Shock Advised (Kilgore Fire #1) (4 page)

Yes, I felt it, too.

My mother always said to tell the true quality of a man, just give him a baby.

Depending on how he held that baby determined if he was relationship material.

And needless to say, my mother definitely could tell that Tai was a keeper.

“Tai,” I said. “This is my mother, Judith. Mom, this is Tai.”

Tai smiled and held out his hand to my mom, which my mom took, being careful not to jostle Colt as she shook.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Tai,” she said cordially. “It’s nice to meet all of you. Are y’all supposed to be working right now? We aren’t taking you away from anything are we?”

PD and Fatbaby took up seats on Colt’s hospital bed while the other three took up posts along the short window ledge that doubled as a window seat.

“We’re being covered by the other truck for about an hour. We can’t stay long because it’s too hard on the other crew to be running one ambulance for much longer than that,” Chief Shepherd said. “But we do this about once a week so others can go on grocery runs, do scheduled maintenance on the trucks or do some school visits.”

“Ahhh,” my mother said.

Linnie leaned her head against her husband’s shoulder.

“This is about all the excitement Allen here gets now that he’s been relegated to desk duty, per doctor’s orders,” Linnie explained. “So he’s more lenient with the amount of time each crew spends out and about because it gets him away from his desk and his mountain of paperwork, as he calls it.”

I got up and pointed towards the chair.

“Have a seat,” I said. “I need to go get this washed,” I said, indicating to the bottle.

Tai sat, but I saw it was somewhat reluctantly. He didn’t want me to give up my seat for him.

Well, too bad.

As I went into the bathroom and studied my haggard appearance, I wondered if he saw anything special in me other than a desperate mother.

I stared at the messy blonde ponytail that rode on the top of my head and had been for about a week now.

I studied my makeup-less face and the freckles that dusted my nose

Did he find freckles attractive?

I secretly hoped so.

Because I got butterflies when Tai’s dark eyes locked on mine.

And when he spoke?
Shivers danced down my spine.

According to the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese box, I eat enough to be considered a family of four.

-Mia’s secret thoughts

Mia

2 weeks later

“Give momma one more kiss, big boy,” the nurse said.

I smiled and leaned down over the railing of the bed they’d transferred Colt to and gave him a kiss, inhaling his scent one more time as I disentangled my hair from his grip before I backed away.

He smiled, and I held my breath as I watched them roll my son away.

My heart was in my throat.

I don’t know what I expected, but this wasn’t anywhere near as easy as I thought it’d be. I mean, this was Colt’s second chance at life.

This was the first step. The placement of the central line. A procedure that was performed on hundreds of thousands of people.

I should be thinking happy, positive thoughts.

But I wasn’t.

My head was on the papers I’d signed only an hour before.

Possible complications that could result from surgery: Anesthesia complications. Infection. Sepsis. Pneumothorax. Air embolism. Catheter occlusion. Death.

They were reflecting on the fact that, even though Colt could come through this procedure just fine, he could still potentially have complications…days, or even months, later.

So no, I was not in a good way five minutes after they took my son back.

I was crying like a baby in the corner of Colt’s room.

The nurses were giving me a wide berth.

My mom had gone to the waiting room to give me time to collect myself, and I hadn’t seen Tai today because his brother had undergone his own procedure to withdraw the marrow he would be donating to Colt, which would then be frozen until Colton completed the chemotherapy treatments he was required to have before the marrow transplant surgery. So, of course, Tai would be with Jack.

Jack was a sweet man.

His wife was even sweeter. And those kids of his were absolute darlings.

Catori and Adam were their names, and they had ‘Stoker Genes’ as Winter liked to call it.

The dark good looks, smooth tanned skin, and captivating, knowing eyes.

They weren’t like normal kids. I was sure Stokers didn’t produce normal kids.

I took a deep, steadying breath as I picked my head up from my hands, and stilled when I saw the man sitting in the chair directly in front of me.

I hadn’t even heard him come in.

“H-hey,” I hiccupped and sniffled.

Very ladylike, I knew, but I couldn’t help it.

“You okay?” He asked softly.

I shrugged and let my feet drop down from the chair, exhaling deeply to try to control the fresh wave of tears that were bubbling up.

My eyes zeroed in on his wrist.

He was trailing his finger over the purple ribbon that was tattooed on the inside of his wrist.

It was one of those breast cancer awareness type ribbons, only this one was purple.

Over and over he traced it, almost as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

“What’s the purple ribbon mean?” I asked to get my mind on something other than Colt.

It didn’t work, but it was a small distraction.

“My sister was married to an abusive asshole,” he started.

I blinked.

That hadn’t been what I expected him to say.

“So the ribbon stands for domestic violence?” I asked.

I’d seen it before, but I hadn’t really paid attention to what each color meant.

“Yes, it does,” he said. “Her husband beat her to death.”

I froze.

“That’s just horrendous, Tai. I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said, looking down at my hands.

“She was my best friend,” he said. “Until I got into junior high and realized that I liked being with my guy friends and flirting with girls more than I liked hanging out with my sister.”

“That’s normal,” I said. “Everyone does that.”

He shook his head.

“She used to beg me to come see her. But I was too busy fucking my life up. Just waiting for the next goddamned party,” he said with no inflection in his voice whatsoever. “And while I was doing that, my sister was getting beaten. So badly that she couldn’t fucking walk some days,” he said. “I would’ve seen it had I went to her. Taken her up on her invitations.”

“So, you’re God?” I asked.

It wasn’t an idle question.

Only God could see what lay ahead.

Tai, even at his young age, had no way to see the future. He, like most teenagers, myself included, was selfish.

He shrugged.

“So the tattoo is to symbolize what she meant to you?” I asked.

He nodded.

“It makes me feel…closer…to her,” he said. “I miss her like crazy, and today has been a little nerve wracking for me, even though I knew nothing would come of my fears when Jack was taken in for his surgery.”

The little bit of fear that receded in the wake of Tai’s presence came flooding back at the reminder of the potential risks of Colt’s surgery, and I started to shake.

“I’m scared,” I said softly.

Suddenly, I was wrapped up in his strong arms.

I buried my face into Tai’s neck, threw my arms around his chest and sobbed.

He didn’t try to console me or downplay my fears. Didn’t try to give me false platitudes.

And we stayed like that for what felt like a long time, when Tai’s phone vibrated.

He leaned to the side, not letting me go completely, and withdrew his phone from his pocket.

Then he laughed and pressed the play button on the video he received from Winter.

Jack was in the hospital bed with his arms straining the hospital gown they had on him.

His eyes were barely open slits, and he was looking at Winter with his heart in his eyes.

“I’ve hit the jackpot with you, you know,” he said to the camera and Winter. “I can’t wait to take you to my place and get you under me. I bet you taste sweeter than sugar, don’t you?”

On and on the pickup lines went, and each one getting cheesier than the one before it.

“Did you know that I’m married to you?” Winter asked Jack.

His eyes widened comically.

“You’re married to me?” He asked in clear surprise. “Why?”

Winter giggled.

“I ask myself that same question often,” she admitted. “But then I see you with our kids, and I forget everything you do to piss me off.”

“I don’t think I would intentionally piss someone like you off,” he admitted. “And how many kids do we have? And can we make more?”

Winter grinned. “We have two kids, and you got snipped a couple of months ago so we didn’t have anymore. You said you wanted to focus on the family you have.”

“I’m stupid. Obviously,” he slurred, his eyes getting heavy.

“You’re not stupid,” Winter defended him.

I giggled as I watched him raise his arm.

Winter took his hand.

“What do you want, big man?” She asked him.

“Get in bed with me.” He ordered.

“Even drugged up on the good stuff, you’re bossy,” she said, leaning down and kissing his forehead.

The video cut off, as I took in a deep, relieved breath and let it out.

I hadn’t realized how worried I’d been about him.

But knowing that he was okay really took a large weight off my chest.

One down, one to go.

“Did they say how long they expected this surgery to take?” Tai asked.

I opened my mouth to reply when a soft, hesitant knock sounded at the door.

I looked up and smiled at the nurse who’d promised she’d take care of Colt while he was away from me. The doctor was right behind her, but the nurse was the one I had connected with pre-surgery.

The smile, however, dropped from my face the instant I saw the look on hers.

I stood, dislodging Tai’s hand from mine and clenching my fists.

“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.

She bit her lip, and I saw her eyes fill with tears.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

Two days later

Tai’s hand felt like a solid weight in mine.

He was being as solid as a rock, which was exactly what I needed.

He hadn’t left my side since I’d gotten the news.

News I still hadn’t been able to comprehend.

How?

How could he leave me?

How could this have happened?

These questions flew through my brain, hitting me over and over again like physical blows.

I’d known about the complications.

I was a nurse, after all.

I knew, just like most everyone did, that there was always a possibility of complications with any surgery.

Always.

But I never thought that there would’ve been a complication in
Colt’s
surgery.

“I’m so sorry,” the doctor said. “Colt had a reaction to the anesthesia that caused him to go into cardiac distress. We weren’t able to get his heart re-started.”

Those words haunted my dreams.

We weren’t able to get his heart re-started.

More was said after that, but I’d shut down.

No, it couldn’t be.

Not my baby.

Not that beautiful bundle of life.

Tai’s hand found its way into mine, and I squeezed for all I was worth, which was pathetically not much.

I hadn’t found it in me to eat since Colt had passed.

Right at that very moment, I was so nauseous from hunger that I could barely stand up on my own two feet.

Something that Tai must’ve realized because both of his arms wrapped around my body to help hold me up.

“It’s not often that God calls such a young soul home,” the preacher said at the closing point of Colt’s funeral. “But there are times, when God feels that it’s a person’s time. Everybody has a certain time, and nobody knows just how much time we’re promised on this earth.”

A tear slipped down my cheek.

“I had the privilege of baptizing Colton Aaron Davis when he was a little over three months old,” Preacher Mike said. A man who’d held Colton the day after he was born and cooed over his tiny form. “And it breaks my heart,” the preachers voice cracked. “That I had to tell him goodbye so early.”

Another tear pooled in my eye.

“His mother asked me to read this note to you. She wanted you all to know her son like she did. And since she doesn’t think she can make it through the reading of the letter, I’m going to do that for you now.”

Colton Aaron Davis was born just 8 months ago. He was eight pounds and five ounces with the curliest locks of hair I’d ever seen.

He started rolling over when he was four weeks old.

Crawling when he was six months old. And pulling up when he was seven months old.

He loved to
hear me read
Goodnight Moon to him.

He loved to watch Mickey Mouse.

He loved to eat Goldfish in his high chair right next to me while I ate my dinner, and then fed him his.

Dogs and firefighters were his favorite things in the world.

I’d point out an ambulance or a fire truck going down the road and he’d go shrill with excitement.

A very special man gave him a firefighter bear when he was in the hospital, and not once, in the short time that he had it, did he ever let it go for more than five seconds.

Tai’s hands convulsed around mine.

I never got to watch him walk.

I never got to watch him hit his first baseball at his first little league game.

I never got to kiss his first skinned knee.

I’ll never teach him how to drive, or take him to his first day of school. And I’ll never watch him walk across the
stage
at graduation or dance with him at his wedding.

But it also means that he won’t suffer anymore. I won’t have to watch him wither away, or try to defeat a cancer that shouldn’t have been inside him in the first place.

He’ll never cry because it hurts anymore, and I’ll never have to wonder if he’s in pain.

Because he’ll be in heaven, and he’ll never hurt again.