Shudder (Stitch Trilogy, Book 2) (26 page)

“
I’m happy to see you,”
Michael said gently once they’d entered the hallway.

“
Thanks, Michael,” Alessa
replied. He was really a sweet guy – she couldn’t take her anger
out on him even if she’d tried. “It was… a rough trip,” she
admitted. “I was hoping to come back to better news.”

“
Of course,” he consoled
her, leading her down the hall and into a sparse room with a cot, a
chair and a couple changes of clothes for her and Isaac – Paragon’s
standard issue jumpsuits, so they’d be able to blend in if they had
to. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” he asked, sitting
down on the chair and patting the bed across from him.

There was something about Michael that
made Alessa want to talk, some inner kindness and lack of
propensity to judge that made her feel safe. She remembered then
that he’d been a psychologist and sociological researcher in his
previous life, before Paragon. He was also the person that Joe had
first approached when he and Alessa realized the compound’s food
supply was tainted with mind-altering substances. He’d been their
first link to the rebels.

“
Actually,” Alessa sat
down on the bed facing him, “there is.” She’d rather have this
conversation with Janie, but that didn’t appear to be an option at
the moment, so portly, genial Michael would have to do. “I’ve been…
thinking a lot lately, about Joe.”

She looked up at him, ashamed to admit
her feelings when Michael well knew about her relationship with
Isaac. But there was no judgment in Michael’s eyes, only
sympathy.

“
You and Joe were close
friends, right?”

“
Best friends,” Alessa
affirmed. “Maybe… maybe even a little more than friends. Or at
least, I’d hoped someday we might be.” Her words trailed
off.

Michael smiled softly. “I saw the way
he looked at you, Alessa. I’m pretty sure he felt the
same.”

Alessa stared into her palms, fighting
the tears that stung at her eyes. There was no sense in crying over
something that couldn’t be, especially since she was so lucky to
have Isaac now. But she hadn’t known how Joe felt, hadn’t known if
it was even a possibility. Or, then again, maybe she had. Maybe she
just hadn’t admitted it to herself, and that’s why all these
feelings were coming back to her now.

“
I just… I can’t seem to
get him out of my head lately,” she explained. “And I feel
so
guilty
about
it. Isaac can tell that something’s wrong, but I don’t know how to
explain it to him. I don’t want him to feel –” she narrowed her
eyes as she searched for the right word, “– insecure, you know? I –
I’d never leave him, of course, I love him. And anyway, Joe’s
gone,” she shook her head. She didn’t know what else to
say.

“
Joe may be gone, but that
doesn’t mean that your feelings for him have disappeared. It’s only
natural, Alessa, to wonder what could have been.”

“
But why
now
? I thought I’d dealt
with all of this.”

Michael shrugged. “Everyone handles
loss in their own way. In time, it will go away. But for now, it’s
important that you face your feelings head on, and allow yourself
to grieve for the life you might have had with Joe, if things had
gone differently. That’s the only way you’ll ever get over
it.”

It was good advice, but easier said
than done. “I don’t want to hurt Isaac,” she objected. “He thinks
I’m doubting him, that I’m wishing I could trade him for
Joe.”

“
All you can do is
reassure him,” Michael instructed. “He’s grieving, too – remember
that. Those are his own anxieties that he’s projecting onto you.
He’s always looked up to his brother, and it’s easy to see why. Now
he’s not sure if he measures up, and he’s looking to you to set his
fears to rest. But that’s not your job, Alessa – Isaac needs to
build his confidence from within. You can support him, but that
doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have your own issues,
too.”

“
Thanks,” Alessa
expressed. His words did make her feel a lot better.

“
Anytime. And I’ll try to
talk to Isaac, too, if I can.”

“
That would be great.
Just… don’t tell him what I told you.”

“
Of course,” Michael
assured her. “Patient confidentiality and all that,” he smiled. He
stood and headed for the door, but turned back at the threshold.
“If there’s ever anything else you need, Alessa, I’m
here.”

Alessa smiled. As he turned to go, she
did think of one other thing that Michael might be able to help
with. “Oh, Michael, wait. I have a question for you.”

He turned around in the doorway.
“Yes?”

“
It’s a little
strange.”

“
Nothing’s strange,” he
laughed. “Trust me, if you’d spent as many years in social
psychology as I have, you’d know that.”

“
Okay…” Alessa breathed.
She didn’t know how to explain this gently, so she decided to just
blurt it out. “I keep feeling things – emotions, thoughts,
memories, that kind of thing – that aren’t… my own.”

Michael cocked his head to the side.
“Tell me more.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “That’s
really all there is to it. It happened a lot outside Paragon,
especially once we got to areas that were once more populated. We
were in this mall at one point, where I think they’d been treating
people for the virus – a lot of people seemed to have died there –
and I was just overwhelmed with all this fear and despair, all
these flashbacks of moments in people’s lives, these – I don’t know
– visions, almost like wishes for the future maybe?”

Michael sat down again,
rapt.

“
And then when Isaac got
sick –”

“
Isaac got sick?” he
interjected.

“
Yeah, really sick. Like
he almost
died
.
But I think it must have just been a bad flu or
something.”

Michael nodded in agreement. “No one’s
ever recovered from the virus, to my knowledge.”

Alessa continued. “Well, he was
feverish, and delirious, and I – I think I could see his thoughts.
Like he would say something that didn’t make sense, and then I
would get this flash of a memory or whatever and it would be
exactly what he was mumbling about.”

“
Fascinating,” Michael
replied, sitting back in his chair and scratching at his
chin.

“
And then, there were
these creatures…”

Michael looked alarmed.
“Creatures?”

Alessa shook her head. “I’m not sure
what they were, exactly, we never got a good look. But they stalked
us throughout most of the trip.”

Michael shuddered visibly at
that.

“
And sometimes… sometimes
I got things from them too, like anger or, or –
bloodthirstiness.”

“
You never saw them you
said?”

Alessa shook her head.

“
Well, that sounds…
unpleasant, to say the least.”

“
No kidding,” Alessa
admitted. “So I’m really not sure
what
could be going on with me…” She
sighed. “Have you ever heard of anything like this?”

“
When did it start
happening to you?”

“
Only after we left
Paragon.”

“
So after the
stitch.”

“
Yeah.”

Michael nodded. “And you say you’re
feeling emotions – or sometimes seeing thoughts – from other
people? People who might already be dead, or who are dying, or from
these strange creatures you don’t really know much
about.”

“
Basically,
yeah.”

He thought for a moment, nodding to
himself, until finally something seemed to click. “I think you
might be an empath, Alessa.”

“
A what?” she
asked.

“
An empath – it’s someone
who can feel the emotional ‘imprint’ in a place or on a person.
Kind of like how a bloodhound can pick up on the scents that others
leave behind – empaths do that with feelings.”

“
You’ve heard of this
before?” Alessa was incredulous. She’d known it was a long shot.
She didn’t expect Michael to have any actual answers.

“
Oh yes, the phenomenon
has been well-documented. Never really explained, unfortunately,
and I’ve never had the pleasure of
meeting
an empath before, but I did
come across quite a few famous cases in my studies.”

He took a deep breath and
narrowed his eyes, like he was trying to recall something. “If I
remember correctly, the theory is that this ability kind of runs on
different frequencies, like radio stations, and each person is
tuned to a different one. Some empaths, for example, can feel the
emotions of all the people around them, whereas some claim to only
be able to feel the dead…” He considered. “You, I think, are
somewhere in between. Based on what you described, I’d wager that
you’re feeling the emotions of people who are on the
brink
of
death.”

Alessa turned that over in
her mind. “So not dead, but
almost
dead?”

“
Yes, exactly,” Michael
nodded. “For example, Isaac, when he was sick – you were able to
see his hallucinations. And the people in the mall – when they were
dying, it would make sense to experience sorrow and fear, like you
described, and even to have flashbacks of their memories or think
about their hopes that will never come to be. Those are very strong
emotions, Alessa. It’s not unreasonable to think that somehow that
energy could have been left behind in that place after they passed
on.”

“
But what about the
creatures? They were alive. I mean, I guess they
could
be dying, I
wouldn’t know for sure. But if they are, it’s certainly taking long
enough…”

“
Well, this is a little
different than what I’ve read about, but I’d like to venture a
guess. The fear of death is a very primal thing. It’s something
that unites all species, the will to live. Humans, I think, are
able to tune it out a lot of the time – that’s what makes us more
advanced than other animals. But a lesser creature – especially one
that feels threatened, or hungry, or angry – perhaps they’re
always
on that
frequency, just carrying those intense feelings around with them.
And since you seem to be tuning into that ‘station,’ if you will,
it would make sense that you can hear them, right?”

“
I guess so,” Alessa
replied. This was the most sensible explanation she’d heard yet, at
least. And it was a relief to know that she wasn’t the only one
who’d experienced something like this.

“
Isaac thought maybe it
might have something to do with the stitch, that it had knocked
something loose in my brain. And then when I started seeing his
ghost on the show, it basically trained my brain to be able to do a
similar kind of thing in real life.”

“
Sounds reasonable enough
to me,” Michael responded. “The brain is a powerful thing, Alessa.
We still don’t really understand it. And we know even less about
the longer term effects of the stitch. There’s no telling how these
things might interact, what kind of changes they may bring. Though
you’ve always been an intuitive person, haven’t you? I wouldn’t be
surprised if you’d always had this ability locked away somewhere,
and your experience with the stitch just released it.”

Alessa sighed. “So, what do I do now?
How do I shut it off?”

Michael laughed
kindheartedly. “Oh, I’m not sure it’s going to be that easy,
Alessa. It’s not like there’s an activation switch somewhere you
can press…” He shook his head. “No, my advice – and I know you
don’t want to hear this – but my advice would be to embrace your
new ability. Learn how it works, and that might give you a little
more control over it. But if you try to bury it, well, then it’s
more likely to control
you
.”

Great, Alessa thought.
Just what she needed – another Regina, only this time inside
her
head
.

“
Thanks so much for your
help, Michael,” Alessa smiled. “Again, if you don’t mind, do you
think we could keep this between us for now?”

“
Always. You get some rest
now, Alessa. You’ve had a long journey.”

29. REUNION

“
I’m not going to lie,
Isaac – you’ve well surpassed my expectations for this mission.”
Regina seemed more than pleased with his report of what they’d
found in the Raptor Defense Systems facility. “It sounds better
than I’d dared even hope for.” She clapped him on the shoulder with
a smile. “Well done, indeed.”

Isaac smiled in return, though inside
he was churning. He knew Alessa must be a mess right now, worrying
about Janie. He hoped Regina would have better tidings about
Josephine, once he had a chance to ask. At the very least, he was
praying that Regina would know where Jo was, something that would
give him a chance to rescue her.

“
And you saw no signs of
the virus being an issue?” Regina asked. “You’re sure?”

Isaac shook his head.
“We’re here, aren’t we? Besides that one time I got sick, we were
fine. And I don’t think that was
the
virus, either – I must have
contracted whatever it was well before I started showing symptoms
at the mall, right?”