Sidelined (36 page)

“No!” she cries, turning around, her dark eyes on fire with anger. “I know it isn’t. I know it’s fucking awful of me, but I can’t stop him kissing me any more than I can stop myself sleeping with you!”

“Oh, well, that’s okay, then, isn’t it? You can’t stop it, so I should accept that, while I’m fuckin’ killin’ myself thinking about how much longer I can wait for you to decide what the fuck you want, you’re making out with him?”

“No! It isn’t okay!” Her eyes blur with tears. “I only want to do one of those things, you fucking moron! Can you honestly stand in front of me and tell me you believe that I want him to kiss me every single time he sees me?”

“Honestly, M?” I stare at her stonily. “Honestly, fuckin’ yeah. I do.”

She takes in a sharp breath. “I want closure, Jack, not fucking make-out sessions. I want closure on the past so I can decide if I can ever trust him again.”

“You have a way of makin’ a guy feel real good about him, don’tcha? Nice to know I’m your second choice.” I move for the door.

“God!” She pushes her hair from her face almost violently. “If it weren’t for him, I’d already be fucking in love with you, you absolute idiot!”

Her words stop me.

“But I still feel things for him, and until then, I can’t do a damn thing about anything I feel for you. Don’t you get
that?
And he knows. And he’s playing a fucking game by drip-feeding me every single bit of information I need to move on to keep me coming back in a lame-ass attempt to make me fall back in love with him. I have to play, because otherwise, I have to give you both up and I’m far too selfish for that.” She takes another deep breath. “If I’m going to beat past my insecurities and utter distrust for men, I’m going to do it with all of me, not half of me. I will not give anyone less of me than I’d expect them to give to me.”

I press the heels of my hands into my eyes and look down. Fucking hell. “Admirable, babe. Really. But I’d take your fuckin’ baby toe if that’s all you could give me.”

“But I wouldn’t take yours,” she whispers. “Not without the rest of you.”

“Mace? You in there?”

Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. “You know he was coming?”

She shakes her head. “I told him
not
to.”

I yank the door open and stare straight at Mitch. “You got a hearin’ problem?”

He ignores me. “You tell me not to come over so you can shack up with this fucking idiot?”

“Whoa, man. You forgetting what this idiot can do you already?” My jaw clenches. My violent tendencies are few and far between and usually focused on running out of beer or bacon, but this guy rubs every single fucking one of them with an ice pick.

“No,” Macey answers him, her frustration evident. “I didn’t expect either of you to turn up tonight, considering, you know, I told you not to and I haven’t even spoken to Jack today!”

“So, what the fuck is he doing here?”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I throw at him.

Finally, Mitch acknowledges me. “You realize I’m not talking to you, right?”

“You realize I am talking to you, yeah? And last time I checked, I’m not a five-foot-something, brunette chick. I’m a six-foot-four guy who could flick you and knock you down, somethin’ that’s real fuckin’ tempting right now.”

“What the fuck does she see in you?”

“Perhaps the ability to keep it in my pants?”

“Enough!” Macey shouts, making us both look at her. “I’m done. Totally fucking done here. Both of you, haul your asses the hell out of my apartment and leave me alone.”

Neither of us moves.

“Am I not shouting loud enough?” she screams, her eyes filling with tears. “Both of you. Fuck off. I refuse to play this game anymore. I’m not going to stand here while you have it out with each other again. I am not a fucking football! I am done with being passed between you like I am one, no matter how necessary it seemed at times. I know I’m totally at fault here, but if you wanna fight over me like a couple of kids, then do it the hell away from me, because you both want the same thing from me, and this just makes it harder. Both of you think you’re helping me when you kiss me or give me impassioned speeches, but you’re not. You’re making it fucking impossible. So both of you, go. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t send flowers, don’t e-mail, don’t message me online, do nothing. Go, and don’t fucking come back until I tell you otherwise.”

Mitch steps back, but I don’t move. I stand perfectly still, my eyes pinned to hers, determination tightening my muscles.

“I swear to God, I mean it. If you don’t leave and stay away, I will pin you both down, put your balls into my blender, and then I
will
waterboard you with your own damn testicle juice!”

Mitch hits the door with his palm and turns, walking down the stairs. Macey stares at me, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, and I make a split-second decision that could cost me my balls.

M
y breathing hitches as Jack powerfully pushes off the doorframe and stalks toward me. I open my mouth to yell at him again, but before I can, my back is flat against my living room wall and his body is very much covering mine.

His lips press against mine painfully, almost bruising in their harshness, and he sinks both of his hands into my hair. His fingers twist and coil around the curls the way they always do, and the sting snaking across my scalp from the sharp pull beats out the emotional pain.

The kiss is unforgiving, much like the way he pushes me against the wall. Every part of him is touching me in some way, but it feels like a featherlight graze compared to the powerful way his mouth dominates mine.

My tears fall harder and faster, and he pulls back, but barely.

As I stare hard into my eyes, Jack’s short, harsh breaths coasts over my lips.

“You want me to go, I’ll go. But I’ll be damned if the last person to kiss your lips is that motherfucker.” He kisses me once more, just as forcefully, and lets me go.

Without another word, he turns and storms out of my apartment. The door slams behind him so harshly that it rattles for a few seconds.

With my stomach clenching with both guilt and something that vaguely resembles heartbreak, I slide down the wall to the floor to cry my way through the mess I’ve created.

“You did the right thing. You know that?”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” I look at my brother. “Feels like I just ripped out half of my organs and sold them for ten cents a piece on eBay.”

“Come on, Mace. You sold them for at least fifty.”

“Cal!” Leah hisses. “You’re not helping!”

“Oddly, he is.” I sigh. “I just kind of want someone to attack me with a heavy object in the hope that I’ll wake up and this will all be a terrible dream. Failing that, I’m going into hiding until Christmas and asking Santa for a new life.”

“Fuck me, you get dramatic when you mess up,” Cal groans.

“Cal!” Leah half growls.

He shoots her a look. “You might be happy to pat her on the hand and stroke her hair. She fucks up, I’m gonna tell her. Otherwise, I’m an asshole as a brother.” He focuses on me. “Mace, you fucked up. The only right thing you’ve done in this situation is what you did today. Now, for the love of fucking God, either tell them both where to go or choose the guy you want to be with. You’re not sixteen. You’re a full-grown woman, and if you can’t even pick who you prefer out of the guy who busts his ass to show you how much he wants you and the one who fucked you up, then I’m severely worried about the rest of your life choices.”

I take a deep breath. “I know,” I say quietly. “I should’ve told them both to leave me alone sooner.”

“No, you should’ve told Mitch where to go the second his lying ass turned up at your door.”

“Word,” Leah mutters.

Word times two. I probably should have. I would have saved myself a hell of a lot of hassle and heartache.

“Why are you so bothered that they’re gone?” Cal continues. “This is the easy solution, right? They both leave you alone and you can do whatever you want.”

I cast my eyes downward and look at the fluffy, striped-pink socks encasing my feet.

“She won’t admit it,” Leah sighs. “She’s too damn stubborn.”

“Dunno what you mean,” I mumble into my hand.

“I swear, if she picks Mitch, I’m getting a police order and committing her for temporary insanity.” Cal exhales.

“I’m not crazy,” I protest quietly. “I don’t even
like
Mitch. Mind you, with that said, I don’t like Jack much right now, either.”

And I don’t. I hate them both. Irrationally, I hate them both for even existing anywhere near my little bubble. And on that note, I’d very much like to make my bubble steel with inside locks to keep them out, thank you very much.

“But you love one of them,” Leah states and then whistles.

I snap my eyes to her. “Stop putting thoughts into my head.”

“See?” she says to Cal. “If she’s denying it to herself, she won’t admit it to us.”

“Jesus. I know how I feel, okay? And how I feel is a total clusterfuck of nonsensical emotion that’s just waiting to explode, so stop adding more fucking bullshit into it.”

“Mace…” she says softly. “I want you to sort this as much as you do. Believe me. Seeing you stuck between them for the last couple of weeks has been painful for us, too. Just answer one thing for me.”

“What?”

“If Mitch hadn’t shown up, would you be with Jack right now?”

My controlled intake of air burns my lungs. “I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah.”

“So, what’s the difference?” Cal asks.

“Mitch showed up,” Leah answers for me.

“Fuck me. No wonder you feel like you just killed a baby panda. You’re complicating shit that doesn’t need to be complicated.”

“Well, yeah. I’m a woman. Complicated is my middle name and complicat
ing
is my superior life skill.” I roll my eyes.

“No shit,” he mutters. “Mace, listen to me. You think you’d be with Jack if Mitch weren’t around, then get rid of Mitch and be with him.”

I blink at him. Well, if it were that easy, I’d have done it already. “Thank you for your problem solving skills, Mr. Einstein, but it’s not quite that simple.”

“Sure it is. Think about it. Who’d you cry for last night? Who’re you most bothered about leaving? Who do you feel like you need to pick up the phone and apologize to right the fuck now? Who will you miss this time next week if you have neither of them?”