walked backwards. “They expect a certain kind of girl. And no offense, but your age isn’t exactly going for you right now. Unless he’s a pedophile. Do you think-”

“Beck! Eew! Stop!”

“Anyway, he’s been at college for a year already, seeing all those mature girls with their expensive cars and flat ironed fake blonde hair. It’s a lot to compete with.”

“I’m not gonna worry about that.”

I wanted to contradict her. Tell her I was his soul mate. That he would like me even if I wore a sack. I knew this must be true because I could picture Caleb in one and I still wanted him. I giggled to myself at the picture but then I remembered what he wore today. His yellow shirt and how much I liked looking at it on him. I suddenly wanted to look my best. Not just ok. Not just presentable. I wanted him to look at me and think I was pretty.

That brought me back to this morning in my bathroom when he thought I looked gorgeous in blue, how he loved my freckles. And how even after all that I still felt young and inadequate.

I wanted him to want me because he wants me. Not because he’s imprinted with me and can’t help himself. So I smiled at Beck and told her to have her way with me.

“Really!” she squealed and she shut my bedroom door. “You never let me play doll with you!”

“I know. Now’s your chance. Don’t go overboard,” I warned.

“Ok. What are we going for here? Where’s he taking you?”

“A barbeque joint in his home town.”

“Boo. That gives me nothing to work with.” She pressed a finger to her lips as she thought. “What do you want?”

“I just want him to look at me and think there’s no one else he’d rather be with.”

She smiled.

“So. Sex vixen?”

I gasped.

“Rebecca!”

“Kidding! Kidding. I have the perfect thing in mind. Don’t worry about a thing, Mags. We’ll have him drooling, in a very tame and respectable way, of course.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled at how much I missed her. I took a deep breath and let her work.

An hour and forty seven minutes later I stood in front of the oval floor mirror in my room. My very me room that I completely redid when my mom left. She had it all coordinated with different squares of color. I always hated it. So when she left I took everything down and now it’s just a room. The walls are white; the bed is white and green with a dark brown poster frame. Not a very girly room but I loved it, because it was all me.

So, I stood looking at what Beck had done. I didn’t look like a different person. I didn’t look vamped up with a crazy outfit or makeup. I wasn’t glamazonned in a preppy, peppy outfit that wasn’t me. I was just me.

She’d made me shower while she looked through my closet and decided nothing would do. So, she took a dark green knee length dress out that had thin brown stripes down the length of it. She cut the sleeves off to make it a tank dress and pulled a wide brown ribbon off a pillow on my bed to push my hair back with like a headband. She was always so crafty, always coming up with crazy things to do. It’s like her brain never turned off.

She pulled her long gold chain necklace off, with an open heart at the end that hung half way to my navel and put it around my neck.

“Perfect. Now shoes. Aha.”

She handed me my strappy gold flat sandals and I pulled them on before she dragged me back to the bathroom. My hair has a natural curl at the ends, always has, but she wanted them to curl her way. So she curled and did my makeup and then painted my nails a barely there pale pink. She ended the ensemble with small gold studs in my ears and smiled at my reflection with approval.